Deadbeat Dads: anyone have experience with them?

[AKL_Megs]

Don't know if it counts at all, but DH's cousin's dad was a "Deadbeat Dad". He ended up in prison when she was 1 or 2, and just recently was released, maybe two years ago when she was 10 or so.

For YEARS, all everyone did was complain about him being in prison. What a terrible father he was.

Funny thing is, the SECOND he was released, he got back in her life. She loves her dad to pieces, and everyone tries to keep him away from her, STILL talking about how terrible he is. They are both pretty much poor, one not any better off than the other, but I know he pays for her things, he works, has a place to live, and is trying. Doesn't matter. I constantly hear how "terrible it is that he is her father". Not to HER!

Even more funny, her mom is an alcoholic who drives drunk and frequently wrecks her car, but everyone is pretty much blind to that. She also loses her jobs all the time, and can't afford a place to live half the time. But she is a WONDERFUL mother.

Is there such a thing as a "Deadbeat MOM"?

 

[ferris198]

I have a deadbeat dad, and I do not speak to him, and have not in years.
He was married to my mother, but spent the marriage screwing around.
I have a half sister, who I do not know who is the same age as me, and who was born while my parents were still married.
My father never helped my mother,
He entered my life for a short time when he found out I was getting married.
He came to my wedding, and was pissed off that he wasn't allowed to walk me down the aisle. He was also pissed offed as I sat him with our neighbours as opposed to the family table.
I was further annoyed when my Mom passed away, and while I was calling family and friends my brother was to upset,to call but found time to call my father.

 

[PrincessV]

The state sent him a letter and he called and told me to tell them to back off.

Now, THAT sounds familiar; my ex did the same not too long ago: "They suspended my driver's license, but if you call and tell them to stop enforcing child support, they'll give me my license back and I'll send you money directly." Right - after making no payments through the state for nearly a year, you'll suddenly start paying me directly? Um... NO.

When he is gone a year, I would considering to go to the court and file parental abdonment.

Yep, that's the rough plan. I'm not entirely sure it'll go that way, though, since he is in contact with our DS by phone. I think I have better grounds with the fact that for years my ex has refused to take part in major decisions for our DS.

 

[Took]

Thanks punkin. People judge me all the time saying there must have been something wrong with me to make him leave. I can't convince people that he left our daughter and wants nothing to do with her. People still see it as my fault.

I think I'd find a new set of people to hang out with. A man who abandons his child may make many excuses, but the fault is his, not the wife's, however shrewish she may have been (and most aren't). If people around you don't see this, then you need a new set of acquaintances. Perhaps, a move would be good for you and your child.

 

[Took]

Interesting story about the growing number of dead beat moms out in the US now

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,59963,00.html

The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts.

Census figures show only 57 percent of moms required to pay child support -- 385,000 women out of a total of 674,000 -- give up some or all of the money they owe. That leaves some 289,000 "deadbeat" mothers out there, a fact that has barely been reported in the media.

Percentage-wise, this report may be accurate. In terms of numbers, the deadbeat dads way out number the moms. And that assumes that the number of absent and deadbeat dads is not under-reported (as I strongly suspect it is based on my experiences with single mothers).

 

[NY Disney fan]

I think I'd find a new set of people to hang out with. A man who abandons his child may make many excuses, but the fault is his, not the wife's, however shrewish she may have been (and most aren't). If people around you don't see this, then you need a new set of acquaintances. Perhaps, a move would be good for you and your child.

Believe it or not, my parents are one of the ones who questioned my fault in this matter. My parents were physically supportive of me but not ever emotionally supportive. I even had two therapists (expensive ones) who took a little of the blame off my exH. Even my best friend in the whole world deserted me (she was friends with my exH and I found evidence that they had something going on).

It was one of the reasons I became a born-again Christian. Not to get religious, but God pulled me through these dark days. No one understood what it was like to be me at that moment in time. Black had turned white. And right became left. I took all of my faith in humanity and put it into God, who (physically, not metaphorically) lifted me out of the darkness.

