Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I know I'm but just wanted to say Malibu that I noticed your due any day now from your signature. All my kids were fashionably late! Hope you have a very smooth and speedy delivery!

 

[malibuconlee]

I know I'm but just wanted to say Malibu that I noticed your due any day now from your signature. All my kids were fashionably late! Hope you have a very smooth and speedy delivery!

Thanks!! I'm thinking she's going to be fashionably late as well. She doesn't seem to be in any hurry to come out. DH says I've built her such a nice house that she doesn't want to leave it.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Thanks!! I'm thinking she's going to be fashionably late as well. She doesn't seem to be in any hurry to come out. DH says I've built her such a nice house that she doesn't want to leave it.

My kids were two weeks overbaked, one had to be prodded out and the others just decided a two week extension was all they needed. Hey, you can't beat the accomodations...its temperature controlled, has good meals and is a safe environment! Make sure to keep us posted when the new arrival is here!

 

[livie1205]

There was a lot more to her questions but the one about DS's knowledge about my ex and the circumstances around not seeing their father irked me. It makes me wonder if my ex tells his family that I am the reason he does not see the kids and not because the court thinks he is mentally unbalanced. My ex-SIL also asked DS if he was driving, did he have a car, what kind of car, how was he doing in school, has he applied to college yet...basically hit on all pertinent areas within a five minute period. You know how kids are too, they don't realize they are being interrogated so he answered honestly. He did however resist when she asked him if he had a cell phone and could she have the number. He said no, he didn't have one. Meanwhile it was sitting in his pocket. She did give him her cell number and said to call her and he and his sister can get together some time. Nice gesture if taken at face value, but DS said he fears he'd be set up to "run into" his father. As far as DS's job, I am trying to encourage him to stick with it. We've struggled to get the kids to this good place we're at right now (emotionally speaking) and I'd hate for DS to backtrail because of his father. DS said he will ask for security if his father shows up and becomes a problem. Hopefully it will never come to that. I know DS would be utterly humiliated if it did happen.



You know, it never ceases to amaze me how spiteful and nasty these things get. I will say I NEVER had my ex served at his job. I mean really, that is beyond low. Its a private matter and should remain that way. I'm so sorry that happened to you. There's no reason to resort to those tactics other than to get a rise out of the other person and like you said, to cause embarrassment. You would think that the courts would not allow that...I don't think I even have the option of serving my ex anywhere but his home. Just another thing to be aggravated by and if your like me, nobody can push my buttons quite like my ex. I hope that your donor's motion gets denied. Hey, I had my ex petition for a reduction and he put in the papers because he bought a new car and won't have as much money! Yeah...the judge nearly laughed him out of the courtroom.

I have to strongly disagree....I DID have my ex served at his job...I had to.. he knew he was going to be served and would NOT go home so he was served at work.Do I feel bad about it no! He is the one not taking care of his son...as a matter of fact I plan on serving him AGAIN at his work, if he does not want everyone to know he is a deadbeat dad the HE SHOULD PAY HIS CHILD SUPPORT....oh and as far as the courts thinking they should not do that, they encourage it..

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have to strongly disagree....I DID have my ex served at his job...I had to.. he knew he was going to be served and would NOT go home so he was served at work.Do I feel bad about it no! He is the one not taking care of his son...as a matter of fact I plan on serving him AGAIN at his work, if he does not want everyone to know he is a deadbeat dad the HE SHOULD PAY HIS CHILD SUPPORT....oh and as far as the courts thinking they should not do that, they encourage it..

There are exceptions to everything and obviously your situation was a bit unique (and so was your ex). Seems like so much trouble to not go home just to avoid being served. We don't serve the other party here by process servers. The court mails one copy of the motion certified and one copy regular mail...unless they both get returned to the court, the case is heard, with or without the other party in attendance. They don't fall for the "I didn't get it" thing...they just issue a warrant if your a no-show and enter a default jugement for the relief sought by the filing party.

 

[thumbalyna]

heres my deadbeat dad story:

i filed for cs in may 1999 and my lovely sperm donor avoiding being served (same here as NJ the send certified and regular) mail was returned saying he did not live at that address so the original hearing was postponed. they found another address for him about 6 months later and tried to served him again. second time mail was returned as he did not live at that address. in 2000 (after our custody hearing, funny my lawyer found him but CS couldnt) they served him again and told me no matter what they were having the hearing with or without him because they had already secured his info from his employer. The hearing came and of course he did not show. at the time i was only making 7.00 an hr and he was making 8 something. an order was issued for 286 a month. well once they started garnishing his wages he quit his job (that seems to be the norm on this board). i went without payments for a long time along with not having insurance on my daughter and not knowing until i had to use it. in 2001 a friend called me and told me to look in the paper, our county did a deadbeat dad roundup, they arrested 11 dads for non payment and my lovely ex was the only one who could not come up with enough money to avoid going to jail. low and behold after one night he came up with 1100 to get out of jail (this was not the amt owed, because arrears started from the date i filed for cs not the date the order was signed) and then his tax return was intercepted another 1500. this money was then used to take my daughter to disney (she was 7 at the time) so over the last couple of years he will work and not have any record of payments. my income has increased and then decreased and my monthly amt of 286 has never changed. i have covered all my daughters expenses and carried insurance on her even when it cost almost 1/2 of my paycheck to have insurance for her.

