Crazy Griever Update, No. 2

[house_of_princesses]

Well, after having been chastised by so many here , I will say: I know I am not crazy, just crazed, shocked. However, I will continue to use my nickname just so you know it's me posting.

The wake was Wednesday, funeral yesterday. I didn't want Wednesday to end. John & I are such social people, and seeing everyone, talking about him, hugs from all.... I won't say I enjoyed it, but since God said I had to be there, it was not as grueling as I had imagined it might be. I wilted twice, but someone came to my rescue.

I dreaded Thursday. The finality of everything scared me. Our two older girls wrote letters to their Daddy & our pastor/friend read them out loud. My dad spoke and I really thought that would tear me up, but he has such a gift for speech. He made me smile. An old friend (whom I had never met) got up and continued to make me smile. As he said, he knew John during their Wonder Years, Wonder if they'll make it out alive. (Something like that.) My SIL read for her DH, my twin-in-law.

Then I got up and spoke.

I spoke truthfully, pointedly, and did not faulter. Strength beyond all understanding propped me up. If there is one thing I wanted to do for my Husband, it was to speak that day to our marriage. How it had blossomed into something wonderful, the way God intended holy unions to be. Yes, my hands shook, I breathed deep frequently, but I accomplished the task that was placed on my heart.

Then I ReALLy wilted.

But I surrvived, and will continue to do so. I have purposed to raise our children in the manner my husband & I set out. They will know his ideals, his values. Hopefully, in their adult lives, they will choose his way, the high road, to live their lives.

Yes, I sound calm and collected right now. There are times when my clarity of mind astounds me. But then I hear his car door, him throwing his slippers in the closet, his chair being put in the recline position. I think I hear him waking up, the water running in our bathroom upstairs. All these things bring me to my knees. The void I feel is indescribable. And I fear it will only grow.

Well, this not so Crazy Griever, is going into melt down.

Thank you all for your words of comfort, support. Today my twin-in-law and I will be spending some time together, then he and his wife head back to MN. The aloness scares me, too. We both love to have people around. And now, save for our girls, I am too alone.

Vicki

 

[Lars624]

I don't know what to say to you Vicki other than that I admire your grace & strength. I can only offer {{{hugs}}} and support and an ear if you need one.

 

[Serena]

I'm so impressed I'm speechless. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Credit Man]

May God's love and comfort see you through these trying times.

 

[faith]

Your words are eloquent. I wish you comfort in your memories and stength to help you take things one day at a time.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hang in there, everyone grieves in there own way

 

[NHAnn]

((hugs))

 

[heath dog]

Your words are a true testiment to the man he was and the marriage you had! You have such amazing strength that will carry you through the hard process this is.

 

[Wagamama]

{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

 

[WDWLVR]

Vicki - that was beautiful. I'm sure that you will do a wonderful job raising the girls and that your DH will stay alive in your heart and theirs.

The days ahead will be hard and lonely - there is no denying that. It sounds, however, that you are as prepared as can be.

Don't forget to take care of yourself, you deserve it!

 

[PamOKW]

How do I stand and applaud on the Internet?

You are going through a tough time but you are doing it with a clear head and a realistic understanding of what you face. With God and your family you'll make it.

If you find yourself alone, scared, or just in need of a laugh, come here. They're open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

 

[Pooh93]

{{HUGS}} and prayers for you and the girls. Take care.

 

[browneyes]

And now, save for our girls, I am too alone.

{{hugs}} You are never alone when you have so many people IRL and here that care about you. {{hugs}}

 

[figmentvi]

Vicki, you are a brave and wonderful woman. I admire your courage. May God continue to bless you with strength.

{{HUGS}}

Linda

 

[shamrock bunch]

You are such a strong woman, I'm sure your husband is so proud of you. I don't know what I would do in that situation, and I have 2 little ones.

 

[DMickey28]

You are such a strong woman, it is apparent in your words. The most important thing for you and your girls to do is to continue to live and make your husband proud and secure in your success. We are always here for you, to talk or cry or laugh.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
and
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} for your little girls

 

[lizzie64]

Vicki,
I can't even find the words to describe what I'm feeling right now. I so admire you and how you've handled this tragic blow you've been dealt.

You have amazing strength and I'm sure you will continue to be strong. Remember to take care of yourself, and come here as often as you'd like to release if you need to.

God Bless you and your girls.

Liz

 

[oldkicker]

I wish nothing but joy, wonderful memories and the love and comfort that a loving family can bring for you and your girls.

 

[helenabear]

Vicki ,I am so astonished by your strength you show. God bless you and your family {{{hugs}}}

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Okay I am crying now. That was just beautiful. It reminds me of how strong my mom was when my dad passed away, and she too, raised me with my dad's values fully intact.

{{{HUGS}}}

At my dad's funeral I picked one of the songs to be sung. Our neighbor's daughter sang in our church and had such a wonderful voice. This was when Amy Grant was just really making it big in Christian music. The song I picked was Thy Word, not just because of God's word lighting my path by my own father's words lighting my path.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.

When I feel afraid,
And think I’ve lost my way.
Still, you’re there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.

I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to your side,
And I will love you to the end.

Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
And a light unto my path.
You’re the light unto my path.



Remember you are never, ever alone. Continued prayers for you and your family.