DD1st grader is too talkative in school, how to help her control it?

[bas71873]

My sweet DD6 is and always has been very chatty. I mean it's constant. If she's not talking, she's humming or singing.....and she gets this honestly because I too always got in trouble in school for talking too much. We are just socialable

So, her teacher has this discipline system and all kids start with a 4 for the day. After 2 warnings for whatever you drop to a 3, another 2 and you go to a 2, which is a phone call or note home and if you get a 1, it's off to the principal.

So, we've been in school since Labor Day and it's been mostly 3's everyday, always for talking. I asked her teacher about it on back to school nite and she said that she has good and bad days and the class a whole is chatty. Well today she came home with a 2 and I got a note from her teacher. So, we talked about her day and that's it's important for her to be a good listener and that 1st grade is important, yada, yada. I also canceled an outing we had this afternoon with a friend to the pumpkin patch but what else can I do to help her?

Any suggestions from parents or teachers? Oh, and they sit in groups of 4 (4 desks pushed together), so she's in close quarters with kids all day!

Any advice....I'll take it! TIA

 

[clarabelle]

I would ask your DD and the teacher -when does she talk? Does she talk to one particular child?
During a particular activity?
Maybe she can get moved to another table or closer to the front ?

I would also ask your DD if she has something she would like to try (A day without getting her number moved and she gets a pack of gum or something)
Your DD may surprise you with some ideas and thoughts about why and when she talks

 

[5 'LIL *TWINKERS*]

Let me know when you find a solution! I was a bad chatty Kathy when I was in school....dd9 has taken after me. We just pretty much warn and threaten her that she will be getting privileges taken away or no birthday party, etc.

 

[mjkacmom]

How is she about being organized and focused? My oldest dd was like that, and got an ADHD diagnosis. My ds11 hums and sings in class - I have given the teacher permission to sit him alone. He's totally (undiagnosed) ADHD, and has NO idea he is even doing it (that's what the teachers tell me). We had a happy face/sad face in his agenda pad every day, plus notes on how the day went.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My 5th grader talks non-stop at home and when he's with his friends. No matter where we are, he will find someone to chat-up. But, he knows how to turn it off when he's in class so, luckily, it's never been an issue.

I think this is a growing problem that wasn't nearly as prevalent as when we were in grade school (I'll admit - that was the 70s for me). When I go to help out in my sons' classrooms, I can't believe the amount of talking, walking around and goofing off that goes on. And while our desks were arranged in rows, most teachers in our school have the kids sitting in groups or at tables where they face each other all the time. If you face kids towards each other, they're going to talk!

In 1st grade, your daughter is still young and learning self-control. It's probably very hard for her to stop herself from talking, especially when others are doing it too. When they talk to her, she is going to want to talk back.

I would keep reminding her and encouraging her to think before she talks in class. If the class is working on group projects and they're supposed to be talking, that's one thing. But she needs to learn to decide when it's OK to talk and when it's not. The more she thinks about it, but easier it will be. Also, the teacher probably already knows that it's a concern for you and you're working on it at home.

 

[mamacatnv]

My DS never shut up - heck he is almost 20 years old and still does not shut up and he is loud! He too hummms, sings and wiggles. He taps, clicks whatever his mouth is always in motion!
He is now a Sophomore in college and doing just fine. When he hit high school his mouth no longer got him in trouble it became his greatest asset. His Sr. class voted him the "loudest"

He always had trouble in school especially in the early years. He learned self discipline as he got older but that little "issues" box that said "Is quite at appropriate times?" was always checked and I mean always.

IMO there is only so much you can do, part of their personality. Your DD may need to be moved from the group and put on her own island. Over the years, DS was by himself, right next to the teacher, in the way back in the corner and sometimes in the hall etc. Removing others to interact with helped greatly. We never got mad at him, we rolled our eyes a lot and sought out firm teachers who had really good control of their classrooms. The teaching style made the biggest difference for him. When he had strong teachers that were not afraid to sit on him and tell him to knock it off he did much better. The teachers that worried about hurting his feelings were the ones he drove up a wall in a quick minute.

He spent half of his Sr year English class in the hall but his Teacher absolutley adored him and his personality. Go figure......

Good luck she'll be okay

 

[KAMKIM]

I know you want her to behave and understand but I honestly would give anything for my DD to talk (she is painfully shy) in class.

Tell the little chatter box with a straight face - that is Santa is watching, always watching.

Good luck

 

[bas71873]

I would ask your DD and the teacher -when does she talk? Does she talk to one particular child?
During a particular activity?
Maybe she can get moved to another table or closer to the front ?

I would also ask your DD if she has something she would like to try (A day without getting her number moved and she gets a pack of gum or something)
Your DD may surprise you with some ideas and thoughts about why and when she talks

I tried this to nite on our way to a PTA fundraiser dinner. Not sure I accomplished much, but I do know that the talking seems to be AFTER the teacher as given instruction and then set them free to do the assignment.

