Couple travel questions traveling with a nervous child

[TeachGeekLove]

Hi! I'm going to Disney World for the first time with my son, and he has a lot of worries. One of those worries is being separated and kidnapped. When he was younger, I thought about purchasing those "Mommy here I am" shoe alarms, but now that he's 7 I don't know what to get him to help him feel safe. Any ideas?

He's also super nervous about traveling on a plane, any advice?

Also, I think getting him one of those straps that helps attach a stuffed animal to a bag. Any idea what those are called or where to get one? lol I obviously don't travel much (it's been a decade).

 

[Hannathy]

First lay off the stranger danger talks!!! someone has him extremely paranoid for a 7 yr old!!

Explain to him that for all the millions of visitors that go to Disney there has never been a child kidnapped!! never ever!

tell him that there are CM's all over the place that he can go to if he ever needed anything . If he is still worried I would get a cheap pay as you go cell phone and tell him he can carry that at Disney so he would always be able to reach you!

I'm curious don't you go to zoo's or the mall? doesn't he know at 7 to stay with you? why would you need a strap?

As for the plane again tell him the safety statistics and how much safer it is to fly than to drive or ride a bike or even walk.
Talk up how much fun it will be and how you can get to the fun so much faster.

Children pick up and copy the vibe they get off of us. Make sure you aren't showing him any of these fears yourself. You have to be confident and reassuring. do not let him think you feel any of these things could or will happen.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

The unknown can make a lot of people feel on edge. While this doesn't address his specific worry of being separated from you, one thing I recommend to parents of children who are on the autism spectrum is to watch lots of videos on youtube. You can find videos of rides, shows, and just about anything Disney related. Seeing ahead of time what they might experience helps make them less anxious. I think that could help your son.

For the anxiety about getting separated, give him something that has your cell phone number on it. Even if he has the number already memorized, if he were to get separated from you, he might get so upset he'd have trouble remembering it. Tell him to find a CM and give them the cell number. I went to one of those pet tag engraving machines at Walmart and had a tag made up with my cell number and my DD wore it as a necklace.

 

[kohlby]

We have a strap that we attach to our stroller. That way, a child can hold it and feel more secure. However, if the 7 year old doesn't have younger siblings, then there's a good chance you won't have a stroller. ANY strap can work. I wouldn't do the stuffed animal backpack, as they're more for young kids. You could attach a piece of rope to your backpack for him to hold onto when he feels nervous. Make it him holding on to you when he feels the need, not the other way around. (Make sure the rope isn't too long - you don't want it to get caught up in other people).

My middle child gets anxiety easily. No one has created these worries for her, but getting lost is a real concern for her - and telling her what to do didn't really calm her. However, her knowing that she had a parent assigned to her did help, as did the strap on the stroller.

I'd be cautious with the You Tube videos. They did help my eldest before he went at 3. And they did help my middle child. However, the lighting isn't always the best and they can make things look worse than they are to some kids - especially with how the sound is often off on those. They made it worse for my youngest. Watch them first and decide if you think they would make it better or worse for your child. The Disney planning video, however, does have better sound and lighting and was fine for the kids to all see.

 

[Mannickb]

When my daughters were younger, I made bracelets with them with our cell phone number. My girls love to fly so I can't help you on this one but maybe talk to Jim about the Movies on board, the snacks and the games you will play. Kids like to watch the clouds from above so you can choose him a seat with a window... And for the other Stuff, disney is not more dangerous than all the other places you go, it's just crowded... At 7, i would not worry...

 

[seus-mouse]

A whistle,( there's a nice one in the sporting goods dept at Wally world.), and little flashlight on a lanyard helped my nervous nephew when he was little. We taught him S.O.S. on the whistle and that it was only for emergencies.

He added a little compass from the dollar store later on.


Have fun,

Holly

 

[TeachGeekLove]

Thank you for all the input!

