Chubby Kids...

[cruiserkaren]

I haven't read all posts yet - but I will. Hope I'm not beating a dead horse with this one.

My cousin is 9 and overweight. Not becasue she sits around and eats snickers day and night but because of the 12 medications she is on. Looking at her she is fine. However, she is moderately mentally ********, autistic and a whole slew of other things they are still working out. She hallucinates and has rage issues. She was normal sized, actually small for her age until they had to introduce certain meds to her. The side effects were weight gain. So what do you do? Give her meds to try to help her have the most "normal" day possible for her or do you worry about how she is perceived by others?

 

[tinkntraining]

So what do you do? Give her meds to try to help her have the most "normal" day possible for her or do you worry about how she is perceived by others?

You do exactly what your Aunt and Uncle are doing. You give her the meds to help her have the most "normal" life possible. If those meds have bad side effects, you try to search for new ones that don't (if there are any). And to heck with the perceptions of others.

 

[luvmy3]

It is very possible that she is allergic to most fruits. DD was diagnosed with an apple allergy which is actually a birch allergy. They gave us a list of hundreds of foods that she might be allergic to and most fruits were on it. So far the only safe thing we know for sure is bananas but that is for her, others may be allergic. DD knows never to eat any fruit unless DH or I am there. I just is not worth the risk.

This is 100% correct. My ds who has sufferend from seasonal allergies as just started to show signs of allergies to certain fruits. It started with an apple (he is also allergic to birch). Some veggies even make the interior of his mouth and throat itchy. He can eat any fruit or veggie cooked but now we do have to be careful of giving him fresh.
Okeydokey, your dd's friend may very well be telling the truth.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

OP - I think you are going to get 2 types of replies on this highly sensitive topic --

One type of reply from parents of overweight children and a completely different one from parents without overweight children. And you will find that the 2 types of replies will be very, very different.

Hopefully, mine will offer a slightly different perspective. And I hope you take it in the vein it was intended. I am not judging you for making assumptions, or even for having the perceptions you do. And I understand that you are looking at it from a health standpoint. That said.....

I'm a mom who's 10-year-old daughter fought off Adolescent Anorexia for a year and a half (the impetus for which was being publicly weighed in gym class and being a mere 15 pounds heavier than other girls her age). To be honest with you, I am NOT the right one to comment on this topic, so I will limit my response. Let's just say that I watched my beautiful, slightly chubby daughter spiral from a beautiful, healthy 10-year-old (who was involved in gymnastics and was blue belt in Tae Kwon Do) to a skinny, pale child who couldn't maintain a normal body temperature, who's heartbeat was dangerously irregular, who couldn't stand without blacking out and who's body was feeding on its own muscles for fuel. Thank God I noticed the subtle signs very early on and sought help from a multi-disciplinary team of experts. We almost lost her, and yes, I believe her disease was a direct result of "other people's opinions" or, maybe my little girl's skewed perception of other's opinions, and the importance she placed on them.

I'm glad to say that now, 4 years later, my little girl is again a healthy, beautiful child with a wonderful outlook on life. However, I know from education, that we'll have to be ever-vigilant about her slipping into old behaviors. Sadly, anorexia is a lot like alcoholism. You're never fully "recovered" -- you are always in the process of "recovering". It makes me so sad to think that as adults, some people feel perfectly justified in passing judgement on the parents of "chubby" kids. The truth is, they don't know the whole story, they have not walked a mile in their shoes, and they have no idea of their personal struggles.

There, I'm done. I think I'll step off my soapbox now.

I am so sorry for what you had to go through.

I remember those days as a kid and they were hard.

I would comfort myself WITH food. For being made fun of, or made to feel like I was to heavy. When looking back, again it was 15-20 vanity pounds. Not FAT or OBEASE. It's a difficult road, one that I understand all to well.

I am glad that she is doing better now, and is on the road of recovery.


And again, this is not a fat vs. skinny thing. Or don't give your kids their meds b/c it makes them fat. OBVIOUSLY, the child in the posts before needed her meds. But even then..

Meds don't make you 40 lbs overweight.
i can see meds, and have been on meds that slow ya up. Make it hard to lose, make it easy to gain.
I think sometimes, parents like to find blame, in anyone but themselves. (not saying you or anyone else needs to change what they do) but SOMETIMES, yes. the parent needs to change what they feed their kids to avoid unhealthy lifestyle advances.

Health issues don't count. i'll say it again.

