Completely OT: Need advice

[JJClemson]

Hi everyone! I desperately need my Dis friends' help I had a rough week, and have to make a big decision Monday or Tuesday and don't know what to do. This is going to be long, so I apologize.

As many of you know I am in grad school as is DF. I am done at the end of April. I am not in class anymore, I am just working on my final practicum field work. My plan was to finish my practicum and go to my hometown and live with my parents for the 7 weeks before the wedding. Then hopefully start a full-time job after the wedding. I am VERY homesick and have been for 6 1/2 years. DF and I are hopefully moving to NJ the day he graduates in 2 years. Anyway, my mom is doing everything for my wedding... making invites, centerpieces, programs, etc. She is awesome All of my bridesmaids live in NJ & NY and are so excited for me to come home for awhile. Also, this would be my last time to live at-home b/c my parents are moving out of the home I grew up in 2 weeks after the wedding

I interviewed this week with a weight management doctor. The interview went awesome, I got along really well with the two girls who'd be doing the same thing as me, and my job description would be EXACTLY what I want to do. They are willing to let me start part-time now, and full-time when I am done w/ school. They are also willing to let me have 3 weeks off for the wedding. I am not happy with what my salary would be though. It's not too bad, but I feel like I am worth more and I have to support DF too. I expressed this to them, and I have a feeling they may offer me more. I am meeting with everyone in their office Monday, and they told me they'd make an official offer Mon or Tues. Another benefit to this job would be my title. If I work with this title for 1 year, I am eligible to work in my dream Federal job which is the ultimate goal.

So, I don't know what to do If I take the job, I cannot go home and work on the last minute wedding details. I'd have to fly to NJ 4-5 weekends between now and June for dress fittings, hair trials, shower, bachelorette weekend, etc. If I do not take this job, I may not find another one after the wedding and DF and I will have to live on Ramen noodles

I am so confused! Please give me some advice! Thank you all

 

[SRUAlmn]

WOW That's a tough one! I'm a family girl myself, and in the past would have leaned toward the whole pass up the job and go be with your family option. However, when we moved to SC it was 6 months before DF found a job and he's still not working in his field after almost 2 years (and not making much money) and it's awful! I say if you can get a dream job that you really love you should absolutely take it! (Plus, you're GREAT at what you do!!!!) A career will affect the rest of your life. The only question is, will you be personally unhappy staying in Atlanta and not being in New Jersey? If you will be, then don't do it.

 

[ForKeeps]

Oh Jen, what a hard place to be in! I wish I had something useful to say, but the truth is, if I were in your shoes I'd be agonizing. I wonder if they might give you 4 weeks off for the wedding, and if so, would that be at least some time to spend with your family and friends in NJ? (I know...it's never enough time )

I know that the bridal shops can be flexible if they know your circumstances. For me they wanted to do my fittings during my exam period. But the place was like an hour and a half from where I go to school....they suggested shipping it to another branch of their store closer to me. So there might be some solutions on the fittings front if you call them up.

I really feel for you, and I just want to let you know that we're all here for you. I just wish I had something more helpful to say.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

I agree this is such a hard decision to have to make. But my advice is that you have worked so hard in school and taking this job may be your one and only chance to get well on the way to securing your dream job. Maybe this is destiny stepping in.....Hopefully your employer will up your money as with you supporting your DF you don't want to have to struggle for the foreseeable future.
Family are very understanding normally and I know that you really want to spend more time with them, but you don't want to end up feeling regretful if you don't take this chance. I say this from experience, as I have moved country several times throughout my life and I intend to move again within 2 years down to England to finish of my degree. Although I hate to leave my family behind and I will miss them all dearly, I unfortunately have to if I want to build the life I have envisioned for my DF and I, and here I just can't do that.
Like Tiffany said, maybe you could get 4 weeks off and spend that precious time with your family. I know this isn't an easy decision, but you need to think of your future and how this decision will affect that.
I am sorry I can't offer any better advice and I wish you the best of luck in coming to the decision that is right for you.

