Class gift exchange - sigh.

[Magpie]

I don't like the original idea, but something this sexist would bother me more.

I'm hoping this is a private school. Christmas, in my opinion, doesn't belong in public schools. Even in a private school I wouldn't love it, but also probably wouldn't bother to complain.

I remember when I was a little girl and Santa came to the YMCA daycare I attended. They put the boys in one line and the girls in another, and Santa drew from sacks labeled "Boys" or "Girls", depending on what line you were in.

I tried multiple times to sneak into the Boys line, and finally succeeded, thanks to the general confusion and my unisex seventies "Pageboy" haircut. The kid ahead of me got Playdoh, while I got one of those paddles with a bouncy ball on a string. I was jealous of the Playdoh kid, but I still thought I got a better deal than the girls - all they got was an endless parade of plastic baby dolls!

(And they weren't even the kind that peed... )

I don't like "Boy toys" and "Girl toys". If you're going to give multiple identical toys, then give ALL the kids the same toy.

Playdoh's always good...

 

[smb6]

My kids school does mostly book gift exchanges and the book is not suppose to exceed $5. (easier said than done). I'm fine with it, but don't love it. My ds (2nd grade) took in a really cool book that he loved and got a book he didn't love; but it was the thought that counts and he was still appreciative. There was nothing wrong about the book-it was appropriate- my ds just didn't love it the way he loved the one he gave away. My dd's teachers did something different this year (4th grade) and had each kid send in $5 and the teachers purchased each child a book and goody bag. My ds4/preK does not do any kind of gift exchange. My two oldest are in middle school- they don't do gift exchanges, but do participate in white christmas.

 

[C.Ann]

If you teach in an affluent school, I don't understand why the children are exchanging used toys with each other. That makes no sense to me. They should be giving gifts (new...not used) to children who are less fortunate than they are. I'm sure there are shelters in your area that could give you lists of names and ages to buy for. If you didn't want to do toys, you could do coats, or gloves and hats, or food, or blankets, or personal hygiene products, etc. etc.

OP, you say it wasn't your idea to do the exchange this way, but you do have to take a certain amount of responsibility for following along with it. If I were in your shoes, I would be campaigning pretty hard to change things for next year.

I think this is an excellent idea..

I don't understand the "used" concept either - if the children are going to be taking these toys home.. Why would children from affluent families be interested in a used toy from another child? Wouldn't it make more sense if the children brought in their used toys and then donated them to a worthy charity? Isn't the "charity" and "giving" the whole concept that this exchange is supposed to be teaching them?

 

[Christine]

I think this is an excellent idea..

I don't understand the "used" concept either - if the children are going to be taking these toys home.. Why would children from affluent families be interested in a used toy from another child? Wouldn't it make more sense if the children brought in their used toys and then donated them to a worthy charity? Isn't the "charity" and "giving" the whole concept that this exchange is supposed to be teaching them?

Many charities don't accept used toys. Certainly Goodwill and Salvation Army do but those toys mainly end up in their stores for sale at a cheap price. Most often to really donate to a needy child, the charity asks for a new toy, like Toys for Tots does.

I understand what the OPs schools is trying to do. They are trying to teach the children to give something of their own to someone else. I just think that there's a much better way to work on that message.

 

[snowywhite89]

I think this is a stupid exchange. It is not your job to teach my child about giving. If I had a kid in your exchange I would have bought new too.

 

[luvsJack]

oh for heaven's sakes, people can get their panites in a wad over the dumbest things. My suggestion came from what some classes in dd's school did because gift exchanges are always a problem. The girls all got a necklace that the class mom made--not something most of the boys would have wanted. Of course the same gift could be bought for everyone, it wasn't that literal of a suggestion.

Do ya'll get bent out of shape when the request is for the boys to bring a boys gift and the girls a girl's gift?? Jeessh.

 

[goofy!]

Not sure why everyone has such an issue with this?