 

[tinkntraining]

I am so sorry for what you had to go through.

I remember those days as a kid and they were hard.

I would comfort myself WITH food. For being made fun of, or made to feel like I was to heavy. When looking back, again it was 15-20 vanity pounds. Not FAT or OBEASE. It's a difficult road, one that I understand all to well.

I am glad that she is doing better now, and is on the road of recovery.

Thank you, ThreeMusketeers. She is doing very, very well. And thank you for not taking offense at my post. I'm sorry you had a difficult time as a child, too. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Barbossa]

I'm in the same boat, I've had a weight problem since I was a kid. Though I don't know exactly why this happened, I do know that I have a compulsion to eat which, I suspect, was instilled by my parents' insistence that I clean my plate. Thus I insist that we don't force our kids to eat when they're not hungry. I don't want food to be an obsession for them. To my delight my kids are very lean, whether my philosophies are the reason for this, I don't know. What I do know is that my kids are not preoccupied with food, which is a very good thing IMO.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

I think another issue is what is considered "healthy" food today. We have been so snowballed that kids NEED fruit juice, cereal, grains etc. It's sugar folks, pure and simple, and most of today's kids live on the crap. I'm not saying some fruit, or juice once in a while is a terrible thing, but it should not be 100% of the diet either.

Most fruit juice actually has HFCS added to it. It's actually difficult to buy juice that's 100% juice. Since I don't drink coffee and it's difficult to fix tea at work, I usually take a bottle of juice for first thing in the morning. I cannot tell you how difficult it is to find 100% juice without any added crap.

 

[DizBelle]

This is 100% correct. My ds who has sufferend from seasonal allergies as just started to show signs of allergies to certain fruits. It started with an apple (he is also allergic to birch). Some veggies even make the interior of his mouth and throat itchy. He can eat any fruit or veggie cooked but now we do have to be careful of giving him fresh.
Okeydokey, your dd's friend may very well be telling the truth.

I would think that if this girl had any kind of food allergy, her mom would have told this mom about it before she came over to their house. I certainly would have.

 

[scottishduffy]

My parents were morbidly obese, my brother was morbidly obese, I was the only normal sized one in our house. I developed a massive eating disorder in my middle school and teen years trying to dodge being fat. I have gone betwen anorexia (gotten down to 80 lbs) and overeating. As a kid I ate fast food almost every day. In the past ten years my whole family worked hard to change our eating habits and we are pretty much all normal weights now. But all of us had a heck of a tough time with it. I still don't totally know how to eat.

Now, I do get angry when I am going grocery shopping and I see an obese parent with a shopping cart full of potato chips, sugary drinks, cookies, ice cream... and then their child is drinking coke from a sippy cup. It infuriates me; why they wouldn't try to do better by their kids. I get a little angry when i see an obese family without a single fruit or veggie in their cart, as if the whole shopping list comes from the freezer section and the snack food aisle. I pray for the kids to somehow be able to break that cycle. Or when mom is complaining about how many chips, and cakes the child eats but refuses to take them out of the house because *she* likes them too. As if the child should magically know how to have self control and eat properly without any guidance.

I am not talking about kids who are a little chubby. Plenty of kids get a little chubby before a growth, some kids are also just built a little thick, these kids are NOT fat. Kids come in all sizes, but some sizes just aren't naturla and it is relatively easy to distinguish the two. When I say obese child I am talking about a child under the age of 7 with a huge belly and who you can hear getting winded when they walk around. (I also am not referring to kids with invisible illness like thyroid issues or on immunosuppressive therapy. They are not the majority by FAR)

 

[DisneyKT]

OP - I think you are going to get 2 types of replies on this highly sensitive topic --

One type of reply from parents of overweight children and a completely different one from parents without overweight children. And you will find that the 2 types of replies will be very, very different.

Hopefully, mine will offer a slightly different perspective. And I hope you take it in the vein it was intended. I am not judging you for making assumptions, or even for having the perceptions you do. And I understand that you are looking at it from a health standpoint. That said.....

