DD hates me

[aprilgail2]

Sounds like you work with some lovely people.

naaa---its just teasing but you would endure it for a long while! Its the same if a guys wife calls him on the work number or even worse if a debt collector calls on the work number LOL....

 

[mhsjax]

Wow - I guess cell phones have changed everything.

I am 65 - I used to go to europe with no reservations (70s) and there was no way to contact me for weeks. My parents survived.

I can't imagine having to live with today's helicopter parents.

I usually talk to my sister daily - but I recently went out of town for a few days without notifying her. She didn't freak out.

DING DING DING. There is that favorite word here on the Dis. Helicopter. Really can't anyone be a little more creative that that? I its like Coach purses, everyone has to have one, and everyone here has to say helicopter parents.

OK, on to the the topic. This isn't the same thing. I talked to my mom everyday, sometimes 2 times a day. I adored here, I couldn't stand not to call and just chat. And you better believe that if I hadn't talked to here in a few days, she would be worried. And she was the least helicopter parents I knew. She didn't bother with anything in my life unless I asked her opinion. She thought I was capable of handling it. So yeah, that kind of blows that phrase out of the water.

Now, when we went away, we didn't talk, no big deal. I was on vacation, or she was on vacation, and no phone calls.

 

[mhsjax]

naaa---its just teasing but you would endure it for a long while! Its the same if a guys wife calls him on the work number or even worse if a debt collector calls on the work number LOL....

I am right there with you on the spouse calling. DH had his share of those at work. He would come home and tell me how wonderful I was because I never called. And on the rare occasion that I did, they found him quick because they new it was an emergency.

 

[DMickey28]

I talk to my mom everyday, usually in the morning around 8am. I call her. When I used to work I would call everyday on my way to work. If I didn't she would get worried. I don't know that she would have done the same thing if it had been a couple of days but I would have had emails, facebook and many cell messages asking if I was ok. It would be very disrespectful to not respond. My father would be sooo angry because I was making my mother worried.

Heck, I get worried when I can't find my mom in a day. Since we always talk, if she isn't there and doesn't answer her cell by the time 5pm rolls around I am worried. My dad travels a lot and I'll call him to make sure he spoke with her. She is in her 60's, very healthy but you never know.

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong at all given the circumstances, however I'm wondering if her overreaction is indicative of her feeling that maybe she needs a little more space?

.

This is what I was thinking too...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow, some of these posts are interesting.

In my family if you can't get a hold of someone right away you figure they are busy.

If it is really important, then I leave a message on their cell.

I am feeling suffocated by some of these posts.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

Anyway, she borrowed a phone to tell me she hate, hate, hates me and will never speak to me again. I've ruined her position at her work, embarrassed her, etc.

She's 26 And she is still throwing hissy fit, baby tantrums in which she proclaims to hate you Good luck with this one. She seems very immature.

 

[RachaelA]

I'm 25 and no matter how ticked I get at my mom I would never tell her I hate her (let alone act like a 6 year old and say I hate hate hate hate you).

My mom would probably do the same thing if she didn't hear from me or my husband in days.

Its not like she wasn't by any phones. How hard is it to call you from another phone? Especially when she can see that you were calling multiple times.

Maybe you shouldn't have called her work, but I convinced DH's mom to call his boss once when we didn't hear from DH in 3 days when he was in upper Quebec so I've been just as crazy.

 

[Jennasis]

I think it was overkill. I'd be pretty unimpressed with my parents if they did something that unprofessional. I wouldn't tell anyone I hated them, but if its something thats in her vocab already, I can see it slipping out.

If it was my parents and me I would have thought a couple things:
1. Her job is silly little, unimportant. You knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was inappropriate to call her work place, that many times, and speak to that many people but you did it anyway. To heck with the consequences.

2. She's calling because she enjoys your company. You don't enjoy her company you just NEED to check up on her. She was going to call you when she could, no SOS, no stop the presses, just a nice friendly chat with her Mom, who she thought was interested in her life, but just wanted to keep tabs and nothing more.

3. You don't listen to what she says about her life and her friends. There was certainly someone more appropriate to call, a friend, a cousin, a boyfriend, the landline, e-mail, even a specific person at work. If you had no idea who that is, then you've been tuning her out big time.

Hogwash.


Just the other day, Today had on a story about a lady who ordered a Dominoes pizza every day for 3 years...EVERY DAY. Same time, same order. Then she stops ordering, for like 3 days. Well the DELIVERY driver worried and ran out to check on her. Knocked on door...no answer. Went to neighbors house and they didn't seem to know anything. So she called 911 and paramedics found the lady on the floor, having fallen and unable to get to the phone (she's 82).

So it is absolutely understandable to worry and even panic when someone you hear from daily stops calling without any word.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41734324/ns/today-today_people/41737514

 

[tlbwriter]

I agree that her little hissy fit is very immature. If you guys had a pattern of calling, and she knew you were calling her, why didn't she find another way to get in touch with you and let you know her phone wasn't working? Does she not have any friends with a phone?

