Children & Sleeping

[NHdisneylover]

Let her leave the lights on. Honestly.

I agree. DD13 still sleeps with the light on--but she sleeps (well mostly, and she copes on her own with reading to relieve anxiety when she does not).

 

[*BTMRR*]

We moved from the bed to a chair in the room...from the chair in the room to sitting on the floor in the door. From there to the hall, from there to the stairs, and from there to "I'll check on you in five minutes." It took a long time.

I was just skimming through the posts and I read the question about how people manage to get "couple" time with a kid in the bed and then I read this post as a reply to that.

 

[asktriplets]

These are all great ideas.....I have tried bribery, I lay down with her to go to sleep but it's getting harder as she is getting bigger. And she still wakes up and ends up in our bed between 11pm and 2am typically. No one in our house is sleeping well which makes it harder to be tough and stick with anything and something has to give. As far as being scared she says it is of the dark. But her room has a fish tank in it that is brighter than a nightlight so it isn't really dark in there. We did have our dogs crate in there and Maddy slept in DD's room....but Maddy died which I think might be a trigger to a lot of the problems we're having with her. (It was a freak accident and Maddy was her dog and only 18 months old) I just don't know what to do. This last week I've just let her sleep with us and not even made it an issue - well I say us....it has gotten so uncomfortable that DH ended up in her bed a couple of nights. I feel like I'm failing her because I just don't seem to have the energy to do what is necessary to get her past this.

Is she waking up because she has to go to the bathroom? When we take our 3 to the bathroom before we go to sleep (around 12 or 1am), they are much less likely to end up in our bed by morning because they are often sleeping through the rest of the night.
My son is in a room by himself and I don't blame him one bit for wanting to crawl in bed with us...he's the only one who has to be by himself at night! We have never NOT let the kids in bed with us when they wake up and I can tell you that the frequency of us waking to 5 people in the bed has been reduced greatly over the last year (being 6yo, being tired out from school, being able to sleep longer without getting up to go to the bathroom, etc).

One more thought: did the dog die recently? It sounds like you think maybe she just needs some extra reassurance now...dealing with death at that age is tough. If you don't want her in the bed with you, perhaps "wean" her out of it? For example, let her know that starting this weekend if she wakes up she can be in the room with you, but she needs to be in a sleeping bag on the floor...I know you're not getting any sleep (which is different than our situation), but if she is waking up feeling scared due to a recent death, I would give her what she seems to need (even in the middle of the night), which is comfort and reassurance that everyone is ok.

Good luck,

 

[jodifla]

Have you tried Books on Tape? These are what I use when I can't sleep. I find a story that is engaging, but not too exciting, and I just drift away to it. That way, I can't be thinking about whatever it is that's keeping me awake.

As a second note, I agree with putting your foot down (unless it's some significant clinical anxiety issue). I need my sleep to function, so I've always made it a priority for my DS to sleep on his own. I'm easygoing about almost everything but that.

 

[WDWorBUST]

Well last night was a huge failure. I told her she was just going to have to sleep by herself because we didn't have enough room in our bed. Well she fussed and cried and I sat with her for a bit and then just told her I needed to do a few things and I'd check on her in a bit. She did manage to fall asleep. So I fall asleep and wake up to "I'm scared" in a little voice (we have a camera with sound in her room so I can see her). I let it ride until she started crying then went in to check on her. I sat with her a while and then told her that mommy needed sleep too. (this was only 10:30pm - but I get up at 4:15 Tuesday mornings) She kept crying so DH went in with her for a bit and she finally fell back to sleep around 11pm. Next wake up call 12:30 and she is just bawling. We cave and bring her to bed because bad sleep is better than no sleep. But I will just keep working at it and figure out an incentive. I know we'll get there....it's just frustrating.

 

[liznboys]

Sorry last night didn't go well Amanda...hang in there.

I was just skimming through the posts and I read the question about how people manage to get "couple" time with a kid in the bed and then I read this post as a reply to that.

too funny

 

[taylor3297]

My 7 yr old dd has sleeping issues. We used to have to be in her room with her to get her to fall asleep. Then that started taking 2 hours for her to fall asleep with us in the room. So for awhile we just let her climb in our bed but she had to go to sleep on her own. Which she did with no problems. Now she goes to bed in her room, falls asleep on her own, but anytime between 2 and 4 am she climbs in our bed. We are so used to it that we don't even notice anymore. I figure our children are only young once, and before we know it they will be going off to college. So, just be patient and take things one day at a time.

