Concerned About Daycare Pushing New Skills on DS Too Fast

[becka]

I am having some of that whole working mommy guilt over some issues with the daycare. DS is a little over 10 months now and we are looking at getting him ready to transition over to the 1 y/o room and leaving the infant room.

The 1 y/o room obviously is different than the infant room. In the 1 y/o room they go outside to play a few times a day and they only take one nap from 12:30 - 2:30. They require that all of the kids wear shoes all day and they all eat at the same time relatively independently.

My concerns are that DS likes to take 2 naps a day. One from around 9 - 10 and another from around 1-2. He may change in a few months but this has been pretty consistent and he is usually really grouchy if he does not get his naps especially the morning one. I am concerned about him not being able to sleep when he wants to and being forced into a schedule that does not work for him.

Secondly is that they require them to wear shoes all of the time. I know that is is best for kids that are not walking really well to not be in shoes all of the time. We just bought DS his first pair of shoes this past weekend in preparation for getting him used to wearing them but since he is just really starting to learn to walk I don't want him to wear them maybe more than an hour a day. DS may not be walking well enough by his 1st birthday for me to feel comfortable with him wearing shoes all day long and they have been keeping them on him now for 5 hours or so a day already.

Also, there is the feeding issue. Currently DS does eat quite a bit of the morning snack, lunch and afternoon snacks that are provided but he also LOVES his morning bowl of oatmeal. The daycare has been fixing this and feeding it to him every morning but they have told me that they will not give it to him when he moves to the other room. He needs to eat what is on the regular menu. There are some items on the regular menu that DS cannot eat because we have a family history of allergies so I asked what happens if he cannot eat the regular menu and they said that I could bring something in but that he would need to be able to feed himself. So if I bring in some cereal or yogurt for breakfast they said he would have to be able to use the spoon and feed himself. She said that would try to help him at first but this still bothered me. DS also currently is resisting drinking from a cup and they have to be able to do that in the 1 y/o room as well because they don't give bottles.

I am really concerned about all of these changes. They are wanting to get DS used to the one nap schedule, etc. very soon so the transition is easier but I just don't feel right about it. I think they are really pushing new skills on him too hard (i.e. wearning shoes, eating with a spoon, etc.). Maybe I am underestimating how much he will change in the next few weeks and maybe I am even being unrealistic in thinking that a 1 y/o could not be that independent of an eater.

This whole post probably does not make much sense and I am proabably stressing too much about it but I can't help but feel that I am letting him down. DH and I keep looking at trying to find someway for me to stay at home more but short of cashing in all of our retirement money and then taking a full-time night shift job (and even with that I don't think I could make enough because those jobs are pretty low paying) and never seeing DH I don't see how it will happen.

 

[debster812]

Becka,

STOP with the guilt. Nathan is safe and is in a good center.

OK--that's out of the way. Schedule a quick meeting with the director, or administrator, or whoever is in charge of transitioning. Explain your reservations to them, exactly the way you told us.

I have a 5YO DS who has been in a Center environment since he was 16 months old. The transitional times were always tough, but he always survived. There was one jump from a Toddler Room to a Pre-School room that was just a bear. After 3 weeks, they put him back in Toddlers for another couple of months and tired again. There may be other babies who are more ready (readier??) to make the move, and Nathan could wait a little bit.

It will be fine, and the one nap a day thing is not so bad either, like anything, just takes some getting used to.

Good Luck, and let us know how you make out.

Debbie

PS--NO Guilt, OK--you are a good mom, and Nathan is obviously thriving. He is the happiest looking little man in your sig!

 

[ahutton]

I too have a lot of working mom guilt, especially now with 2 kids in daycare. I also worry about shoes, walking, outside time, and eating. Our DD has had a ton of tummy trouble, taken Prilosec for reflux, etc. and I am worried about the menu at school. I did learn however with DD#1 that in the time between 10 and 14 months they change more than I ever could have imagined. In that time they go from some limited standing to truly walking, they get tired of being fed and want to try themselves, adapt to drinking from a cup... So many things that I worried so much about.

I have resigned myself that this is part of her growing up, and I go through the menu each week and mark off what she is not allowed to have. She tries new things, and sometimes resists the changes. But if she falls asleep in her new room and it is not "nap time" they allow her to rest comfortably. If she can't eat, or manage to feed herself what is on the menu they make sure something else is available including feeding her baby food or cereal. And if there is something that I truly don't want her to have on the breakfast menu I send something like the Gerber Graduates cereal bar, or cereal squares that I know she can manage and enjoy, and that I'm okay with.

DD is going to be 1 year old next week, and she is progressing in leaps and bounds. While is seems like a lot of changes at once I have faith that our daycare, that we very carefully selected, will make sure she is well cared for and knows she is loved. I know you selected your daycare just as carefully, you are a loving mom!

