Custom vs. Intimate

[princesslisa]

I need some advice . . .

I have been planning (as much as I can, 2007 bride) on a Custom wedding with around 70 people. This number has actually risen from about 55 due to my parents. Over Thanksgiving we annouced to the family to start saving for a trip to Disney World ; everyone was so excited. Then I went out to eat with my parents this past Friday and my dad threw out a pretty decent budget # (to my shock ), so my mother proceeded to say, "would you rather have a down payment on a house?" Well, anyone one would love that, especially coming from Mass where the cost of living is ridiculous! (I know all of you NY brides understand). My DF wanted that hands down!, but I was thinking, I wished they could have brought it up before the annoucement to the family/friends.

I guess what I am trying to ask is, do Intimate Weddings feel like a wedding?? Or to the Custom brides out there, if they had this choice, would you have gladly given up the amount of people??

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks!
lisa

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

Hey-

We were given the same option. We chose the wedding- after months of debate and back-and-forth. We're outside of DC... I think the cost of living here is higher than up north. In some ways, yes, I do wish we had taken that. But, we'd been married in a Justice of the Peace ceremony last year. That was not the wedding we had planned or expected. We took the wedding. After a lot (and I mean a lot) of heart to heart talks.

I know we won't get this, but... sometimes you end up with the wedding and the house anyway. We will have gift for an amount from parents as a downpayment (nothing huge though).

We're a custom at 70 people, and I still look at it and say, "I could have a house." But you know what, having the wedding is more important to us. We know we will be getting a house... and probably no later than this coming fall. With that said, the idea of not having a formal wedding (neither of our dads were at the courthouse...) was devestating.

It doesn't mean this is true for you or anyone else. You two need to sit down and work through it together and come up with the decision that best suits your needs. No one can answer this for you. A custom bride is going to tell you her wedding was lovely, an intimate bride is going to tell you her wedding was lovely, and those who took the house are going to tell you that was the right decision for them. The answer is down there, buried somewhere in your hearts. Dig it out, dust it off, make the decision, and implement it.

Maybe you can stay under that budget (we can hope, can't we?!) and use the remainder of your Dad's generous offer for a house?

xoxo

 

[JoanneG]

We had a custom wedding,originally wanted an intimate.I had to invite my brothers and sisters and that came to 11 alone without parents and FH's family.It wouldn't have worked because they changed the amount of people for intimates around the time of our wedding,so we missed out.I have to say the wedding was wonderful but honestly the only part that I was truly impressed with was the ceremony.Everything leading up to the reception was flawless.I would do the intimate and save the money.Good luck!

 

[hiwaygal]

I guess what I am trying to ask is, do Intimate Weddings feel like a wedding??

Yes, while it may seem as though the custom wedding has so much more included, IMO, the biggest difference between a custom and intimate wedding is the reception! But even with the intimate, you can book other "special" things (like an Illuminations or Wishes cruise, etc.) to make it "feel" more like a reception.

I had an intimate wedding and it was very romantic, and very much a "real" wedding.

Personally, I would try to save money on the wedding and use some of the money your parents are offering to help with a down payment. But that's just me.

Do what you feel is best for you and your DH2B...and while your wedding day is important, it is just one day...you will have the rest of your life to make wonderful memories together, perhaps you can let them start in a new home of your own too!!

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Mary626]

I don't really have any advice for you, I was kind of faced with the same decision when I was planning though..

Back when I decided to do a custom wedding, I thought the maximum number allowed for an intimate was 8 people, so there was no way I could have done that, I needed at least 15 to have both our immediate families there. So since I was going with a custom, I now have about 50 or so guests coming.

Had I known I could have had an intimate wedding with 15 people I definitely would have chosen that, the rest of the people aren't that important to me... But since I had already invited everyone, I decided to go forward with the custom. At least I will be married in one of the parks, I know I couldn't do that with an intimate, and I will have a longer reception. And I know in the end it will turn out beautifully and I'm sure I will be glad that all our friends are there to celebrate with us. It is a lot more money then I expected to spend though so I don't know, I'm still torn about it and the decision's already been made lol.

Goodluck in making a decision. I'm sure whatever you go with you wont' regret it, it will all turn out beautiful in the end!!

 

[WonderWomanDC]

This is a very difficult issue...I mean my logical side says of course you take the house...but then the emotional side says "but I want a princess wedding"... in the end it's a decision that only you guys can make. My in-laws offered us $20k in cash in lieu of the wedding, but we turned it down. That said, we already own a house so it wasn't quite the same.
I guess you should think about your long term goals. Another option could be to take the house money and do the house, stretch out your engagement for three or four more years and save for a custom wedding

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

We are kind of in the same boat, but it's with my DH2B's pharm. school tuition. We have been doing really well avoiding studen loans at all cost, so it just wasn't worth taking a loan out this late in the game. We figure we will still have a very special Disney wedding and if we have any regrets (which we doubt we will) we'll just have a vow renewal.

