Church Bulletin Bloopers

[CapeCodTenor]

I found this at work and just had pass this along. I'm typing word for word here...I couldn't make this stuff up.

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. The following actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

1) Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodists. Come here Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2) The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

3) Ladies, don't forget the rumage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

4) For those of you with children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5) Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

6) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. (my favorite )

7) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

8) Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of serveral new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

9) Please place your donations in the envelopls along with the deceased.

10) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

11) Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

12) Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

13) The peacemaking meting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did. When I first read these I was crying I was laughing so hard.

 

[SC Minnie]

I've seen these before but they are still funny. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Cantw8]

That's great...thanks, I needed a laugh

 

[2Xited4Disney]

hahahhahahahahhhhah i laughed outloud in class.... thanks

 

[goofygirl]

 

[OhMari]

I am actually a bulletin person. My biggest blunder was

The choir will be sinning this weekend at all Masses.

I only received one phone call-I wanted to go away and crawl in a hole.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I am actually a bulletin person. My biggest blunder was

The choir will be sinning this weekend at all Masses.

I only received one phone call-I wanted to go away and crawl in a hole.

That's just too funny. Sorry if I brought up a sore point, but this was too funny to keep to myself.

 

[Mkaz]

 

[OhMari]

That's just too funny. Sorry if I brought up a sore point, but this was too funny to keep to myself.

It wasn't a sore point, it was just a very embarassing moment.

 

[taeja71]

Classic CHURCH BULLETIN Bloopers

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to
be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make
calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. session is done.

4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.

5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday morning.

6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to
8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

8) Ushers will eat latecomers.

9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without
musical accomplishment.

10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.

11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of
the audience.

12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which
the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our
pulpit.

14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning
service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."


15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services
will be discontinued until further notice.

16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

17) The music for today's service was all composed by George
Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his
birth.


18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.


19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.

20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.
Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored
the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.


21) 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the
home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield
and Mrs.Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.


22) A song feast was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.


23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?
with hymns from a full choir.

24) Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"

25) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
GOD IS GOOD Dr.. Hargreaves is better.

26) Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.


27) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

28) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

29) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary who will be obliged to accept them.

30) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.

31) The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

32) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the birth of their first child. Ovulation starts at
7pm.

33) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large
double door at the side entrance.

34) Anyone wishing to witness for the Lord meet on the
courthouse steps at 9am tomorrow morning.


35) The baptismal service will be rescheduled for next
month due to Pastor Merriwether slipped Sat. night.

36) Please send prayer request and offerings to Mr & Mrs Smith
who make up the Bulletin during their free time.

Our condolences go out to those who check and recheck the church bulletins
for typo's and wording and still let things like these get by them....LOL

God Bless !!

There may be some duplicates from the first post, my apologies if there are.
From this website, http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/ducksoup/555/churchbullitins.html#