could learn some manners!!

[PigletFairy]

This might get long, sorry!
DH and I were talking about suvies and what we would like to get for whom. Where ever we go, we usually get some suvie, depending on the budget, for my DSis 11 and DH niece 10 and nephew 6. My sis loves my DH like she loves me (she was 4 when we met). The problem is with his niece and neph... they just never seem to be grateful or apreciate anything we give them. They dont ever say thank you or i love it. We hear "I already have this" or "Why didnt you get this?" This really hurts my DH (how do you think it makes me feel i cant help it i love my Husband). What is sad is I have 3 cousins, all girls 12, 8, 5, who LOVE him and are always asking about DH and hugging him like his niece and nephew should. We have gotten my cousins stuff before and they just seem to apreciate it way more than his niece and nephew ever do. DH doesnt want to spend much money on his niece and nephew and frankly i would rather not spend anything. He would rather buy something for my cousins and sis.

My question is how much would you spend if you must get them something? and what would it be?

We know we dont have to get anything for other people but we just enjoy the kids (my side of the family) and love to see their faces. We love buying for other people and i just could not go somewhere without buying something for my sis.

 

[mytwotinks]

If dh doesn't want to do it and they don't appreciate it I'd spend $0 on them! Give the stuff to your sister and your cousins that will like it!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Why must you get them something?

I used to feel like I had to get souvenirs for my family members when DH and I went on vacation. Something small, and related to our travel location - postcards, scented lotion or bath salts, magnet or pin, etc. But I don't think they appreciated it as much as I did, so I stopped doing it. I'll send a postcard if they like that, but that's about it.

If a DNiece/Nephew of mine were in a position to know that I got small gifts for others but not them, I think I would just say, "Oh, I got them a little something because I knew they would like/appreciate it." If they pressed the issue, I'd explain how their reaction at the previous gift was thoughtless and hurtful, and I didn't want to waste their time and my money again.

 

[PigletFairy]

We are getting small gifts for others that is one of the reasons we must. another is my DH wants to get something small. I am in no possition to say anything, is not my family and i would not like for them to say anything to my kids if i ever had any, DH knows this. I should mention that they dont really care for me i think is because they think that DH doesnt come to visit as often b/c of me. I dont care as long as they are not rude, they usually just ignore me. The parents seem to like me fine and treat me great when i am there.

 

[taximomfor4]

At the ages they are, they only know what they are taught at home, as far as how to show that they are grateful. I grew up without those lessons, and looking back, I cringe at how ungrateful I seemed. But if my aunt, grandma, and best friend's mother had stopped doing things for me, and surprising me, what a bleak existence I would have had! Seriously, my home was not ideal, even abusive. People being generous EVEN THOUGH I didn't act thankful saved me. Sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I think that whether they show it or not, they will eventually (may be a LOOOOONG time) look back and feel truly grateful.

I guess, if you continue to give them surprises, etc, do so because you want to...not for the thanks you may or may not get. Some people don't remember to say thank you until they grow up.

 

[theflowerladee]

If u feel the need to buy them something, I would go small a magnet, notepad or small plush. One year when things were tight and we
felt the need to get the in-laws something, we weren't seeing them
for a few days after we returned, we got them something at the
dis store, same items but cheaper.you could even go to the diz store and
buy them 2/$10 t-shirts. good luck.

 

[FOV]

I think it is very kind of you to buy things for others while you are on vacation. My grandparents and aunts always did this for me when I was a kid and now my parents do it for my kids.

I can tell you that I was always appreciative when I received a gift and I certainly hope I always acted very appreciative - my parents would have KILLED me if I reacted differently! However - more often than not I really didn't like the gift. Before the flames come out let me state very clearly that I do not think this gives a person an excuse to act ungrateful! My parents taught me to smile and be gracious and ALWAYS say thank you regardless of the gift.

As a kid with a somewhat small bedroom that had limited storage space I often felt burdened with little stacking dolls, a little dish with "Niagra Falls" printed on it, a 10-inch tiki statue, orange scented perfume , I won't bore you with more. I had to store this stuff for years because it made me feel too guilty to get rid of it. OP - I am sure you are more creative with your choices of souvenirs than some of my dear relatives however....

If you still want to buy for the "ungratefuls" maybe you could choose something edible or disposable? If that doesn't work then maybe a simple welcome home hug will do the trick!

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't get them anything if they can't appreciate it. And if you feel you must get them something....get the family a box of candy and leave it at that. I would be so hurt if my nephews acted like that. They treat everything I give them like the best thing on the planet. Maybe when they get home the toss it in the junk drawer or tell my SIL how lame it was. But in my presence, they love it. And if they wear something I got them or tell me that they used it, I feel great about it. It makes me want to get them something special everytime. Sometimes its very small nothing like gifts. And they act like they love them even still. The parents of those kids are to blame. They should just say thank you. If you can get away with it, dont get them another thing till they can appreaciate it.

