college aged kids and parent worries

[Tiggeroo]

I worry quite a bit about my college aged kids. I have three in this year, two are freshman.
My dd went to philly for the GOF premiere. Her bf was supposed to meet her at the bus station in center city, she would drive him to the theatre. Well he got off the wrong bus stop. DD calls and asks me to get directions from mapquest. She had been driving around downtown philly for over an hour in the dark alone. I try to help her get to where he is but I can't figure it out. Finally I tell her to call my dad as he's more familiar with the area. He calls me ready to freak. Her bf is in one of the worst sections of the city. He refused to give dd directions. We get her to stay put and have bf take taxi to her. If she hadn't called us she would have driven into this horrible neighborhood, Broad and Olney.
Son who I feel is a terrible driver just went to Bensalem, Pa to spend night with his cousin. He lives at home so I'll know when he gets home. This is worst as I'll be worried til he gets in. Other son I think likes to party. He's a good kid but a bit of a show-off. Worries for him while he's away are numerous. How do you deal with this. Mostly I use denial, denial denial

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You know what they say--little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems. Some things might get easier as they get older, but we don't stop worrying, do we?

My DD was home last weekend and we allowed her to take one of our cars (she doesn't have her own) because she'd be coming home so soon for Thanksgiving. Of course then I worried about her when she was driving back to school and I will really be worrying when she comes home on Tuesday, especially since it's supposed to rain and there will probably be some traffic with people getting a jump on the long weekend.

Always something to worry about and you get to multiply it by three! Hopefully you're DD is ok and you've already heard back from her.

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL, I know your pain. I just keep reminding myself that my DD Is capable and smart. She CAN do it and I have to let her spread her wings and trust that she will be ok. That she needs to learn some of these lessons on her own. (And then I say a quick prayer that angels are surrounding her, LOL)

I don't know that you ever stop worrying.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Sounds like my house---My brother is 19, im 21, but we both are living at home while we go to college..My brother is more of the party person too, so i know its causing her worries...

She said shell never stop worrying about us!

 

[Cindy B]

Broad and Olney is a tough neighborhood. I've driven in Center City, and I get so nervous about getting lost. I have an appointment on Tueday that I am worried about.

 

[SPAM]

i hope my parents dont worry about me like that. i dont think they do. the only things they worry about is me walking by myself at night and not eating healthy. it's weird but i never really had the whole "im on my own" revelation. it just sort of passed me by. i guess its because ive got such great friends.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

I1111111111111

 

[Tiggeroo]

My dd goes to a college instate, close to home. But she just wanted to go to down town philly. I walk this line between wanting her to be independent and not afraid to try things, and saying don't be stupid. I do ok most of the time. But once in awhile a bunch of stuff happens and the worry just hits me. I'm pretty upset at the bf. He should have been pretty sure he was in a neighborhood too bad to ask her to drive into alone at night. He should have gotten a cab to where my dd was when he realized what happened. My dd could have paid for it and I would have reimbursed her, no matter the cost.
My dd's bf's mother is very strict and tries to keep him from alot of things. I can see the consequence of that treatment.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

11111111111111

 

[Tiggeroo]

My dd's bf didn't go crazy at college. He's kind of anti=party. My dd is not remotely a party animal but even she wishes he would let loose a bit. The problem is he doesn't have any street smarts. He doesn't know how to handle situations as they come up. He would probably be pretty easy to take advantage of. He gets lost really easy, doesn't know how to navigate public transit, etc.
I also worry about somebody who comes from such a strict upbringing who then does exactly what his parents want all thru college. Resentment could build up. Eventually he might want to rebel but by then he might be married with kids and the consequences would be much worst.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

111111111111111111111

 

[chrissyk]

My dd's bf didn't go crazy at college. He's kind of anti=party. My dd is not remotely a party animal but even she wishes he would let loose a bit. The problem is he doesn't have any street smarts. He doesn't know how to handle situations as they come up. He would probably be pretty easy to take advantage of. He gets lost really easy, doesn't know how to navigate public transit, etc.
I also worry about somebody who comes from such a strict upbringing who then does exactly what his parents want all thru college. Resentment could build up. Eventually he might want to rebel but by then he might be married with kids and the consequences would be much worst.

I was a lot like your DD's boyfriend...sheltered, controlled by my parents to a great extent, no street smarts at ALL, etc. This lasted until I graduated from college. Did I "rebel"? Yes, but only to the extent that I had very little contact with my parents after college for quite a while. My parents very nearly lost me out of their lives because of the controlling behavior. I have NO idea what the payoff for sheltering and controlling your kids is, but I have a feeling that your daughter's bf's parents are in for a rude awakening when that kid graduates. Resentment DOES build up when you graduate and realize that you are ill-equipped to deal with the simple realities of everyday life because your parents' control made it so you never learned how. That first year out of college wasn't fun...

