Daycare/preschool-Concerned, what would you do? Update post 71

[DVCJones]

My DD4 (almost 5) has been going to the same daycare/preschool for 4 years. She loves it there and I am happy with how things operate. Anyway, There is a girl in DD class that is known as bossy and to be quite the "handful." I'll call her Daisy. My DD has come home often with "new vocabulary" words that I need to address as inappropriate and not okay to say. When I ask her where she heard these words, DD replies, "Daisey said it." So, no biggie, I figure it is my job as her parent to fix it in my home and address issues as they come. I have never complained to the teachers about Daisy. I have never complained about any child. I generally believe in "kids will be kids" kind of mentality.

However, something happened today that I just can't shake though. When I went to pick up my DD today, her teacher came up to me to tell me that my "DD saw something today that she will probably talk about." She then explained that while outside, Daisy and another kid (boy) were caught with their pants down and this boy was "kissing" her privates while some of the kids watched. My DD was one of them

I don't know how the school is going to handle this, but I expect something to be done. My DD knows that it is wrong to show her "privates" and I just told her that they should be punished for what they did. I did not make a big deal of it. I wanted to think about what else I was going to say if anything.

What I want to know is...Where would 4 and 5 year old children learn this kind of stuff? Should someone look into why the children would do this? I don't think that this kind of behavior would even cross my child's mind (until now)

What do you think and what would you do?

 

[pezheadmeg]

I would think someone should be looking into that. I'm not even a parent, and I'm flabbergasted. Where were the teachers when this whole thing was going on?

 

[karen l]

I'd ask how this incident was going to be handled - ie parent conference with parents of both children. It would also concern me that they were outside & the supervision was lax enough that they were "caught" after the children's clothes were removed. Definitely follow up & express your displeasure with the head of the daycare. "kissing her privates" would bother me a great deal.

 

[Magic Mom]

I would be concerned as well. I would want to know how it was being adressed with the families involved, and what was being done to ensure the children weren't left unsupervised again. I would also ask for my child to be moved to another room if possible. Kids are curious, but what you described goes beyond curious.

 

[Hillbeans]

Wow, just wow. I have a 4.5 year old and would be very upset if this happened at my son's school and I am a pretty laid back parent. Many different issues here - lax supervision and over-interest in private parts are both red flags for me. My son is very interested in his bodily functions, but this is sort of taking it to another level with the kissing of private parts.

If I was not satisfied with the response i'd be looking for a new daycare.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd be wonderign how kids that age even know about that. Makes me wonder what's happening at home???Maybe that's why Daisy is such a handful???

 

[Sinderelli]

Don't be surprised if they refuse to reveal how they are going to address the 2 kids- I work in a school and we are strictly forbidden to discuss other students' disciplinary measures, even when a concerned parent's child is involved. VERY frustrating for the parent (teacher too). It also makes it look like the teachers/school are not handling the situation, even though this is not always the case.

I'd be LIVID at what your child witnessed.

 

[Tink888]

My DD4 (almost 5) has been going to the same daycare/preschool for 4 years. She loves it there and I am happy with how things operate. Anyway, There is a girl in DD class that is known as bossy and to be quite the "handful." I'll call her Daisy. My DD has come home often with "new vocabulary" words that I need to address as inappropriate and not okay to say. When I ask her where she heard these words, DD replies, "Daisey said it." So, no biggie, I figure it is my job as her parent to fix it in my home and address issues as they come. I have never complained to the teachers about Daisy. I have never complained about any child. I generally believe in "kids will be kids" kind of mentality.

However, something happened today that I just can't shake though. When I went to pick up my DD today, her teacher came up to me to tell me that my "DD saw something today that she will probably talk about." She then explained that while outside, Daisy and another kid (boy) were caught with their pants down and this boy was "kissing" her privates while some of the kids watched. My DD was one of them

I don't know how the school is going to handle this, but I expect something to be done. My DD knows that it is wrong to show her "privates" and I just told her that they should be punished for what they did. I did not make a big deal of it. I wanted to think about what else I was going to say if anything.

What I want to know is...Where would 4 and 5 year old children learn this kind of stuff? Should someone look into why the children would do this? I don't think that this kind of behavior would even cross my child's mind (until now)

What do you think and what would you do?

Could be curiousity.......or they saw something inappropriate on television......or walked in on their parents........or could even be victims of sexual molestation.

Wow though, no wonder your upset. I've known people who's kids were exposed to another child's private parts, during recess in the elementary level but never anything to that degree at that age. It would upset me.

Really, there isn't much you can do other than having another talk with your child about privacy, etc. The more upset you are and the more you make out of it, the more your daughter will KWIM?

As for the school, you could always switch schools, but honestly, something like this could happen anywhere. I'm sure the staff has or will be talking with the involved children's parents, but those conversations (and any action taken) are between the parents and staff and no one else, which is understandable.