 

[piratesmate]

At this age, children make huge changes in just a couple weeks. By 12 months, your DS could be refusing to nap or have you feed him. He'll probably be RUNNING around the house by then, too! Take a deep breath & relax!

However, I would definitely try to talk to the owner/administrator/whatever about your concerns. The center we used was very flexible with individual differences. Not all children were moved from room to room on their birthdays. If they couldn't fit into the new schedule, they were given extra time.

Naps are something I'd have a hard time compromising on. DD napped 2ce/day until she was 2 1/2. She really needed it & would "keel over" if I didn't put her down on time.

The shoe thing - we were told it was a health dept. issue. They may have him wearing the shoes when he's on the floor because of a similar issue in your state.

As for the meals, you may have to get creative with what you send. A bowl of cereal with milk is NOT something I handed either of mine before ~18 months. Dry cereal, juice, fruit, pieces of cheese will all provide the same nutritional value. Both of mine always liked cold peas any time - even for breakfast. An egg sandwich may be something he'd enjoy.

Deb

 

[Toby'sFriend]

It sounds like you are on the right track Becka.
I would write all these issues down and request a meeting with the center.

The thing is, there is nothing magical about a baby's 12 month that suddenly makes them ready to do all those things. Some babies are able to handle that list before 12 months and some might not get there until their 13th - 15th month.

If Nathan isn't ready, then the Center is going to have to either make accomodations or keep him down in the lower room. It's as simple as that. Must feed himself with a spoon -- what if he can't? Are they going to let him starve? Somehow I doubt it and I guarantee you that Nathan isn't the first child to come along with these issues. I imagine that there are probably quite a few 1 year olds out there that still take 2 naps also.

I can tell you that I once had a center try to force my child up a room before he was ready based on space issues -- they had a long waiting list for the infant room. If you feel uncertain, hold your ground.

 

[Jeafl]

Becka, I wouldn't worry about the whole shoe thing that much. All 3 of my kids wore shoes from birth (just because the shoes were so cute!). One walked at 9 months, one walked at 10 months and one didn't walk until 12 months. I've read so many expert opinions on shoes vs. no shoes and I've come to this conclusion--he WILL walk whether or not he has shoes on. The day will come when he won't stop walking (running!) and you'll long for the days he was immobile.

As far as the naps and feeding schedule, I would definitely talk to the director. Why are they in such a hurry to move him along into the 1-year old room? He still has 2 months, and babies can change a great deal in that short amount of time. My daughter wasn't ready to give up that second nap until she was almost 2! Some babies require more sleep than others and they should all be treated as individuals. If worse comes to worse, why couldn't they keep him in the infant room a couple months longer?

 

[Jeafl]

Becka, I wouldn't worry about the whole shoe thing that much. All 3 of my kids wore shoes from birth (just because the shoes were so cute!). One walked at 9 months, one walked at 10 months and one didn't walk until 12 months. I've read so many expert opinions on shoes vs. no shoes and I've come to this conclusion--he WILL walk whether or not he has shoes on. The day will come when he won't stop walking (running!) and you'll long for the days he was immobile.

As far as the naps and feeding schedule, I would definitely talk to the director. Why are they in such a hurry to move him along into the 1-year old room? He still has 2 months, and babies can change a great deal in that short amount of time. My daughter wasn't ready to give up that second nap until she was almost 2! Some babies require more sleep than others and they should all be treated as individuals. If worse comes to worse, why couldn't they keep him in the infant room a couple months longer?

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Becka....

As a former day care worker, I understand the center's rules and age requirements. I have also been an in-home day care provider, and I too had certain things that I expected the children to do.

However, as a parent, I also understand your concerns.

My advice......

Buy him a GOOD pair of shoes. Nike's are what we always got. Lots of support and a wide sole. (Not heavy). Buying shoes at Wal Mart sets you up for problems later. I would not wear them myself.... I would not get them for my child.

As for the nap and eating issues.... I think you might be AMAZED at how quickly he adapts when other children around him are doing those things. He will probably be having so much fun playing when his first nap time comes around that he just might forget all about it. Then he will be exhausted when the 'appointed' nap time comes, so sleeping probably won't be an issue. Remember there will be lots of other children that have to lay down and rest too.

I would suggest you go with the flow until Nathan resists. Your concerns are valid, but if they are not issues for Nathan then there is no need for you to worry.

You're a great Mom and that adorable picture in your signature proves it!!!

 

[becka]

Thanks for the opinions and the advice. It sounds like I am not the only Mom who has ever worried about these things. Just knowing that makes me feel a little better.