 

[JonetteA]

I am about in your same boat. We are inviting 78 people, but hoping much less show. I would rather at this point have an intimate, but there is no way b/c of obligatory commitments to people. Needless to say, expect your wedding, depending on how you do it, to range from 20-35k. That is today's dollars and not tomorrow's. Remember that your prices are not guaranteed until 6 months before your wedding, so make sure that you understand that prices will go UP! I think that that is something that I did not understand when I started to get my first quotes from Disney. In order to manage the number of people attending, we decided to have the wedding on a Thursday. =) The time of year just happens to coincide with graduation from universities and high schools (that was an added bonus). So we feel that our number will drop way down. We also picked a Thursday so that we could hop the 7 day cruise on Saturday. These are just some things to think about. Your situation may be different, as we are paying for our wedding pretty much on our own.

 

[Laurafoster]

I guess im kind of lucky- my close family is quite small so im just inviting all of them - our total is about 26. So i do have to have a custom but i would be all for having an intimate and booking a restaurant with a private room for the reception!

 

[MApigletfan]

We had an intimate wedding last month and it is a 'real wedding' the only difference was that there was no meal and dancing at the reception. We had Cinderella's coach and Micky and Minnie and it was still under $10,000 and I felt like a true princess. We had a wonderful ceremony followed by a rose petal toss and then the coach ride to the reception and then an introduction, toast, cake cutting, and special dances. His parents wanted to pay for everyone to have a meal reception so we had lunch and then that night a Illuminations dessert party (if I did it over I would have not done this and saved money). I would go with the house and have a small intimate wedding it is very nice and has a very romantic feeling and how great to share this day with only your closest and dearest family and friends!

 

[princesslisa]

Thank you all SO very much for your responses!! I am printing this page out right now, for I have some serious conversations to have!!

I will keep you all posted!

thanks
xoxoxo
lisa

 

[ead79]

I think it’s really an individual choice. You as a couple have to decide what is best for you. My parents gave us money to do whatever we wanted. We could’ve used the money for a house down payment or for our wedding. We chose the wedding. It’s not the right choice for everyone, but it was for us. We haven’t regretted it for a second. For now we are content renting an apartment and enjoying the memories of our wedding at WDW. I just wanted to give my perspective—I’m not saying that you should do as we did. You two know the very best what you should do. Just go with your gut.

 

[hmgolden]

We made the same choice as Elisabeth. My parents said, we'll give you this much money. You can either go buy a house, or pay for a wedding. We chose the wedding, without much discussion. Practically speaking, it wasn't the wisest decision, but I would have always regretted not having the big Disney wedding I had been dreaming of. Its a very personal decision. There's no real right or wrong answer, just whatever you and your DH2B are most comfortable with. In the end your wedding only lasts a day, but I wanted the memories to last a lifetime.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

We weren't in this situation b/c we always wanted a small wedding with immediate family, the only question was Mexico or Disney. However, if my parents said, "Intimate wedding & down payment or just a custom wedding" we would have taken the intimate and down payment. Like Ashley, we have been very good at not taking out student loans and neither of us likes to be in debt (we know, that's not life, everyone has some debt), but we personally do not want to rent. We don't like the idea of paying off someone else's mortgage and not having anything to sell when we want to move. I guess my point is that we would have taken the money for a down payment, but it is a personal decision, what do you value, what do you need or want? It's something to talk about with your fiance. I believe that our intimate wedding will feel every bit like a wedding, we just won't have a formal "reception".

 

[bride2bee]

Were are having an intimate wedding ( maxed out the guest limit )and really doing it up.Lots of floral extras , Randy Chapman for photography,STVS for our videographer,renting the rols royce, taking everyone out to eat , and having an illuminations cocktail/ dessert party. Our estimated wedding budget is only just under $8,000.00. Maybe you would be happy if you had extras and used the rest of the money towards the house. Just a thought! Good luck with your decision.

 

[pixie08]

Were are having an intimate wedding ( maxed out the guest limit )and really doing it up.Lots of floral extras , Randy Chapman for photography,STVS for our videographer,renting the rols royce, taking everyone out to eat , and having an illuminations cocktail/ dessert party. Our estimated wedding budget is only just under $8,000.00. Maybe you would be happy if you had extras and used the rest of the money towards the house. Just a thought! Good luck with your decision.

Yes I agree w/ bride2bee or you could gothe other way if you feel you need a certain amount of people at the wedding...which is kind of what JonetteA said she is doing. Have a custom but keep it minimal. Have to WP (if you want-or choose sbp or gazebo to save yourself $1000) Then do a lovely brunch/lunch. Keep floral at min...like personal flowers and just beautiful candles and what not on the tables (you would be amzed at what they can do with just a little floral). This will save you $$$ (there are other things as well) an keep the cost low.

We are in the same situation the wedding is basically being divided 1/3 (us and parents) we coulod tech take the money and buy a house but in my mind I am only getting married once and I want to enjoy it and not regret it even if it means waiting another year or two for a house. It has to be a joint decision...Good Luck!