DD stressed out over school

[Disney loving Iowan]

My DD is a junior in high school and with her normal work as well as her being on yearbook and in orchestra she is very stressed out. We talked with her last night about it and we are trying to work with her teachers and trying to do things to get her more organized. I think that will really help in the long run but she still ended up having to stay home from school today with a stress induced migraine. I was hoping that maybe someone could give me some advice on some things that we could do to help her to de-stress. I suggested a nice bath but she said playing Wii for a little while would be more helpful. Any other ideas?
Thanks!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

If she was my daughter and getting ill from the "stress" of school, I would be making her drop out of the extras and just concentrate on her school work. No its not fun, but that is what is the most important during Junior year. Good luck with whatever you choose and I hope she feels better...

Oh and to answer, one night of a bubblebath and or Wii is not going to help. Yes a band-aid but it won't fix anything.

 

[mjkacmom]

If she was my daughter and getting ill from the "stress" of school, I would be making her drop out of the extras and just concentrate on her school work. No its not fun, but that is what is the most important during Junior year. Good luck with whatever you choose and I hope she feels better...

Oh and to answer, one night of a bubblebath and or Wii is not going to help. Yes a band-aid but it won't fix anything.

I was going to say this also, but those extra curricular activities are really needed for the college application. Is she struggling, or just stressing, but getting the job done? Dd13 is an A student, but freaks out a few times a week, saying she can't get it all done - it's her personalilty (I know - it was mine). I have to talk her down, reminding her of previous freak-outs, and how she has never NOT gotten it done.

 

[java]

Take a walk. After dinner try to go out for a walk. If she would rather go alone- tell her to pull out her ipod and walk it off.

My son is the exact opposit of your situation. He is way too relaxed about it all. (he's a sophomore) He is involved in a bunch of things(robotics, model un, interact and enable, tech club- has a girlfriend too) For the most part he is carrying it off. One class is a struggle for him*the one that his girlfriend is in. But what I realized is that if he gets 20 minutes or so of down time post club stuff and doing homework he seems better focused.

Good luck to your daughter. I was so stressed in high school and really it made me ill physically too. I hope she finds a way to deal with the anxiety.

 

[micheleq]

Former high school teacher and coach here Yearbook and orchestra are two very time intensive activities, and I assume that orchestra is also a for-credit class.

I'd suggest that your daughter drop the yearbook commitment (it only gets worse as deadlines arrive, I know that comes with all nighters in some cases to get the copy done) and find another alternative extra curricular that is not as time consuming. Perhaps a service oriented club, like Key Club (junior Kiwanis or Rotary), where she could particiapte in volunteer projects on a case by case basis when she has the time.

Good luck. I'd have girls on my varsity track team that were taking six AP classes and trying to swing track and a variety of extra curriculars. They were over-stressed and ended up not excelling in anything because they were spread too thin.

 

[Hannathy]

If she wants to get into a good school she can't drop the activities-especially if those are her only things! They want to see a well rounded student not just academics. In fact if those are her only things she may want to think about adding something depending on where she wants to go to school. I don't think there is a way to get thru junior year without stress and sleepless nights! Everyone pressures them about this year.

The Wii can be a very good way to de stress. My DD's friend who is valedictorian de stresses by as we say getting on the computer and "killing things" whatever game he plays. My DD rollerblades or watches bones, house etc on the computer, does Tap.
good luck on the getting more organized! My DD could use some help with that also. All I can say is it gets better. Senior year seems less stressful even with going over to the University for afternoon classes (she says she is slacking with only 2 AP classes, sophomore English at the University, 1 independent study course, and an hour as a TA in Science at the High School plus Orchestra and an elective Science.) then the laundry list of activities.It is just a different attitude. But before you relax it seems the social problems get bigger this year!

Look at it as good practice for college and keep a good supply of chocolate and doritos. Once May gets here and the AP exams are over she will finally relax.