 

[Lynn CC]

Well, you did the right thing and he got to your DD safely. I would probably have a little chat with them over Thanksgiving about staying out of the bad areas during the evening hours. All you can do is let them know that you were really scared about the whole thing, and you don't want anything to happen to either one of them! I'm sure they will understand, if they see your face while your explaining how you feel.

There are a lot of students going into city schools (my DS is one of them) that are not good with directions, and have lived in quiet areas. I was just worrying about my DS walking across Beacon Hill last week, Tues. evening. He was walking his date back to the T-Station, then he had to get back to his dorm, alone. I didn't hear from him that night or the next night (no phone call, do you believe it LOL), I didn't sleep for 2 nights. I kept worrying that something might have happened to him, then my mind went in places that I hope I can control next time! I finally called him Thursday morning before his classes with some excuse, it was great to hear his voice.
DH and I had to sit on our hands in order not to call before that, it's rough letting them go after having them home for 18 years! I couldn't imagine having 3 in college.

 

[Marseeya]

The fact that you even know where they are and what they're doing at that age really speaks volumes! You must have a great relationship with them. I don't think your worries will ever go away.

When I was their age, my mom would have never known what I was up to in college. When I took road trips, I just did it and never let her know.

 

[Regina]

I hate to tell you, but even after they graduate you still worry, LOL. You think about them commuting, how they're doing financially, if they're in a good relationship and happy, if they're eating right, etc. It never stops.

My one DD went to college on Long Island and I'd hate it when she and her friends would take the train into the City. My DS had the worst roommate in his Freshman year, so that started the worries with him. (Now he flies a lot for his job, so I think about that.)

Our youngest is a Junior. Her campus is 5 hours from here. Fortunately, the route is definitely "the road less traveled" which leads to a whole other set of "what ifs". I'm already worrying about the rain that's predicted when she comes home tomorrow.

I definitely inherited my Mom's "Worry Gene." It's not the worst thing. All three of mine call home frequently. It's funny when the tables are reversed and I get "scolded" for not calling them when I travel.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

i hope my parents dont worry about me like that. i dont think they do.

I am sure they do worry but just don't say anything.

My DD is a sophomore at University of Maryland, College Park. This is just outside of Washington DC. I worry when ever she walks across campus at night. (I am a worrier.) I always tell her not to walk alone. Last night she called at 1:30 upset about an exam and sorority issue. At least she feels comfortable calling.

My mom is 84 and she still worries about me when I drive home from her apartment an hour away....so I don't think it ever ends.

 

[Regina]

My mom is 84 and she still worries about me when I drive home from her apartment an hour away....so I don't think it ever ends.

LOL, were we separate at birth? My Mom was always the same way. I heard it when I would forget to call the minute that I got home. She passed away last year and this Wednesday would have been her 86th. I wish I was still calling to say I was safe and sound.

 

[Keli]

I think you can shelter a child too much and have bad, bad results and I think you can give a child too much freedom and have bad, bad results. A balance is required. And it can be very difficult to find the balance at times. I struggle often in giving my dd the freedom to make her own mistakes and yet providing a safety net so that she doesn't do something that could destroy her.

Ashli has never had a good sense of danger IMHO. She's grown up in the country in a small community where there is a real sense that nothing bad ever happens here. Doesn't make it true but it does give Ashli a feeling that she's safe wherever she goes. I have developed a deep appreciation for her street smart bf, lol. When I know he's with her I don't let myself worry. Also, I've noticed that maturity has brought a lot more common sense to my dd so I'm feeling better about her travels all the time. But it has been a particulary painful process.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only parent of an adult child that still worries about them.

 

[goodeats]

My sister and I have been out of college for several years now, and I know she still worries about us all the time.

 

[Tiggeroo]

My DD is a sophomore at University of Maryland, College Park

My one son goes to UMBC. They sometimes take the bus to college park for parties, friends, etc. He has friends at Loyola as well. He tells me very little of what he's up to. I'm expecting there to be issues when he's home for break for turkey day. He will want to do whatever he wants all night.
My dd often walks the 2 miles or so school from her dorm. No big deal except she walks back at night and the path is wooded along a lake. She keeps saying it's well lit and alot of students are walking the path at the same time. I worry.
Three good kids who really are close to me. But good kids get in trouble or hurt all the time. It was so much easier when they were 5yo.