@Hannathy: Reread the post. I didn't say I wanted a strap to him. The strap that you hitch a stuffed animal to a carry on bag. As for stranger danger, our house was broken into last year and we had an issue with a neighbor (seriously, it's a nice neighborhood, I don't want to explain and make it sound like a horrible place), so even with my promotion of confidence and safety, he's developed some fears and I don't blame him. Every time I try to help it backfires. For instance, he was paranoid someone was going to come into his room at night, so you know how parents use "monster spray?" Well, similarly to build confidence, I got him this spy tool, a motion sensor. And it went off randomly in the middle of the night, making his fear worse. Ugh.

Talking about safety statistics...just makes him fear walking in the street or driving!

@Maggie's Mom: Thank you for picking up on what I didn't say, and for your input!

@kohlby: No, no, thank you though. I'm not looking for a child leash (seriously, there's no nicer way to put that =P ) Just one of those straps that go on a carry on that a kid can attach a stuffed animal to. I have no idea what it's called. I really do no travel.

@seus: A whistle and compass! Fantastic ideas!

 

[JillyBean1899]

Not sure how much money you're looking to spend, but this seems like it would be perfect for you guys: FiLIP

From the website:

Every parent wants their kid to explore, discover and just be a kid. But imagine if we could stay in touch along the way. FiLIP is a world first device which has re-imagined smartphone voice and location technology for children. The colorful wristwatch is a patent-pending marriage of GPS, cell tower location and Wi-Fi triangulation, safely combined into one small device.

It's basically a very very basic cell phone (it can only call 5 pre-programmed numbers, and can only receive calls from those same 5 numbers), plus it has an app you can put on your phone that will locate your child. No, it won't tell you which stall in the bathroom at Disney they're in, but it will tell you if they're by Dumbo or by Little Mermaid.

It also has what amounts to a "panic button". Again, from the website:

There are two buttons on the FiLIP watch – one that’s the same color as the wristband and one that’s red. You can guess which one is the emergency button.
In the event of an emergency, your child can press the red button for 3 seconds. This will:
1) Initiate a call to the primary account holder. If there is no answer, FiLIP will call all of the designated numbers until one of them answers.
2) Start call recording.
3) Update the location of the FiLIP watch every 60 seconds until the emergency is canceled.
Give FiLIP’s emergency mode a try with your child to make sure you both know what to do in case of emergency.

Now, the downside ... it's $200 up front (but you get a $100 bill credit after 45 days of service), and $10/month for unlimited minutes, text (it receives but doesn't send), and locations. There's no contract, so if you only want to activate it certain months out of the year, you can do that. It's on AT&T, but the app for the parent Android/iPhone device works on any network.

It seems like this is a perfect device for the "I want a little space" but "too young for a cell phone" crowd. And it doesn't look goofy or childish, it looks like (and acts like) a watch most of the time. Plus it's pretty hard to lose as long as he doesn't take it off (it's water resistant, but it's not recommended for swimming/bathing).

 

[MandiC]

At 7 I would make sure to reassure him with a plan. A 'tracking device' won't necessarily make him feel any more secure should he become separated from you, seems like something that would just make the adults feel more secure so if you want it by all means but I don't think it'd help him. In the morning at each park (or at home looking at maps) explain a meeting spot in each park that if you ever get separated you would meet there (look for big things he will remember (carousel or Mickey/Walt statue by the castle in MK, Spaceship Earth in Epcot, ect) or explain to him how to identify the cast members and tell him those are safe people to ask for help from.

The plane, all you can do is explain that planes are a very safe form of travel. Make sure to tell him his ears will feel funny on take-off/landing. My 7 year old is also fairly nervous and she did freak out, oddly enough she freaked out more on our return flight. There isn't much you can do tbh other than reassure (I did give her gum/snacks/drinks as suggested), it's just something that happens. There are adults that hate flying no matter how many times they've gone so you really can't blame kids for not liking it.

 

[mjkacmom]

@kohlby: No, no, thank you though. I'm not looking for a child leash (seriously, there's no nicer way to put that =P )!