 

[verlee]

ds7 had "bad dreams"/ anxiety about sleeping alone. We tried lots of different solutions but what eventually worked was letting him look through books with his light on. We would go in turn off the light after he was asleep. He also got to go to the store and pick out a stuffed animal to sleep with. Once he was comfortable with that (it was at least 1 yr) we put some Christmas lights in his room and told him the ceiling light would need to be off. He had a flash light to look at books. That took another year or so to be comfortable. After Christmas this year we took down the lights along with all the other christmas decorations in the house. Ta-Da!!!Now he reads for .5-1 hrs before bed, turns off the light and goes to sleep without any light on. It was a gradual process. We often questioned what we were doing but it worked.

Ds 4 in the last month started with bed time anxieties. Ds4 is a little more strong willed then ds6 After several unsuccessful attempts.. we did need to let him call for us the other night. It lasted for about an hour. We reassured him that we were there and that we loved him but, we were not coming back upstairs. I gently put him back to bed about 4 times. Finally he fell asleep. It was a was rough night. However!! we have not had a problem since. That was a week ago. He does have two bright night lights and gets many books to look at just like his brother did. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a happy ending. Hopefully my experiences will give you some more ideas. Good luck!!

 

[verlee]

Well last night was a huge failure. I told her she was just going to have to sleep by herself because we didn't have enough room in our bed. Well she fussed and cried and I sat with her for a bit and then just told her I needed to do a few things and I'd check on her in a bit. She did manage to fall asleep. So I fall asleep and wake up to "I'm scared" in a little voice (we have a camera with sound in her room so I can see her). I let it ride until she started crying then went in to check on her. I sat with her a while and then told her that mommy needed sleep too. (this was only 10:30pm - but I get up at 4:15 Tuesday mornings) She kept crying so DH went in with her for a bit and she finally fell back to sleep around 11pm. Next wake up call 12:30 and she is just bawling. We cave and bring her to bed because bad sleep is better than no sleep. But I will just keep working at it and figure out an incentive. I know we'll get there....it's just frustrating.

Hang in there it could be just a phase. Or, Maybe she is fighting a cold or something. Have you talked with your Dr about it? Maybe there is a physical reason she is waking up?? Allergies?? Just some thoughts???

 

[dizneychik]

My DD is 6 as well and we had the problem of getting her to sleep in her bed. What we did was give her a lamp (that is dim but enough that she can see) and she has a radio in her room and she listens to classical or jazz to help her fall asleep. This has helped her a lot and me too so that I can get some sleep.

We also make sure she sees nothing scary before she goes to bed and even during the day we will not let her watch anything scary. She has an excellent memory and will remember even if she watched it in the morning! Oh and we make sure she goes to the bathroom before bed. Even if she had gone 30 min prior.

We had such a rough time with her that even her teachers got involved when she was five and they would tell her if she stayed in her bed for the night they would have something special for her. That only lasted so long. So we started taking things away that she liked. Like going to Chuck e Cheese, or going to the park. I guess she got the hint because now she only gets up if she is sick or if there is an emergency.


Do they all go through this stage????

 

[princessmom29]

Well last night was a huge failure. I told her she was just going to have to sleep by herself because we didn't have enough room in our bed. Well she fussed and cried and I sat with her for a bit and then just told her I needed to do a few things and I'd check on her in a bit. She did manage to fall asleep. So I fall asleep and wake up to "I'm scared" in a little voice (we have a camera with sound in her room so I can see her). I let it ride until she started crying then went in to check on her. I sat with her a while and then told her that mommy needed sleep too. (this was only 10:30pm - but I get up at 4:15 Tuesday mornings) She kept crying so DH went in with her for a bit and she finally fell back to sleep around 11pm. Next wake up call 12:30 and she is just bawling. We cave and bring her to bed because bad sleep is better than no sleep. But I will just keep working at it and figure out an incentive. I know we'll get there....it's just frustrating.