I'm a mom who's 10-year-old daughter fought off Adolescent Anorexia for a year and a half (the impetus for which was being publicly weighed in gym class and being a mere 15 pounds heavier than other girls her age). To be honest with you, I am NOT the right one to comment on this topic, so I will limit my response. Let's just say that I watched my beautiful, slightly chubby daughter spiral from a beautiful, healthy 10-year-old (who was involved in gymnastics and was blue belt in Tae Kwon Do) to a skinny, pale child who couldn't maintain a normal body temperature, who's heartbeat was dangerously irregular, who couldn't stand without blacking out and who's body was feeding on its own muscles for fuel. Thank God I noticed the subtle signs very early on and sought help from a multi-disciplinary team of experts. We almost lost her, and yes, I believe her disease was a direct result of "other people's opinions" or, maybe my little girl's skewed perception of other's opinions, and the importance she placed on them.

I'm glad to say that now, 4 years later, my little girl is again a healthy, beautiful child with a wonderful outlook on life. However, I know from education, that we'll have to be ever-vigilant about her slipping into old behaviors. Sadly, anorexia is a lot like alcoholism. You're never fully "recovered" -- you are always in the process of "recovering". It makes me so sad to think that as adults, some people feel perfectly justified in passing judgement on the parents of "chubby" kids. The truth is, they don't know the whole story, they have not walked a mile in their shoes, and they have no idea of their personal struggles.

There, I'm done. I think I'll step off my soapbox now.

I am so glad your DD is ok....

 

[mkingdomlvr]

My parents were morbidly obese, my brother was morbidly obese, I was the only normal sized one in our house. I developed a massive eating disorder in my middle school and teen years trying to dodge being fat. I have gone betwen anorexia (gotten down to 80 lbs) and overeating. As a kid I ate fast food almost every day. In the past ten years my whole family worked hard to change our eating habits and we are pretty much all normal weights now. But all of us had a heck of a tough time with it. I still don't totally know how to eat.

Now, I do get angry when I am going grocery shopping and I see an obese parent with a shopping cart full of potato chips, sugary drinks, cookies, ice cream... and then their child is drinking coke from a sippy cup. It infuriates me; why they wouldn't try to do better by their kids. I get a little angry when i see an obese family without a single fruit or veggie in their cart, as if the whole shopping list comes from the freezer section and the snack food aisle. I pray for the kids to somehow be able to break that cycle. Or when mom is complaining about how many chips, and cakes the child eats but refuses to take them out of the house because *she* likes them too. As if the child should magically know how to have self control and eat properly without any guidance.

I am not talking about kids who are a little chubby. Plenty of kids get a little chubby before a growth, some kids are also just built a little thick, these kids are NOT fat. Kids come in all sizes, but some sizes just aren't naturla and it is relatively easy to distinguish the two. When I say obese child I am talking about a child under the age of 7 with a huge belly and who you can hear getting winded when they walk around. (I also am not referring to kids with invisible illness like thyroid issues or on immunosuppressive therapy. They are not the majority by FAR)

I really think that's the issue that most of us are talking about here. Not kids with medical problems, kids with parent problems!

I was in our Publix once behind this woman who was very heavy. Her child (also very heavy) was throwing candy bar after candy bar into the cart and she was putting them on the belt! I would have been putting them right back on the display! The topper of the whole thing was when she said to the cashier: "He just LOVES his Candy!!" Like it was the cutest thing she ever saw in her life.

Honey, it's NOT cute. It's deadly.

 

[slo]

I have a large structure, and I have always struggled with my weight. Because of this, I've always been paranoid about my kids becoming heavy, because I don't want them teased like I was.

Now, my oldest DD has a tiny structure, and is very thin - she's one that could eat anything, and it wouldn't matter. My youngest DD is built just like me, and therefore, I really worry about her weight.

To keep weight under control, and good eating habits in check, my kids are NEVER allowed to eat anything without asking first - I've installed this in them since they could walk. This isn't a battle with my kids, because this is how life is in our house, and they are used to it. I keep all sweets up high, where they can't reach them, therefore, nothing can be snuck while I'm not looking. Dessert can only be eatin if all their dinner has been eatin. There is no excessive candy eatin, and in fact, they are so used to this, that most candy that is given to them for holidays end up at my DH's fire station for them to eat.

To keep them from becoming couch potatoes - they are not allowed to watch TV (except during breakfast) Monday - Thursday, and on the weekends, during the day, they aren't allowed to watch TV (they need to to play with their toys - that is why we buy them). During the summer, if it's nice out, they go outside and play - all day!!!

To keep them educated on food choices, I explain to them now what will put weight on them - they need to know!!! I tell them not to smoke and do drugs, so I need to also explain why we can't eat McDonald's everyday, and why they can't eat 3 HoHos in one sitting.

