DASCHLE FINDS BALLS ON SENATE FLOOR
Had Lost Them in Senate Cloakroom
Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle found his balls on the Senate floor yesterday, just moments before launching into a stem-winding attack on President Bushs alleged politicizing of national security issues, Senate sources said.
What are you doing down there? Senator Daschle said after seeing his balls on the floor of the Senate well. Ive been looking all over for you!
Yesterdays recovery of Senator Daschles balls brought down the curtain on one of the Senates longest-running mysteries: what happened to the Democrats balls?
The answer to that riddle, as unbelievable as it may seem, is also surprisingly simple: the Democrats balls have been in the Senate cloakroom for the last several months, seemingly lost forever.
Charles Hepworth, who runs the cloakroom used by all one hundred senators, said that the Democrats had checked their balls in the cloakroom months ago and had forgotten to claim them.
Somehow, Mr. Hepworth said, the Democratic balls became lost in a tangled mess of other unclaimed items.
Its really a disaster area in that cloakroom, Mr. Hepworth said. The Republicans lost their economic plan in there months ago and they still cant find it.
Yesterday, though, was a time of celebration for the Democrats, who were unanimously jubilant to be reunited with their long-lost balls.
*****Borowitz Reports*****
Had Lost Them in Senate Cloakroom
Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle found his balls on the Senate floor yesterday, just moments before launching into a stem-winding attack on President Bushs alleged politicizing of national security issues, Senate sources said.
What are you doing down there? Senator Daschle said after seeing his balls on the floor of the Senate well. Ive been looking all over for you!
Yesterdays recovery of Senator Daschles balls brought down the curtain on one of the Senates longest-running mysteries: what happened to the Democrats balls?
The answer to that riddle, as unbelievable as it may seem, is also surprisingly simple: the Democrats balls have been in the Senate cloakroom for the last several months, seemingly lost forever.
Charles Hepworth, who runs the cloakroom used by all one hundred senators, said that the Democrats had checked their balls in the cloakroom months ago and had forgotten to claim them.
Somehow, Mr. Hepworth said, the Democratic balls became lost in a tangled mess of other unclaimed items.
Its really a disaster area in that cloakroom, Mr. Hepworth said. The Republicans lost their economic plan in there months ago and they still cant find it.
Yesterday, though, was a time of celebration for the Democrats, who were unanimously jubilant to be reunited with their long-lost balls.
*****Borowitz Reports*****
