Co-worker giving me the silent treatment

[shortbun]

Go to your boss

I would not do this. The boss will think you can't handle yourself. Just communicate on business things. Tell her that's what you are going to do to keep it professional. She can keep up her silent treatment for other things. The other people you work with are jealous, right?

 

[Lynne M]

Oh, no, do NOT go to the boss. There's nothing bosses hate more than to have to settle childish personal disputes between employees. That will backfire on you, badly. I wouldn't go to HR, either - same reason.

Just continue doing your job. Ignore this 'silent treatment' nonsense. If you need to communicate with her, send her an e-mail. If she doesn't respond, there's a record of your having contacted her, with a date and time. Eventually, she's going to have to respond, or else explain to her manager why she's acting like a three-year-old.

And she can't keep up the silence forever. If I were you, I wouldn't even acknowledge that she's doing it, because nothing will make her crazier than realizing that you couldn't care less that she's mad at you.

 

[flyergrad09]

If she's refusing to speak to you on even work-related matters, then I'd say it's time to let HR know because her behavior will start to affect not only you, but the entire company. I don't know about where you are, but some places have a person who is charge of dealing with intra-office grievances (I only know this because my dad had this unfortunate duty for awhile) and they may be able to give you some tips or work with both of you.

How is it that no one else (like management) has noticed this person's unprofessionalism? Or have they noticed, but decided to ignore it so they wouldn't have to deal with it?

Good luck and remember to be the bigger person.

 

[Heidict]

I think speaking to her only when it pertains to work is the way to go. If she ignores you or refuses to answer you, the go to email, making sure to cc your boss or whomever should know. If she still refuses to answer your questions then she will be the one who has to answer for her unprofessional behavior.

Whatever you do, just make sure that you are professional and that you are not bringing yourself down to her childish level.

If none of that works than you could always try to run over her in the parking lot.

 

[Jennasis]

I'd say work it out, but working it out for me would not include an apology (unless i was truly in the wrong during the previous disagreement, or unless I had made a personal crack about her during the fight).

The silent treatment has clearly worked for her before whether at work or at home. Working it out, for me, would be to carry on with her in a completely normal capacity, ignoring her silent treatment. If she refuses to answer you on any work related manners in person, then send her an email requesting the info with a CC to your supervisor and make sure you include something along the lines of "I asked you for this info on XXX date but did not get a response..."

 

[Gigi22]

Work it out.

As an employer, if this came to my attention I would probably consider replacing both of you. Then again, we strive for a drama free workplace.

As a retired manager, I have to agree. In my office we could never fire someone for a first offence (unless it was heinous or criminal), we had to show that we had taken disciplinary action that was on a reasonable scale. As a first step you would both be re-assigned to far less pleasant offices, or be required to share an office.

 

[FergieTCat]

I would enjoy the silence. If you need to tell her something job related than do so, if she fails to inform you of important job related things inform your supervisor.

Denise in MI

This was my first thought. I'd enjoy the silence!

 

[castleview]

And to think I am contemplating going back to work after being a SAHM to be with other adults.

No kidding. I do want to get back to work, but I always think the hardest thing will be dealing with my fellow women in the workplace.

 

[harleyquinn]

Can you put her on here for a few minutes? I'd like to hear her side of the story.

 

[Robinrs]

Can you put her on here for a few minutes? I'd like to hear her side of the story.

Best.response.EVER!

 

[DizBelle]

What is it she thinks you need to apologize for?

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I agree with those who say you should work it out. I personally would probably go the sort-of apology route and tell her I'm sorry she was offended/had hurt feelings. But to take something this childish to the boss is really too petty. To even consider stooping to her level - to accept her "silent treatment" when you rely on communication with her for your job - rather than just give the cray-cray lady what she wants to hear sounds really juvenile to me, personally. Sometimes, you just have to be the better person.

And I wonder, are you the only one who tracks her odd behavior, like the peanut butter thing and the doughnut announcement, or do others notice it, too. If it is only you, then I very strongly suggest you just step back and take a breath and let this type of weird, unprofessional stuff go lest you end up being deemed the "problem" by the boss/managament.

