Curious for opinions

[declansdad]

Boy some of you must have been burned in love. There is no way this should be pursued at any level.

The mom has no one to blame but herself for putting out this amount of money. As far as that goes, there is no reason why they couldn't take the trip and make it a vacation.

 

[Anne34]

As I said previously, the only weekend activity that was at WP was the dance. All the other activities were in NYC. I don't know what transportation the young man had to get them back and forth.




I understand. My own daughter has been flying on her own since she was 10 (and been finding her way around airports since she was 6 and old enough to read the signs - with us with her, of course). Not everybody is that way though.

Seriously, what other activities would the mother and other daughter go to? They would have been on their own anyway!!

I think they need to suck it up and go on the trip by themselves and quit being resentful. People change their minds every day. Also, their daughter is 20 years old!! Is she really that sheltered that she can't get around without the mom's help? Does she go to college or have a life outside of her family? My DD16 has flown by herself & is fine with it.

 

[mtemm]

What I would think is that while he was willing to deal with the girl's mom and sister when he first heard about it, he probably got back to WP, talked to his friends about the dance, his friends probably all advised he run from the 20yo who can't go anywhere without Mommy, and he got freaked out, leading to uninviting her. Doesn't seem that odd to me, nor does it really seem dishonorable.

I agree. and I also have to wonder about her actions in this. she kept saying to him, according to the op, that she just wanted to be friends, but I wonder if she was telling him something different? I think it was a bit odd that they spent so much time over the holidays together if they were just buddies. they went to each others family christmases? and they are just friends? seems a bit off to me, personally

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Sorry, but this boy's behavior does not violate any honor code. It might make him a jerk, but the army won't care one bit. If every cadet or midshipman that broke girl's heart was violating the honor code, no one would ever graduate.

Tell them to have a great trip in NYC and let the whole thing go. Also don't take any of his calls ever again.

 

[horseshowmom]

Tell them to have a great trip in NYC and let the whole thing go. Also don't take any of his calls ever again.

While I don't know yet whether they'll go to NYC or not, I can guarantee that she won't ever take a call from him again!

 

[cheermom1]

I agree. and I also have to wonder about her actions in this. she kept saying to him, according to the op, that she just wanted to be friends, but I wonder if she was telling him something different? I think it was a bit odd that they spent so much time over the holidays together if they were just buddies. they went to each others family christmases? and they are just friends? seems a bit off to me, personally

I agree and if she was telling him that they were just friends, this could be one of the reasons he changed his mind...

edited b/c I meant she not him was telling him that they were friends ....

 

[dipin]

First of all, which specific law did he break when he decided not to take her to the dance? Because I really fail to see how he would be legally liable for any of the expenses, especially those of the mother and sister. If the mother bought a non refundable ticket or didnt buy vacation insurance, it is her problem.

Second of all, which specific section of the honor code did he violate? Because I don't see anywhere on the honor code a section that says "don't change your mind about who you are taking to the dance weeks in advance." If changing one's mind about who to take to the dance is a punishable offense, there would be no one left in the military.

Finally, I am not surprised at all by how the boy acted. Things went from a dance with a friend he liked to having to put up with the mother and sister, who were not only coming along, but apparently depending on him for absolutely everything they would do in NYC.

Entertaining a mother and a sister for a whole weekend while something important is going on is hard enough and stressful enough for a married man, nevermind a kid who has been told he'd never be more than a friend.

 

[horseshowmom]

Just called her. It looks like she has decided to drop it out of respect for her daughter's wishes.

They won't go to NYC but may do something else with the tickets in the nest year.

 

[Missy1961]

Tell them to have a great trip in NYC and let the whole thing go. Also don't take any of his calls ever again.

If it were me, I'd never call her again.

 

[robinb]

Just called her. It looks like she has decided to drop it out of respect for her daughter's wishes.

They won't go to NYC but may do something else with the tickets in the nest year.

I think that's a good decision all around. Might I suggest a trip to Orlando?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thanks for the update. I am glad to hear it.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would drop the whole thing and enjoy the weekend in NYC as a family.

Exactly - I was a 22 year old from Alabama my first time in NYC and I did fine. They should go and enjoy themselves...

 

[horseshowmom]

I think that's a good decision all around. Might I suggest a trip to Orlando?

