Conflicted About a Go Fund Me Fundraiser

[disykat]

I'd go even further if someone has the nerve to ask. Mention that you've already contributed to their cause multiple times AND that you can really sympathize since you are currently hoping to avoid financial disaster with your own expensive health issues!

 

[slo]

Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions - they truly are helping me to jump off this merry go round of guilt that I've been having. It will be very interesting to see if I'm approached on Friday about why we didn't donate. A few people are pretty bold and will come right out and ask. They are the ones that think we are made of money because we take WDW vacations, but they don't realize how much we sacrifice to save our money to go on these vacations, and that I have a small second job to help pay for our family vacations. Anyway....thanks again everyone. I do appreciate your input on this.

 

[slo]

I'd go even further if someone has the nerve to ask. Mention that you've already contributed to their cause multiple times AND that you can really sympathize since you are currently hoping to avoid financial disaster with your own expensive health issues!

No kidding....medical bills stink, they really do!
There's only a select group of people that know how expensive our Januarys are every year, and I guess The DIS is now part of that group - LOL!!! I don't like many people to know, because I don't want anyone's sympathy. It is what it is and my DH and I deal with it every year. Last year/2025 we met our $6600 out of pocket max by the end of January - crazy!!!!
ETA....not sharing that for pity, just to express how many many many people have crazy medical bills in this day and age.

 

[barkley]

A former co-worker had a rare form of cancer and a Go Fund Me was set up for experimental treatments. That money prevented him from qualifying for special grants set aside for just this type situation.

back before go fund me existed and local news stations would run stories on people in catestrophic medical situations and mention that an account had been set up for medical expenses the Medicaid staff in my building in social services would just shake their heads and say 'how many programs/grants/supportive services have those well meaning donors just made that person ineligible to?' (and some of the trial and supportive services programs had massive wait lists unless you got into one of those grant slots). well meaning people can create a greater financial burden.


op-i'm not comfortable with these kinds of fund raising things. I prefer to help (if I see fit) in a private manner. if someone is so tacky as to inquire if/what you are donating I would respond that 'it's inappropriate to inquire how I personally support my friends-i'm saddened that you would ask me to violate their privacy'.

 

[CdnCarrie]

$5000 in your own medical expenses! Wowzers! That’s huge.
You have been good friends. Don’t feel guilty.

 

[brockash]

I'm a little conflicted about something right now, and I'm hoping that you all can give me some advice on how to feel.

Here's some backstory....

I have a friend who is a breast cancer survivor - twice
Her DH, who is also a friend of mine, is now considered in remission from lymphoma

When my friend with breast cancer found out she had breast cancer, my DH and I sent her $100 worth of gift cards to help with meals (one being Door Dash). When she found out she had breast cancer again, we did the same thing.

When her DH found out he had a cancer, we didn't send money again, but I did send him a religious gift (he is a religious man) with a card to let him know we are thinking of him. I also have been in contact with him often to check on him to see how he's feeling and to let him know I am praying for him, which I have been.

(I only mentioned what we did to paint the picture of what we did, not for a pat on the back)

A month ago, 2 mutual friends decided to put on a fundraiser for the family at a local bar to help them financially, which is very nice and I will be going (it's this Friday) - there is a charge to attend and they'll be collecting more money there. Last week, the same friends started a Go Fund Me page and is asking all of us to contribute, which is nice, but I'm not certain I want to contribute even more money. Both friends that the fundraiser is for are employed, both have insurance, so there's a primary and secondary insurance to pay for the medical bills. I'm sure they have a deductible, like all of us, which is unfortunate, but we all have deductibles and out of pocket maxes for insurance.

I hesitate to pay into this Go Fund Me account, and not because I don't like my friends, but because January is a very expensive month for us. I have my infusion on Saturday which goes towards my entire $3400 deductible. My DH has a medication that is over $2000 he needs to get in January. So January is over a $5000 month for us. My DH and I don't feel the need to constantly be putting posts on Facebook about any trials and tribulations him and I have, so people don't know. But just because you don't put your whole life story on Facebook, doesn't mean there isn't stuff going on behind the scenes. My friends, who the fundraiser is for, put absolutely everything on Facebook, which is fine, whatever makes them feel better.

So....my question is......should I/we feel pressured into paying into this Go Fund Me account when we've already helped the family a few times, I'm going to the fundraiser & paying money there when we have our own bills to pay. Heck, I'm not even staying at the fund raiser for a long time, because I have my infusion the next morning. Plus, I still can't be on my foot a lot from the surgery I had 3 weeks ago.

Give me your thoughts on this, and please try to not make me feel like an awful person because I'm wanting to draw the line in regards to how much my DH and I want to contribute. I'm just wondering when enough is enough. My DH keeps telling me to stop dwelling about this, but I obviously can't, which is why I'm posting this thread.

Thanks

Definitely not. You've done more than enough and you have to draw the line somewhere. You can't drown yourself trying to help others.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

You have to help yourself first. It's nice to want to help someone else pay their bills, but it doesn't do much good if yours go unpaid as a result.

If someone at the event asks why you didn't contribute to the GoFundMe, you can simply tell them that you have your own bills to pay this month and you're helping as much as you can. That's all they need to know.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yes I don’t think there’s any pressure to also do the gofundme. I’d just think of it as one of many options. Someone might not be able or want to attend the fundraiser, but would like to contribute and gofundme would be convenient in that case.

You’re contributing to the “new” cause by going to the dinner that will benefit them -the way I see it, those who don’t/can’t attend the dinner have the option to donate to the gofundme. Clearly, you’re a terrific, supportive friend and have gone above and beyond. Rest easy….

This is exactly what I was going to say. Many times the GoFundMe is set up alongside the in-person fundraiser because some people will want to contribute but can't make it to the actual event. If you are going to the paid event, you have done your share.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

Not at all. Really if anyone preasured me to do more than I felt was right, I would really not care to deal with that person again.

 

[WLWildlife]

You are supposed to give from your abundance. If you don't have abundance, you don't give. But abundance isn't just money. It's time, it's caring, it's friendship, it's prayers, it's acts of service. I'd say that you have given, many times over, and you have to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others.

If someone should ask, you do not owe anyone an explanation. It's none of their business. If you feel compelled to respond, kindly say that it's none of their concern. Or as others have suggested, ask them what they have contributed and respond with a "Good for you!"

We meet our deductible in the first month also. We save up for it all year. That's in addition to the ongoing medical bills, medication, and premiums. I worry about how my kids are going to provide for themselves as adults. Healthcare is out of control!