Christmas gift

[MamaBelle4]

My husband tries so hard to surprise me. I don't go out of my way to ruin the surprises but seem to always do so. (Like the big 30th birthday party he planned for me this year).

He picked out my present and ordered and told me to leave it alone when it arrived. No problem. I like to be surprised.

I get an email, hey, you left this in your cart, still interested? I've had people hack on my online accounts lately so I checked it out.

It is my Christmas present. Exact price point, which was an odd number. He must have realized he was logged into mine then logged into his to order. I know this is going to sound ungrateful, but I don't want it. It's a kitchen appliance I don't need and don't have the room for and would scarcely use. It doesn't feel like a gift for me, you know, but one for the family.

So, do I tell him or try to act surprised? I know he's thought long and I appreciate the thought he's put into it. What would you do?

 

[TwoMisfits]

I'd act surprised and thankful. You're still young (only 30, so he probably hasn't figured out your best gifts yet. Next year, I might start in October mentioning what I'd REALLY like, even if it was a weekend away, tickets to Broadway, or breakfast in bed, and that it would make me SO happy. And I'd mention that I didn't need any kitchen or house stuff b/c you like toys and fun at Christmas, just like a kid...he'll get it eventually (it took my spouse about 10 years)...

 

[MamaBelle4]

I'd act surprised and thankful. You're still young (only 30, so he probably hasn't figured out your best gifts yet. Next year, I might start in October mentioning what I'd REALLY like, even if it was a weekend away, tickets to Broadway, or breakfast in bed, and that it would make me SO happy. And I'd mention that I didn't need any kitchen or house stuff b/c you like toys and fun at Christmas, just like a kid...he'll get it eventually (it took my spouse about 10 years)...

That's why I hesitate to say something. He used to wait til the last minute for every occassion, and I just got whatever was left. So I'm incredibly happy that he thought about it in advance, even if he missed the mark.

 

[Hikergirl]

Maybe he didn't order it and that is why it is left in the cart.
I would not let him know that you saw it, but when you open it I would be honest with him that you won't use it.

 

[Alesia]

Telling someone that you don't like a gift is incredibly rude. The only exception is if your husband is spending more than you can afford, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Keep your mouth shut and act delighted. People's feelings are more important than things.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Telling someone that you don't like a gift is incredibly rude. The only exception is if your husband is spending more than you can afford, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Keep your mouth shut and act delighted. People's feelings are more important than things.

Wow. So I shouldn't be honest with my husband. That's interesting.

And he is spending more than we can afford. We haven't exchanged gifts with each other in 5 years. And it isn't that I wouldn't like it. I have no need for it and it isn't really for me.

I guess if my husband got me a vacuum, I should just smile and say, gee willickers, I love it.

I agree that people's feelings are more important than things. I guess I'm not a person too, eh? I was asking for advice on whether not to say something, not whether or not I should throw it out the door when I opened it.

Edited to add: I find it incredibly ironic that you are accusing someone else of being rude based on your reply to me.

 

[Alesia]

Wow. So I shouldn't be honest with my husband. That's interesting.

And he is spending more than we can afford. We haven't exchanged gifts with each other in 5 years. And it isn't that I wouldn't like it. I have no need for it and it isn't really for me.

I guess if my husband got me a vacuum, I should just smile and say, gee willickers, I love it.

I agree that people's feelings are more important than things. I guess I'm not a person too, eh? I was asking for advice on whether not to say something, not whether or not I should throw it out the door when I opened it.

Edited to add: I find it incredibly ironic that you are accusing someone else of being rude based on your reply to me.

I wasn't trying to be rude and I'm sorry you took it that way.

 

[Heidi K]

Hmmm . . . I think I would act surprised. And a few days after Christmas (hopefully within the return window), gently hint that although this was such a neat surprise, I would hate to see it not get used. Maybe I would use ____ more--what does he think about an exchange? And thanks so much, honey!!

 

[MamaBelle4]

I wasn't trying to be rude and I'm sorry you took it that way.

I apologize for misunderstanding the tone.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Amazon has a wish list area you could use as a guideline, and he can look at that. And make sure he has access to the wish list. That way he has choices and you will be surprised.