 

[kimmar067]

....she walks into our lobby where visitors are eating peanut butter out of a jar....

....why would visitors be at your company eating peanut butter outta a jar?

 

[cluvsdisney]

I think speaking to her only when it pertains to work is the way to go. If she ignores you or refuses to answer you, the go to email, making sure to cc your boss or whomever should know. If she still refuses to answer your questions then she will be the one who has to answer for her unprofessional behavior.

Whatever you do, just make sure that you are professional and that you are not bringing yourself down to her childish level.

If none of that works than you could always try to run over her in the parking lot.

This is what worked for me in the past. We used to have an extremely difficult & volatile employee and it was not worth the effort or energy to deal with her on anything other than work issues. It was a blessing when she finally stopped talking to me although we were able to approach each other about work related matters. It was an ongoing issue she had with many other employees but the owners chose to ignore it and focus on her perfect attendance record.

 

[cluvsdisney]

....why would visitors be at your company eating peanut butter outta a jar?

The co-worker was eating the peanut butter...the sentence is missing some commas so it's not 100% clear.

 

[Kellydelly]

I had a similar situation with a coworker. She got mad at me over a scheduling issue (we are nurses) and didn't talk to me for 7 months. I kid you not . Try working with someone who won't talk to you when you are in a situation where people's lives are on the line, and communication is a big part of doing your job. I did go to the mgr after a month of this behavior (she would set herself down with her computer at the entrance to the nursing station so I couldn't get past her (and she is twice my size, so it was very hard to get around her), besides the refusing to talk to me). I was told it takes two. Nice. Didn't realize at the time that she was his cousin . So I just stayed polite, tryed to work around her arrogance/immaturity. She ended up quitting , and then getting herself banned from my unit . I have learned that management does not care, they don't want to know if you have issues with a coworker. If I were you I would just smile and wave . Stay polite and call her bluff. Hopefully the drama won't last for months like mine did.

 

[doris1976]

Just try and let it go, and speak with her only in regard to a work problem. Perhaps she is as frustrated as you but pride gets in the way. If you apologize to her, it will only enable her bad behavior and I am sure it will continue.

 

[2girls4me]

My co-worker did this to me too. Honestly I found it ridiculous and extremely childish.

I no longer work for the same company, but I tell myself that she is still in the same position doing the same thing. Im sure she's pulling the same thing with others too. Whatever, not worth it to me.

 

[Princess Dolly]

....why would visitors be at your company eating peanut butter outta a jar?

Ha! I thought the same thing!

I wouldn't talk to her unless it is work related. Too much drama and no one needs that. Actually I would be thankful she wasn't talking to me.

 

[starsandstripes]

OP here.

As for the confusion about the peanut butter thing, yes, it was she that was eating peanut butter out of the jar in the lobby, not the visitors.

I should mention that while she is still giving me the silent treatment, I still talk to her, say "hi" or "good morning" every day. She just ignores me, but that's her choice I guess. I am continuing on as normal.

I should have mentioned this in the OP, but it is well known throughout our office that she is an alcoholic. You can smell it on her and you can tell when she's been drinking by her actions. However, mgmt feels their hands are tied because she has never come to work actually drunk. They say she needs to ask for help, they can't force her to get it. We work for the gov't in which it's very hard to fire someone. They did tell her, however, that she was no longer allowed to drive the gov't car. She has earned the moniker "functioning alcoholic" around here.

She has also given others in the office the silent treatment, she already no longer speaks to at least 2 people that I know of. One of them told me she did the same thing, insisted on an apology that the other co-worker didn't feel was warranted.

Mgmt does know about her erratic behavior, but because of the drinking thing I don't think they know what to do with her so they do nothing. It's crazy what she gets away with.

Anyway, I have played the scenario over in my mind, and nope I don't feel like I owe her an apology. If anything she owes me one but I don't really care if I get one or not. I just want to move on, but she's incapable apparantly. I will just enjoy the silence as some have suggested and continue just doing my job.