Cyber Relationships

[WIcruizer]

Would you/ Could you ever carry on a "flirting" type of relationship with someone over the internet? Over the weekend my SIL (who is married) mentioned to us that she chats with a couple guys online on a fairly regular basis.

We told her she may be asking for trouble, but she said she's not obsessed with them or anything, it's just harmless fun to spice up her life. In fact, she said her husband (my BIL) knows about it.

So is thatsomething you would try? Do you think it's ok?

 

[horseshowmom]

No, I don't think it's okay. And I would have to wonder about a DH who didn't have a problem with it.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Ummm online flirting is harmless. etc.. is nothing more than words on a computer screen. It is in no way asking for trouble, if it is just flirting and talking to other people.

Though I suppose those who have a problem with "online flirting" also have a problem with real life flirting and should deal with their own insecurities.

 

[lulugirl]

I think flirting is harmless fun, online and elsewhere.

 

[cats7494]

I do not think it is ok...it is asking for trouble and is disrespectful to your spouse.

 

[Frantasmic]

There's flirting and there's flirting.

Flirting with lulugirl on a public message board is one thing.

If lulugirl knows my RL name and I know her RL name and other RL info and you start flirting in email that your SO may or may not know about...well, that's a different story that isn't so harmless.

 

[horseshowmom]

Ummm online flirting is harmless. etc.. is nothing more than words on a computer screen. It is in no way asking for trouble, if it is just flirting and talking to other people.

Though I suppose those who have a problem with "online flirting" also have a problem with real life flirting and should deal with their own insecurities.

Nope, I humbly disagree that it's harmless, and, yes, I would have a problem with real life flirting (and I don't think it has anything to do with insecurities although it was interesting that that's the issue you brought up - I do think it can hurt people.).

 

[mtblujeans]

Ummm online flirting is harmless. etc.. is nothing more than words on a computer screen. It is in no way asking for trouble, if it is just flirting and talking to other people.

Though I suppose those who have a problem with "online flirting" also have a problem with real life flirting and should deal with their own insecurities.

You're actually kinda' funny!

 

[WIcruizer]

Well, my SIL explained it as a way to add some excitement and she would never even consider meeting someone for real. Her husband is fine with it for that reason. They know and love each other enough that it seems like it works for them.

It just seems like maybe there's a double standard. Married men can go to millions of porn web sites, strip clubs, etc. while married women aren't supposed to have any outlet for fantasy. I guess I'm ok with it as long as it's not a secret.

 

[mtblujeans]

My fantasy involves my husband. Sometimes, he doesn't even realize it....

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Flirting online is not okay. It can lead to destructive things. I don't flirt in real life out of respect for my husband and neither does my husband flirt. How safe is playing with fire?

 

[lulugirl]

Well, my SIL explained it as a way to add some excitement and she would never even consider meeting someone for real. Her husband is fine with it for that reason. They know and love each other enough that it seems like it works for them.

It just seems like maybe there's a double standard. Married men can go to millions of porn web sites, strip clubs, etc. while married women aren't supposed to have any outlet for fantasy. I guess I'm ok with it as long as it's not a secret.

This is why I don't think it's a big deal! There is zero intention of meeting anyone, it's just fun. When it becomes secretive or your spouse is uncomfortable w/ it then it could be a problem.

 

[WIcruizer]

Flirting online is not okay. It can lead to destructive things. I don't flirt in real life out of respect for my husband and neither does my husband flirt. How safe is playing with fire?

As you said, it CAN lead to destructive things. Doesn't mean it WILL. My wife flirts, I've forgotten how...lol. But it doesn't bother me because we are secure in our relationship. In fact, a good night of flirting can benefit DH as well....trust me.

 

[mtblujeans]

You are forgetting that there is a third party involved....who can predict what they want out of this "fun" and how quickly things can get carried away or misunderstood.

 

[WIcruizer]

True, and I would guess it would be responsible to let them know in advance you are happily married, and it won't lead to more.

 

[horseshowmom]

Well, my SIL explained it as a way to add some excitement and she would never even consider meeting someone for real. Her husband is fine with it for that reason. They know and love each other enough that it seems like it works for them.

It just seems like maybe there's a double standard. Married men can go to millions of porn web sites, strip clubs, etc. while married women aren't supposed to have any outlet for fantasy. I guess I'm ok with it as long as it's not a secret.

No double standard here. My DH would agree with me. I don't think that any of what you mentioned is healthy for a relationship.

DH has been married before, and his first wife liked to flirt. I think he said the way they looked at it back then was, "As long as each of them just looked and flirted, it was fun and wasn't hurting anything" (he no longer feels that way).

Unfortunately, it didn't stop there. Eventually (as the years passed), he realized that she was having trouble remembering whose bed she was supposed to be sleeping in. It started with flirting. Do I think that will happen to everybody - no. But I do agree with the poster who said it's disrespectful to a spouse and can sometimes lead to trouble.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

No, I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

 

[mtblujeans]

Maybe it boils down to your maturity level and where you need to seek out your 'entertainment'. Making friends on line is one thing....going on line to flirt is something entirely different!

 

[MICKEY88]

Well, my SIL explained it as a way to add some excitement and she would never even consider meeting someone for real. Her husband is fine with it for that reason. They know and love each other enough that it seems like it works for them.

It just seems like maybe there's a double standard. Married men can go to millions of porn web sites, strip clubs, etc. while married women aren't supposed to have any outlet for fantasy. I guess I'm ok with it as long as it's not a secret.

what will she do when the excitement wears off, go to the next level....

a lot of affairs start out as innocent friendships, then all of a sudden things change,

 

[WIcruizer]

All of that is true, it can lead to alot of things. Then again, a lot of marriages end i ndivorce when there is no flirting or folling around involved. That tells me there's much more to a commited relationship than whther someone flirts or not. For example, if a woman is flirting because she is unhappy at home, it will lead to problems. On the other hand, if she is happy at home (with her family, career, in bed, etc.) then I'm not sure there's a chance in friendly flirting turning into something more.