 

[Takia]

Part time, right? How about working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. That way you could be home Friday through Monday on those weekends? If you pass on the oppurtunity of that position you may regret it for a very long time. I know how important that first career step is!! I was recently in the same position, careerwise. Mine was money over title. I chose money and now I regret it. Good luck with your choice!!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

Jen,

This is tough. As someone that has given up alot for my wedding. I have to say. Sometimes you need to go with what your gut is saying. Everyone will be happy for you and rally around for the wedding. The idea of working during the week with weekends off would be great. Would make it so you can do both. Just honestly sit down with everyone and I'm sure you will come up with something that will work.

 

[Maggimus]

Jen, Ive been thinking about what advice I could give you since you mentioned this to me a little while ago. Personally, I just dont know.

Jobs are important, and even-more-so are titles. You need this job to get to the next step... so I know this is weighing heavily on your decision.

Weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime thing (we all hope-- well, unless you have a VR, which is a little different). It stinks being homesick and sometimes no one undestands except our parents. I moved out of my 'rents house 2 years before I got married (we were just 30 minutes away)... and I cried like a baby when they left Orlando! I knew in the last 2 years I could always go home... but never felt I did that enough. Now im married and I dont have an excuse to "go stay with mom and dad"..
True friends and good family are so hard to come by these days. Seems like no one has both, and most dont have either.

I couldnt imagine being in your shoes. You have put so much time into your career already, I would hate that you would let that pass you by. But.. through experience I know what its like to miss the opportunity to go home to be with mom and dad...

I hope everything works out. What does your DF say? Do the two of you currently live together?

It seems as though the job you are considering is willing to be flexible-- make you PT and then switch you to full time once you graduate. Those jobs are often really hard to come by. Are they in extreme need right now for someone PT? If not, maybe you could tell them your situation and that you had ultimately planned to go home for a few weeks. Maybe you could see if you could go ahead, start PT (because your wedding is a few months out).. and then get time off to go home. I know they are already being overly generous with giving you 3 weeks (a lot of places dont even do that)...
Maybe you could get them to give you 4 weeks total off... 2 weeks before the wedding, 1 week during the wedding, and 1 after to recoup... If you dont thnk you will need the 1 week after to recoup-- maybe just a half a week? And add the other half onto spending it at your parents.
Or better yet-- maybe just tell them your entire situation and hopefully they would suggest something. When you go to talk over the job offer maybe get emotional (lol...im horrible) and tell them the truth about how you really want this job, but more than anything NEED the job... you couldnt imagine passing it up but have family back home. If these people are in the small percentage where they have good family... then maybe they will understand and you wont have a decision anymore.

Im here for you, as always-- and you know that! Youve really stuck it out with me here lately and for that, im so so appreciative.
Please Jen, let me know if there is anything I can do!
-Maggie

 

[JJClemson]

Thanks everyone You all are so nice and say such great things, I knew I could count on you

One thing I did not mention, this is the only job I have interviewed for so far. I was honestly afraid to start job searching so early b/c I was afraid this might happen. DF thinks they did not offer me enough $ and my Dad even went so far as to say they are taking advantage of me offering so little. It really isn't enough. I don't want to sell myself short when I could possibly get a better job. DF wants me to take it and see if I like it over the next few months and then search for a new job if I don't like it. We are definitely moving to NJ in 2 years anyway, so this wouldn't be a long-term thing.

Then again, if I don't take it, what if nothing else comes up? Like Karen said, it could take 6 months to find a job which just horrifies me. I like to have things set in place. I fear myself being a waitress not that there's anything wrong with that, but not what I expected to happen after getting my Master's.

I'd be working 20 hrs a week at the new place and 20 hrs a week on my practicum, so I would be working full time. The only time I could go home is the actual weekend. The 3 weeks off for my wedding include 4 days in NJ getting ready for the wedding, 10 days in WDW before and after the weddind, and a week in NJ for our at-home reception & looking at areas for DF to set up his practice in. It is not enough time before the wedding IMHO.

Thanks so much for listening to me rant guys I'll let you know what I decide!

