Dear you . . .

[inaminute]

Dear Spring,

Where the heck are you? I've been waiting for months!

Me

 

[Disney_1derland]

Dear Guinea Pigs,
You stink and you eat WAY too much and the water Could you Puh-lease drink slower or learn to get your own darn water from the filter??? While you are cute and we enjoy your happy squeaks to welcome us home the screaming anytime we get near the fridge is getting obnoxious. You are NOT entitled to eat anytime someone with thumbs approaches the fridge. If you want that privilidge, get a job!!!

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Dear Household Contents,

Could you please pack yourself up and move over to our new house by yourself? Oh, and don't forget to unpack and go to your organized places when you get there. And do a good job or I'll send Lisa Rhinna to send you through the chopper!

Thanks!

 

[Pam]

Dear Pamela Anderson,
Guess what??!! My name is Pam, too!! But that's all we have in common. I am not walking around with 50 lbs. of silicone in my chest. Doesn't your back ache from having to sling those puppies around everywhere with you??

They're really *not* that attractive, either. I honestly don't mean to look at them - but well...... they are kind of hard to miss. Please wear a shirt that covers both the top and bottom of your upper torso in the future.

With much gratitude and zero bitterness,
Pam's Insignificant, Saggy, but 100% Real Chest

 

[HTH]

Dear God,

Why do you hate us?

-Micah

 

[boucheresq]

Dear Jefferson Dog,

Could you please take yourself for a walk? I'm too tired to do it. And no, I'm not staring at you while you go so pls don't give me those eyes.

Love, Mommy

Dear McKinley Cat,

I have never fed you at 5 am. I never intend to feed you at 5 am. You get to eat only an hour later at 6 am. So pls do not wake me up every single morning at 5 am to eat b/c it's not going to work.

Love, Mommy

P.S. Everytime I walk into the kitchen doesn't mean you are getting fed.

Dear Doctors,

If you are going to write your notes pls, pls, PLEASE write in some semblance of normal handwriting - I'm going cross-eyed trying to read it!

love, Me

P.S. why does every single abbreviation have 25,000 meanings? How the heck am I supposed to figure it out?

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

Dear little sis,

I love you dearly but I do so detest having to drive you and your little friend to the movies every weekend. Please grow up quickly and get your own car and drivers license. Thanks.

Love,
Big sis

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Dear Baby-to-Be,

Please quit kicking me in the ribs. I don't mind when you kick me in the stomach but my ribs can't take the beating much longer. I know you're there...you got my attention the first time.

With much gratitude,
Love,
Your Mommy-to-Be

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Dear Scott,

If you are not home in the next 10 minutes, you may discover that all of the locks have been changed!

Love,
Your very impatient wife

(We have company coming over in an hour and he is running late! )

 

[kimwim8]

Dear DH,

While you are in North Carolina, whooping it up with "the guys" watching college basketball games The kids are driving me nuts. The one night I was gonna be able to go out (tonight) the sitter cancelled.

You know that trip I was considering for the fall for "me" time? I think it's just been extended!!!!!

Love,
me

PS - have a great time!

 

[dancergirl]

Dear May 21st,
Please hurry up and get here! I'm not a patient person, and it is very difficult to wait for you, Mr. Graduation. I got all of your supplies today, and that was very exciting! It's killing me that you are SOO close, yet still out of reach! So, please hurry and get here!
Love,
Jenn, Class of 05!

P.S. Could you ask April 9th (prom) to be a few weeks late? Ive still got a lot of stuff I need to do before then! Thanks!

 

[chobie]

Dear pubescent daughter:

Some day you'll thank me...

 

[Mysteria]

Dear eyes, neck, shoulders and back,

I am not moving from the computer and the Dis yet so learn to live with it!

Myst

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Dear Diet,

I'll call you. Monday good for you?

Lori

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Dear mom,

Just because I work for a book publisher does not mean I have read every single book ever written, ever. I have no idea what book would work for your book club because I don't really read fiction or book club type book and I don't know the people in your club.

love,
your daughter

 

[bjgrazi]

Dear Darling

I hate waiting for the phone to ring. Would it be so terrible to give a call in the afternoon? Just a thought.


Love,

Me

 

[Pam]

Dear EsmeraldaX,
Since you work for a book publisher and have read - like every book ever published! - can you recommend a good romance novel? Preferably with Fabio on the book cover!

Gosh, that would be swell if you could send me a big box of books for free!

Thanks!
Your new best pal,
Pammy

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Dear EsmeraldaX,
Since you work for a book publisher and have read - like every book ever published! - can you recommend a good romance novel? Preferably with Fabio on the book cover!

Gosh, that would be swell if you could send me a big box of books for free!

Thanks!
Your new best pal,
Pammy

 

[Angelrose]

Dear Ankle,

Just because I broke you in three places 19 years ago, does NOT give you the right to have arthritis now. If you would be so kind as to stop hurting everytime I walk I would appreciate it.

Love, Me.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Dear kitty Sara,

Please read this letter to McKinley cat:

Dear McKinley Cat,

I have never fed you at 5 am. I never intend to feed you at 5 am. You get to eat only an hour later at 6 am. So pls do not wake me up every single morning at 5 am to eat b/c it's not going to work.

Love, Mommy

P.S. Everytime I walk into the kitchen doesn't mean you are getting fed.

Now, since YOU, Sara cat have a self feeder, and your food is there anytime you want it, there is no reason I have to wake up with your butt in my face at 5AM every morning. None what-so-ever. In the 3 months that you have lived here, have I EVER gotten up with you at 5AM? NO! I have not. Now stop waking me up at 5AM. If you are lonely, the kids get up at 6.

Love. mama