- Joined
- Feb 10, 2008
- Messages
- 21,239
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He sat up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
My first post in this forum. A new delinquent has arrived.
Rob
Welcome,,,, I think you'll fit right in.
Daily joke thread......
- Thread starter tellnotails
- Start date
Welcome,,,, I think you'll fit right in.
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
- Messages
- 730
The Aisle Seat
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a
window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After
takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling
in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for
you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in
it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks
good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch
it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the
flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab
neighbors...
'Why does it have to be this way?'
'How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'
THE FEW.
THE PROUD.
THE MARINES.
THE BEST!
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a
window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After
takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling
in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for
you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in
it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks
good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch
it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the
flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab
neighbors...
'Why does it have to be this way?'
'How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'
THE FEW.
THE PROUD.
THE MARINES.
THE BEST!
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2008
- Messages
- 21,239
2 guys walked into a bar. The 3rd one ducked.
Rob
At least this time Rhonda got it.
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He sat up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
My first post in this forum. A new delinquent has arrived.
Rob
Welcome!!
BRDof3
Humpty Dumpty had a lousy PPO
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Messages
- 3,721
That's his alter ego- this is what Pete really looks like:
The left, right, or the middle?
He kinda looks like my old boss (boy would she be mad if she heard that!)
Rob
Yeah, that's me playing beanbag toss, with my new fashion craze crocsnsox..... look for it on the runways of Paris in the fall.
Most people get me confused with Shrek, not John Belushi.
AuburnJen92
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2005
- Messages
- 8,253
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
- Messages
- 730
The Italian Tomato Garden
An Old Italian man lived alone in the New Jersey countryside. He wanted
to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was
hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The
old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son...........
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left.
The next day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
An Old Italian man lived alone in the New Jersey countryside. He wanted
to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was
hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The
old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son...........
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left.
The next day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
- Messages
- 730
A email from Ireland to all of their brethren in the
States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to
hold an election in the United States.
On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer,
married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who
just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong
church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even
like the country her husband wants to run !
Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero
whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married
to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !!
What in God's name are ya lads thinkin over in the colonies!
States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to
hold an election in the United States.
On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer,
married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who
just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong
church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even
like the country her husband wants to run !
Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero
whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married
to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !!
What in God's name are ya lads thinkin over in the colonies!
Born 2 Fish
I'D RATHER BE FISHING.
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2008
- Messages
- 12,373
Thats what I keep tell'n everybody !
big kahuna1
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2006
- Messages
- 1,487
Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland ' Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane. The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!' The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!' Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.' The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your butt from drowning!
Born 2 Fish
I'D RATHER BE FISHING.
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2008
- Messages
- 12,373
mamaloya
<font color=blue>Blows hard and hot and boils us<b
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 1,034
OK, that joke was funny, but when I read your response, I laughed so loud my kids came running to see what was so funny. I didn't even catch the FBI in Italy snag.Why would the FBI be in Italy?
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