Crying down the aisle

[Jumpin'Jellyfish]

I'm really worried that I won't be able to hold it in controllably as I walk down the aisle. Since Christmas 2004, my Nana died (heart attack), my mom died 5 months later from a long battle with lung cancer (right before our birthday), my Grandpa died (diabetes) a few weeks before our engagment party a few months ago, and DF father died (heart attack) last September.

Everyone says that they will be there in spirit but I am concerned with not being able to make it down, or my own father for that matter. I don't want to be upset or make my family upset. And it makes me feel weird that I will know what they are all thinking as I make the walk----they should have been here---I can here it now...

This is supposed to be happy and sometimes like today I get in this kind of mood and wonder if Mom would like the cake we picked out and if she would splurge for the twinkle lights. We began planning an imaginary wedding when I was 18! She would have loved actually doing it.

We will be donating money to the American Cancer Society in her name in leiu of favors. (They have awesome stuff if anyone wants to check it out) I thought it would be more meaningful that way.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent a little on a day like today. Thanks.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I'm sure you will be ok. If you tear up. It's pretty normal. You've been through alot. I can't imagine losing that many people I love. We are all here for you. I'm sure you will have a huge audience in heavan that day.

 

[Maggimus]

This has given me chills--- You need a hug and I hope you get one sometime today! I feel so bad for you-- you & your family have had to endure a lot these past few years. I hope everything will be okay.

Just know that your mom will love EVERYTHING you picked out, for the simple reason that YOU love it yourself! Make yourself happy and know that when you do that- you are truly making her happy. Feel blessed that your father will be there to walk you down the isle and embrace that memory. Know that things happen for a reason and sometimes we dont know why. You picked out the cake for a reason-- maybe you had a 'feeling' about it because in your heart your mom was right there with you helping you along the way.

Before I cry myself, I better stop! Keep your chin up and know that you arent in this alone!

I applaud you on making the donation in leu of flowers-- that shows a real since of character in you.

 

[dznystar]

I know that this board has been a huge support system for me, and I'm sure that all fellow disers would agree that this will be a very magical day for you, and I'm sure that all of your family and friends who won't be there physically, will be there in spirit. I can't even begin to imagine all of the losses you have experienced recently, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if we never know what it may be. I know that your mom probably had some part in your choices, even if she wasn't there to vocalize. I don't even know if this makes any sense. I too will have a difficult time making it down the aisle without tears pouring down my face. Mine seem to come from just about anything lately though. I hope this helps some. just know that your fellow disers will be thinking about you!

 

[Cinderella Fan]

I know how you are feeling - DH's dad passed away 3 weeks before we were to leave for the wedding. DFIL has been battling a disease called Scleroderma for about 8 months before the wedding, but had been dealing pretty well with the disease, despite the fact that it is so agressive (they call it the "Mummy disease" as it turns your skin and muscles to stone). Sadly, he lost his battle the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This made for a very heart wrenching decision as to whether or not to continue with our wedding.

For many weeks, family and friends were very understanding with our need for time to make such a decision. However, there were those who couldn't keep their feelings to themselves and let us know "we should have done this sooner - we didn't take DFIL into consideration". (We planned this wedding 1 year in advance - DFIL wasn't diagnosed until May of 2006).

In the end, we had to do what was best for us, we went ahead with our wedding. I cried the whole way down the aisle - DFIL wasn't there, even though we had a memory candle for him, and my father was an abusive drug-addict and I haven't spoken to him in over 7 years, so he wasn't even there. But, that didn't help at that moment when I desperately wanted my father to walk me down the aisle, like I had dreamed about when I was a little girl.

The point I am trying to make is that you need to make your own decisions - and those who can't be there in person are there in spirit. And they will be so proud of you for marrying the one that you love, and going ahead with your dream.

It will be hard, but no one will fault you for crying down the aisle. When I watch our video, I don't feel embarassed about it at all. I know that I am thankful that my lost loved ones are still in my heart, and I felt them there on my special day.

Good luck - we are always here if you would like to talk.

 

[MickeyAnne]

Just know that you are not alone in wondering how you will make it through your day with a smile on your face. We can lean on eachother here at the Dis.

 

[JJClemson]

Oh my goodness, I am so so so sorry for all your losses I could not imagine dealing with that. I too would be crying down the aisle. If it happens, I am positive that everyone will understand as it is a very emotional moment anyway. I think donating to the ACS is a wonderful idea. It's such a great organization and much more meaningful than a regular favor. Hang in there sweetie. We're all here for you

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

Im sorry to hear about all your losses.
Its never easy to lose family.
I wish I had that magic thing to say that would make you feel better, but I dont.....all I can say is that as long as you are happy, they would be happy for you & thats the most important thing!
If you cry, dont worry, besides lots of couples cry at their own weddings...it can be a very emotional time. Mine was nerves!
you will be fine and everything will be great & if you need to talk some more, feel free to come back .....we all love to help & support each other here

 

[dreams91]

I cried the entire way down the aisle. I lost my dad (unexpectedly) two years before the wedding and it was really hard on me. I was fine when I made it to the altar and Rev Day gave me his hankie.

 

[DisneyFairy19]

WOW sweetheart... Its ok to cry down the aisle... I have seen so many brides do. And you poor thing have been through ALOT... I am so sorry to hear about your story, and I know that they will be there in spirit... remember its ok to cry try no to bottle it in....