They can and have held kids back a few months until they are ready to enter the next stage but I guess maybe I feel that they are still pushing it. I keep thinking that they probably know so much more about kids this age than I do and I am sure they know the signs of readiness more than I do. I have a lot of confidence that he is in a great daycare and that his teachers really care for him. If he is not ready to transition he will continue to stay in the infant room until he is ready.

Maybe part of it is that I am just not ready for him to grow up so fast.

 

[cgcw]

Becca, you've gotten some good advice here. Unless I missed it reading the other responses, when/if you meet with the director of the daycare, ask whether they are anxious to push Nathan up to the 1 year old room because they have a waiting list for newborns in the infant room, which they could fill with his slot. I know that by their licensing, they are only allowed a certain number of infants/toddlers/preschools. You might want to make sure that's not why they are pushing them along.

I'm a home daycare provider. I'll tell you what my current 10 month old schedule is. He arrives at 7 am, breakfast is at 7:30 and he goes down for his AM nap after he eats (I feed him, he doesn't have a pincher reflex yet and gags on most real people food). If our schedule allows, he will take a 2 hour nap. Then it's up and play time. Lunch at my house is anywhere between 12 & 12:30. After lunch, it's back for afternoon nap. This little guy will sleep from 12:30 until I wake him up at 4. Personally, I do not think 2 hours of a nap is enough for a 12 month old. In fact, most of my younger kids do not give up their morning naps until after about 16 months. Then they are dead tired and will dose off if we go out in the car. In fact, I have a just turned 2 year old who ALWAYS doses off in the car and still goes down for a good nap in the afternoon. Each child is different. And, most children at 12 months do not have the coordination to use a spoon properly. It's fine to begin giving it to them, but to actually expect for them to self-feed with it is a bit unrealistic. JMHO.

You'll probably feel much better afterwards if you talk to the center director. Nathan will eventually get to the toddler room. They do grow fast and his time will come.

Best of luck.

 

[mtemm]

I stay home, but if it was Daniel...who is 13 months, still definitely needs 2 naps, and is not walking yet...I would hold him...not put him into the 1 year old room until he is ready. I would have the crabbiest kid on earth if he wasn't getting enough sleep...he currently takes a 2 hour morning nap and a 1 hour afternoon nap. I've seen him when he misses one...not a pretty sight! But there are babies in our playgroup who are his age and are down to 1 nap, so it really does vary. Seems like what's true at this moment, isn't necessarily true a week, or even a day, from now.

I wish I had better advice for you. Good luck!

 

[peg2001]

Originally posted by CJMickeyMouse
Buying shoes at Wal Mart sets you up for problems later. I would not wear them myself.... I would not get them for my child.

No problems with WalMart shoes here!

Peggy

 

[bananiem]

Becka, you're a great Mommy!! If you didn't have these concerns and questions THEN I'd be concerned about you!
Well, as I've said in other posts- I used to be the director of a child care center. Although we didn't do infant care (our youngest room was 16 months) I can think back to my 2 at that age and I agree with the other posters who've said that they change so much in the next few months. You'd be surprised how much he'll be doing even 3 months from now. My son napped like Nathan- an hour here and there, until he hit about 14 months old. He gave up his morning snooze cold turkey but started sleeping for 2-3 hours in the afternoon. Nathan may do the same type thing.
I also agree with giving him finger foods for breakfast. My kids both loved waffles with a little butter and torn up into bite size pieces. Cheerios are also very popular. They don't have to have milk on cereal.
MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!- Talk to the teacher or director and say, "I'm new at this. Can you explain what the reasoning is behind the shoes?" Or whatever. It may be licensing or insurance issues or the department of health. Don't forget the county health nurse-They always had a few rules for us too.
Just be open with them and ask the questions. If they get "huffy" or don't answer your questions then it's time to find a new provider.
Good luck! I hope some of us have been able to help!
Oh, I forgot to ask: Are they just trying to start the transition process now so he'll be ready in 2 months or do they really want to move him now? I'd really put my foot down and wait until he's actually 12 months before moving him. But starting now with getting him used to a cup and wearing shoes a little bit at a time is a good idea. He won't be bombarded with the changes later.

 

[becka]

Originally posted by bananiem

Oh, I forgot to ask: Are they just trying to start the transition process now so he'll be ready in 2 months or do they really want to move him now? I'd really put my foot down and wait until he's actually 12 months before moving him. But starting now with getting him used to a cup and wearing shoes a little bit at a time is a good idea. He won't be bombarded with the changes later.

No they are not wanting to move him now. They are just wanting to start working with him on certain things to get him ready to move in a few months. The earliest move would probably be late May/early June right after he turns 1. I have seen the transition process play out a little with a few of the kids and they usually start sending the kids who are getting close over to the 1 y/o room for a few hours a day for about a month before they actually make the full transition in addition to working with them in the infant room. That may start by mid/late April depending on his readiness.