Dear Abby today

[DVC~OKW~96]

I wonder how many people would get married if the party, fancy dress, and gifts were outlawed.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I wonder how many het marriages in MA have become unsanctified as a result of the gay marriages that are celebrated there?

 

[Disney Doll]

I also have an issue that people are allowed to pay off the catholic church and get a marraige annulled- how can they possibly say "ok, you were never married" when the couple has a baby- just seems very hypocritical to me- as long as you fork over the cash you can be unmarried in the eyes of the church.

The best explanation I have ever heard about an annullment is that a divorce addresses what wasn't there at the end, an annullment addresses what wasn't there at the beginning. In other words, in an annullment one of the parties was not honest about something which would be considered the basis of a Catholic sacramental marriage, so therefore atrue marriage did not take place, because it was based on falsehoods.

I am certainly not going to say that there have not been unscrupulous people within the Catholic Church who have had the ability to be "paid off" to grant an annullment and have taken that payment and granted the annullment. The people in the Catholic Church are human and therefore subject to the same faults as all other humans.

However, having known people who have gone through the process the way the process is meant to be, it is fairly involved, and there is some expense involved...a processing fee so to speak, for paperwork, adminstrative fees etc. And those people do say it is quite thorough and is taken seriously.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

It's interesting to note that MA (you know, that state where they allow same gendered couples to enter into legally binding marriages) has the lowest divorce rate (or did the last time I checked). Spurious correlation? Perhaps, however those states that are more willing to consider marriage between same gendered couples all seem to have lower than the national average.

One study I read (again, some time ago now) determined the conservative Christian marriages were those more likely to end in divorce.

Bottom line is, there is no logical or ethical reason to keep two consenting adults from marrying. There are emotive reasons, most rooted in intolerance and ignorance, and couched in a veneer of religiosity, and that may rule the day. Doesn't make it right. Never has and never will.

Also, within the RCC a couple can be married outside the church, then apply for and receive validation. It's done frequently (my sister availed herself of that option). The training, classes, counseling, and the like are thereby skipped and the end result is the same. "Married in the eyes of the church."

Not all RCC bishops require the same processes for marriage. The requirements differ from diocease to diocease and sometimes within the diocease. So to cite a particularly restrictive parish is not to cite the reality in all parishes.

And yes. Pregnant women (most often from families that contribute heavily to the RCC) can and do buy their marriage. To state or believe otherwise is to be terribly mistaken.

 

[eclairemom]

Abby's response:



However, Abby's response does not address that this sham marriage is perfectly legal, and recognized by all US states, just like Britney's 17 hour long Las Vegas "fun" wedding. Yet I know of same sex couples who could be celebrating their silver anniversary, but are denied the benefits of marriage.

It’s only legal if they applied for a marriage license in the new names and filed it with the courthouse after the ceremony and that is only IF a real preacher married them in the first place.

 

[Chuck S]

Considering the wedding ceremony and reception would have been arranged for the initial wedding, there is no reason to believe it was not the "real" original minister. All that would leave to do would be the license, and just reading the original submission to Abby, there is no reason to suspect that the license was not obtained, making it a legal marriage...something that same sex couples who have been together for years are denied.

 

[Piecey]

I get a chuckle when anyone defends the "sanctity of marriage".

If one is so concerned about marriage, why not ban divorce?
Make it a crime to commit adultery, etc.

I bolded and made it huge because I couldn't agree more.

People would think twice about the vows they are planning to make and think quadruple about breaking them once married if they were going to actually have something happen to them because of it.
Right now, it just devastates the spouse. I think it's crap that the member who is basically ruining the relationship in so many states (No-fault!) and devastating their spouse can get off free and clear. What happened to the vows we made to one another?

DH and I both said- you cheat, we're done. We both feel the same way. We've briefly thought about having something drawn up saying IF one of us were to cheat we forfeit the right to payment of alimony (when we got married, I made more. Now DH does) and everything will be split 50% even, reguardless. I don't think we're going to but it's nice knowing we're on the same page about things.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Please, this example makes marriage sound like a joke. Just because many jump into marriage quickly and just because there are many divorces, doesn't mean that this was the original intent of marriage.

True, the original intent was to transfer property (a woman) from one man to another. If the couple getting married had met before or even liked each other, it didn't matter.

Someone paid attention in history class!!!

 

[Michelle67]

The wedding location doesn't matter. The dress doesn't matter. The perfectly monogrammed invitations that match the RSVP cards that correspond with the Menu card that looks so lovely against the color scheme with the perfect height bouquet in the middle of the table doesn't matter. Neither does the bridesmaid's dresses. The menu-geez, some people put more thought into chicken, beef, fish, or vegan than they do what a marriage is.

It is not the ceremony. The ceremony is an expression of personal taste. That ceremony will be a distant memory when the hard times hit, and may not even be thought of during the good.

A marriage is a day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute reaffirmation of the vows taken. It isn't a 50/50 meeting in the middle...it is a meeting together for what is the best of the family. Sometimes,it is 60/40%, sometimes it is giving 100% and sometimes it is getting 100%. It is team work on the deapest level imaginable. And it is very hard work.
It is loving someone when not liking them but still accepting them & getting the same in return.

Another BIG amen for that one.

And I have no problem with same-sex marriage, or call it whatever you want as long as it gives people the right to own property together, inherit, share health care benefits, make life and death decisions in an emergency, etc etc.