 

[::Snow_White::]

s to your daughter. I'm a junior also and I've got a lot of extra cirriculars and clubs riding on me this year (I'm not in yearbook but in newspaper). I usually exercise (Get the anger out. Haha), listen to music, watch my favorite movies, take a nap or sometimes my family plays board games during the evening. I'm living for weekends so I know how your daughter feels, maybe have her write a list of everything she needs to do and list them most important to least important. Have her talk to her teachers and see if there is anything she can lighten up on in the extra stuff. If those are the only two things she's doing I wouldn't drop any of them, like others said good schools like the extra cirriculars. I've wanted to stay home before but never have gotten headaches from my work so it sounds bad!

Good luck, hope she starts feeling better!

 

[Disney loving Iowan]

If she was my daughter and getting ill from the "stress" of school, I would be making her drop out of the extras and just concentrate on her school work. No its not fun, but that is what is the most important during Junior year. Good luck with whatever you choose and I hope she feels better...

Oh and to answer, one night of a bubblebath and or Wii is not going to help. Yes a band-aid but it won't fix anything.

I should have said in my post that Orchestra and yearbook are not extra corriculars(sp?) The are for credit and she can't drop them because they are 2 of the things that she wants to go to college for. She really has dropped anything that was extra already. She doesn't do sports anymore or anything like that and she doesn't have a job. Her main problem is that she just isn't very well organized and lets things build up till she gets all stressed out from it. I have talked to her counselor about ways to solve this and we are working on it. I was just mainly hoping for some ideas for some things that she could do outside of that to relax and get her mind cleared and ready to go forward. I'm sorry I wasn't very clear in my OP. I really appreciate everyones help and advice!

 

[Bethany2008]

I get very stressed out easily if I can't physically see what I need to do. What works really well is to make 'To Do' lists so you can see what needs to be done, then as you do things you can physically cross them off the list. It helps to see your list get smaller and helps make sure everything gets done! Also, assignment books or planners, I think, are underrated in high school. They are a great asset to keep things organized and to help make sure deadlines get met.

Honestly, once I get a 'To Do' list together, I feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders because I look at one thing at a time instead of EvErYtHiNg at once.

Another thing to keep an eye on is her social life. Friends can be the best thing, or the worst thing at that age, and tend to be the biggest support group in a girls life. Does she have any close friends to relate to? And if so, is something going on that may be making life hard for her?

Good luck to her! And remember, It is important to be working on getting in to college, but it is more important to get through today first. Adolescences is a very hard time in a girls life, one step at a time.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I should have said in my post that Orchestra and yearbook are not extra corriculars(sp?) The are for credit and she can't drop them because they are 2 of the things that she wants to go to college for. She really has dropped anything that was extra already. She doesn't do sports anymore or anything like that and she doesn't have a job. Her main problem is that she just isn't very well organized and lets things build up till she gets all stressed out from it. I have talked to her counselor about ways to solve this and we are working on it. I was just mainly hoping for some ideas for some things that she could do outside of that to relax and get her mind cleared and ready to go forward. I'm sorry I wasn't very clear in my OP. I really appreciate everyones help and advice!

I am sorry that I misunderstood your post. Have you checked if any of your local parks, schools, or organizations have any classes she could take for organization skills. I know in our area they are offered. She could also try taking an on-line course for this. It will definetely help her now and in college. And from your post above, did she drop too much, therefore leaving her too much time on her hands which also can lead to stress, aka overthinking and analyzing everything...

Best thing you can do is to keep your communication open with your daughter and really listen. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to "hear" my DD. Being a teenager is stressful, and if playing Wii makes her happy, let her do it. But just a reminder, using agression is definetely not a good way to get rid of stress, so maybe offer to bowl or play tennis with her on the Wii.

Here's a for both of you. I think a girls night out is in order!

 

[micheleq]

Ok, so no dropping yearbook!

Get her a tutor to check in with her once a week (or every other week) and get her organized. Or if she has specific classes that stress her out, have her ask that teacher if they could help her organize her notebook for that class. I used to do that all the time, if a student asked I'd always make the time.

Good luck! Learning to get organized is a great life skill she'll appreciate once you help point her in the right direction.

 

[Dani C]

What works really well is to make 'To Do' lists so you can see what needs to be done, then as you do things you can physically cross them off the list. It helps to see your list get smaller and helps make sure everything gets done! Also, assignment books or planners, I think, are underrated in high school. They are a great asset to keep things organized and to help make sure deadlines get met.