I'm just sorry that happened and your DD was a witness to it. Sorry for you also, I'd be having so many emotions over it.

 

[Sinderelli]

Wanted to add...as a teacher and mandatory reporter I would file a report with CPS- there's no way kids that age would know about that kind of stuff unless they've seen it or been a victim to it.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

At this point, I would mention to the directors the vocabulary that your daughter is learning. I can't imagine that they wouldn't bring the parents in to this after what happened, and they need he entire picture. They need to know about the other behaviors so they can make an informed decision.

Don't be surprised if they won't tell you what punishment the two kids will get. That would be considered confidential and they may not be able to share that information with another parent.

 

[portocall]

I wouldn't expect to be told what was happening behind the scenes since they legally can't tell you. However, I would not be surprised if "Daisy" is asked to leave, or it was reported to the state agency that handles those kinds of matters. I would tell the director your concerns however. If you are otherwise happy with the school and its teachers, I would stick it out and not make a big deal of it with my child (they tell EVERYTHING) but stay alert and make known of any future incidents your DD reports.

I would not be concerned about a lack of supervision, the teacher really doesn't have eyes everywhere, especially if they were hiding in a playhouse or behind some play equipment. In fact, it sounds to me as if the teacher was concerned enough to investigate the mysterious dissapearance. I may make some impromtu visits at recess time however, just to make sure.

Having worked with small children for years, I will say that this is not the first time I have heard of this happening. But no matter where you go, there is always one bossy, worldly (putting that nicely, I could think of other terms), or both children in every group.

 

[4nana]

How very shocking and disturbing ! Honestly, I can say without a doubt, in our area 'Daisy' and her friend would no longer be welcomed, period, and an investigation what's going in in their little lives would probably be warranted. My heart goes out to you, so sorry your DD and all the little ones witnessing such disturbing behavior.

 

[Art 1]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Wanted to add...as a teacher and mandatory reporter I would file a report with CPS- there's no way kids that age would know about that kind of stuff unless they've seen it or been a victim to it.

Early childcare provider here. When I read the OP this was the first thought that came to mind. It should be reported and investigated by CPS.

 

[scrapquitler]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

Oh Boy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

First, yes, kids play doctor.... However, the 'acting out', the so called 'kissing'.... CPS should be called. Day Care providers are to be Mandatory Reporters, and this kind of acting out is a big red flag that the child is being exposed to things that they shouldn't be.

To be honest, playing doctor would not concern me...
The acting out... I would be VERY concerned. This is a clear red-flag for possible child abuse.

Second, you really have no right to ask any further information about how this is being handled with this girl's family. You have a right to know if these children will continue to be in this Day Care with your daughter. And, really, that is all...

I too would be a tiny bit concerned about whether proper supervision was being provided. But, really, I know that it takes mere seconds for young children to run off behind a bush, wall, play structure, etc.... I would have to have a little more info about where and how and when this all happened.

 

[4nana]

Children should be home with their mothers at that age not being raised by strangers in a day care. It's best that they get raised with your values not others. Please don't take this wrong. It just saddens me to see little one's, even newborns in day cares.

I was blessed to be a SAHM for our 4 chidlren, but in today's economy, sadly not everyone has that option. I have provided child care for dozens of children over the years, incl. my sweet grands . They've received warm meals, a descent preschool education, proper training and an abundance of TLC . There are many excellent day cares available and working parents should not be made to feel guilty for helping provide a better life for their family. Just my 2¢

 

[novajeanjellybean]

I don't even have kids and I'm totally at a loss for words. That's horrible. I think it should be reported also.

 

[Erin1700]

As a child care provider, I can honestly tell you that kids hear a lot of things they shouldnt from other kids. It should not continue to be a problem, but lets face it, you never know what a kid will say and you can not stop them.
BUT the kissing thing should NEVER have happened!! That is the teachers fault that the situation got that far. Yes, the CPS should be called on the children. But where were the teachers??
I personally would look for a new place to send my child. Could it happen somewhere else? sure, but it shouldnt. But no matter where your child goes, she will hear "bad things". I just hope they are addressed!

 

[themilesfamily]

She then explained that while outside, Daisy and another kid (boy) were caught with their pants down and this boy was "kissing" her privates while some of the kids watched. My DD was one of them

I don't understand how they were unsupervised long enough for this to even occur? I mean, if they were being watched and someone's pants were pulled down -- much less two kids pulling their pants down -- someone should have seen that and been there correcting them on the spot. There shouldn't have been enough time for the boy to get down on the ground and perform this totally inapproprate behavior in front of other children.

I would be asking some serious questions about how well they're paying attention to the kids and if there is enough adult supervision.