 

[100AcreWood]

I hope it's not the thing left in the cart and you really get surprised. But if it is I've been on the other side of this (my dh always ruined surprises) and he probably stressed about this for weeks, researched and asked opinions.

 

[antmaril]

I don't think you should tell him beforehand. Just let him give it to you, act surprised and be appreciative. Then, maybe a day or two later, you could tell him that you have been thinking about it and, while you love that he wanted to surprise you, you don't really think you will get much use out of it. Then, see how he reacts. One year, my late husband bought me a KitchenAid Artisan mixer for my birthday. I was happy at first, but then realized I probably wouldn't use it that much. He was fine with taking back. On his way to Kohl's, he called and said "You know, I only paid $150 for this mixer." I told him to turn around. That was fantastic deal! Ha!

 

[KarenAylwood]

Wow. So I shouldn't be honest with my husband. That's interesting.

And he is spending more than we can afford. We haven't exchanged gifts with each other in 5 years. And it isn't that I wouldn't like it. I have no need for it and it isn't really for me.

I guess if my husband got me a vacuum, I should just smile and say, gee willickers, I love it.

I agree that people's feelings are more important than things. I guess I'm not a person too, eh? I was asking for advice on whether not to say something, not whether or not I should throw it out the door when I opened it.

Edited to add: I find it incredibly ironic that you are accusing someone else of being rude based on your reply to me.

I took it as rude too. I was going to say something similar but in a different way. Phrases like "incredibly rude" and "keep your mouth shut" don't leave much room for interpretation in the tone.

Your husband likely knows you. Even if you don't like it, he'll probably be able to sense it. I've been given gifts before that DH has put a lot of thought into but he just didn't really hit the mark. I let it go because it's Christmas and we're not destitute and it's one of the few times that he gets excited about picking something out all on his own (I do the bulk of our shopping for literally everything). Think about it more of as the thought and him giving you something and that should help with your reaction. Honestly when I've disliked things before I address it sometime after by saying "you know I've been thinking about X and while I think it's really cool, I'm not so sure I'd get much use out of it, what do you think?" In the moment on Christmas, just let it go. I don't like to hurt the feelings of others over gifts. My IL's have given gifts back to me and it is really hurtful. Yes you should be honest with your husband, but you can address it sometime other than now, or the moment you open the gift.

I wouldn't say anything now. As others said, he may not even necessarily be purchasing it for you.

 

[SC Minnie]

The first Christmas DH and I were married I found out by accident a few weeks before Christmas that he got me pots and pans for Christmas. Oh H*** to the No. I am not a huge cook but did casually mention once we might want to look at new pots and pans (we both had hand me downs when we got married). I had a talk with him and told him that was a household thing and not a gift for 'me'. In 24 years there's only been 1 other time he got me a household item for Christmas and it was because I specifically asked for it-- a Kitchenaid stand mixer.

 

[Shughart]

My husband is the king of practical. He would want to know that 1. I like the gift and 2. The gift will get used to the point of being worth the money spent. It has taken my husband and I a while (almost a decade) to get to a place where we are good with shopping with each other. I am a woman who loves to cook, and loves to be in the kitchen, (I am a SAHM) but I do not love the idea of my gift being a household gift. Although if it's higher in price or quality than we would normally consider, that is an exception. IE I really want a roomba. Our new home has limited carpet and I think it would be a good use of a roomba. I'd never in April consider dropping the money on a roomba, but if my husband got a good deal at Christmas time...I wouldn't turn it away you know? We usually make amazon lists. We're not well off, but we're also more than making ends meet. My husband is not a spender at all, so at Christmas I snatch up every single thing on his list. For my list, I usually put things that I want, but would not spend my money for myself throughout the year. Like an Amazon echo. Or a pair of Tieks. I also put an Instantpot on my list this year, because I REALLY want one and they are $150 ish full price. That falls under my more than I would normally pay for a small applicance and I really do want and will use it. So in that instance, I don't mind it being a gift.

 

[MomToOne]

I think you know your husband and your relationship better than strangers on a message board. If you think he'd be OK with you telling him you don't want the gift (once you receive it), then do it. If you think more harm may be done by doing that than good, then don't tell him.

