I posted here about 2 months ago that I would be the full-time caregiver for my father in our home. You all gave me some wonderful advice and encouragement and I can't thank you enough 
Daddy has Multiple Myeloma cancer and has lasted almost a year beyond the doctor's predictions, but the past 7 months have been awful, he's been bed-ridden and the pain has steadily increased. He has been confused and frustrated and has had terrible hallucinations. The doctors thought the cancer spread to the brain or the calcium breakdown from the cancer in his bones is causing the confusion and hallucinations. Yesterday daddy took a turn for the worse. He's been down this road before but the Hospice nurse said this is much worse and I know he is right. The cancer has spread. It causes daddy excruciating pain just to touch his body. His lymph nodes are very swollen and hard. The nurse feels he has tumors throughout his lymph nodes, but we are not going to put daddy through an MRI to find out for sure. He is in horrible, horrible pain. Daddy never cries and never shows pain but he has been crying, grimacing, screaming, and begging God to make the pain stop for the past two days. They finally brought a new pain med and I am hoping it will help. He is completely unable to move now, it hurts him to even move his arm or foot. When we have to roll him over he screams out and cries in pain. He is not even able to urinate into the urinal at this point. His body wouldn't accept the catheter today so he's on diapers. The nurse is going to try a smaller catheter tomorrow. I hope that works. Hearing him yell in pain when we have to roll him over to change the diaper is so hard on me and hearing him curse through the pain of the attempt to insert the catheter about broke my heart. Seeing him not eat or drink water is killing me inside. I don't want daddy to see me upset but I can't help it.
I don't like to ask for prayers or thoughts or anything like that. You all have your own sadness and worries. I guess I just needed to vent. I've been through this with my grandma and my mom, and I thought I could handle it, but I'm not doing so great right now. My siblings are coming to visit this weekend (they live about 3 hours away). I hope that brings daddy some comfort to see them and the grandchildren. Even though he's really not coherent I know he'll know they're here.
This could go on for days, weeks, who knows, and that makes it all the more difficult. Thank God for Hospice. I could never get through this without the nurses, CNAs, and social workers who have helped daddy and me.
Daddy has Multiple Myeloma cancer and has lasted almost a year beyond the doctor's predictions, but the past 7 months have been awful, he's been bed-ridden and the pain has steadily increased. He has been confused and frustrated and has had terrible hallucinations. The doctors thought the cancer spread to the brain or the calcium breakdown from the cancer in his bones is causing the confusion and hallucinations. Yesterday daddy took a turn for the worse. He's been down this road before but the Hospice nurse said this is much worse and I know he is right. The cancer has spread. It causes daddy excruciating pain just to touch his body. His lymph nodes are very swollen and hard. The nurse feels he has tumors throughout his lymph nodes, but we are not going to put daddy through an MRI to find out for sure. He is in horrible, horrible pain. Daddy never cries and never shows pain but he has been crying, grimacing, screaming, and begging God to make the pain stop for the past two days. They finally brought a new pain med and I am hoping it will help. He is completely unable to move now, it hurts him to even move his arm or foot. When we have to roll him over he screams out and cries in pain. He is not even able to urinate into the urinal at this point. His body wouldn't accept the catheter today so he's on diapers. The nurse is going to try a smaller catheter tomorrow. I hope that works. Hearing him yell in pain when we have to roll him over to change the diaper is so hard on me and hearing him curse through the pain of the attempt to insert the catheter about broke my heart. Seeing him not eat or drink water is killing me inside. I don't want daddy to see me upset but I can't help it.
I don't like to ask for prayers or thoughts or anything like that. You all have your own sadness and worries. I guess I just needed to vent. I've been through this with my grandma and my mom, and I thought I could handle it, but I'm not doing so great right now. My siblings are coming to visit this weekend (they live about 3 hours away). I hope that brings daddy some comfort to see them and the grandchildren. Even though he's really not coherent I know he'll know they're here.
This could go on for days, weeks, who knows, and that makes it all the more difficult. Thank God for Hospice. I could never get through this without the nurses, CNAs, and social workers who have helped daddy and me.
And GOD BLESS YOU for being your Dad's caregiver. My sister did the same and I can tell you that you have given him the best gift a child could ever give their parent. Stay strong.