 

[dawson5]

I just want to add that if you still have a small speaking relationship with the deadbeat parent, get the medical information. When I was pregnant with my middle son, the preliminary tests came back that he might have Down's Syndrome (he didn't) but we needed medical history of both parents. I refused to call him, my mother did. He told her that he would not give her the information and to have the doctor call.

 

[agnes!]

I just want to add that if you still have a small speaking relationship with the deadbeat parent, get the medical information. When I was pregnant with my middle son, the preliminary tests came back that he might have Down's Syndrome (he didn't) but we needed medical history of both parents. I refused to call him, my mother did. He told her that he would not give her the information and to have the doctor call.

Or maybe just somehow get a cheek swab and get a DNA scan run ...

agnes!

 

[scuba]

several families we know who's fathers walked, the family waved from the windows. In this case he was shown the door. The family is WAY better off.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

yep, and he left when she was 10, and she is now 26. She is a new mom and has cancer! He has no idea about it, but he started a new life in Daytona Beach Florida and a business, owns two homes and owes me over 61,000 dollars! He has ran from the law here in Mass, and is wanted....but yes, he can go to florida and start a new life while I go thru heck to put our lives back together, and no, after all this time I am still recovering!

what I cannot understand, is how he can now be an upstanding citizen in one state and be a wanted felon in another???????



YAH, I am not BITTER!!!!

 

[Took]

yep, and he left when she was 10, and she is now 26. She is a new mom and has cancer! He has no idea about it, but he started a new life in Daytona Beach Florida and a business, owns two homes and owes me over 61,000 dollars! He has ran from the law here in Mass, and is wanted....but yes, he can go to florida and start a new life while I go thru heck to put our lives back together, and no, after all this time I am still recovering!

what I cannot understand, is how he can now be an upstanding citizen in one state and be a wanted felon in another???????



YAH, I am not BITTER!!!!

Ugh. I want a federal database that includes all of these clods....

 

[scuba]

yep, and he left when she was 10, and she is now 26. She is a new mom and has cancer! He has no idea about it, but he started a new life in Daytona Beach Florida and a business, owns two homes and owes me over 61,000 dollars! He has ran from the law here in Mass, and is wanted....but yes, he can go to florida and start a new life while I go thru heck to put our lives back together, and no, after all this time I am still recovering!

what I cannot understand, is how he can now be an upstanding citizen in one state and be a wanted felon in another???????



YAH, I am not BITTER!!!!

emphasis on "WE KNOW" from my last post. Physical abuse, certainly mental and at one time an accusation of sexual abuse in one of the families we have worked with......so in these examples the family is WAYYYYYY better off. Sorry didn't mean to open any healing wounds

Have you contacted the authorities in Massachusetts with the wearabouts of your father? Seems like they can stipen his income for what he owes you.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Why would the state do this unless your mom was getting assistance? I know women on welfare who have had to file against their will because of this.

*IF* she was getting assistance she should have sued because why should perfect strangers have to pay for the upkeep of children when they have a father? Just having the kids on the father's insurance would save the tax payers thousands of dollars every year. I wouldn't respect my mom for putting that burden on strangers because she wanted her kids all to herself.

If she wasn't getting assistance I don't see why the state would stick their nose in? Or even know?

NO my Mother was not on assistance. I don't really know why the state would do this. It was Massachusetts btw and in the late 80's early 90's. I'll have to ask my Mother about it, as we haven't spoken if it in so long. Basically, my understanding was that because there was an order of support and he was ignoring it.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

Have you contacted the authorities in Massachusetts with the wearabouts of your father? Seems like they can stipen his income for what he owes you.

It is not my father, it is my ex~husband and yes, of course about a million times! after having state police come with guns drawn, I have handed them his address a million times and still do nothing. They will not bring him back because he is not considered dangerous to anyone, they were bad checks he made out.
I completed a divorce without his knowledge and did it, behind his back. I told the court I did not know where he was.(do not know why, I just wanted a divorce) I just wanted out.
I think it has been way to long to go to courts in Florida and take out a personal lawsuit on him.