 

[dmslush]

I tend to agree with the poster who said that this is you destiny stepping in! Many 'right' things in life happen at the 'wrong' time, they are inconvenient, they are hard to do, they are agonizing, but they are still, in essence, the 'right' thing for us.

While I understand you are home sick, you have to look ahead to your 'new home' and your 'new life' as a wife. If this job is going to get you where you want to be in the future, then you probably already know what you need to do.

 

[balatonbabe]

I'm feeling for you too right now on your difficult decision. I too am extremely close to my parents, and having moved out more than a decade ago, still get homesick!

I don't know what kind of demand there is for your career, but I am a believer in "things happening for a reason". I think this opportunity has surfaced for you to take. Sounds like your employers are extremely reasonable to deal with also (a rarity in my experience). If it were me, I would take the P/T Tues, Wed & Thurs, which would give me the weekend time to spend with the folks and wedding planning.

Not sure I would agree with getting emotional with your employers. This would signify a weakness in composure and decision making on the job that an employer may view negatively. I would approach it in a way that show your employers that you are committed to planning, but flexible enough to compromise in order to reach the same goals.

Looks like I'm getting rather long winded here (sorry). GL with your decision and let us know how you made out.

 

[Maggimus]

Jen, I kinda like what your DF said about trying the job out. I know you say its hard to find another job-- but ive always heard its easier to find another job when you already have one. Maybe you could test out this job and then continue job hunting for better pay. Its somewhat better than being completely unemployed. And if you were to find another job around the time of your wedding-- you could just let them know that you wont be available to start until afterward.

 

[Maggimus]

I'm feeling for you too right now on your difficult decision. I too am extremely close to my parents, and having moved out more than a decade ago, still get homesick!

I don't know what kind of demand there is for your career, but I am a believer in "things happening for a reason". I think this opportunity has surfaced for you to take. Sounds like your employers are extremely reasonable to deal with also (a rarity in my experience). If it were me, I would take the P/T Tues, Wed & Thurs, which would give me the weekend time to spend with the folks and wedding planning.

Not sure I would agree with getting emotional with your employers. This would signify a weakness in composure and decision making on the job that an employer may view negatively. I would approach it in a way that show your employers that you are committed to planning, but flexible enough to compromise in order to reach the same goals.

Looks like I'm getting rather long winded here (sorry). GL with your decision and let us know how you made out.

Yeah so the emotional thing was a little much ... bare with me Im trying to play this all out in my head.. .

That reminds me of the SNL skit (i think with Chris Farley) "We cant...lose...our..COMPOSSSUUURREE!!"

 

[balatonbabe]

Maggimus, you are extremely sweet & cute, and I hope I haven't offended by my comment.

Yes, I believe it was Chris Farley! Halarious

 

[Maggimus]

Oh gosh no .. i am not easily offended what-so-ever... and your comments werent in the least bit off. I cant believe you would even think that they were offensive!! I completely agree with what you are saying and sometimes it takes putting things into perspective..

 

[JJClemson]

Jen, I kinda like what your DF said about trying the job out. I know you say its hard to find another job-- but ive always heard its easier to find another job when you already have one. Maybe you could test out this job and then continue job hunting for better pay. Its somewhat better than being completely unemployed. And if you were to find another job around the time of your wedding-- you could just let them know that you wont be available to start until afterward.

Yeah that's a good idea Maggie, I have a feeling that's what I'll end up doing Thanks!

 

[balatonbabe]

Oh gosh no .. i am not easily offended what-so-ever... and your comments werent in the least bit off. I cant believe you would even think that they were offensive!! I completely agree with what you are saying and sometimes it takes putting things into perspective..

Thanks for that, I was a little worried as there has been some negativity on the board lately - and I really didn't want to be labelled as doing the same. Whew! That's a load off.

 

[Maggimus]

Thanks for that, I was a little worried as there has been some negativity on the board lately - and I really didn't want to be labelled as doing the same. Whew! That's a load off.

Sheesh no way-- dont ever worry with me. I dont take very many things to heart. I dont know why things have been the way they are lately.. Its starting to discourage me from even typing nice things-- never knowing how they might be misinterpreted. No worries