2 years ago we received a standard notice from cs making sure the child was insured. i sent back the information with her insurance that i was carrying on her and the ex sent in information to place her on his insurance. i called cs and said this man is unreliable and i dont want my daughter on his insurance, so they sent a letter to him advising i am chosing to keep her on my insurance and that he does not need to add her to his. this did not change my payments at all, still 286 a month.

now i dont received my support on a regular basis, i have never went for an increase when i knew he was making almost 3 times more an hour than i was. he has not seen my daughter since she was 4 or 5, i have sole legal and physical custody, because he told the judge he was bipolar and didnt know what he would do to my daughter if he saw her and he was not going to take any meds unless the court ordered him to.

he has never tried to make any contact with her which is why i never asked for an increase in cs because i dont want to make any waves and my daughter is very emotional (typical 14 yrs old girl) and doesnt need added stress in her life.

back in may i did get served papers to attend a cs hearing because once again he was behind on cs - i had to leave work early to attend this hearing only to find out he paid his arrears the day before. i found out this hearing was brought about because his new girlfriend had a baby and they thought by filing for cs for the new baby my daughter's child support would be lowered.

i dont know what they think 286 does for a teenager - that is not even close to being enough to feed one for a month not to mention all the other things that go along with being a teenager (clothers, ipod downloads, video games, money to go out with friend, etc.)

my daughter and i have agreed that any money he sends will stay on the eppicard and then we will use it for disney trips, prom dresses, her car when she turns 16, etc. granted once again he is not paying but hey, its her money and i told her she can do whatever she wants with it.

i had my daughter when i was 16 with the support of my family i raised her basically on my own - i graduated high school and have worked full time ever since - i currently have a good job and my daughter is an awesome person. she had a book published when she was 11 and is going to be going to a PREP school for high school, she is very intelligent and just an over all great kid i could not ask for anything else.

i worry about when it comes time for college because i have already looked at finanical aid apps and they want the non custodial parents info regardless, i am hoping my custody order will solve that problem. also when i went to get her passport i had to provide a copy of the custody order, the post office here told me it would probably be denied without her fathers signature but it wasnt.

i feel like everything happens for a reason, granted having a child at 16 was not something i wanted, planned for, or ever thought would happen to me, but maybe i was headed down the wrong path and she was my way out, who knows, i love her to death and i would never change a thing. she is my mini-me everyone thinks we are sisters and we are so close because it wasnt that long ago that i was in the same place she is and she knows she can talk to me about anything.

she is my whole world, my ex is the biggest jerk in the world but without him i would have missed the best thing in my life.

sorry for the long post.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[polineedyan]

Are you saying that the only parent who has harsh words for the other parent is the custodial? Ah, ok.

Let me guess....you are dating a non custodial parent? Always remember something....there is her side, his side and the truth.

No, of course thats not what Im saying. There ARE two sides. And the two sides make up the truth.
In my world, its not about the money. Thats what Im saying. My kids dont want their parents money. They want their time. I just find it funny that I frequently (and not specifically speaking of this thread, I also mean publicly) hear parents in an uproar over not receiving MONEY. I RARELY hear about parents in an uproar about TIME.
I am also saying that obviously the two sides can no longer see eye to eye, and that to hide this from the children is an impossible task. Thats ALL im saying.
To other posters..if you find yourself typing this type of a phrase as a reply to another poster "mind your own business, if you dont like it dont post or read, " well, thats just not being fair. People will disagree. Dont shun them.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[polineedyan]

OK. I AM a custodial parent. I do not receive, nor do I pay child support. I DO make less money than the ex. I CANNOT even the score in that regard. I WILL not go to the courts and ask that the other parent pay me support, because I make LESS than they do.
Im not trying to offend ANYONE here. I dont know why you insist on being nasty to me.
I will read the posts, and will reply when I feel I can contribute.
Thanks for reading!

 

[summerrluvv]

aaa

 

[livie1205]

If you do not WANT the child support that your problem but we DO and that is the point of this thread...it takes alot of money to raise a child and when the other parent does not do their part it hurts the child.My dh pays his cs every month with not one missed or late payment! He does it for his son...my ex is a deadbeat who does not pay his and depends on myself and my dh to provide for him (and we do) but sorry to tell you this but as much as we all love are kids IT IS ABOUT THE MONEY SOMETIMES...when one parent is doing everything the money counts...I am sorry if you are married or are with someone who has to pay support but thats life...if they do not want to pay support they should not make kids they do not want to help take care of...

