Dan Ratherisms Election Night 2004

monkeyboy

<font color=purple>Strangely fascinated by zombies
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Jul 25, 2003
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Do you hear that knocking...President Bush's re-election is at the door."

"This race is hotter than the Devil's anvil."

"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."

"This race is humming along like Ray Charles."

"The presidential race is swinging like Count Basie."

"This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

"Ohio becomes like a sauna for the two candidates. All they can do is wait and sweat."

"One's reminded of that old saying, 'Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.'"

"Bush is sweeping through the South like a big wheel through a cotton field."

"What Kerry needs at this point is the equivalent of Tom Brady coming off the bench to rescue him. But it's still too close to call."

"No question now that Kerry's rapidly reaching the point where he's got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector's at the door."

"John Kerry needs something on the order of a 55 or 60-yard field goal to win this."

(To Joe Lockhart) "I know that you'd rather walk through a furnace in a gasoline suit than consider the possibility that John Kerry would lose Ohio."

(To Joe Lockhart) "What about Michigan? It's been out there for a long time. Is that making your fingernails sweat?"

"This presidential race has been crackling like a hickory fire for at least the last hour and a half."

"Let's see where it goes from here. Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows."

"We keep talking about Ohio if you've been tuning in and out or you put the baby to bed or you went to pop the cap on an adult, or otherwise, beverage..."

"We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."

"No one is saying that George Bush is not going to win the election, and if you had to bet the double-wide, you'd have to bet that he'd win."

"In southern states they beat him like a rented mule."

"If you try to read the tea leaves before the cup is done you can get yourself burned."

"We need Billy Crystal to Analyze This"

"You know that old song, 'it's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely' for President Bush in most areas of the country."

"We had a slight hitch in our giddy up, but we corrected that."

"In some ways, George Bush's lead is as thin as November ice."

"Put on a cup of coffee, this race isn't going to be over for a while."

"You look at the map and say it's all a big Bush victory. But this is one time when your Mother is right, looks can be deceiving."

"John Kerry's moon has just moved behind a cloud, as far as Florida is concerned."

On Kerry's chances: "To use a metaphor, he's gotta draw to an inside straight. But hey, sometimes you get lucky and hit that straight."

"Is it like a swan, with every feather above the water settled, but under the water paddling like crazy?"

"What you have here is the football equivalent of a fourth quarter rally by Kerry."

The election is "closer than Lassie and Timmy"

"Keep in mind they are teetotally meetmortally convinced they have Ohio won."

"Vice President Dick Cheney would not have flown all the way out there (Hawaii) overnight and put that lei around his neck and sort of hula-danced, if you will, unless he thought there was a chance of carrying that out there."

"President Bush smiling there with his family. He's laid down aces so far."

"You can almost hear the GOP (deep breathing sound). We're getting within maybe smelling distance."

"We don't know what to do. We don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon."

On how the results are affecting strategists: "It's one reason so many of them drink a lot."

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), on being congratulated on victory by Rather: "Thanks Dan, I always believe you." Rather: "Now, ladies and gentleman, if you believe that, you'll believe rocks can grow."

:laughing:
 
What's with the frog & the hand gun?
And exactly how thin is turnip soup?

I wasn't able to watch much Rather - but I would love to have been awake when he finally admitted Bush was the winner.
 

I don't recall him always being this well... NUTS!!

When is CBS going to force him to retire?
 
Originally posted by Microcell
I don't recall him always being this well... NUTS!!

When is CBS going to force him to retire?

He's always been a bit nuts ("What's the frequency, Kenneth?"). If they would just relegate him to these kind of entertaining assignments and keep him out of the "investigation" business I think they should keep him around.
 
I find Dan Rather to be, rather stupid.

The only thing I want him to say is "Goodbye, I've just lost my job."

You will see millions cheer for that day!

He's a blow hard. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


Tom Brokaw is a class act...............maybe Rather boy can get some tips from him! One can only hope. :crazy:
 
You can sign a petition or rather subscribe to it that is asking for CBS to fire Rather. They receive over 150,000 letters a day, from former viewers to let him go to the "dog track." His ratings are the worst out of the 4 major networks and is losing viewers by the dozens a minute. If that was me, my boss would have me out of a job in a minute!

If you are interested:

www.danrathermustgo.com

Get rid of the madness.
 
Don't care for Dan Rather.

He needs to retire and CBS needs to hire some Hotty to do the news. Now that I would watch.

Edited: to say the hotty must be MALE!! ::yes::
 
Originally posted by Mom2Ashli
Don't care for Dan Rather.

He needs to retire and CBS needs to hire some Hotty to do the news. Like Monkeyboy
::yes::

:smooth:
 
You mean...he really SAID those things??? :crazy:
 
He used the "frog and handgun" and the "back to the wall, shirttails on fire, and bill collector at the door" 4 years ago too, and they were just as lame then . . . :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 
When I was a teenager and he was anchorman on channel 11 in Houston, I had such a crush on him.
 
Dan Rather makes my skin crawl.

Watching him is like watching snakes slither around on top of each other! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.

They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the a- -," said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the a- -," insisted the Marine.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the a- -. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the - - - ?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!"
Dan%20Rather_2004-09-22.jpg
 

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