They do like Orlando, so that's always possible!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think she should pursue anything.
I think the mother went overboard.
I don't get why they won't still go to NYC.
I'd be interested to read a post by the boy's mother's friend here on the DIS...the story might be a lot different coming from a different perspective.

 

[C.Ann]

Mom jumped the gun.. Boy is not responsible for her actions or expenses (her and younger child)..

If the boy chooses to do the honorable thing, he will refund only the portion that applied to the girl in question..

Leave WP out of it.. The boy wasn't the only one who allowed things to spin out of control here..

 

[horseshowmom]

As I stated in an earlier post, the mother has decided to drop the situation as it is. Nonetheless, life goes on, and the world's not going to come to an end either way. Thanks to everybody who shared their opinions.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

Kid wanted to get laid, mom butted in, kid lost interest. I'd say its mom's fault. She should have stayed out of her daughter's love life, assuming the daughter is no longer a minor. Sheesh.

If the daughter is too naieve to go to NYC on her own for a weekend, she's too naieve to be in college, IMO. I traveled out of the country by myself at that age. And before you get all "but this girl isn't well traveled", neither was I the first time I traveled on my own. A 20 year old who can't travel to NYC on her own is too stupid to live and so is her overbearing mother.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Looked up West Point Cadets code of Conduct. He's falling short on several of them. Sections 1 and 2.



http://www.usma.edu/committees/honor/info/main.htm

Respectfully, I don't see how breaking a date - even one that cost one parent $1,000 - is applicable to the Code of Honor.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I dont think you are going to like my opinion, but well, you asked. I think the mother went WAY overboard if this daughter is college aged. How old is she, high school or older? The reason this kid doesnt want to go to the dance with her daughter is because of her. It was crazy to turn a dance invitation into a family vacation, it makes it weird and awkard for him. If I were him, I would RUN away from this family. What kid would not be horrified that his date has to bring along her family? The ONLY way this would be understood is if the girl is really young and still in high school. Then I would understrand why her mom would invite herself along.

I in NO WAY think he is liable for the 1000 bucks. He asked a girl to a dance, and offered to pay for the room. The mother decided to invite herself and other child along.

Calling West Point would be ridiculous. I am certain they will understand why he changed his mind after the date decided to take along her whole family. The school will just think the mom is a crazy person.

Now comes the take lemons and make lemonade part, go to NYC and see a show or have a good time. You wanted a family vacation, now you got one.

I imagine it goes something like this : He asked a girl to a dance, then her mom contacts him to inform him she and her other child are coming along. At this point he starts to regret asking the daughter in the first place and gets totally overwhelmed. This fun dance event is now a stressful family event, and he realizes that asking this girl was a big mistake. He takes steps to stop the train before it gets more out of control. He runs from girl and overbearing family, and never looks back. Just my thoughts, but as a young college kid, asking someone on a date is scary enough. Having the family invite themselves along is too much added pressure & stress. It clearly would be more fun to invite someone else along, who just wants to go to the dance.

In my opinion, he is smart to run from this family and cut all ties. Especially since they are the type to try to ruin his future and career over a DANCE invitation. It is ridiculous.

How old is this girl, we never got the answer? I think a HUGE part of the story that is missing is the age of the girl who was to be going to the dance. That makes a difference in whether or not her mom is a crazy person or acting rational.

I couldn't agree more.

The young man invited a date to a college dance. At West Point no less. He respected her enough to offer to take care of a separate hotel room.

These ADULTS are college sophomores for crying out loud, which means they are 19 or 20 years old.

How many Mommies invite themselves on dates with 20 year old adults? Absolutely none that I know of.

Mommy should not have invited herself along, let alone the sister. That takes helicopter parenting to a new low! Chaperoning college sophomores = WTH???

And you cannot claim that the mother was not going to be involved in the weekend when the OP has clearly said that the mommy and daughter would not be able to navigate the big bad city without the big, bad boy. If she can't do it on her own and was not going to be involved in the date in any way, how was she going to get around the city?

Seems to me, the boy is way more mature than the mother if they were relying on him to show them around.

Is this girl going away to college herself? Is Mommy going to fly there for every date? Time to let the daughter grow up and trust her.

Too bad there aren't honor codes for Mommies.

 

[claudia]

I'd drop the whole thing, but I wouldn't even want the $1k back. I'd take my kids on a trip to NYC and show them a good time.

good advice!