I know many parents believe that a child shouldn't worry about their weight and appearance, but I kindly disagree. I know when I have put weight on, I have lower self-esteem, and I don't want them to feel that way. I also don't want them to health problems related to excessive weight. What's the difference if I stand back and watch them become diabetic (not all overweight people become this of course) or allow them to start smoking at 14 and watch them get lung cancer.

I know how I feel doesn't apply to all people, but it works in my house. Many people say I'm to strict with my girls, and because after I clean up dinner I say "the kitchen is closed" but like I said, it works for us

Wow, I just wrote alot

 

[luvmy3]

I would think that if this girl had any kind of food allergy, her mom would have told this mom about it before she came over to their house. I certainly would have.

I don't tell my ds friend's mom because my ds knows what he can and can't eat. He would tell the mom he is allergic to xxxx if she offered it to him.

 

[Axel]

My cousin is very overweight. And it's not medical. And I can't help but look down on her a little whenever I see her. Because she doesn't do anything to lose the weight.

She's two years younger than I am and weighs something like 70-100 pounds more. And it isn't muscle. The only reason the gap is that little is because of how much muscle I have. I have stomach flub, yeah, but not nearly enough to be considered "fat". But I keep active. I run anywhere from 6-10 miles a week. I eat healthy, too (except for today. Today I was horrible. It's because there's still candy and soda in the house from the holidays. I don't eat it or buy it and neither does my mom except over the holidays).

My cousin, however, goes home directly after school and immediately sits in front of the TV or computer with junk food. My uncle is large, but he's always been a big boy, even when he was a three sport athlete in high school. He's genetically hindered in that category. But my cousin is too large to blame it entirely on bad genetics/metabolism. Her sister (who was never active) maintained a size 1 figure all her life (she still is a size 1 at age 20).

My cousin just enrolled in a program at the local gym to help her lose weight and get fit for softball season. She was cut from the freshman team last year because of her weight. She is a great catcher and can hit really well, but she's so heavy that they have to put in a pinch runner if she gets on base. Yet, she can't figure out why she was cut. She simply was a hindrance to the team. I don't agree with her being cut just because of her weight, but I can see where the coach was coming from strategically.

All of her friends are super skinny. I've never met one of her friends that was a size 10 or larger. Never. She's the kind of girl that is so excited about going to Torrid because she's only a size 2 there. Their size 2 is the equivalent of a juniors 18 or so, I believe. She was complaining the other night because there was a girl working there who was "too skinny" for that kind of position.

Sometimes, I just want to smack her upside the head and tell her to wise up. My aunt and uncle feed her and her sister the exact same things- but her sister doesn't go home and eat junk food; she's at work all day and hung out with friends in high school. She never gave herself the time to pig out.

Sorry for the long, rambling post. I just needed to get that out.

 

[kristilew]

My daughters friend is quite overweight and getting worse by the year. At my house she asks for a snack and when I offer apples or grapes she says she is allergic to fruit (all fruit ). She doesn't like water, so do I have soda? I give her healthy stuff at my house but I know she's not getting that at home.

DD11 has a friend like this. She wants chips and cookies for snack, and we just don't have them in the house. Last weekend she was here for lunch and they made quesadillas. DD always makes these in the toaster with whole grain tortillas and cheese. The friend put so much butter on hers that it leaked all over the toaster oven!

Yet, she is constantly telling DD that she wishes she weren't "so fat" and that DD is "lucky" because she's skinny. Usually while drinking a Coke.

We constantly chant the mantra "all things in moderation." It's bad to be a food nazi, and just as bad to allow free rein, imho.

 

[luvsJack]

Most fruit juice actually has HFCS added to it. It's actually difficult to buy juice that's 100% juice. Since I don't drink coffee and it's difficult to fix tea at work, I usually take a bottle of juice for first thing in the morning. I cannot tell you how difficult it is to find 100% juice without any added crap.

In our child care center we were required to use 100% juice that had vitamin C in it. Very hard to find. We found that the cheapest brands of frozen juice concentrate were exactly what we needed. Almost all of the store brands we looked at were 100% juice with no additives.

 

[maleficent1959]

I know that this is a “hot button” topic for many people, but I just don’t understand why there cannot be a rational discussion of childhood obesity on these boards without it breaking down based on emotion. The OP is not talking about kids who are a little chubby or overweight. Heck, a little chub is perfectly normal and healthy. She’s talking about obesity, and that is a whole different ball of wax.