Well, you could call it by it's actual name, a harness... For someone who's child appears to have some severe anxiety, calling it a leash seems a bit judgemental.

Has your child seen a therapist? I know kids with anxiety, and it doesn't seem to get any better as they get older, without help (and you said that when you try to help, it just makes things worse, so an outsider might help more).

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Well, you could call it by it's actual name, a harness... For someone who's child appears to have some severe anxiety, calling it a leash seems a bit judgemental.

Has your child seen a therapist? I know kids with anxiety, and it doesn't seem to get any better as they get older, without help (and you said that when you try to help, it just makes things worse, so an outsider might help more).

I think a 7 year old is far too old for the leash backpacks. I agree with the therapist recommendation. If you child has many anxieties, this can help. You need to uncover the cause.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think a 7 year old is far too old for the leash backpacks. I agree with the therapist recommendation. If you child has many anxieties, this can help. You need to uncover the cause.

I agree 7 is (way) too old, I was referring to calling the harness a leash. I found them very useful when I was wrangling two toddlers on my own!

 

[Maggie'sMom]

2 things:

1) I have a feeling the OP already knows what is behind her son's anxieties but didn't want to or feel a need to share it all in her post.

2) The OP has explained that she isn't asking about a child leash or harness, but rather a way to tether a stuffed animal to a carryon.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

as for being in parks, I would start by giving your child a card with numbers to get you and others in your group. then show him the cast members to show this card to if he gets separated from you. make sure he knows to stop and find a cast member and not to keep looking for you. if he stops you can find him quicker than him finding you and the finding is your job even if he is the one that got lost. being prepared with skills is half the battle. in the small park I work at most kids try to find parents because they, the child, got lost. we have a code that goes over our radios that tells us a child is missing and to be on lookout. it is not done over pa to whole park

 

[Pesky]

I think giving him coping skills, as others have mentioned, can aid him not just overcoming his fears regarding his upcoming trip but looking for solutions in the future as other fears crop up. My DD also tends to be a bit of a worry-wart, to the point of being very far-fetched ("what if everyone doesn't like me tomorrow?"). Now my approach of saying "what if an asteroid comes down and blows me up right while I'm talking to you? AHHHHHH!" and then we laugh and talk about not borrowing trouble, probably isn't a good approach in all situations. So I think you help him by addressing his fear straight on and having HIM think up solutions. "Okay, let's say it does happen. There are a lot of people and we get separated. What can you do then?" Go through strategies like not wandering and remaining where he is, contacting a CM, having your phone #s if he can use a phone, perhaps in a store, taking a deep breath and calming down. "Now what if the CM wants to take you to the safety area?" Your DS might not be ready and could be prepared to say "I'd rather wait here for a few minutes longer as I'm sure my parents are looking for me." And after pointing out that while HIGHLY unlikely in such crowds in WDW, then go on to his other fears with "Okay, we are separated and a bad man tries to drag you away. Now what?" There are lots of people and he screams "you aren't my dad! Let go!" (that tells people specifically what is up and he's more likely to get aid with that), blowing a safety whistle, biting and kicking in the crotch, etc. Basically by going through his fears and not belittling them, but rather showing he has problem-solving ability to address and confront those fears, he may start feeling more confident.

As for the plane, point out it is safer to travel in a plane than just about by any other way. Perhaps see if you can find a book to explain what happens so he knows that sound and bump is the landing gear being retracted or lowered, that his ears will feel pressure on ascent and descent, etc. And I fully agree with giving him something to make him feel safe. I also find getting absorbed in a calming movie or music can help as well. And definitely be ready with a little reward at the end for being a rock star champ which could be as simple as picking the door you will use to go into the monorail.

 

[HopperFan]

How about taking the stuffed animal he would like to take to a pet store and get a cute harness for it then use a key ring or carabiner where the leash would normally go. Make it fun, easily accessible and movable. Him picking one out empowers him.

Are you staying onsite? He will have a magicband that connects to your account aka name phone hotel. He could go up to any cast member and have them scan for help in locating you. On same note take a sharpie and write your cell on inside of band. Again gives him hidden connection.

