COMEDIANS IN FINAL PUSH FOR ARNOLD
Schwarzenegger Victory Could Mean Billions for Joke Industry
In the final hours of the California gubernatorial campaign, candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger received the coveted endorsement of the Golden State's comedians, who hope that the election of the easy-to-ridicule actor will mean billions of dollars in new revenue for California's troubled comedy industry.
California comedians have suffered huge job and income losses during the administration of Governor Gray Davis, whose near-total lack of personality has proved a daunting challenge for the state's struggling joke manufacturers.
But sensing that good times could be ahead with a Terminator in Sacramento, gagmeisters in comedy clubs across the state have transformed their open-mic nights into get-out-the-vote rallies, all aimed at electing the highly laughable Schwarzenegger.
Comic Tony Diamant, a mainstay of the Yuk-Yuks comedy club in Costa Mesa, said that comedians thought long and hard before giving their endorsement to Schwarzenegger, especially since two other joke candidates, sitcom legend Gary Coleman and porn star Mary Carey, were in the race.
"For a lot of us comedians, our hearts were with Gary Coleman, but pragmatism won out," Mr. Diamant said. "Arnold is the only walking punchline who can win this thing."
Comedians across the state are hoping for a repeat of the so-called "Minnesota Miracle" when the gubernatorial election of former wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura resulted in a robust, if short-lived, boom for the comedians of that state.
Mr. Schwarzenegger entered Election Day on something of a roll, pointing not only to the comedians' endorsement but also to a new poll showing that he had the support of nearly 98% of the state's woman-groping Nazi-lovers.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Schwarzenegger Victory Could Mean Billions for Joke Industry
In the final hours of the California gubernatorial campaign, candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger received the coveted endorsement of the Golden State's comedians, who hope that the election of the easy-to-ridicule actor will mean billions of dollars in new revenue for California's troubled comedy industry.
California comedians have suffered huge job and income losses during the administration of Governor Gray Davis, whose near-total lack of personality has proved a daunting challenge for the state's struggling joke manufacturers.
But sensing that good times could be ahead with a Terminator in Sacramento, gagmeisters in comedy clubs across the state have transformed their open-mic nights into get-out-the-vote rallies, all aimed at electing the highly laughable Schwarzenegger.
Comic Tony Diamant, a mainstay of the Yuk-Yuks comedy club in Costa Mesa, said that comedians thought long and hard before giving their endorsement to Schwarzenegger, especially since two other joke candidates, sitcom legend Gary Coleman and porn star Mary Carey, were in the race.
"For a lot of us comedians, our hearts were with Gary Coleman, but pragmatism won out," Mr. Diamant said. "Arnold is the only walking punchline who can win this thing."
Comedians across the state are hoping for a repeat of the so-called "Minnesota Miracle" when the gubernatorial election of former wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura resulted in a robust, if short-lived, boom for the comedians of that state.
Mr. Schwarzenegger entered Election Day on something of a roll, pointing not only to the comedians' endorsement but also to a new poll showing that he had the support of nearly 98% of the state's woman-groping Nazi-lovers.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