 

[aprincess72]

I'm really worried that I won't be able to hold it in controllably as I walk down the aisle. Since Christmas 2004, my Nana died (heart attack), my mom died 5 months later from a long battle with lung cancer (right before our birthday), my Grandpa died (diabetes) a few weeks before our engagment party a few months ago, and DF father died (heart attack) last September.

Everyone says that they will be there in spirit but I am concerned with not being able to make it down, or my own father for that matter. I don't want to be upset or make my family upset. And it makes me feel weird that I will know what they are all thinking as I make the walk----they should have been here---I can here it now...

This is supposed to be happy and sometimes like today I get in this kind of mood and wonder if Mom would like the cake we picked out and if she would splurge for the twinkle lights. We began planning an imaginary wedding when I was 18! She would have loved actually doing it.

We will be donating money to the American Cancer Society in her name in leiu of favors. (They have awesome stuff if anyone wants to check it out) I thought it would be more meaningful that way.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent a little on a day like today. Thanks.

There is nothing wrong with crying down the aisle!
I think it's great that you are doing the donations in lieu of favors. It's a fantastic idea!.
I lost my grandmother ten years ago. Now I know that seems like a long time but to me it feels like yesterday. We were incredibly close and she really nurtured my Disney obsession. I cry when I watch the parades at Disney because all I can think about are all the times we watched them together. When I was little I would beg her to brush my hair before Mickey got there in case he saw me. I know that there is no one else in my family who would love to be at my Disney wedding more than my grandma. I'm doing a tribute to her by having her favorite flowers placed in a chair just for her. I'm also considering having the violinist play "Second Star to the Right" in her honor. I don't think I can make it through that without balling but I'm ok with that.

So I say, enjoy your day and live your day and all the emotions it brings. Laugh, cry, and know that you have all those angels around you.

 

[JandJ]

I'm sorry, I know how you feel My mom passed unexpectedly 4 months before our wedding. She was my best friend and I miss her every day. On my wedding day I didn't think I would make it - I actually totally lost it the day before and cried ALL day! On my wedding day I held it together and actually smiled because I knew mom was there and she was happy for me. Rev. Jack said a prayer for her and I had a rose in a memorial vase next to my daddy. I kept thinking "mom wouldn't want me to cry and ruin my make-up and the pictures" and that helped me get through it. Not to say you won't feel sad, or maybe even cry, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a very emotional time anyway, and you have a lot on you that makes it more emotional. Breathe deep, enjoy your day, and think of the happier memories with your loved ones.

BTW, today has been a bad "Mom day" for me. I miss her all the time, but some days are a lot worse than others, some days I only think of happy memories, but today has been an all-time low "miss Mom" day, so I sympathize.

 

[phisigprincess]

Honestly, I thought I would never make it without crying. I cry at every wedding I see. I cry reading about weddings on the DIS. Strangely enough, I didn't cry when i got married. You'll be so excited and so thrilled that maybe you won't cry. I thought I would be a mess over my grandma not being there, but in all honesty, I cry more now, almost a year later than I did that day. Here's for hoping your adrenaline is so high you'll be fine. And if you're not, that's ok too!!!!

 

[Belle1981]

I would not worry at all about crying. It is completely acceptable you have been through a lot and life does move on but those people will always be in your heart. I expect to lose it as well. Stay strong and know that whatever is meant to happen will and it you bawl or do not shed a tear they will all be looking down on you!

 

[JonetteA]

I really thought I would be a mess to with my mom have passed away and my grandfather. Quite honestly that day I was fine. Well, until I saw Fantasia Sam and my dad started crying as I was walking down the aisle. I threatened to bop my dad over the head with my flowers. Sam, well for her there was nothing I could do! =)

 

[luna99]

I told my DF just the other day that I hope when I cry (not IF, but WHEN) that it's a kind of controlled cry and I don't get too bad.... so I know what you mean.

Not only will I be crying just because I'm a SUPER emotional person... but the moment when it's really going to hit me is when my father gives me away and if I think about my best friend who passed away summers ago. I have three best girlfriends and one won't be able to make it, the other passed away, and the third one will hopefully be there .. but it just won't be the same as having them all there.

I think it's ok to cry.. make sure you wear your waterproof mascara though.. but I think crying a little is only going to make the ceremony that much more beautiful and special.....

****Hugs*****

 

[bridegirl]

I'm so sorry for your losses. Losing loved ones certainly tempers what is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. I lost my dad suddenly of a heart attack when he was pretty young (49) so he wasn't there for my wedding day, and I'm sorry to say, that the sadness doesn't end there. As we had children and they are now growing up, it's always sad that he isn't a part of it. But I know that he is with me and when I see my kids make a certain facial expression that only he made, I know he is here is many ways, and as I get older I appreciate what he has meant to my life even more.

For our wedding, I had decided to walk up the aisle alone and I didn't want to bawl and ruin my makeup, so...I got up early that morning, let myself go to that unhappy place, thought about it, talked about it, got hysterical crying...then I eventually calmed down. About an hour later the puffiness and redness was gone and I started my makeup and hair. I made it up the aisle without crying and only really lost it when my uncle (my dad's brother) got up to do his reading because he looks like my dad and sounds just like my dad and that was just too much for me to hold it in.

Try not to worry about crying, as so many have posted, it's a totally acceptable part of your wedding day. Or get up early and cry it out like I did. Sending you hugs and best wishes for a magical day.

Pixie dust,

Susy

 

[Jumpin'Jellyfish]

Before this thread drifts down and off the first page, I just wanted to thank all of you for your support and even though I don't know any of you your kind words and the sharing of your memories good and bad gives me the strength I need....thanks again.

Erica