 

[kimmikayb]

OK. I AM a custodial parent. I do not receive, nor do I pay child support. I DO make less money than the ex. I CANNOT even the score in that regard. I WILL not go to the courts and ask that the other parent pay me support, because I make LESS than they do.
Im not trying to offend ANYONE here. I dont know why you insist on being nasty to me.
I will read the posts, and will reply when I feel I can contribute.
Thanks for reading!

Your opinions are perplexing. You have a very odd way at looking at CS for a custodial parent. And if you are a CP, why would you even say "nor do I pay"? Very confusing.

Whether married or divorce a child deserves to be supported by both parents financially, physically and mentally. You are doing your child a disservice by not expecting your X to support your child financially. We can't force a parent to be there physically but we can do everything possible to ensure the NCP supports the children financially. It is our duty as the CP to do this. No matter how you choose to spend it, on regular expenses for the child or a savings for college, car, etc....the NCP should be paying it.

Again, I have to ask...are you (A) married to a NCP or (B) dating a NCP? That would explain some of your attitude towards CS.

 

[dreamer17555]

Wow I hate to jump into a fight here but I too do not have my DD NCP paying child support, in fact we have nothing to do with him what so ever. Of course he left when she was a baby so she doesn't remember him, things would be different if she would have been older.

It was my choice to support her on my own until I married my DH. We are starting the process to have her bio father pulled from her birth certificate and have my DH adopt her.

That all being said I was raised by a single mother. Child Support was important and seeing my dad was important but both didn't happen as often as they should have.

There is nothing wrong with collecting child support and there is nothing wrong with choosing not to collect it, but there is something wrong about making a parent feel bad about either choice.

-Becca-

 

[kimmikayb]

Wow I hate to jump into a fight here but I too do not have my DD NCP paying child support, in fact we have nothing to do with him what so ever. Of course he left when she was a baby so she doesn't remember him, things would be different if she would have been older.

It was my choice to support her on my own until I married my DH. We are starting the process to have her bio father pulled from her birth certificate and have my DH adopt her.

That all being said I was raised by a single mother. Child Support was important and seeing my dad was important but both didn't happen as often as they should have.

There is nothing wrong with collecting child support and there is nothing wrong with choosing not to collect it, but there is something wrong about making a parent feel bad about either choice.

-Becca-

I am not trying to make anyone feel "bad" about their choice. It is my opinion that both biological parents should support their children physically, mentally and financially. And as a CP, it is my responsibilty to do everything in my power to make sure those things are done. We will never know the effects on the children when they have parents who weren't in their lives.

I would LOVE if my X wasn't around. But that isn't the right thing for the kids.

Of course there are exceptions, like abuse situations but generally we should all try to do whatever possible to make sure we get those three things from our children's bio parent. We cannot force the physical and mental part but there are several avenues for the financial. So down the road we can say, yes I did try to do everything possible.

 

[polineedyan]

Ok..Let's try this again. If I repeat myself, my apologies. "I am a custodial parent." "I am involved in joint custody.".."Im not saying that non custodial parents shouldnt pay support."
You all are free to do what you see fit to do. I dont agree or disagree with you.
What I am trying to say is that its sad to see that there is a custodial parents child support threat, but not one that focuses on increasing the time with the child.
I understand that many non custodial parents do not choose to spend time with their children.
I also understand that it is the LAW to pay support, if so ordered. I do NOT believe it is the custodial parent's job to enforce the law. "I CANT make him want to spend time with his child.I CAN make him pay support."( no, you cant, only the law can..)
I wish that there could be a way to encourage more time with both parents.
Then, no one would be bothered with worrying about how much money was involved, because each parent would be doing their fare share of 50%, both mentally and finacially.
It's called joint custody, and I know its not possible for everyone. Its called SHARED parenting. People are much more likely to spend money on their child if they are the one's doing that spending. I think that a lot of people really resent having to send a check. I know of a lot of parents who really wish they could have a balanced visitation schedule. I know its not always possible.
This is the way WE live. I know its not the norm.
Does this make sense?

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[polineedyan]

I didnt say this thread was sad. I said it was sad there isnt another thread.
I didnt offend anyone on here, at least not intentionally. I made remarks based on what I see publicly, "not specifically to this thread."
And, its not called physical custody. Its called residential placement.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

And, its not called physical custody. Its called residential placement.

I think the terminology varies from state to state because in NJ they do call it physical custody (Joint Physical Custody/Sole Physical Custody).

I"ve noticed just from this thread that the guidelines from each state can vary a lot, some things posted have surprised me and others don't-like when I said about serving the other parent at work, for me to do that here in my state, I would actually have to be sneaky about it and fill out my ex's home address as his work address for that to happen because they don't serve at the workplace. That's why my opinion on the matter may have upset some...obviously though when explained, it works differently elsewhere and for a reason.