This is great advice. My daughter's school requires planners for all the students so that they can keep track of what they need to do for each class. Additionally, get a calendar for her to use to note any project dates/deadlines and even use a large dry erase board for countdowns for the big stuff so it doesn't come as a shock at the last minute.

Until she is more comfortable with being organized, work together. When she comes home, go over the work she needs to complete for the evening and try to determine how long each project/assignment will take. Let her start with the less time-consuming ones first and as they are completed mark them off the list. Also, don't let her get too stressed out. If she starts to get anxious, suggest she take a break and watch a television program together, etc. If she starts getting anxious she will not be as productive with her time so the break will release the stress and allow her to focus again when she returns to the studying.

I hope things start to get better.

 

[sk!mom]

I was going to say this also, but those extra curricular activities are really needed for the college application. Is she struggling, or just stressing, but getting the job done? Dd13 is an A student, but freaks out a few times a week, saying she can't get it all done - it's her personalilty (I know - it was mine). I have to talk her down, reminding her of previous freak-outs, and how she has never NOT gotten it done.

You DD sounds like my DD, also 13. Just last night I had to help her come up with a plan to accomplish every thing she wanted and needed to this week. For my DD, organization is the key. Luckily, she loves to make lists and organize things but sometimes still needs my help as the voice of reason when she starts to feel overwhelmed.

To the OP, Has your DD taken on too much? If she has, then encourage her to cut back on something. If the course work is too difficult, maybe a tutor would help.

 

[dyna]

My DD stressed an anxietied her way into chronic fatique syndrome, fibromyalsia, central pain processing disorder. IBS, bulimia, there was a time period of almost 2 yrs that left dd totally out of it she was not able to go to school, my honor student did not know her alphabet, how to count, could not go to potty alone, bathing herself was out of the question she fell asleep in shower. Oh not to mention the sleepwalking or getting up at 2 am thinking she was late for school putting dog on leash getting her school books an going down steps in her sleep with her pants down around ankles.

YES WE was skeeking medical help no one knew what to do not even doctors at mayo clinic physical cotors said dd waS mental the mental drs all said dd was physically ill. Finally after missing 2 yrs of school for no reason dd recovered enough to go back to school joined her class mates where they was in the honors classes an made honor roll the next 4 yrs till she graduated. She played volleyball, basketball, softball in high school was also a member of SADD, on prom comittee, student council, national honor society, volunteered at hospital an rehab centers.

DD now in college still suffers from anxiety, strees, cfs,fibro bulima etc the busier DD is the more she works her mind and body the better she is when she gets to much time on her hands is when she gets in trouble.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Migraines go hand in hand with depression.

Often someone will say they are, "overwhelmed," or "can't think things through," or "their head is spinning." All of these are signs of depression. Depression can also be intense anger. Many of us think of depression as crying all the time, but it does not always show this way.

I suggest taking her to a psychologist. Nope, I am not all about popping pills to solve every problem. But by seeking out a professional you can determine that depression is not an issue.

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. (I am in NO way suggesting this is your family's issue or that your family has any issues.) No one would have ever guessed I was severely depressed.

I did it all, joined it all, had top grades, smiled all the time. It was a big huge facade, and even I didn't know the stress it took to wear that fake happy face that everyone expected of me.

My girlfriend's daughter is taking a very, very mild medication for ADD this has helped her immensely with keeping herself on track, and not becoming so overwhelmed with school.

Please give this some thought.

 

[Tanzanite]

I know what you mean about stress my son started High School lot of stress with ROTC as well& tutoring for Algebra after school he wants to learn Guitar no time some weekends needs to do work in the community ROTC duty .I need something to get me through with his & my other 2 elementary kids homework.

 

[dormouse72]

Organizational skills are hard to learn. I have three kids (DD # 1 has dyslexia) and is highly competitive to boot, so here are my tips:

- Structure, structure, structure! My mother calls me the gestapo because I'm kind of rigid about our routine but we can't function outside it. If your daughter needs help with time management, a posted, daily schedule is invaluable. Have her carry a timer with her for two weeks and keep track of how long it REALLY takes her to do stuff (walk to school, practice, study, etc). Don't do generalities or "guesstimates" - concrete data. Then it can be plugged into a schedule.