Your fatal flaw here was going into her room and sitting with her the first time she woke. At that point she knew you could be minipulated by her whining, and she played on that. She worked your emotions and got you to give in. You cannot do that if you expect her to fall asleep independently of you. She has to learn to put herself back to sleep when she wakes. I know it is hard getting no sleep at night, but if you can follow through for just a couple of nights not engaging her and letting her work it out you should see drastic improvment quickly. I encouage you to be strong and tough it out in the short term for long term peace.

 

[frtchr]

I have no advice, OP, but I know how hard it can be to get little or no sleep and still function.

 

[badblackpug]

[/quote]...and on the topic of locked doors.... how do you have any "quality time" if you have a child in your room/bed every night? [/quote]

I am actually totally serious about this. I can't imagine a very good "experience" if you are constantly worried about kids coming in the room or, worse, climbing in the bed.

I agree with the PP that you are just going to have to put your foot down. Take the baby monitor out of the room.

 

[mjkacmom]

LOL - this is what I was thinking! I never used them, because I didn't want to hear everything. I found this helped in getting them to sleep through the night as babies (I'm a light sleeper, and would initially rush in at every little sound). I've CIO'd babies, and yes, you will actually lose sleep yourself in the beginning. But it usually works.

 

[DrummerBoy523]

Your fatal flaw here was going into her room and sitting with her the first time she woke. At that point she knew you could be minipulated by her whining, and she played on that. She worked your emotions and got you to give in. You cannot do that if you expect her to fall asleep independently of you. She has to learn to put herself back to sleep when she wakes. I know it is hard getting no sleep at night, but if you can follow through for just a couple of nights not engaging her and letting her work it out you should see drastic improvment quickly. I encouage you to be strong and tough it out in the short term for long term peace.

What she said. You have to be strong. Growth will not come w/o some suffering on your part. A few nights on your part will equal a lifetime on hers.

 

[WDWorBUST]

OKay I sat down and really thought about all the advice I have received on this and thought about my DD and what would work for her and for me. I can tell you that I cannot just leave her in her room crying for me. Since we first started trying to get her in her bed I have always told her all she had to do was call for mommy and I would come to her. I am not about to break that trust. HOWEVER.....I have come up with a plan. The first part to this is getting her to go to bed in her bed alone without someone with her to fall asleep. So I told her we would get her sleeping in her bed all night every night....but we would do it in steps. The first step is for her to go to bed and asleep by herself. I will still read to her and snuggle for a few minutes, but I'm not staying until she falls asleep. If she does that every night this week she gets a little $5 baby doll from Walmart she is wanting. She did even after all the tears on Monday night - fall asleep in her room by herself so that was night 1. Last night - night 2 - I'm happy to say was a breeze. I tucked her into bed and gave her kisses and her lamby (sprayed with DH's cologne) and she didn't fuss a bit. She went right to sleep. Here's hoping this week continues so well. She woke up around 12:30am and we let her come to bed with us at that point - which I had told her I would. I told her next step would be making sure she stayed in her bed until after a certain time.....then we would extend it. Honestly I think once we get past the first waking and her learning to go back to sleep by herself we will be good as gold. But hey it's early in the process and I expect setbacks. But we will get there.
Thanks again for all the insight and wisdom - I do appreciate it.

 

[liznboys]

That's great last night went well! Sounds like you have a really good plan too. Good luck!!

 

[princessmom29]

Well, OP all I can say is good luck to you. I hope your plan works, but my experience says that while it may decrease the frequency it will likely never totally eliminate her coming into your room. You will likely see the behavior reccur after you stop giving rewards. As long as she knows you will "always come" there is nothing to stop her calling for you without the prospect of earning a reward for it.

 

[DrummerBoy523]

Well, OP all I can say is good luck to you. I hope your plan works, but my experience says that while it may decrease the frequency it will likely never totally eliminate her coming into your room. You will likely see the behavior reccur after you stop giving rewards. As long as she knows you will "always come" there is nothing to stop her calling for you without the prospect of earning a reward for it.

There is obviously some security issue here with her daughter - but I absolutely agree that you cannot allow the child into your bed. No way.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

good luck! I hope things are going smoothly for you! sleep issues are no fun!