It sounds to me like they are trying to teach their students about the spirit of giving without money being involved. It sounds like because these kids come from affluent familes, gift exchanges were getting out of hand and they needed something to bring them down a notch. Like maybe the spirit of giving was being lost in the scramble of which mom can one up the other mom.

I don't think its a bad idea at all. The lesson is a good one.

OP, maybe next year you could give options. A "gently used" toy, original worth of $10 or a new toy up to $7. Or another idea, if you have a great class mom, is to collect $10 from each parent and have class mom to go buy the gifts. (all the girls get the same thing and all the boys get the same thing) and along with this have each child bring in something for Toys for Tots to be able to teach your lesson.

If there weren't forced gift exchanges in the school, there would be no opportunity for the exchanges to get out of hand.

As for the lesson, I can't see a lesson in a bunch of rich kids giving their used stuff to other rich kids.

We live in an affluent district too. I'm with the others that a better lesson to "bring them down a notch" is to do coat, book, food, toy drives for people less affluent.

My DD's cheer gym is doing a pajama drive sponsored by a large, upscale restaurant. The restaurant does a huge dinner for the needy and then gives out the new pj's to everybody. The school's lobby is overflowing with books, canned goods, and toys for the needy. One year, each class adopted a family and it was wonderful going out with the kids to shop for this family. They were so excited to make their Christmas as special as theirs is.

These are lessons in giving. Not exchanging your used stuff with other kids in the same socioeconomic bracket.

And I would be one of those "haters" and that parent the OP referenced that would go out and buy something, although I would try to stay within the monetary guidelines. Sorry.

 

[luvsJack]

If there weren't forced gift exchanges in the school, there would be no opportunity for the exchanges to get out of hand.As for the lesson, I can't see a lesson in a bunch of rich kids giving their used stuff to other rich kids.

We live in an affluent district too. I'm with the others that a better lesson to "bring them down a notch" is to do a coat, book, food, toy drives for people less affluent.

My DD's cheer gym is doing a pajama drive sponsored by a large, upscale restaurant. The restaurant does a huge dinner for the needy and then gives out the new pj's to everybody. The school's lobby is overflowing with books, canned goods, and toys for the needy. One year, each class adopted a family and it was wonderful going out with the kids to shop for this family. They were so excited to make their Christmas as special as theirs is.

These are lessons in giving. Not exchanging your used stuff with other kids in the same socioeconomic bracket.

And I would be one of those "haters" and that parent the OP referenced that would go out and buy something, although I would try to stay within the monetary guidelines. Sorry.

Actually quite the opposite can be true. In dd's school the "forced" exchanges stop after 4th grade. So now everyone brings gifts for their friends. What you end up with now is one popular kid getting 6 gifts and one unpopular kid getting nothing.

DD always takes 2 extra gifts for the two kids in her class that she knows will get nothing (they are not friends). For 3 years now, they have each gotten that one gift. All the while some of the girls' moms are going way out to send the "cutest" and "coolest" gifts. So you have one little group of girls running around going "ooohhhh look what I got!" and other kids have to sit with a bag of candy. Its really ridiculous. DD takes several gifts and usually they are all the same or some variation of the same thing and we spend about $30 total. Some of these moms are probably spending $30 per gift. DD got a couple this year that I was about, knowing this mom bought several of this gift.

And actually a lesson in giving can be taught in ways that don't always involve giving to the needy. Giving something of ourself can be the best gift. Toys can be prized possessions. For a kid to perhaps give his favorite toy to a friend (regardless of what that friend's family can afford) is a lesson in giving.

 

[goofy!]

Actually quite the opposite can be true. In dd's school the "forced" exchanges stop after 4th grade. So now everyone brings gifts for their friends. What you end up with now is one popular kid getting 6 gifts and one unpopular kid getting nothing.