Are childhood obesity rates getting higher? Yes, although they have leveled a bit in the last 2 years. Are we seeing an increase in coronary disease, diabetes, and other diseases in children related to obesity? Yes. I read that life expectancy for younger generations is actually trending downward because of all the related health issues. Should we be concerned with these trends? Absolutely.

For all of you who take offense because your child is an exception, while your child has medical or other issues that you and doctor are handling, I can’t believe that the numbers we’re seeing are solely caused by medical issues. Of course there are children affected by things the public can’t see or comprehend, but on the macro level the increased numbers are of concern. If people could step back from the micro level maybe we could have a good discussion rather than a back and forth of taking offense and apologizing for causing the offense. How can we ever hope to help children if we can’t even discuss the issue?

And while it is easy to target the parents who obviously feed their kids a diet of crap, maybe we should turn our attention to a food industry that makes and markets that stuff. Or makes “healthy” food that is just disguised crap. We really need a food industry that we can trust, not one that is out to make the most profit from the cheapest, crappiest sources counting on government subsidies to keep their food cheap while the healthy stuff is more expensive because those companies don’t get the subsidies.

 

[Cindyluwho]

I have a weight problem. My DD8 has a weight problem. From birth she was bigger than her twin. A pound bigger at birth. 10 pounds bigger by 1 yr. 20 pounds by 4. She remains 20 pounds bigger. They're given the same food. If anything, she eats more fruits and vegetables than he does. I've lost weight and we work hard to have healthy meals and snacks in the house. My kids are enrolled in Tae kwon Do, swimming and play outside. DD has recently been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and is beginning treatment.


But you know what? None of that is your business. You have no clue what kind of things are going on at another person's home. You have no idea what those parents are doing to help or hurt that child. Just as I don't know if your (presumably) thin child is nurtured and loved in your home, or degraded and abused. I don't know if you work hard to provide your child with educational opportunities or are guilty of educational neglect. I don't know if you're raising a cultured, open-minded individual or if you are raising (by example) a foul mouthed bigot..

My sister is has always had a similar diet to mine and she suffers from being obese. She is not a pig, she eats pretty much the same as I do I've always been thin, she was thin until about age 25 and is now 50-75 lbs overweight. It's definately not fair and not her fault or the fault of our parents.

Are you saying that none of those things you mentioned are anyone elses' business? If my neighbor is abusing his child, I'm not only going to judge him, I'm going to turn him in to the authorities. I would judge another parent for any of the reasons you mentioned. What's wrong is wrong, including feeding your kid crap instead of healthy food.

 

[MemoryMakers2669]

I get a little angry when i see an obese family without a single fruit or veggie in their cart, as if the whole shopping list comes from the freezer section and the snack food aisle.

If you saw my THIN, assumably heathly friend, with this same cart of junk...as her cart always looks this way, would that make you a little angry too? Just curious, not trying to be snarky at all. She takes that crap home to her fairly overweight kids! But by looking at her, most wouldn't think a thing of her cart full of fun snacks!

 

[DizzKneeGeek]

I have a weight problem. My DD8 has a weight problem. From birth she was bigger than her twin. A pound bigger at birth. 10 pounds bigger by 1 yr. 20 pounds by 4. She remains 20 pounds bigger. They're given the same food. If anything, she eats more fruits and vegetables than he does. I've lost weight and we work hard to have healthy meals and snacks in the house. My kids are enrolled in Tae kwon Do, swimming and play outside. DD has recently been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and is beginning treatment.


But you know what? None of that is your business. You have no clue what kind of things are going on at another person's home. You have no idea what those parents are doing to help or hurt that child. Just as I don't know if your (presumably) thin child is nurtured and loved in your home, or degraded and abused. I don't know if you work hard to provide your child with educational opportunities or are guilty of educational neglect. I don't know if you're raising a cultured, open-minded individual or if you are raising (by example) a foul mouthed bigot.

Just because you see a fat kid doesn't mean you know the whole story. I can't look at your kid and automatically know what kind of parent you are either. It's none of my business and none of your business. Save your anger and pity please.

I don't think anyone is speaking about children with medical conditions here.

But when you are in a grecery store and you see an obese mom and an obese child with a cart full of chicken nuggets, hot dogs, candy, cookies, non diet soda, frozen pizza, canned pasta and other atrocities; you really have to call it like you see it.

Take a deep breath and realize noone is referring to your DD with hypothyroisism.