 

[KarenAylwood]

My husband is the king of practical. He would want to know that 1. I like the gift and 2. The gift will get used to the point of being worth the money spent. It has taken my husband and I a while (almost a decade) to get to a place where we are good with shopping with each other. I am a woman who loves to cook, and loves to be in the kitchen, (I am a SAHM) but I do not love the idea of my gift being a household gift. Although if it's higher in price or quality than we would normally consider, that is an exception. IE I really want a roomba. Our new home has limited carpet and I think it would be a good use of a roomba. I'd never in April consider dropping the money on a roomba, but if my husband got a good deal at Christmas time...I wouldn't turn it away you know? We usually make amazon lists. We're not well off, but we're also more than making ends meet. My husband is not a spender at all, so at Christmas I snatch up every single thing on his list. For my list, I usually put things that I want, but would not spend my money for myself throughout the year. Like an Amazon echo. Or a pair of Tieks. I also put an Instantpot on my list this year, because I REALLY want one and they are $150 ish full price. That falls under my more than I would normally pay for a small applicance and I really do want and will use it. So in that instance, I don't mind it being a gift.

This is off topic but a Roomba will change your life. I got one for my birthday 6 months ago and it's hands down one the top 5 of things I've ever received. I use it daily and am frightened at how much dirt it picks up and we have zero pets, don't smoke, work out of the house and have only one toddler who's really not all that messy. It's insane. I vacuum weekly with a Dyson (did before Roomba, still do now) and I still get dirt daily. No more crumbs anywhere. It's so amazing. Push that gift idea lady!!

 

[Lady Marie]

I've kinda been in this situation. DH got me a gorgeous pair of earrings... but they weren't my taste and I wouldn't love them and wear them enough to justify the cost. I didn't say anything the day of, but a little bit later explained that I thought they were wonderful, just not for me at this time. He was fine with it and we went back to the store together to pick out a wallet that I use everyday. I even explained after the fact how I loved using the wallet and thinking about him (and the trouble I may get in if I use the wallet too much LOL) every day when I use it.

Like a PP said, if you don't think it would crush his feelings, then definitely explain what makes you happy in the holiday gift giving department. If it's important to you, then your feelings on the matter are perfectly valid.

 

[Hikergirl]

Well OP, just found out today I am in the same boat as you. I logged into my Best Buy account to look for a past purchase and right there on the top of my screen is what dh went and bought the other night. I did know that he purchased something from there for me because I told him what I wanted and where he could find it. (Not sure why he used my acct and not his) I also mentioned something else that would go very nice with it, and showed him a picture of it before he left. Well he got the one thing, but he got the wrong other thing, and to top it off he got in a color that I have no idea what he was thinking. It doesn't go with anything in the house and I won't use it.
So on Christmas morning I will open it and smile and be brutally honest with him that I'm going to exchange it for the thing I wanted. I think he'd rather have me get something will use instead of something that will just sit in the box.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Well OP, just found out today I am in the same boat as you. I logged into my Best Buy account to look for a past purchase and right there on the top of my screen is what dh went and bought the other night. I did know that he purchased something from there for me because I told him what I wanted and where he could find it. (Not sure why he used my acct and not his) I also mentioned something else that would go very nice with it, and showed him a picture of it before he left. Well he got the one thing, but he got the wrong other thing, and to top it off he got in a color that I have no idea what he was thinking. It doesn't go with anything in the house and I won't use it.
So on Christmas morning I will open it and smile and be brutally honest with him that I'm going to exchange it for the thing I wanted. I think he'd rather have me get something will use instead of something that will just sit in the box.

I just told my DH. He kept going on about my present and I was trying to hide my face. I am comically bad at lying (another reason I was worried about acting surprised). He knew something was up, so I blurted out "I KNOW WHAT YOU GOT ME."
He asked me how and I told him. He then said he was going back and forth on whether or not I'd like it and asked me what I thought.

I told him I really appreciate the thought an effort and that I'd probably like it though I'm not sure where we would put it and it felt more like a household gift.

He said okay, since he was going back and forth on whether I'd like it, we will just keep it (if we can find a home for it and like it) and he'd get me something else. Though we'll probably send it back though. We can't really afford it right now.

There's no way I'd have made it til Christmas without saying that I knew. I'm terrible at lying. At least you always know I'm telling the truth.