DD always takes 2 extra gifts for the two kids in her class that she knows will get nothing (they are not friends). For 3 years now, they have each gotten that one gift. All the while some of the girls' moms are going way out to send the "cutest" and "coolest" gifts. So you have one little group of girls running around going "ooohhhh look what I got!" and other kids have to sit with a bag of candy. Its really ridiculous. DD takes several gifts and usually they are all the same or some variation of the same thing and we spend about $30 total. Some of these moms are probably spending $30 per gift. DD got a couple this year that I was about, knowing this mom bought several of this gift.

That does seem like it could be a problem.

I am glad that in our school district, you can bring in a gift for the teacher (not allowed to be over $25.00 - even a joint class gift). But just like birthday invites, gifts between students are never exchanged in the classroom. That happens at parties and between friends and families during non-school hours.

 

[luvsJack]

That does seem like it could be a problem.

I am glad that in our school district, you can bring in a gift for the teacher (not allowed to be over $25.00 - even a joint class gift). But just like birthday invites, gifts between students are never exchanged in the classroom. That happens at parties and between friends and families during non-school hours.

Yeah, I have gone to the administration trying to get them to change it but no go. The reasoning is that because we live in a rural area, the kids don't see each other much outside of school so would not be able to exchange gifts.

 

[cruisnfamily]

Every year we do a gift exchange for the grade one students. We ask them to choose one toy of their own to wrap and bring in for the exchange. Letters go home to parents at the beginning of December, with notes on the original value of the toy ($15 - $25), no books, and about cleaning it before wrapping it. We try to stress that you should give something you'd like to receive.

We're in a very affluent area where many of the students are very well off, so this is a way of keeping giving from getting out of hand. (In the past we had parents bringing the whole class gifts, and then it would become a game of one-upmanship, with kids wanting to know why so and so brought everyone gifts, but this child didn't... ) I think it also stresses the giving rather than the getting, as the children are choosing something of their own to give away, in the hopes that their classmates will like it as much as they did.

We also tie it into social studies about sharing and giving, being part of a group and a community.

Well, this year out of 16 students who participated we had 7 new gifts, most way above the original limit. Thankfully, all the children seemed happy with their gift, but it was really disappointing. I'm not sure if the parents were trying to show off, if they were unwilling to let their child give away their own toy, or if the kid refused so they just bought something new. But it felt like the whole point of the exchange was lost.

The exchange has worked very well in the past, this year just seemed to fall flat.

If your school does student gift exchanges, how do they work?

I'm just curious if you are in the US and is "grade one" the equivalent of first grade with the children being approx 6 years old? For some reason I'm getting the impression you are not in the US and wonder if this is geared at a different age group than what we are all picturing. Not a fan of this idea no matter the age but I just wondered.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Actually quite the opposite can be true. In dd's school the "forced" exchanges stop after 4th grade. So now everyone brings gifts for their friends. What you end up with now is one popular kid getting 6 gifts and one unpopular kid getting nothing.

DD always takes 2 extra gifts for the two kids in her class that she knows will get nothing (they are not friends). For 3 years now, they have each gotten that one gift. All the while some of the girls' moms are going way out to send the "cutest" and "coolest" gifts. So you have one little group of girls running around going "ooohhhh look what I got!" and other kids have to sit with a bag of candy. Its really ridiculous. DD takes several gifts and usually they are all the same or some variation of the same thing and we spend about $30 total. Some of these moms are probably spending $30 per gift. DD got a couple this year that I was about, knowing this mom bought several of this gift.

And actually a lesson in giving can be taught in ways that don't always involve giving to the needy. Giving something of ourself can be the best gift. Toys can be prized possessions. For a kid to perhaps give his favorite toy to a friend (regardless of what that friend's family can afford) is a lesson in giving.

That's even stranger, IMO. They allow children to bring gifts for other kids to school? Really?

