Could this "family" possibly be any meaner?? Update Pg.3

[C.Ann]

DD called awhile ago and was very upset because there was no obituary in the newspaper for her friend (here in our local newspaper) where she has lived for the past 11 years.. She wanted to cut it out and save it and it also annoyed her that without an obituary, there may be some people from this area who would not know that the services were tomorrow - invited or not..

So - that got me to thinking.. I've been checking every day myself and I wondered if they only put it in their own local paper (out of town) so I went on a scavenger hunt.. (Very small town she grew up in..)

I researched every newspaper in that general area and came up with nothing.. Then I got this brainstorm to start moving the date back and bingo! It was in the newspaper there for one day - on last Friday..

Now does this make sense to you? Died on Tuesday - in the paper for one day on Friday - but the services aren't until tomorrow , Monday.. It does say "Friends may call at the church" but I'm pretty sure that means "friends" from down there, not here..

That's not so much what has me upset though (and yes, I did print it out for my DD as well as a number of her other friends and co-workers here) - it's what they put in there..

You see, this young woman's Mom died in her early 40's and they made no mention of her whatsoever!!! Nor did they make any mention of her maternal grandparents, but rather the maternal grandparents of the stepmother!! I couldn't believe my eyes! My DD is going to flip when she sees that..

How could that not even MENTION her mother???

I swear - those people all have to be on crack or something..

 

[m&m's mom]

This isn't getting any better is it?
Let us know how the funeral service goes.
We'll be thinking about you DD.

 

[Serena]

They really make me sick!

 

[zurgswife]

 

[Randi]

If it's any consolation, the obit is prepared by the funeral home director from a few questions asked of the family. If the stepmom was there, he could have just asked her parents names and assumed they were grandparents. There have been a couple of strange obits in my family lately, and I know it was due to the funeral director not knowing the whole situation and the person giving the info didn't realize that.
I hope your daughter finds only peace at her friend's services.

 

[Divamomto3]

Oh no C. Ann! I hadn't realized your daughter's friend had died.
My thoughts and sympathies to her.

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

Sometimes family members are so distraught with grief at the time of death, that those questions are answered incompletely or incorrectly. Important names and family members are overlooked, not necessarily on purpose. I'm sorry the obit for your DD's friend was not accurate.

A coworker's DH lost his fight with pancreatic cancer two weeks ago. She called another coworker to fill us in and told her everything would be private. They didn't want visitors or flowers or anything from outside the family. I looked over following 4 days of obits and didn't see one for this man. Obviously he had friends other than family members, but if no obit was placed they would not now other than by word of mouth. I'm not sure if an obit has to be submitted to the newpaper, or maybe I missed it.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by iNTeNSeBLue98
Sometimes family members are so distraught with grief at the time of death, that those questions are answered incompletely or incorrectly. Important names and family members are overlooked, not necessarily on purpose. I'm sorry the obit for your DD's friend was not accurate.

-----------------------------------

Under any other circumstances, I "might" be inclined to think along those lines but unfortunatley there is a "history" involved here (which I won't go into, but it would make this kind of "mistake" unlikely, to say the least). My DD had gone down there with her friend to the grandfather's funeral (the father's father) last year and the funeral director is a close personal friend.. He is very aware who this young woman's "mother" was - he buried her from his establishment..

The maternal grandparents are still alive.. Wonder if they were "uninvited" too?

 

[Pin Wizard]

Families can be weird. My grandmother died a few months ago. My uncle...I'm presuming...gave the info for the obit. There was no mention of my oldest sister who died 15 years ago, no mention of either of my parents. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Then again...we knew years ago that this uncle is a complete idiot!

