Coping with suicide of a friend

[Zurealsoon]

Are there any web sites or publications to help a young person deal with this isssue?(Or have you)


My college son's friend commmitted suicide yesterday, the same day that grades were published. He was supposed to graduate this weekend.
My son is sad , angry and bewildered.


What I find hard to understand is not knowing until a few days before graduation that you might not graduate (Caps and gowns are purchased and announcements are mailed)-you would think there was more communication with the teacher.

 

[ntburns22]

I am so sorry.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

so sorry to hear this! One of my friends called me last week and told me one of her friends at college committed suicide as well..

 

[chell]

Sorry I don't know of anything that might be of help to you and your son but I am sure someone here on the DIS does.

 

[DarkSideMoon]

if only there was not so much pressure with grades

 

[MagicKingdom05]

When I graduated from college in 2000, the seniors had to wait until the grades were posted to "officially" find out, but the teachers were pretty good at letting you know way before the finals what your status was. It just worked out that I had enough points in my classes, where I could blow off the tests and still pass the classes, which did take alot of pressure off the situation.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

Is there a Counseling Center on campus? My guess is there is? Either you or your son should contact them. I'm sure they will be happy to help and listen.

You could also try the student health center on campus if there isn't a Counseling Center.

Does he live in the Residence Halls? If so contact those folks. They are trained in how to deal with suicides and those it affects.

I worked in Residence Halls for many years at the University of Colorado and unfortunately have dealt with a few suicides. It is confusing for those left behind. Encourage your son to talk to someone. If he won't make the phone calls, then you can.

I am sure there are many people on his campus that want to help.

It is a good sign that your son is talking to you even if some of what he says doesn't make sense. He is probably hurt, angry, confused...Just keep him talking.

Sending lots of PD to you and your son.

 

[anewvance]

I honestly don't know what to say to that would help... but I wanted to offer hugs and my condolenses in this truly sad matter...

 

[iggbees]

wow, how awful. i know when i graduated this past may people who weren't graduating knew looooong before grades were posted. in fact, i was personally friends with two people who were kicked out mid semester because of their grades and the fact they wouldn't be able to graduate with them.

it's too bad that some people are so infatuated with grades. they are totally pointless in the end. i know i didn't get hired to my current position because of them, that's for sure.

i'm sure there are grief counselors on campus, i know there were at my school, i specifically remember a girl had died over the summer back in her home town and they had grief counselling on campus for those affected. i believe they were related to the health services.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Hugs to your son.

 

[DawnCt1]

It is so sad. Young adults haven't lived long enough to know that these "major" disappointments that loom so large at that moment can be fixed with another semester. Hugs to your son.

 

[staci]

My heart goes out to your son. I cant imagine the confusion he must be feeling. I will be praying for the family of the boy as well. I dont know what else to say. This is horrible.

 

[vivilasvegas]

All I can say is that I've been through it. You go through the question of why didn't I see it? why didn't I do anything, why didn't I answer the phone, why did they do this to me.....don't they know I needed them?

The stupid word...why. It's painful and I won't make it sound any easier. It's been 4 years and I still can't figure it out.

It's changed my life.

Suicide is the most selfish act anyone can achieve.

but....you will go on, you will learn, you will smile, and you will live your life with more vigor than before.

take heart.

 

[Forevryoung]

They need an Active Minds on Campus... (I'm president of my campus's chapter)

www.activeminds.org

But you asked for suicide websites in particular:
http://www.afsp.org/index-1.htm That is the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention- great site with tons of info
I will try to think of others, it's late.

Try the school's counseling center, we have a peer crisis intervention hotline we can call as well

And if he wants to talk to another student, I'm 21 and I've been there. I can get you my email address.
-Good luck

 

[Zurealsoon]

Thanks everyone...his whole gang of friends spent all day together talking...they had all gone out Saturday & , acording to my son, he was always a happy , smiling person. They saw no signs, except being worried about one of his classes.

His poor parents.

 

[Lynn CC]

That is every parents fear when they send their child off to college, you can be the best parent in the world and not know what your child is thinking at every given moment. You just have to trust that they can make the right decisions. I agree there is too much pressure put on students for grades (that starts in Junior year in HS, just trying to be good enough for a college to accept them) and not enough "reaching out" once a student is in college, sometimes they have to be the ones that seek out help but they don't know how. The services are there, but students may not think about what solutions a college can offer them when they are feeling like a failure.

I'm sure those services are available for all his friends left behind, how heartbreaking for them.

 

[Tiggeroo]

What I find hard to understand is not knowing until a few days before graduation that you might not graduate (Caps and gowns are purchased and announcements are mailed)-you would think there was more communication with the teacher.

He was probably borderline and knew it. If he did well on his final that might have pushed him into the passing range. I have two sons who have been struggling/slacking at school. I also work in a hs and have seen this before. It's a fine line between getting upset about your kids and their schoolwork and pushing too hard. I get worried that I cross it.
My one son had a college friend commit suicide a few months ago. He leaned on his friends in his surfing group pretty heavily. The boy didn't go to the same college as my son. I let my son come home from his school for a long weekend. Also alot of the kids spent time on a blog about the subject. Give your son hugs or if you can't sent him a care package to let him know how much you love him. I'm sure he knows, but just for a boost.