Convincing Travel-Haters / Need to Vent

[Pirate's Princess]

I feel your pain. My future MIL is very similar, she's even said that Her happiness was the most important in her son's life. I kept my mouth shut, and as soon as we were in the car, said you know that as soon as a ring's on my finger, that is going to change. It's very hard to have a MIL who doesn't agree with the things you do. Especially for me, bc my mother is my best friend and I was expecting (naively) that we could be friends and not just relatives. Oh well. Since we're not planning on getting married until 11/11, I don't plan on telling her things until things get closer. Like we're having a small ceremony (um...30 people?), no religious official (interfaith marriage), and my parents are paying for it (so I'll "include" her in planning but she won't have a say, plus we have SUCH different taste). She also makes me feel bad about the ring I want (2.2 ct total, platinum) - which btw I'm totally willing to pay for. We figure that we'll rent out a firehouse (his family are all big firemen) and we can have a party there afterwards, and play the video etc...

I just don't want people at my wedding who I don't know and love. I've had a bat mitzvah I don't need a big affair.

THAT being said, the last thing you want to do is drive a wedge between your husband and his family, because he still loves them and while he says that he doesn't care, he probably does. My dad had to choose between his kids and wife and his parents, and while he's ok, he's definitely in pain. I fear the same thing will happen with my fiancee and his family, but I try to compromise. I'm sure his parents will most likely cave, but if they don't just be nice about it. It's your wedding, and things should be done your way, but be sensitive to the pain your fiancee may be in bc his mom is being (pardon my language) a witch with a capital B. Think hard about what can and can't be compromised, and then be lenient with those that can be. Of course, you can't let your MIL run your life, and your fiancee needs to individuate from his parents, but he still loves them and you don't want him to be in pain either. It's still a while away and I"m sure you'll come up with a good solution!

Good luck!

 

[Beep]

I got married three weeks ago. For over 20 months, I anguished over the fact that my mother was dissatisfied with my wedding plans and refused to come.

I compromised and cried at night about how I had compromised my dream wedding. How I couldn't understand how my own mother would not want to be part of my wonderful, beautiful wedding and share in my joy.

I wish I had used the patented wedding - hater blockers. - About three months before my wedding I came to my senses and absolutely refused to compromise my dream wedding. I'm glad that I finally saw the light.

Family is important, but ultimately the wedding really is about YOU and your FH. People who cannot put aside their personal differences, pride, or selfishness should not play a major role in Your big day.

It is hard to cope with it while it is happening and there are no good words to make it better. I do not even want to contemplate how many tears were shed about my mom.

In the end, my mother came to our ceremony but left our reception claiming that she had more important places to be. I said fine and it did not ruin our night. The reason: because our day was not about her. We got married, it was the wedding of our dreams, and we were thrilled. Nothing that she could do or say could ruin that.

In Lurkyloo's words, slap those babies on and hang on for the ride. Do not shed as many tears as I did.

Oh good on ya! I really feel people who have mothers, MIL, SIL etc to deal with when they act like children. I;m so glad you had the wedding of your dreams