Curfew for an 18 year old

[nowellsl]

I need advice. I have an 18 year old daughter. She's a really responsible kid and has never given me any trouble.

Her curfew on weekends has been 12:30 for a while now and she's asking for a later one. Seems none of her friends have curfews (yeah right!) and they make fun of her for having to go home early.

When she goes out it's with her boyfriend of 2 years who I also consider very responsible. She never misses her curfew.

My question is - What is a reasonable curfew for an 18 year old college student living at home?

I would appreciate any advice!!

 

[helenabear]

Truthfully, when I turned 18 my curfew went out the window. I admit I had earned that right by showing how responsible I was and at that point I was taking care of the house like my mother had before she died. So my dad figured on weekends I had the right to do what I wanted. Truthfully though I was always home by 1 am. I turned out to be the one to drive most of my friends home since I had no curfew (most of them did though). I personally think 12:30 or 1 am is perfectly reasonable as that was what most of my friends did have.

 

[momsal]

Hi I also have an 18yr old college student at home (DS)

You willl probally not want to hear this but He doesn't have a curfew!!

He is a responsible adult/kid he works and goes to school

You have had 18 ys to teach her ( and it sounds like you did a good job) now the hard part is to trust her she has to learn to use her own judgement.

The only thing I ask is that he let me know if he is staying out late or staying at a friends.

Most nights he is home by 9

( and as the saying goes there is nothing they can do after 12:30 that they can't do before)

 

[Minnesota!]

Ditto to what Helenabear said. 18 is considered an adult in most places, and I believe that they should be treated as such. I would extend the curfew, then in a couple months if she has abided by it, throw it out the window.

 

[CamColt]

Before I turned 18 I had to be in by 1:00 if I were driving(which I usually was) because my lisence expired then. After 18 I got to stay out as late as I wanted. I was a responsible kid, not causing trouble, and my parents usually knew where I was and who I was with. Its not like we were out walking the streets causing mayhem.
I did have 1 friend who had to be in very early all during our senior year and the summer that followed. She ended up going off to college and going completely wild just because she could.

 

[honeywolf7]

She's an adult....do either you or your DH/SO have a curfew? (just my personal opinion)

 

[chesirechik]

Once I graduated HS I no longer had a curfew, as was the case with most of my friends!

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

Okay, here's my 2 cents worth. I am the parent of two teens, 18 and 17. My son will be starting college this fall and will live at home.

We don't have a set curfew. We want to know what the kids plan to do and then based on what that is and what their schedule is for the next day, we will negotiate a time. If their plans change, we appreciate receiving a phone call so that we have some idea where they are. I personally don't think there is much going on after 12:00 except trouble unless there is a specific planned activity.

I always love to hear parents say, well they are 18 so can do what they want! LOL. This from parents that are still supporting their kids and paying their bills. Hello!!!

When they are completely independent of me (meaning, I'm not paying tuition or having them live at home), then they can have tatoos, piercings, stay out 'til dawn, buy a big fancy racecar, etc. This does not mean I am a tyrant, however, if they are taking my money, then there is some obligation on their part. NOTHING is free in life.

Every situation and child is different; however, I think too many parents are afraid to say NO to their children or to set boundries. If my children and I disagree on something, we sit and talk it out together. This is called negotiation and compromise. These are skills that will make my children better adults. It is not a world where you can "do whatever you want" without there being some consequences or obligations.

Just my 2 cents ... every parent needs to decide for themselves what is right for them and their own child. There is not just one right answer to this question.

 

[shep]

I would go with the no curfew option but I would just want a phone call so I'd have a idea of when they will be home or where they will be at...

 

[wdwnutze]

I agree with Trapped Parent. My DS is 19 and home from college for the summer. He will be working full-time for the summer. On work nights he is to be in by 11 and on the weekends it is 1am. It is still my house, my rules. He has no problem with the weeknight curfew. We get an occasional argument over the weekend curfew but if he has something planned, he is always welcome to talk to us about his plans and we can negotiate the time for that night. Because we support him, his way of paying us back is to respect the rules we set for him. He broke curfew last week and never called to tell us his plans were changing. He was "grounded" for 1 week. The rules here are cut and dry. Because I have 2 other children(4 & 10) I can't be up all night worrying about where he is. Everyone has to do what is right for them and their situation though.

 

[caitycaity]

actually, i didn't have a curfew starting in about 11th grade. i was responsible and proved that to my parents though. as long as i let them know where i was going, i could be out whenever i wanted (on weekend, not school nights).

when i got to college, none of my friends had curfews anymore. i agree that she is 18 (legally an adult) and shouldn't have a curfew anymore, especially since she's been so responsible.

