Dear Mom & Dad

[KikiFan]

OP I'm so sorry. That's a horrible position to be in. Obviously they care about you, but they clearly do not understand how damaging that could have been.

It is soooo sad, especially since I know what it's like to be without. It's horrendous.

For the life of me I wish I knew why so many people on the DIS hate their mothers. It makes me want to never visit here. And MOST of them ARE mothers!

You really can't understand being angry with a parent that sabotages your career? Not everyone has a great healthy relationship with their parents.

 

[mom2cinderella]

just try to bite your tongue, someday your mother will not be around to screw up your emails..

Mom isn't screwing up her emails; she is potentially screwing up the op's future career.

Good luck with your job search dakcp2001!! Congrats on passing your boards!

 

[FireDancer]

OP, your mom sounds like a nut job with no boundaries. I'm the same age as you and couldn't imagine mine pulling that crap. I hope for your sake you get that job out of town and get some space.

There are a lot of garbage parents out there (perhaps the OPs are, perhaps they aren't), if you don't earn the love and respect of your children you don't deserve it. Actions speak louder then DNA.

 

[Planogirl]

I sympathize with those who have lost parents but there are people out there not fit to be mothers and fathers. Would you defend them too?

OP, your parents sound overzealous and meddling but they do seem to mean well. Is there no way to get through to them? Anyway, congratulations on your success and good luck with the hunt!

 

[NHdisneylover]

..but I cannot agree with biting your tongue b/c someday she'll be dead. When my loss was new, I wanted everyone to treat their mothers like they were golden, but I mainly knew GOOD moms back then. I've since realized that not all parents are good people or parents (I've always sort of thought my dad was an exception) , and I just can't see why keeping silent and tearing yourself up inside (especially while having professional prospects DESTROYED!) just b/c someone will die some day, would be healthy for anyone....

This (Molly, I am sorry you lost your mom but very happy for you that she was such a good one to you).

There are a lot of garbage parents out there (perhaps the OPs are, perhaps they aren't), if you don't earn the love and respect of your children you don't deserve it. Actions speak louder then DNA.

and this

I agree that often (in real life and here on the DIS) people seem to make mountains out of molehills and spend a lot of energy causing artificial rifts with parents/ in laws/ siblings. However, in this case it seems the parents are truly overstepping normal bounds (really overstepping) and attempting to be very manipulative and controlling all the while damaging the OP's job prospects. Really bad behaviour (by adults) should not be excused as okay because the person behaving badly loves you and will die some day. I doubt if the parents were physically controlling the OP and harming her people would say the same things.

 

[Lucky4me]

What I said was since I can find no other way to make her stop what she does, then yes, that is one sure way that I know it will stop. What I really look forward to is it stopping. You took my comment & twisted it.

And hopefully you've not done things to your children that would make them wish that.

I can certainly understand the sentiment if you have a parent like the OPs.
But, a better way to handle it is to set your boundaries. If they can't keep to the boundaries, cut ties until they can. This way you have your life, your sanity and maybe one day, your parents the way they should be. Supportive, but not intrusive and over stepping.
The OP's story is atrocious. I'd have sat my parents down and said STOP THIS NOW. If you don't STOP THIS NOW, you won't see me or speak to me until you can stop this.
Then follow through.
There are worse things in life than not having parents.

 

[monkeybug]

It is soooo sad, especially since I know what it's like to be without. It's horrendous.

For the life of me I wish I knew why so many people on the DIS hate their mothers. It makes me want to never visit here. And MOST of them ARE mothers!

Not all parents are created equal. I love mine, and think they are down right amazing, but my feelings about my parents have no bearing on how someone else should feel about theirs. There are some really awful and dysfunctional people out there, and chances are someone has the misfortune of having them for parents.
You loved your mom and miss her, but that doesn't mean everyone else should feel the same way when their parents are gone.

 

[dakcp2001]

ITA! Being a parent does not give us "rights" into our adult children's lives.

OP, I'm sending best wishes that you get this job! Do you currently live at home? If so, maybe you can find a friend to room with while you job search? It sounds like your parents have very little faith in your ability to get a job and get out on your own? That can't be helping you. I'm really sad for you that your parents can't be a soft place for you to land and seem so desperate about your employment situation right after you've completed your training.