 

[Rora]

I can maybe see her being slightly annoyed that you called her work, but she is acting like a preteen telling you she "hates, hates, hates" you. That is ridiculous. She needs to grow up.

I agree 100%.

 

[Jeniferdwn]

In today's world, people are crazy and downright mean!!! I check on my mom everyday. She is single and she's usually home. If she goes out to dinner or anywhere, she tells me she's going out. She doesn't even tell me who she's with, just that she'll be gone awhile. She'll call to let me know she's home and in for the night. Not that she needs to check in with me, but so that I don't worry and I know that if she doesn't check in, I need to check on her. It's a saftey thing. Same with me and DH and he's over 6ft tall, really big guy, tattoos, chain, Harley, etc. You'd be crazy to mess with him, but people will, they're mean! I'd quietly and calmly explain all that to dd and she should apologize. Maybe you could both have an ICE number to call.

 

[ReneeA]

I'd want to throw myself off a tall building if my mother called me multiple times a day, or ever called work asking about me. I adore my mother, but I don't need her that involved in my day to day routine.

Do I think she should have talked to you that way? Absolutely not. But it does sound like there's boundary issues and perhaps you both could use some time to develop as individuals.

 

[bdcp]

I have boys 24 and 27 and I guarantee she threw her little immature hissy fit because she was embarassed that mommy called work to find her. I pretty much live by the no news is good news theory. I also wouldn't doubt that someone at work teased her about "mommy". She sounds immature, but she also sounds overly dramatic like so many young people (girls especially) that I know today. I wonder how often she is the "victim" in her life? My kids have only told me they hated me once, when they were around 4 and I told them to do something they didn't want to do. Okay at 4, not at 26.

 

[luvmy3]

You both over-reacted, your dd is acting like a bratty child but OP you are acting (or acted) like an overly paranoid worrywart. I understand you were concerned, and thats normal, but calling every hour and then calling her work and talking to several people to track her down is not. I could see her being pretty upset by that, but it certainly doesn't excuse her acting the way she did. Hopefully after she apologizes to you, you guys can come to sort of an agreement about what to do if you aren't planning or able to speak to eachother every day.

ETA If your dd is #2 in the office, then her mom calling in a panic because she hasn't talked to her kind of undermines her authority at work.

 

[jodifla]

It must be this generation. I don't get the mind-set of talking to your parents every day, or several times a day. It's like you're girlfriends, not mother and child. Time for a bit of space and to cut those apron strings!

Once the pattern is established, I do see being worried without the call. But calling work...yikes!!! I'd have called friends first. If i felt I HAD to call work, I certainly wouldn't be trying so many different supervisors. Way to make your daughter look like she's in 7th grade!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I thought I would share my DD14's take on this, having just read the OP. I was surprised, I think it is fairly insightful, she says:

It sounds like the mom has not expected her daughter to really grow up and be independent and treat her a bit like a child and the daughter has responded to this by continuing to act like a little kid when dealing with her mother. They both need to start acting like the daughter is a grown up.

 

[U2_rocks!]

The amount of times you all are in touch is none of my business - whatever works for you. But since you had an established pattern of everyday calls, it is only obvious that if a call doesn't come for a couple of days there is going to be worry!

OP, yes you could have chosen some routes to take to find her, perhaps, but OTOH she should never have let it come to that i.e. she should have gotten in touch somehow, to explain the situation. She cannot lay the blame fully on you. Her hissy fit wasn't warranted, but then again she was young and emotional, so I'm sure you can forgive her. What she needs to do is accept her part in this and apologize for her hissy fit. Maybe the 2 of you can get around to having a rational conversation about it so that you both know what you'd do next time something like this happens.

ETA: calling someone's work isn't always a terrible thing. It depends on the workplace. There would be no issue where I work. However, if it were me trying to find my DD, I'd be happy if someone could just tell me she's alive and well! After that I'd quit bugging them.

 

[jodifla]

I thought I would share my DD14's take on this, having just read the OP. I was surprised, I think it is fairly insightful, she says:

It sounds like the mom has not expected her daughter to really grow up and be independent and treat her a bit like a child and the daughter has responded to this by continuing to act like a little kid when dealing with her mother. They both need to start acting like the daughter is a grown up.

I think your daughter is RIGHT ON! They have both created this cycle of dependency.

 

[Mermaid02]

My Mother and I speak frequently- if we miss a day I wouldn't worry but if we missed 2 or 3 days I would.

In college I lived in an old house converted into apartments, came home one day and the police were there. Seems the guy in the apartment next to me had missed a couple days of phone calls and his Dad was worried, he was dead- had shot himself.

A guy who used to work with my husband missed a couple days of work without calling, WORK was concerned and they found him dead in his trailer.

When folks do things that are out of character- if you call daily- or never miss work- people are right to be worried.

I would have called work too- I can't believe it "hurt her" at work. HOW? She's behaving like she's in middle school- I would give her some space. Sounds like she needs to grow up a little.