DD wants a purity ring

[pacrosby]

Yes, the majority of us are explaining to you that 12/13 year olds do "stuff" with people who are not their committed significant others. It's called hooking up, and if you think your kid doesn't do it, you're probably wrong.

I know she doesn't, because she doesn't have any opportunity to do so. She dances 20+ hours a week on top of a full load of homework. Who's she hooking up with? The choreographer?

 

[pacrosby]

Not really. If your not home, you don't really have control over who comes over.

Who's coming over? And how? Do you think strangers approach my door in the hopes that they will be let in to hook up with my young children? People in my neighborhood know where there children are. I'm sorry to hear that's such a difficult concept for some of you to grasp

ETA: and if you think the little one wouldn't tell on the older ones......you don't have kids lol

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

How are they going to come over? Do you think strangers approach my door in the hopes that they will be let in to hook up with my young children? People in my neighborhood know where there children are. I'm sorry to hear that's such a difficult concept for some of you to grasp

OMG, nevermind. LOLOL. Have a great day, hon.

 

[luvmy3]

Are you trying to suggest that any 12/13 yo is going to start experimenting with just any other 12/13 yo? That's ridiculous. We're not talking about friends, we're talking about boyfriend/girlfriends. And if you know your 12 yo is lusting after another 12 yo in your neighborhood perhaps it's time to start acting like a parent.

That said, like I said, most 12/13 yo's I know are not just hanging around in the neighborhood anymore. They've grown out of that. They have lots of homework to do. They are seriously involved in extracurriculars. They have yet to hit the "hang out and relax and party scene" that is more typical of high schoolers. My own dd sees her friends in school, at each other's houses if they are working on a project (with parent, who I know, present) and occasionally at sleep overs (again with parents, who I know, present). The rest of the time I know exactly where she is. So where exactly is all this experimenting supposed to take place

This notion that a parent doesn't have any control over a very young teen is absurd.

Your kind of thinking is incredibly naïve.

 

[pacrosby]

OMG, nevermind. LOLOL. Have a great day, hon.

I'm glad to see you've come to your senses

 

[pacrosby]

Your kind of thinking is incredibly naïve.

What's naive? That I don't think the typical 12 yo just goes around "playing" with any other 12 yo that might be available.....just for giggles? Or that I think I know where my own children are? If it's the former, you've led/lead a life I do not/have not lived. If it's the latter, since you don't know me and my kids it makes you look like your grasping for straws.

It's the whole crab in the bucket thing. "My 12 yo has no self respect but that's ok..... no other 12 yo does either". "I don't really have all that much control over what my 12 yo is doing but that's ok....no one else does either". Hey, whatever makes you sleep at night.

 

[LongLiveDisney]

Yes, the majority of us are explaining to you that 12/13 year olds do "stuff" with people who are not their committed significant others. It's called hooking up, and if you think your kid doesn't do it, you're probably wrong.

What a ridiculous notion. If you think your kid doesn't do it, you're probably wrong? What kind of nonsense led you to believe that? I'm sorry, but some of us raise our children with certain values that they follow, and as a parent I'm not letting my kid go places where he or she can possibly do something like that. No 12 year old of mine is "hooking up" without me knowing.

 

[luvmy3]

What's naive? That I don't think the typical 12 yo just goes around playing with any other 12 yo.....for fun? Or that I think I know where my own children are? If it's the former, you've led/lead a life I do not/have not lived. If it's the latter, since you don't know me and my kids it makes you look like your grasping for straws. Which is fine with me.

I'm really not sure what your issue is, I'm not making this personal, you are. I am not talking specifically about your parenting or your dd, I'm talking about kids in the 12/13 year old age group. You asked where they would be experimenting, I'm educating you because based on your posts, you need it.

Around here 12/13 year old do hang out (not party, like you stated in your pp) but yes they hang out outside together playing sports, or just hanging out. Not every 12/13 year old has a schedule that prevents a social life outside of school and xtra curriculars. They spend time hanging out inside their friends houses playing video games. We even have school dances where 12 and 13 year olds are not directly supervised. Our middle school ski club allows 12 and 13 year olds to be unsupervised for 8 hours a day. I could go on with other examples where 12/13 year olds may be alone with eachother but I'm hoping by now you get the picture.
You also mentioned that we are talking about "friends" not boy/girlfriends. Do you not believe that opposite sex friends wouldn't experiment with sexual feelings at that age, or do you not think kids that age have friends of the opposite sex? Either way, you'd be mistaken.
Your notion that because you (general you) the parent are controlling them because you have to drive them here or there is what is absurd. Maybe your dd is dropped off at a friends and does absolutely nothing else while with that friend, but like I said 12/13 year olds do "hang out" with other kids their age. Sometimes that means that when they go to so and so's house, they are also go visit another friend. You personally may not allow your child some of these freedoms, but a lot of us parents actually do.
So, what is incredibly naïve, is thinking that 12/13 year olds don't have opportunities to experiment with sexual activity. Hope that clears things up for you.

 

[ilovemk76]

Since only 25% (IIRC from the previous post) have had sex by 15, then somebodies kid is not having sex.

