Dating as a Single Parent

[entropy63]

Is horrible. Sorry just wanted to vent.

 

[holycow]

You are right. I've heard so many horror stories about this!

I know you are only venting so I won't give you advice!

 

[entropy63]

At this point advice would be welcome. Being a single dad makes it that much more difficult.

 

[MickeySP]

I just began dating a few years ago. I am a single Mom but my son is now 25 - & on his own.

Not sure how old you or your child(ren) are, it can make a difference.

My son had trouble because he never knew me as a dater. I was Mom and with xDH. It was awkward since at his age he knew what dating entailed. An honest talk worked, he is good now and just wants me happy.

Now I am dating a man who has 2 sons, he has had custody for since the divorce. It has been trying at times. He has done well to balance both our relationship & his guys. His older is all good with us, his younger is a bit jealous and can be sulky(teenager). I do my best to be his friend but he knows I will not keep secrets from his Dad - DO NOT get sucked into being a buddy - it will backfire.

My best advice - be honest & upfront. Let the woman know you have kids, the custody arrangement, when you have the boys etc... Please don't be hurt if she just can't deal with yours, mine & ours. I am older 40s so I did not wish to date anyone with small kids under 13. I was very honest about that.

I would not introduce your children to random women. If it is gonna be serious, again depends on child(ren) ages, but slow out of the house introductions. If you do it in your home or hers, it can be awkward, neutral ground is best.

If you have boy(s) be prepared if they develop a crush on Dad's girl - it happens. If you have daughter(s) be prepared for jealousy of Dad's time with the woman. Listen to your kids, and talk to them. They need to know that your dating does not take away their time with you.

It isn't easy but when you find the right balance and person - BINGO!!

 

[lovesmurfs]

My brother started dating about a year ago. He has half custody of his two daughters and sometimes has a third girl as well (the third is his ex-wife's, conceived with the guy she cheated on DB with while they were married...).

Sounds pretty dumb, but he had really good dates using online services. He used eHarmony to find his current girlfriend, who also has children. Best wishes. It's got to be challenging.

 

[KristineN]

My kids were pretty young when I got divorced. I had good luck with Match.com as crazy as that sounds. I actually met my husband through there.

My rule was that I never brought home any of my dates. I just didn't feel it was appropriate to have them involved in the process unless I was really serious. And then ta da....I met Bill and the rest is history.

It's not always easy....but it will happen! And the funny thing is, on paper, neither Bill or I would have been interested in the other person. Funny how some things are meant to be.

 

[EveDallas]

It truly, truly does. Especially when you have a child with special needs.

 

[mickeylove2]

Oh, I feel ya! My girls are 7 & 9 and it's a big PITA to find any time to date! My girls NEVER want me to go out when they are home, and they are only with my ex about 2 nights out of the month, so it's either- hurt their feelings and go out when they want me home, or only get the opportunity to go out twice a month.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I'm a single mom and my daughter is only 3. I refuse to date. I have no problems being single (although sometimes I get sad about it) but for the most part I am happy. I work long hours and barely see my daughter. Every free moment I have I try to spend with her. (Nights and weekends). Dating would only take away my free time. So I just gave up on it.

 

[kellyg403]

It really does! I was a single mom with 6 children..trust me that one went over real well! And as another said, with working and everything else I really didn't have time to date, ex had the kids when he could but he was military so that could be few and far between if he was deployed.

What finally took a bit of the crap out of it for me was deciding, finally, what I was dating for. A relationship? Companionship? Adult conversation? I reallized I dated, not for a long term thing, but for my self esteem and for the adult conversation that did not have sentences ending or begining with 'mom'. It was a release of sorts. I didn't view the dates that didn't work out as failures anymore, just weren't compatible. I broke things off a few times, sometimes they never called back but it was fine by me. Because my expectations weren't 'forever' expectations. I started enjoying the fun of having a night out, with no responsibilities.

Kelly