My mother and MIL were both widowed in their 50’s. They need every cent they have so we have never really gotten cash for Christmas. Back when my dad was alive they usually gave us $200 for Xmas, which was awesome because we were young and broke when we were first married.
I work with a few ladies who have kids my age. They are in their 60’s and kids are 30’s. My coworker took a break and went to the credit union to get money for Xmas gifts. She was kind of talking out loud and saying how much do I need to take out? $2000, $3000? I must have looked confused because she said well, should I give the kids (son and daughter in 30’s) $1000? Do I give the couple with kids more/ less? I said ”You give your kids $1000 for Xmas!? I had never heard of such a thing. She said sure. Her parents had done it for her.
I think its pretty nice. I hope I have enough money and good health to do the same for my kids when they get older. Sure, I make more than my parents do. But they had their mortgage paid off in their early 30’s. No car payments, no childcare cost etc. Even though I work and make a decent amount there are times when I say no to buying something frivolous. Getting money for Xmas might mean I could buy something I might not have otherwise.
When my MIL was alive, she would give each grandchild $500--wanting to be even, of course. I would argue that my 3yo didn't NEED $500! But, I agreed with her prerogative as a grandmother to give it to him. What we would do was put the money in the bank--the kids could spend other money/gift cards right after Christmas (additional parts for games, something they wanted but didn't get, etc.). Then, when we went on vacation, I'd withdraw a generous amount of "grandma money" for the kids' spending money on the trip. That way, they were enjoying a gift from Grandma, that wa sa special remembrance.
To the OP--I would still give money if you have it and you want to. If, for whatever reason, you choose to stop (or decrease the amount), let the kids know well in advance. Even people who are doing okay have bills, wants that they can't justify, etc., where the money would come in handy.
Another thing I do with my oldest is, ask her if she "needs" something, that's maybe too much of a splurge for right now. My oldest lives with her boyfriend near Boston--they don't have a ton of extra space. I had offered a Kitchenaid, but they don't want it taking up the counter space. OTOH, their oven doesn't vent (?!?), so an air fryer was something they wanted. I let them pick out the exact model--they know what size and features--and DD bought it with a joint credit card that I'll pay off. It's not a surprise, but still much appreciated!
And I still give gift cards--everyone loves food or drink ones (Dunks for the Boston girl, Starbucks for one barista, card for the local chain another kid works at, no coffee but Bojangles for the remaining kid). The kids are always really happy to get those.
I actually go to a store I love and make my DH a "catalog" of things I'd like to have. I take pictures of the item, the price and the basic location in the store, and text them to him. I pick a dozen or so different items so there's still some element of surprise in what he gets me, and I really enjoy doing it. Win/win for both of us and it doesn't strike me as something to feel hostile about. I also really appreciate it when he tells me what he would like, even though I find choosing gifts pretty easy on my own.
