Creating a parenting plan, help!

[Singleminnie]

I am in the process of a divorce and creating a parenting plan for our children. Those of you who have gone through this process do you have any suggestions I should include when it comes to visitation, child support, etc. Right now I am the custodial parent and I expect this to continue. I have thought about adding, "first right of refusal". Does anyone have any other suggestions? I am open to any suggestions, because I would like to get it right the first time so I won't be back in court in the future. Thanks

 

[C.Ann]

I'm sure some folks who are going through this now (or have recently) will come up with some good ideas.. (My divorce from my first husband was way back in the 70's and a lot has changed..)

Just make sure you try to cover all of your bases on the first go-round because modifying court orders after the fact can be very difficult and time consuming..

Good luck!

 

[RachelEllen]

First of all, I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I'm a step-mom, so I've dealt in depth with this issue from that perspective. It's hard to give suggestions without knowing more about your circumstances, which, I would understand you being reluctant to expand on. But, please ignore any of this that doesn't apply. (For example, when you say you have custody ,I'm not sure if you mean mostly or all)

Here are some general things I've learned from dealing with our plan and helping a friend propose his:

1) Try to keep it simple. You'll want to balance out holidays and birthday, but try to picture how your week will look. Don't make switch times disruptive, during dinner or close to bed-time, for example.

2) Try not to have to count on the other person. There are multiple deadlines in our agreement. Ex-wife is consistent about choosing things on the very day of her deadline. Within her rights, and, I'm sure just done out of convienance rather than malice, but its maddening to try to be planning summer vacation, when she can wait until June 1st to declare her days.

3) Will there be religious differences? Our order states that a parent cannot interfere or refuse to allow the other parent to expose the child to their religion. I think that's a nice provision. Either way, if its an issue, it should be addressed.

4) Are you kids old enough to travel yet? Dh was divorced when DSS was a baby. Now, he's older and family trips are fun. However, weeks get so chopped up that its hard to plan time away together. Just consider the balance of not wanting kids away too long vs the disadvanage of not having blocks of time with them.

That's all that comes to mind at this point, but if you want to PM or post with anything more specific, I'd be glad to give you our living with it perspective.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I'm sure your lawyer will have a detailed list but just a few things that you should have addressed initially to save you any headaches later:

Child support - how much and for how long (some states allow it until the child is 21 and some until age 18 or upon high school graduation). Also should child support be reduced or increased when a child reaches a certain age or milestone (enter kindergarten for example).
Child care expenses - who pays daycare costs
Health insurance - who provides it and who pays what percentage of out of pocket expenses
Visitation - spell it out in DETAIL so there is no question about what days the child/ren are where. DH and his ex alternate major holidays - he gets them for Thanksgiving on odd years and she gets them on even years then Xmas is the opposite.
Phone visitation - how often can the parent who does not have the children with them call the children when they are away with the other parent
Emergencies - have a plan in place in case of emergency. My friend went thru a nasty divorce and had a "hurricane clause" put in so that if their city was under a hurricane watch or warning then all visitation with her ex was cancelled and the child had to be returned to the custodial parent immediately.
Right of First Refusal - if the parent who has the children with them has to leave the children for more than X hours then they have to first offer the other parent the opportunity to take care of the children.
Taxes - who claims the child/ren on their income tax

I'm sure there are more. Trying to mentally remember what DH is having his attorney change now since the original agreement with his ex was so vague.

Good luck. DH and his ex had the typical messy divorce. My ex and I had a very amicable divorce (he's still one of my best friends) BUT we spelled out every single detail we could think of so that if there ever came a time when we had to have it spelled out for us then it was already done.

The more you agree to NOW the less you have to fight about it LATER. Do yourself a favor and put as many specifics into this as you can. Be sure to keep it fair to both sides but most importantly remember that this is about the children and what is best for them so let that be in the front of your mind when coming up with all of the specifics.

 

[pennymom]

As a teacher, I know that many parents have agreements about homework and long-term assignments, but don't know if they were part of an official/legal parenting plan. For example, if they are with you Mon-Thurs, you are responsible for getting that homework done. Your ex would then take responsibility for getting weekend homework done and not sending unfinished homework home to you with the children at bedtime on Sunday night.

Also, let the teachers know the parts of the plan that will apply before and after school, if applicable.

 

[Bren's Mom]

First, remember that this is a piece of paper and that you can't write down every single if, how or when of a child's life, in advance, and then divide by 2. Doesn't happen that way. So while, yes, a parenting plan is a necessary part of a custody agreement what is MORE important is for both parents to be committed to putting their child first and to being flexible and not making a big deal out of small things. I sincerely hope that's the case for both you and your ex. I know it is the case for my dh and his ex, and myself now. Dss is older now and we try to go with the flow as much as possible.

One thing lacking in my dh's custody agreement is camp. We have always felt that dss shouldn't be home alone, like when he was 10, 11, etc. all day long during the summer. All 3 of us work full-time. We were willing to pay for 1/2 of camp, his mom was not. She was happy to let him sit all day, eat and watch TV. Sad. We did send him to camp for 2 weeks but he wasn't at all happy with that because he would have rathered sit in front of the TV and eat all day. So adding in the if the custodial parent feels child care during the summer is necessary that the cost be split between the 2 parents. (With the other parent having the option of simply being home with the child, of course.)

 

[claudia]

this might be helpful:
http://singleparents.about.com/od/successfulcoparenting/ss/parenting_plan.htm

 

[Singleminnie]

this might be helpful:
http://singleparents.about.com/od/successfulcoparenting/ss/parenting_plan.htm

Thanks I will use these! Love the squirrels! I wonder if I could get a back rub too!