 

[wovenwonder]

My daughter will be 20 next month. I feel that as long as she has to 'depend' on us for a roof over her head she must follow guidelines in this house. It has nothing to do with 'age' it is just consideration for other family members. During the week we must all get up early for work/school. I don't appreciate [or allow] disruptions as she would come and go as she chooses. It is just consideration. I expect her home no later than 11pm --- unless she lets me know ahead of time that she will be staying at a girlfriends house. She is usually always home every evening [spending time with us] and when she does go out during the week she is usually home by 10pm or so [as she has to work in the morning also]. Weekends I expect her home at a decent hour [midnight - 2am]. I also expect her to let me know where she will be -- or at least have her cell phone on if I need to reach her. Once again -- this is just common courtesy for others in the household. When we spend the weekend with my parents, I would still [at 40 something] never think of going 'out' without letting them know where I am going and what time to expect me home. It has nothing to do with 'age' it is just courtesy. With this said --- Shelby is usually home by or before midnight on weekends and often just hangs out here with her friends.

 

[LarryE]

i never had a curfew, and my future kids wouldn't either

don't believe in them. it's a whole trust thing, I never did anything bad and I let my parents know that so we trusted each other

 

[PamOKW]

Since the 18 year old is out of high school I think I'd have to say no curfew. When kids are away at college parents have no idea what they are doing and they must learn to take care of themselves.

However, living in the same home it is common courtesy to let someone know what your plans are. It is natural to worry about someone who hasn't come home. A phone call or notice beforehand that you will be out late (or all night) should be expected.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by TRAPPED-PARENT
I personally don't think there is much going on after 12:00 except trouble unless there is a specific planned activity.

I always love to hear parents say, well they are 18 so can do what they want! LOL. This from parents that are still supporting their kids and paying their bills. Hello!!!

I would make it midnight myself. Jeez...I was in my 20's and had a curfew of 2 a.m. Right up until I married and left home at 29. Part of it is having respect for your parents, and the other part is there's nothing good going on at 2 a.m.!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by LarryE
i never had a curfew, and my future kids wouldn't either

don't believe in them. it's a whole trust thing, I never did anything bad and I let my parents know that so we trusted each other

I would trust my kid, but he also needs limits. And having him out on the road a 2 and 3 a.m. when the bars close has to do with the drunk drivers on the road, not trust in him!

 

[Tiggeroo]

It depends on the child. I have an 18yo dd living at home going to college. She never had a curfew. But it has been rare that she was out after midnight and when she was it wass pre-arranged. She always told me what time she was coming home and where she would be. If she was running late she called.
Now I have twin 15yo sons who have been pushing the limits for as long as I can remember. They can't understand the reasons for the rules I set. They are good kids who hang with a very good crowd, but because of the way they go from one house to the next, mostly skateboarding or surfing, it is difficult to know where they are at any given time. My sons have never given me a reason not to trust them, but I don't want them to be put in a position where they are tempted beyond their limits. Our neighborhood has a reputation for unsupervised teen parties. So they have a curfew.
If they live at home during college and always want to come in at 2am they would find themselves with a curfew. If I thought they were out drinking I would do the same. My kids know I try to limit rules. Some rules only come in when the kids show me a need for them. With an 18yo I would consider them an adult as long as they behaved like one. However, if they didn't then I would have to be parental and remind them who is paying the bills and enforce a curfew. Good luck, it is hard parenting this age. Let me know if you figure out a way to get the young adult children to voluntarily help with housework, and to stop fighting with their younger siblings.

 

[ShuisFan584]

Well I am 19 and I don't have a curfew. I never really went out much in high school and my parents know that I'm never out doing anything bad so they don't feel there's a need for me to have a curfew. A lot of times I am out with my sister and one of my best friend's, who are both only 16, and I'm usually home by 11:00 pm since that's their curfews. If I'm not with them, I usually don't really stay out much past 1:00 am. Every once in awhile I might be out later than that, but probably just because I'm by a friends house.

 

[jamsmom]

I had a curfew and my divorce and moved back home. It made me ready to get out as soon as possible (and maybe made a few choices because of it)


I say no curfew, but the agreement that if it is going to be after a specific time, a call would be appreciated so you wouldn't worry if you awakened.

 

[Talking Hands]

At 18 neither of my daughters had a curfew only the request that they let us know if they will not be home for the night. They are both responsible young ladies. ONe is now 25 and the other will be 21 in August.