Sure, the OP's parents can worry, etc. That's what parents do! But what the OP has described is absolultely horrible! They have violated the OPs rights so badly I can't even imagine. I can't believe that people are excusing it because "they might be dead some day." How on earth is it okay to impersonate someone? HOnestly, that is sick!

I havent lived with them since High School. I bought my own home when I was 23 & single. I have always been a "do for myself" kind of person. But that is beacuse I spent my childhood cleaning up after their messes. It is constant meddling. They are well meaning, but they do not take no for an answer and have NO boundaries whatsoever. I know I cant change who she is, so it is just learning to live with her level of crazy.

The best way to handle her is to not tell her ANYTHING, gotta keep her out of the loop. That has been an effective strategy for the most part, but every now & then someone tells her something.

I think they are doing this because I am planning to move so far away and they want me to stay here (currently 2 hours away from them, or not far enough) It is impossible to talk to them like rationale people, they are NOT rational. It is primarily my mom, but my dad is an enabler. He does not step in when he should.

I wont even get into the whole wedding thing. We are eloping because of what she & future MIL pulled on us when we tried to plan a wedding.

I love her, she is my mom, but I think she would seriously benefit from proffesional help. She of course disagrees. Not all moms are created equal. I do not wish death upon her or anything, I do wish someone would take away her computer & telephone.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am very jealous of those who don't understand the feelings of those who wern't as blessed in the parent department. I don't wish anything bad for either of my parents, but oh what I would do for them each to know the life-long pain that they have brought on me, if only for a moment.

I am a mom, and not the best one, but a pretty good one. And I try very hard. I saw 2 examples of being a mom growing up. One was someone who should never have been a mom (thankfully I was her only mistake and yes, I have been refered to as such.) And then there was my grandma, who along with my grandpa, raised me and loved me and were the most wonderful substitutes. I chose to be like my grandma, good thing for my kids.

Maybe if I had been lucky enough to have been born to my grandparents I would be one who didn't understand the problems people have with heir moms, but unfortunately I do understand. Sometimes it feels like my mom actually tries to make me hurt and while I know that isn't true, I also know she doesn't work very hard not to make me hurt.

For all of us who have a wonderful mom (or mom substitute) we are so fortunate. But for all of us who don't, it really stinks to be missing out on something that could be so special. I am lucky to have the first, it really does help to balance out the second.

 

[PurplePinkleEater]

I'm not saying this is your fault, but how did she access your email and facebook accounts if you do not live with them?

You need to set up a startup password for your computer and remember to log out of your accounts. Change passwords if necessary. This should help you in the future.


And DON'T make a habit of holding your tongue as it only gives others the permission to walk all over you. You don't have to be rude, just consistent and firm. You're a grown woman and they have no business getting involved in your business. People only treat you the way you allow them to.

 

[dakcp2001]

I'm not saying this is your fault, but how did she access your email and facebook accounts if you do not live with them?

You need to set up a startup password for your computer and remember to log out of your accounts. Change passwords if necessary. This should help you in the future.


And DON'T make a habit of holding your tongue as it only gives others the permission to walk all over you. You don't have to be rude, just consistent and firm. You're a grown woman and they have no business getting involved in your business. People only treat you the way you allow them to.

She did not access my email acounts or my facebook account. She went to the hospitals websites and filled out their inquiry forms from her computer, but put in my name & email address for the response. So therefore, making it look like it was me. My parents both have their OWN facebook accounts. They do not access my accounts or have access to my passwords. I am 32 years old.

Trust me, I was as firm as you can be, and I got a guilt ridden email back about how she is yet again the victim and I am ungrateful for all she has done for me. It always ends up with her screaming at me, and then crying about how horrible her children (me) treat her.

 

[rigs32]

I understand that you want to leave the area, so I hope you don't want to work in the area where they've contacted recruiters. If I was in your shoes, no amount of explanation would make me reconsider you as a candidate - who wants to deal with parents like that if you were hired?

 

[dakcp2001]

I understand that you want to leave the area, so I hope you don't want to work in the area where they've contacted recruiters. If I was in your shoes, no amount of explanation would make me reconsider you as a candidate - who wants to deal with parents like that if you were hired?

Well, that is the best part! Most do not know she did this, they assume I am the one who filled it out & sent it in filled with typos. Who would think a parent would do that?