And knowing DD, it's not just one kid. She'll talk to anybody and I do know the teacher has been shuffling kids around looking for good matches

I did meet 1 of her partners in crime this evening. Davis. He is having talking issues too and they are at the same table. UGH. Davis' mom and I chatted tonight and seems she is in the same boat.

I did tell her that if she comes home today and Friday with 4's then we will go to the pumpkin patch Friday afternoon. So we will see

 

[bas71873]

How is she about being organized and focused? My oldest dd was like that, and got an ADHD diagnosis. My ds11 hums and sings in class - I have given the teacher permission to sit him alone. He's totally (undiagnosed) ADHD, and has NO idea he is even doing it (that's what the teachers tell me). We had a happy face/sad face in his agenda pad every day, plus notes on how the day went.

We've been down this road and it's not, thankfully, the problem. She is just naturally chatty and all around a happy go lucky kid. Which I am not complaining about

 

[bas71873]

In 1st grade, your daughter is still young and learning self-control. It's probably very hard for her to stop herself from talking, especially when others are doing it too. When they talk to her, she is going to want to talk back.

I would keep reminding her and encouraging her to think before she talks in class. If the class is working on group projects and they're supposed to be talking, that's one thing. But she needs to learn to decide when it's OK to talk and when it's not. The more she thinks about it, but easier it will be. Also, the teacher probably already knows that it's a concern for you and you're working on it at home.

We talked about this tonight too. About good choices and picking the RIGHT time to talk. We will see if any of it sinks in

 

[bas71873]

My DS never shut up - heck he is almost 20 years old and still does not shut up and he is loud! He too hummms, sings and wiggles. He taps, clicks whatever his mouth is always in motion!
He is now a Sophomore in college and doing just fine. When he hit high school his mouth no longer got him in trouble it became his greatest asset. His Sr. class voted him the "loudest"

He always had trouble in school especially in the early years. He learned self discipline as he got older but that little "issues" box that said "Is quite at appropriate times?" was always checked and I mean always.

IMO there is only so much you can do, part of their personality. Your DD may need to be moved from the group and put on her own island. Over the years, DS was by himself, right next to the teacher, in the way back in the corner and sometimes in the hall etc. Removing others to interact with helped greatly. We never got mad at him, we rolled our eyes a lot and sought out firm teachers who had really good control of their classrooms. The teaching style made the biggest difference for him. When he had strong teachers that were not afraid to sit on him and tell him to knock it off he did much better. The teachers that worried about hurting his feelings were the ones he drove up a wall in a quick minute.

He spent half of his Sr year English class in the hall but his Teacher absolutley adored him and his personality. Go figure......

Good luck she'll be okay

This made me laugh so hard. I think your DS is now my DD The whole sitting out in the hall by himself had me rolling on the floor! If this continues I will ask to have a conference with her teacher before the scheduled day in November . I would much rather have a chatty, social DD than to be struggling with shyness issues, but I don't want her to be disruptive. I think part of it is her excitement to be with friends (we just moved this summer so she really didn't get the chance to meet any kids or play with other kids and so now she's being bombarded with all kinds of new things....friends & school and dance too and I think she's just a little excited).

 

[bas71873]

I know you want her to behave and understand but I honestly would give anything for my DD to talk (she is painfully shy) in class.

Tell the little chatter box with a straight face - that is Santa is watching, always watching.

Good luck

HAHA. I tell her this A LOT and she asks me where is he? How can he see me when he's not here? I think my Elf on a Shelf might have to make an early appearance this year

About your DD. Maybe she will grow out of it. I have friend who I grew up with and now we have kids the same age. She was PAINFULLY shy growing up and now she's a high school marketing teacher. NEVER would I have guessed that. She even got teacher of the year last year at her school. Your DD will come around!

 

[minniebeth]

Just food for thought, but I like the idea of rewarding DD for progress in cooperating with the teacher, etc. My DD is very shy and I get a little smiley when she tells me the teacher gets on her for being too sociable. However, as a teacher and parent, for the younger ones (as they get older, into middle school, it's a different story) I try to separate school discipline from home discipline. What happens in school, stays in school. There are consequences in school and that should be enough, I hate to bring it home and punish them at home too. They are young and don't always see the correlation between being punished later on for something they did early in school. They need immediate feedback at this age. They're still learning endurance and self-control and teachers who teach at this grade (should) know how to manage it in the classroom. I just love this age, they're still babes coming into their own

 

[mickeymousepuppy]

I delt with this last year in kindergarten with my 6yo son. They were sitting in groups as well, and he was not finishing his work. I was able to visit the class a few time to get a chance to see what he was doing and to meet some of his freinds. This helped because when he got in trouble, I could ask him if he was sitting next to a certain kid, which could sometimes make it harder. We did a sticker plan which helped a lot. If he got ten stickers, he could choose a dollar store toy. I thought it was worth a dollar for ten days of completing his work. If you do this, you have to make sure that she is able to earn the reward. Then you can increase your expectations. This year they sit at their own desk, and so far, so good! Good luck!