 

[daisyduck123]

If you feel you must get them something, I'd get them each a Mickeyhead Rice Krispie treat - that's ALL!

 

[travelitis]

I wouldn't get the ungratefuls anything. They didn't appreciate what you gave before, so they won't miss souvies, will they? I agree with the edible gift. My dh just got back from deployment and is headed on another. I told him to get the kids candy or pencils. Our kids look forward to sampling candy from different countries, as do I.

 

[aubriee]

Why must you get them something?
If a DNiece/Nephew of mine were in a position to know that I got small gifts for others but not them, I think I would just say, "Oh, I got them a little something because I knew they would like/appreciate it." If they pressed the issue, I'd explain how their reaction at the previous gift was thoughtless and hurtful, and I didn't want to waste their time and my money again.

Gotta agree! Seems like a good teaching moment to me. Last Sept I got my GD a large Stitch plush and a small snow globe from WDW. The plush was way too big to go in my suitcase, so I struggled with and lugged that thing all the way home (stuffing it into the overhead luggage compartment and I mean sqashing it in there) to get it home on the plane thinking how much she'd love it. When I got home she made a comment asking if that was all I got her. I went back a few months later and she asked what I was brining her. I told her that since she didn't like what I brought her the last time what made her think I was bringing her anything back. She looked at me totally shocked and said 'I loved my giant Stitch and my snowglobe. What makes you think I didn't'. When I reminded her of what she had said, she thought for a minute and then gave me a big hug, with tears in her eyes, apologizing, and saying she didn't realize how it sounded when she said it. She was almost in tears, not because I might not bring her something, but because she hadn't even realized she had hurt my feelings. I guess she felt really guilty about it, because she called me during my trip and made a point of telling me not to bring her anything, she just wanted to call to tell me she loved me and missed me. I did bring her another small snowglobe and two medium size ($20.00) plushes. As soon as she saw them she immediately hugged me and told me how much she loved them (and me). My son has said that since then she has always told everyine how much she loves whatever they give her.

 

[stemikger]

If they don't appreciate it, I would not get them anything.

IMHO buying them something really small or insignficant is really not the way to go. I would just stop doing it.

 

[3DisneyKids]

I'd get them a little bag of the chcolate disney coins. $2.50. And as long as they aren't allergic to chocolate---what kid doesn't like chocolate? Either way, I agree with some of the above posters--go with something edible.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Gotta agree! Seems like a good teaching moment to me. Last Sept I got my GD a large Stitch plush and a small snow globe from WDW. The plush was way too big to go in my suitcase, so I struggled with and lugged that thing all the way home (stuffing it into the overhead luggage compartment and I mean sqashing it in there) to get it home on the plane thinking how much she'd love it. When I got home she made a comment asking if that was all I got her. I went back a few months later and she asked what I was brining her. I told her that since she didn't like what I brought her the last time what made her think I was bringing her anything back. She looked at me totally shocked and said 'I loved my giant Stitch and my snowglobe. What makes you think I didn't'. When I reminded her of what she had said, she thought for a minute and then gave me a big hug, with tears in her eyes, apologizing, and saying she didn't realize how it sounded when she said it. She was almost in tears, not because I might not bring her something, but because she hadn't even realized she had hurt my feelings. I guess she felt really guilty about it, because she called me during my trip and made a point of telling me not to bring her anything, she just wanted to call to tell me she loved me and missed me. I did bring her another small snowglobe and two medium size ($20.00) plushes. As soon as she saw them she immediately hugged me and told me how much she loved them (and me). My son has said that since then she has always told everyine how much she loves whatever they give her.

Oh, I LOVED this! What a valuable lesson you've taught her, and what a smart and loving girl she is for getting it on the first time. I love how she's thanking everyone for any gift, not just you who told her, too.

 

[Va-bear]

At the ages they are, they only know what they are taught at home, as far as how to show that they are grateful. I grew up without those lessons, and looking back, I cringe at how ungrateful I seemed. But if my aunt, grandma, and best friend's mother had stopped doing things for me, and surprising me, what a bleak existence I would have had! Seriously, my home was not ideal, even abusive. People being generous EVEN THOUGH I didn't act thankful saved me. Sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I think that whether they show it or not, they will eventually (may be a LOOOOONG time) look back and feel truly grateful.

I guess, if you continue to give them surprises, etc, do so because you want to...not for the thanks you may or may not get. Some people don't remember to say thank you until they grow up.

