College DD Homesick--Please give advice! UPDATE page 9

[KelNottAt]

DD turns 18 on December 18th, so she's actually 6 days older than your daughter.

Hey, OT, have you ever heard of the "golden year" omen? It says that the year your age matches the date of your birth will be the happiest of your life. Some people say it's the year you find your perfect match.

It worked for me. I was born on the 18th. So when I was 18 I had a blast living in Ocean City and going away to college. That's also the age I was when I met DH.

 

[Sandy V.]

Hey, OT, have you ever heard of the "golden year" omen? It says that the year your age matches the date of your birth will be the happiest of your life. Some people say it's the year you find your perfect match.

It worked for me. I was born on the 18th. So when I was 18 I had a blast living in Ocean City and going away to college. That's also the age I was when I met DH.

I have - DD has been talking a lot about this being her "golden birthday" and we are trying to figure out something special to do for her day.

As for the "perfect match" part - who truly knows right now? He's a great kid but they both have pretty lofty educational goals, so I'm guessing that things will probably stay "light" for awhile, and that's fine with us! It's neat that you met your DH during your "golden" year.

Now, back to your originally scheduled programming on this thread.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

In that case I need to look back to who I met when I was 4yo! The other night I was talking with my family about my first boyfriend. I was probably about 4yo when I met that first boyfriend. My DH suggested googling him, which I did. My mother told me that he'd had some run in with the law, but what came up when I googled was that he'd been drafted just out of high school to a pro baseball team. That never amounted to anything, but it was funny to realize.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

She's still so moody--when will this improve?

DD is 19 and a college sophomore and I'm still waiting. From talking to other moms, I am hoping things will impove when she is a junior.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Oops, sorry. Double post.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

DD is 19 and a college sophomore and I'm still waiting. From talking to other moms, I am hoping things will impove when she is a junior.

Keep hoping!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Just thought I'd give another update...

My DD was home for Thanksgiving and had a good time. I got up the nerve to ask about next year and she says that she plans to stay where she is. Good news! That bad part is that she told me today that her boyfriend is asking if she's applying closer to home, says how he misses her, and doesn't seem to know how to react to her being happy where she is. He needs to change his tune if he wants to keep the relationship. That's the trouble with a long distance relationship, even if it's only 2 1/2 hours.

She really agrees that it takes until Thanksgiving to adjust to being away at college. So you wise DISers were correct about that one!

Hopefully her boyfriend will lighten up. He's a nice boy, but I think he's too wrapped up with her and she does not like a guy that is too dependent on her for his happiness. Too much pressure for her.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I am glad she is starting to feel more at home at college. Hopefully the BF won't change her mind.

My DD is also doing much better. She is involved in a sorority and making friends and hopefully her ex-BF is a thing of the past.

 

[Disneyrsh]

That's great, she sounds like she adopting a more mature attitude already!

As for the boyfriend putting pressure on her, well, the day she meets a nice guy on campus, that'll give her a WHOLE new perspective on what to say to the boyfriend when he wants her to make sacrifices for him at the cost of her own future

 

[Jennifer S]

Great news!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Yesterday, after talking to her boyfriend a couple times she sent him an e-mail explaining her thoughts, how she doesn't feel that he really wants what makes her happy, has a hard time with her being happy where she is, etc. She told him that they need to take a break to think about where to go from here and will talk during winter break. She also talked to him after the e-mail, but felt that she could explain herself better in an e-mail. He's not too happy about it as can be expected, but he has to learn how to treat someone that he cares about. My DD is his first real girlfriend and I think he's a little clueless.

Big step for my DD and I hope she does not go out looking for another boyfriend right now. Of course for all I know she already has someone in mind, but I sure hope not.

 

[kpm76]

Glad to hear your DD is adjusting! Sounds like she is a very mature and self confident young lady. If her boyfriend really loves her and it's meant to be, it will. Otherwise, there is someone out there that is a better match for both of them. That was the advice my mom gave me when I was in college and it was very wise. I think your DD will be fine. Keep encouraging her to get involved in campus activities. College is a wonderful four years but it goes by all too quickly. Congratulations on raising what appears to be a very mature and stong young woman who knows what she wants and goes after it

 

[Sandy V.]

I think that your daughter handled her boyfriend issues in an extremely mature fashion, Tigger&Belle. You must be really proud of her.

I'm so glad that she's adjusting well and enjoying college life.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I thinking she's shaping up rather nicely, too.

She's pretty down today--I think the boyfriend thing hit her pretty hard.

I told her that I can't go through all this boyfriend stuff again and that it's almost as bad going through it with her than going through it the first time. Seriously, though, I am glad that she opens up to me.

I'm half expecting an IM from her ex boyfriend asking for advice. LOL

 

[Crankyshank]

Hopefully her boyfriend will lighten up. He's a nice boy, but I think he's too wrapped up with her and she does not like a guy that is too dependent on her for his happiness. Too much pressure for her.

this is exactly what happened with my sister (currently a junior at UCONN which is 90min from home).
Her high school boyfriend of 2yrs didn't go away to college and was kind of lonely. he worshipped the ground my sister walked on and gave her a lot of grief about being away at school, not coming home every weekend, and basically growing up. She broke up with him that Christmas. It was sad for the whole family because we loved the guy and he was so good for Ashley, but she really needed to be able to spread her wings and enjoy the college experience without getting guilt from her boyfriend.

She's on boyfriend number 4 since then. we now call her the terminator because as soon as they become high maintenance or aggravating the poor guy is gone.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

And that's really a lot of it with him. He stayed at home and is going to college. It must have been tough having his friends leave while he was still here. And of course hard having his girlfriend leave, but he knew that going into it (they didn't meet until this summer). He's busy with school, work, and volunteer firefighting and has an offer from our county to be a career firefighter. Once that training starts he'll be super busy and his mind will be off my DD, but that's already the position she's in. Neither have a right to complain about the other person (her going away to school and him becoming a firefighter) because they knew this about the other person when they first met.

Important life lessons they need to learn. Not so different from when kids are toddlers. We think that they learn and change so much when they are little (and they do), but this is a big learning and transition time, also.