 

[Crystal0608]

OP, I could have written your 1st sentence. My dd is in 4th and she is so loqacious. In K, she kept getting notes sent home about talking. I went to parent night and we sat in our kids seats. I'm 5'5" and I couldn't see over the bookshelf in front of me and these set of seats were in the back of the class. I asked for dd to be moved to the front of the class close to the teacher and it got better. In 1st grade, she was talking while the teacher was frequently, I had her moved again closer to the teacher and after a few times of her not listening, I sent notes requesting silent lunch-the worst punishment in her eyes. She controlled herself better in 2nd & 3rd, but its her only issue teachers have had since she is straight A's & AIG. I let them know she gets it naturally (my only issues at work-talking) and tell them know at the start of the year which friends to keep her separate from during instructional time. It is hard for her to hold in all she has to say at school, b/c when she gets home she talks 100 miles a minute and she also does the singing, humming thing.

 

[bas71873]

Just food for thought, but I like the idea of rewarding DD for progress in cooperating with the teacher, etc. My DD is very shy and I get a little smiley when she tells me the teacher gets on her for being too sociable. However, as a teacher and parent, for the younger ones (as they get older, into middle school, it's a different story) I try to separate school discipline from home discipline. What happens in school, stays in school. There are consequences in school and that should be enough, I hate to bring it home and punish them at home too. They are young and don't always see the correlation between being punished later on for something they did early in school. They need immediate feedback at this age. They're still learning endurance and self-control and teachers who teach at this grade (should) know how to manage it in the classroom. I just love this age, they're still babes coming into their own

I'm curious, as a teacher, what are your in class consequences? I'm not sure there are any in her class other than this number system? I need to ask her teacher about this because if there is no other consequence, I can tell you that DD will never get it. She needs to LOSE something for it to sink in. Hmmm....

I agree about keeping school & home seperate, but she was heart broken yesterday when I canceled her outing with her friend. We will see what today brings.

 

[bas71873]

OP, I could have written your 1st sentence. My dd is in 4th and she is so loqacious. In K, she kept getting notes sent home about talking. I went to parent night and we sat in our kids seats. I'm 5'5" and I couldn't see over the bookshelf in front of me and these set of seats were in the back of the class. I asked for dd to be moved to the front of the class close to the teacher and it got better. In 1st grade, she was talking while the teacher was frequently, I had her moved again closer to the teacher and after a few times of her not listening, I sent notes requesting silent lunch-the worst punishment in her eyes. She controlled herself better in 2nd & 3rd, but its her only issue teachers have had since she is straight A's & AIG. I let them know she gets it naturally (my only issues at work-talking) and tell them know at the start of the year which friends to keep her separate from during instructional time. It is hard for her to hold in all she has to say at school, b/c when she gets home she talks 100 miles a minute and she also does the singing, humming thing.

heehee. I have volunteered to do some reading and one on one tutoring in her class, so hopefully in the coming days/weeks, I'll be able to actually be in the class and SEE what's going on with her, although I suspect this is just going to be her personality

 

[PollyannaMom]

.... Oh, and they sit in groups of 4 (4 desks pushed together), so she's in close quarters with kids all day! ...

I think this is part of the problem! I sub, and have noticed more and more rooms have this configuration, and the classes are definitely noiser than when I was a kid. (And the older ones expect to be allowed to work together on everything. - I mean, sure, we had group projects when I was in school, but they were the exception, not the rule.) --- Any full-time teachers know the reason for the change from rows?

OP - I think you're right on by volunteering in the classroom so you can get a really good idea of exactly how things go, and also doing the right thing by talking to her about why it's important to listen quietly in class. (And a small prize or fun thing to do for staying on 4 can help them at that age to remember that it's worth it.) Good luck you and your DD!

 

[MIGrandma]

Good luck with that!

Our DS was a talker too, from pre-school up to high school. Always "in trouble" for talking. We were constantly getting calls from the teacher and principal about his talking. Except for one year. He had a teacher that said she could handle her class, and she did. Not one single call all year.

We tried sending him to his room, taking privileges away, even making him clean the hog barns (he hated that!) but nothing helped. He was just a natural talker and wouldn't shut up. He finally outgrew it as he got older and entered high school. But it was a l-o-n-g road up to that point so I understand what you're going through.

I think the teacher should have the children/desks in rows, not in groups of 4. Being so close to other kids like that just encourages her to talk more. When they are in rows there is at least a little bit of distance between the children.

 

[DisTeach1]

Well, you could ask or "insist" that she has a desk by herself. This may sound isolating, but my son had the same problem, and he loved it when the teacher gave him his own table, set off a bit from the rest of the class. I think it freed him from distractions and temptations, and it made him feel "special". He did this in 2nd and 3rd also. He's just not one who could sit in a group.