I agree strongly with this (and thanks for sharing.... it's helps others understand a childs point of view.) Those children dont kow any better, BUT being treated with kindness, no matter what, by others in the family will carry them far (hopefully, far from where they are now...) It doesnt matter how small - just the gesture is meaningful. (At DTD there was a store with little stuffed animals that were slightly "off-season" for half-price....I got several for friends children.) Keep spreading love and kindness and expect nothing back - your gift will be much bigger than the material gift.

 

[littleladykaty]

My immediate thought was "don't bring them anything" but then my social worker side kicked in and the thing is, a lot of times kids are only expressing what is tolerated in their home. If they aren't taught to be appreciative, they aren't going to behave that way. It IS a good time to teach a valuable lesson, but if you are going to bring the other ones gifts and not them, that will seriously lead to "What's wrong with me? Why did they get something and I didn't..." That can have lasting effects on a child's self esteem. It would be like you were hurting their feelings b/c they hurt yours and that isn't a very good lesson either. You love them regardless of their manners and you wouldn't want them to feel any different. I believe you said they were 10 and 6...kids that age don't often know that they are being rude, especially if they are not taught better by their parents. I'm all for personal responsibility in children, but it is not their fault that their parents haven't taught them manners.

As I said before it certainly IS an opportunity to teach them something and I agree that bringing an edible gift might be a good alternative and if they want to know how come or if they say anything other than thank you, you can say "Last time I brought you something you didn't seem to like it very much and didn't want to run the risk of bringing you something you already have, so I brought you something you can eat! I really hope you like it, because we love you so much and wanted you know that were thinking of you"

ALSO, there is nothing wrong at all with saying "It really hurts our feelings when we bring you something and you don't seem very appreciative. It makes us not want to bring you something next time." Being honest with kids about how their actions effect others can be extremely valuable for them. You can even go one further and tell their parents that the kids don't seem to like what we bring them, should we just not bring them anything. That might clue mom and dad in to their kids behavior as well.

You seem very sweet to bring presents to your nieces and nephews. I had an aunt who always did that for us and it meant the world to my sisters and I. Of course if she brought of toilet paper we'd have squealed and thanked and hugged her to pieces b/c we were raised in the South and boy you don't mess with manners in the South...cuz you wouldn't be able to sit for a week if you even dared!

 

[DaisyLynn]

At the ages they are, they only know what they are taught at home, as far as how to show that they are grateful. I grew up without those lessons, and looking back, I cringe at how ungrateful I seemed. But if my aunt, grandma, and best friend's mother had stopped doing things for me, and surprising me, what a bleak existence I would have had! Seriously, my home was not ideal, even abusive. People being generous EVEN THOUGH I didn't act thankful saved me. Sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I think that whether they show it or not, they will eventually (may be a LOOOOONG time) look back and feel truly grateful.

I guess, if you continue to give them surprises, etc, do so because you want to...not for the thanks you may or may not get. Some people don't remember to say thank you until they grow up.

I agree with the above 100%. I would still get the children a small gift.

As a kid with a somewhat small bedroom that had limited storage space I often felt burdened with little stacking dolls, a little dish with "Niagra Falls" printed on it, a 10-inch tiki statue, orange scented perfume , I won't bore you with more. I had to store this stuff for years because it made me feel too guilty to get rid of it. OP - I am sure you are more creative with your choices of souvenirs than some of my dear relatives however....

I can identify with this. I'm 26 years old. Last month I finally got rid of all that stuff that I had collected because of relatives bringing me back things from their vacations. I appreciated it 120%, but have felt bad even now getting rid of these things I've been collecting the last 20 years of my life. I'm also a packrat, so there ya go.

I always LOVED getting small gifts like pencils or cool-shaped erasers and stationary to take to school and show off. I got use out of it and felt so special when receiving those kind of goodies!

 

[PigletFairy]

I agree with a lot of you. And i agree that it comes from the home. i will continue to send them gifts and hope that one day they realize that we care about them. I know DH wishes their parents would humble them but know that will be improbable. He know what his family does and what they are like. Like i said before, i have no right to teach them anything and i am afraid what the parents would say if he tries to. I will probably go with food items. Thanks you guys and i totally agree with being from the south (alabama here ) give you some manners. i wonder what happened to them??

 

[taximomfor4]

I agree with a lot of you. And i agree that it comes from the home. i will continue to send them gifts and hope that one day they realize that we care about them. I know DH wishes their parents would humble them but know that will be improbable. He know what his family does and what they are like. Like i said before, i have no right to teach them anything and i am afraid what the parents would say if he tries to. I will probably go with food items. Thanks you guys and i totally agree with being from the south (alabama here ) give you some manners. i wonder what happened to them??

I hope you feel better, having come to a decision. You are proving to yourself that you have grown a little, and even considering getting little gifts for family members is quite gracious.

And look at it this way -- perhaps you ARE teaching those kids a little. THey just might take a while to see it.

Have a great trip, and give dh a hug...being his family, it must be tough on him.