Is he going to do autograph book? I put my DS first name, our hotel and my cell number in front. He could carry in his backpack (assuming the stuffed animal bag is for him to carry.) If not how about a fanny pack he can put book in. You could put his whistle (although I would tell him no blowing it unless an emergency) in pack/bag. Maybe each night show him map of where you are going and put in his bag. All that and band give him unobvious ways to feel safe and contact you via cast members if you get split up.

Disney may be busy but so safe with thousands of cast members ready to help!!!

Fear is often tempered with knowledge. Go to YouTube. Look up videos by Big Fat Panda. He does amazing video of everything at Disney and has the most calming comfy voice. He would get comfortable with what to expect from one of best video guys out there!

Plane: Any chance you know a Pilot or Flight Attendant that could talk to him, or he can relate to. My BIL is one and pre-9/11 took my DS in cockpit. Before he flew. Can't do now but maybe comfort to talk to him.

Hope he has a magical trip!

 

[Dani C]

Basically by going through his fears and not belittling them, but rather showing he has problem-solving ability to address and confront those fears, he may start feeling more confident.

I agree with this. Role play often helps, it is why we have fire drills in schools. If he knows what to do, and how to do it, without questions he will be better able to cope if something did happen but also that knowledge could help to ease his fears.

Watch the planning video and point out how to recognize Disney Cast Members by their name badges, etc. they can always help him if you get lost.

You can get luggage straps in the luggage section of most stores. These generally help people identify their bags but have other uses as well. Also consider buying a pet harness from the pet department. You can use a collar or other method to attach it to a handle or strap on his carry on luggage.

Best of luck and enjoy making memories.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

remember that at airport security, he can not carry a stuffed animal. it will have to go thru scanner like other carry ons. no one even kids can carry anything thru security. also he can not touch scanner as he walks thru or itwill go off and he will be patted down. my grandsons found that more scarier than anything else on the trip

 

[msmama]

I'm a big fan of books to get through any situation. Head to the library and see what you can find about flying and WDW.

I admit I am not a happy flyer. I do it...regularly even, but I do NOT enjoy it. One of the most enjoyable flights I ever had though was when I was sitting next to an amateur pilot. He told me everything that was happening and what all the noises were and he told me how it felt flying through turbulance etc (I'm not sure if he could tell I was nervous or was just a talker, honestly).

I understand that he might want to take a stuffed buddy into the park, but I'd be terrified of losing it. Maybe you could bribe him with a NEW stuffed friend in the park (they have cute little duffy bears that hang on bags or something). Plus, I imagine everyone will get tired of carrying it around.

My son claims to be afraid of just about everything so it makes rides difficult, though I do talk to him through the rides (very quietly) so that he knows there is nothing to be afraid of. And he usually ends up thinking everything wasn't as bad as he was afraid it'd be.

Also, when my son was little I made a pet tag for him at Petco with my name and cell number. If he knows how to contact you if he does get separated maybe that will ease his fear. And explain that if he does get lost, you will find him. Explain to him what the procedure is (maybe go to the nearest store or whatever works for you). Maybe as long as he knows that even if he does get lost he will get found he'd be okay.

 

[ozziejen2000]

We ordered some silicone wristbands that you can put your phone # and name on. They are still cool with the kids that age.

I know that some kids are worry warts too. Sometimes they need a little densensitizing before hand. I think that you should try a zoo or something close to you before you go.

We let our child pack they own backpack before we leave. It is one time that we let them splurge on DS time on the plane. It keeps them quiet and distracted too. Perhaps getting a new toy or book or something that he wants will keep him busy for awhile.

I am sorry that he is worried about things but I can see how your house got broken into would have him on edge.

We have a rule as we live near Disney CA, find another mom or a cast member if they get lost. I am always more vigilant when we go to the park too, my child must stay next to me or in front of me.

One other point, I also dress my child in a bright colored shirt that day too, easier to spot.

Hope that you have a wonderful trip.