I saw your post below about it being a rural area, but I can't really wrap my mind around spending $30 for a gift for someone who isn't worth driving to. I mean, I assume you're all within a hundred miles of each other if your kids attend the same school.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would never participate in a gift exchange like this. To be honest I hate gift exchanges. I do not want to buy gifts for my kid's classmates. I also am not going to send in my own kid's toys for their classmates. If we have the toys that means they play with them. I do not need the schools to teach my children to give at the holidays. That is my job. I also do not like anything that requires kids to bring things in at all. We do food drives, angel trees etc. at school and yes, we do participate- by choice. The schools however do not require it. Let people give to who they want how much they want. Call me a hater but gift giving in my opinion is a personal thing. I don't want to be told who to buy for. Especially in this ecomony I don't care how affluent your school district is there are bound to be those who are struggling. Why add extra stress for them?

 

[Manhattan Princess]

I just think a used gift exchange is a bad idea for so many reasons and does not teach the lessons meant. If it is truly a district mandate, then why not talk to them and question it? If I were a teacher, it would make me uncomfortable, and as a parent I would certainly speak up. My kids' school has a year-round book exchange where there is a shelf where you can drop off books and take new ones. We are an incredibly well-blessed private school, but it is heaven to some of us who are completely ready to trade in (or get rid of and never have to see again) certain books we have heard 10,000 times. Why is exchanging gifts ever necessary in school? Seems like that is crossing many personal/religious/economic/family lines that just don't belong in a school.

 

[Minnie]

As for all the haters, it's not my idea. All of div. 1 does it, but I thought it was rather a nice gesture. Oh well, you can never please everyone.

Wow that's a bit extreme for the comments you received.....

IMO it's not the best idea - value seems high for a class gift exchange - and you're just looking for problems with used - missing parts, something doesn't work, etc, etc.

Hopefully your district will change the "rules" on this soon.

 

[merryweather20]

I think my Mom would have been buying something as well. Just because a gift "looks" like it was worth more doesn't mean it cost that. It may have been something the parents could buy using reward points, or a prize that the kids didn't use.

Something functioning, age appropriate, cleanable, unisex and with a reasonable amount of parts and pieces... I think we'd be hadr pressed to coe up with something.

Actually quite the opposite can be true. In dd's school the "forced" exchanges stop after 4th grade. So now everyone brings gifts for their friends. What you end up with now is one popular kid getting 6 gifts and one unpopular kid getting nothing.

DD always takes 2 extra gifts for the two kids in her class that she knows will get nothing (they are not friends). For 3 years now, they have each gotten that one gift. All the while some of the girls' moms are going way out to send the "cutest" and "coolest" gifts. So you have one little group of girls running around going "ooohhhh look what I got!" and other kids have to sit with a bag of candy. Its really ridiculous. DD takes several gifts and usually they are all the same or some variation of the same thing and we spend about $30 total. Some of these moms are probably spending $30 per gift. DD got a couple this year that I was about, knowing this mom bought several of this gift.

And actually a lesson in giving can be taught in ways that don't always involve giving to the needy. Giving something of ourself can be the best gift. Toys can be prized possessions. For a kid to perhaps give his favorite toy to a friend (regardless of what that friend's family can afford) is a lesson in giving.

One thing has nothing to do with another. I don't see why a forced gift exchange would effect in the least students who wanted to bring in gifts for their close friends.

 

[focusondisney]

One thing has nothing to do with another. I don't see why a forced gift exchange would effect in the least students who wanted to bring in gifts for their close friends.

Good point! Kids coud still be bringing in all those other gifts, too. You could have some getting the used toy plus several new gifts & others sitting there with only the one used toy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The only time we did gift exchanges were books and you marked girl or boy on them. It was optional to participate. I did not mind that.

Your exchange sounds complicated.

 

[Buckalew11]

The favorite thing of mine that DD's class did for this typeof thing was bring baby gifts in (like for a shower) for a local place that helps moms to be who need help with baby essentials. The kids loved shopping for baby stuff and felt it was going to a good cause.

No, you cannot please everyone. It really is hard.

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't like gift exchanges at school or work period.