- Include time to eat and sleep. My 13 year old still "goes to bed" at 9 PM on school nights - she may read for pleasure in bed but that's it. We have no TV and no internet on school nights. I don't buy "junk food" and she brings her lunch and I do "spot checks" of what she packs. I'm not made of money but I buy as high quality as I can reasonably afford and if we want treats we have to find time to go out for them. Good input = better quality output.

- Schedule down-time. At least once a month we have "pajama day" - which means we don't get out of our pajamas all day. No one is allowed to come over, I'll have bought "treats" (like refrigerated cookie dough) in advance, and we spend all day sleeping, watching tv, playing with toys, board games, etc. Sometimes they'll ask - "When are we going to have another pajama day?"; that's how I know when they are stressed and need a break.

It's very tough but she'll need these skills for college.

 

[Disney loving Iowan]

I am sorry that I misunderstood your post. Have you checked if any of your local parks, schools, or organizations have any classes she could take for organization skills. I know in our area they are offered. She could also try taking an on-line course for this. It will definetely help her now and in college. And from your post above, did she drop too much, therefore leaving her too much time on her hands which also can lead to stress, aka overthinking and analyzing everything...

Best thing you can do is to keep your communication open with your daughter and really listen. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to "hear" my DD. Being a teenager is stressful, and if playing Wii makes her happy, let her do it. But just a reminder, using agression is definetely not a good way to get rid of stress, so maybe offer to bowl or play tennis with her on the Wii.

Here's a for both of you. I think a girls night out is in order!

That's okay like I said I didn't communicate my thoughts very well. I appreciate your advice! An organization class is a good idea.

My DD stressed an anxietied her way into chronic fatique syndrome, fibromyalsia, central pain processing disorder. IBS, bulimia, there was a time period of almost 2 yrs that left dd totally out of it she was not able to go to school, my honor student did not know her alphabet, how to count, could not go to potty alone, bathing herself was out of the question she fell asleep in shower. Oh not to mention the sleepwalking or getting up at 2 am thinking she was late for school putting dog on leash getting her school books an going down steps in her sleep with her pants down around ankles.

YES WE was skeeking medical help no one knew what to do not even doctors at mayo clinic physical cotors said dd waS mental the mental drs all said dd was physically ill. Finally after missing 2 yrs of school for no reason dd recovered enough to go back to school joined her class mates where they was in the honors classes an made honor roll the next 4 yrs till she graduated. She played volleyball, basketball, softball in high school was also a member of SADD, on prom comittee, student council, national honor society, volunteered at hospital an rehab centers.

DD now in college still suffers from anxiety, strees, cfs,fibro bulima etc the busier DD is the more she works her mind and body the better she is when she gets to much time on her hands is when she gets in trouble.

Sorry that your DD went through this. Thanks for your words.

Migraines go hand in hand with depression.

Often someone will say they are, "overwhelmed," or "can't think things through," or "their head is spinning." All of these are signs of depression. Depression can also be intense anger. Many of us think of depression as crying all the time, but it does not always show this way.

I suggest taking her to a psychologist. Nope, I am not all about popping pills to solve every problem. But by seeking out a professional you can determine that depression is not an issue.

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. (I am in NO way suggesting this is your family's issue or that your family has any issues.) No one would have ever guessed I was severely depressed.

I did it all, joined it all, had top grades, smiled all the time. It was a big huge facade, and even I didn't know the stress it took to wear that fake happy face that everyone expected of me.

My girlfriend's daughter is taking a very, very mild medication for ADD this has helped her immensely with keeping herself on track, and not becoming so overwhelmed with school.

Please give this some thought.

I did talk to her doctor about her migraines. He never brought up the fact that it could be depression. I guess it's always something to be on the look out for. Thanks

Thank you to everyone for your input. I think things will be better once she is better organized and can see some progress. We are working with her teachers and have come up with a calendar on our kitchen wall along with some other things involving communication so she will be better organized. I have also been giving her some time for herself when she gets home from school to wind down and play rock band and stuff like that and I think that's helping.
Once again thanks!!!!