 

[denisem]

I recall being 12/13 back in the stone age of the early 60's and hung out often at my girlfriend's house - they had a great basement rec-room, pool table and all.

We used to get into various kissing games with her older (14-15) brother and his buddies. I'm sure as long as pool balls were being knocked around, their parents thought we were little innocent angels! (We all attended Catholic school, too!)

Just something to think about...

 

[jodifla]

I recall being 12/13 back in the stone age of the early 60's and hung out often at my girlfriend's house - they had a great basement rec-room, pool table and all.

We used to get into various kissing games with her older (14-15) brother and his buddies. I'm sure as long as pool balls were being knocked around, their parents thought we were little innocent angels! (We all attended Catholic school, too!)

Just something to think about...

This is very true. Parents who think their children have no alone time with other kids are kidding themselves.

 

[luvsJack]

While I do know what my dd is/is not doing, there are plenty of kids this are that are having sex. A girl in dd's 8th grade class had been pregnant twice. A few 9th graders are parents.

But it is possible to know your child is supervised. Dd goes to dances--very well supervised, she goes to her bf's house--well supervised. Above all of that we talk to her.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

What does the ring cover? Just actual intercourse, but everything up to it is okay? Just kissing? further? less?

There is so much they can do except for that last physical act, everything else is okay to do with someone you aren't going to marry? or not?

Is there a book of somekind or directions or are they just supposed to wing it?

 

[Momvic5]

I recall being 12/13 back in the stone age of the early 60's and hung out often at my girlfriend's house - they had a great basement rec-room, pool table and all.

We used to get into various kissing games with her older (14-15) brother and his buddies. I'm sure as long as pool balls were being knocked around, their parents thought we were little innocent angels! (We all attended Catholic school, too!)

Just something to think about...

I know this is true in many cases, .....but it made me laugh because I am trying to imagine my ds16 allowing one of his friends to play kissing games with his 13 year old sister in his presence. Her friends? Maybe. - But his sister - No way in Hell!

 

[luvmy3]

Since only 25% (IIRC from the previous post) have had sex by 15, then somebodies kid is not having sex.

Nobody is claiming that 100% of kids under 15 are

 

[denisem]

I know this is true in many cases, .....but it made me laugh because I am trying to imagine my ds16 allowing one of his friends to play kissing games with his 13 year old sister in his presence. Her friends? Maybe. - But his sister - No way in Hell!

That's what the closet and separate laundry room w/extra fridge were for...

"Hey, Billy/Susie c'mon with me to get a pop (soda)." (Names changed to protect the innocent.)

 

[Pea-n-Me]

What a ridiculous notion. If you think your kid doesn't do it, you're probably wrong? What kind of nonsense led you to believe that? I'm sorry, but some of us raise our children with certain values that they follow, and as a parent I'm not letting my kid go places where he or she can possibly do something like that. No 12 year old of mine is "hooking up" without me knowing.

If it's so ridiculous, why need purity rings at all? And why offer them at 11?

What does the ring cover? Just actual intercourse, but everything up to it is okay? Just kissing? further? less?

There is so much they can do except for that last physical act, everything else is okay to do with someone you aren't going to marry? or not?

Yes. But if you do decide to go all the way, you can always take it off and put it back on later.

 

[Colleen27]

Yes, the majority of us are explaining to you that 12/13 year olds do "stuff" with people who are not their committed significant others. It's called hooking up, and if you think your kid doesn't do it, you're probably wrong.

I think that's an incredibly jaded POV. We're the "hang out house" in our neighborhood and my kids (and their friends) have absolutely no filter. I hear about every little thing that goes on in the 8th grade universe these days, either because they forget I'm here or just don't realize how their voices carry through the walls, and these kids are still betting on who can get to "second base" first (and complaining that their girlfriends shut them down at a kiss goodbye - none of them seem interested in seeking out a more willing person who isn't their significant other)... at 14/15yo. They certainly weren't "hooking up" with random girls at 12 or 13.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

From the CDC: Births to 1014 Year-Old Mothers, 19902002: Trends and Health Outcomes

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...3ro2ig&sig=AHIEtbQpzn1S7UlekyWe0HwfFDqYC2IOKg

Birth trends among young teenagers

During the years 19902002 in the United States, almost 137,000 youngsters aged 10-14 years delivered a live birth.

Trends and variations in teenage pregnancy and childbearing as well as maternal and infant outcomes continue to be of great public health interest (111). Most publications on teenage birth focus on teens 1519 years of age. However, younger teens are also at risk for pregnancy and at high risk for adverse outcomes (i.e., a greater risk of repeat teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, and infant health problems). Therefore, the focus of this report is on childbearing among early adolescents aged 10-14 years.

 

[Colleen27]

From the CDC: Births to 1014 Year-Old Mothers, 19902002: Trends and Health Outcomes

While the absolute number is alarming the rate is extremely low - less than 1 per 1000 teens that age overall, and even lower for the demographic generally represented on the DIS (middle class with educated, involved parents). I don't think anyone is arguing that it doesn't ever happen, but the idea that "if you think your kid doesn't do it, you're wrong" has little basis in reality. Most parents who think their kids don't do it are right.