 

[FroggyinArk]

i know this is not a laughing thread, and i know this is probably not what happened in this case, , please know that my prayers are continueing for dd and yourself c ann,, but i have to mention this because it just seams to fit here,,

when my mothers step mom died , my granddad and mom were the ones who gave theinfo at t he funeral home to the paper for the obit,, they had a form to fill in survivors etc,,, papa wasnt paying attention and niether was mom,, when the form got sent in,, they had listed papa, mom, her sister, all the grand children, both his and hers,, and all the sisters and brothers to moms step mom,, they listed her mom, her family that had preceded her in death,, and it wasnt until we saw the finished list in the paper,, that we realized that some how niether mom or papa had noticed that this fine ladies own three children, from her previous marriage, yup you guessed it,, not on the list at all,, no mention of anty of the three,, listed the grand kids but not the kids

 

[LauraR]

Well, this really seems in keeping with their previous atrocious behavior. I hope your DD makes it through the services tomorrow O.K. It's going to be hard enough dealing with her grief, I hope she doesn't have to absorb anymore emotional blows from those people.

 

[N.Bailey]

After all these people have done, I don't know why this shocks you so much. Heck, it should be expected by now! It's so sad for their daughter, and every bit as sad for your daughter. I only hope your daughter is able to go to services without them causing a scene. No one needs that!

If it does help any, in my small town, obituaries only run one day here. Maybe, just maybe, that's how it is in their town too? That doesn't excuse them from not running an ad in a local paper where this girl lived, and it certainly does NOT excuse them from not mentioning this girl's mother.

What a sad situation you have on your hands.

 

[KimRaye]

to answer the thread title, simply put, YES. And don't be surprised if they are, which I know you won't be.

More {{HUGS}} and prayers C.Ann.

 

[poohandwendy]

Wow, they really are a piece of work...that really stinks! How is your DD doing Cann? This has got to be really tough watching your DD go through so much recently...

 

[missypie]

Around here, family members write the entire obit, and they pay by the word, like a classified.

Several years ago a young woman was DUI on the wrong side of a highway and caused not only her death, but several others. There was such a deep rift in her family that her (divorced) parents placed two different obits, which appeared one after the other in the paper. They even held two different services, fighting at the funeral home over which side would have the body at their service.

 

[HollyJoy]

So sorry that you are having to deal with such a mean family. They sound very messed up.

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by missypie
Around here, family members write the entire obit, and they pay by the word, like a classified.

Several years ago a young woman was DUI on the wrong side of a highway and caused not only her death, but several others. There was such a deep rift in her family that her (divorced) parents placed two different obits, which appeared one after the other in the paper. They even held two different services, fighting at the funeral home over which side would have the body at their service.

I remember that.

My understanding about obits around here is that they are by request, not mandatory.

I'm sorry about your dd's friend, C.Ann.

 

[believe]

I hope it gets better for your daugther. I will say that we didn't do an obituary for my Mom. It was her choice to only have those personally invited and if you publish it others, who aren't invited, would come. My Uncle didn't publish one for other reasons.

 

[C.Ann]

Well, I'm assuming my DD and her DH are on their way by now.. It's a long drive and it's going to be a VERY long day for me - waiting and worrying about what's happening down there..

I'm so glad that my son-in-law is with her.. I know he'll do the right thing - remain quiet and supportive (if that's what's in my DD's best interest) - and/or stand up to ANYONE who tries to hurt her anymore than she's already been hurt..

I really, REALLY hope that the "family" doesn't start anything.. I already have so much anger built up inside of me I feel like I'm going to explode.. It would be hard enough for my DD to deal with her grief and loss under normal circumstances - add all this other garbage and she becomes a walking time bomb..

The wicked stepmother just had to get in another cheap shot.. Made sure that my DD knew that the "family" had invited other friends and co-workers to come by the house and pick out something of this young woman's to have as a remembrance - but DD was NOT invited.. DD asked if she could at least have any photos of her DD (my granddaughter) that were taken when they went on their yearly all-girl's vacation and she got a flat out NO.. I cried when my DD told me that..

There's "grief" and then there's meanness and spitefulness.. No one will ever convince me that this behavior is motivated by "grief"..

 

[Beth76]

C.Ann, there has got to be some reason why this woman's family is treating your daughter this way. It just doesn't make sense. Why are they singling out your daughter and going out of their way to be so mean? Does your daughter have a history with this family? I'm sorry that they're making it so difficult for her, but there has to be more to this story.