Children of Hoarders

[MushyMushy]

Anybody?

My dad has given my sister and I permission to start cleaning his house. We started last Friday and have been taking turns going on and working on a spot since then, then spent from 11 am to 8:30 pm yesterday with two paid helpers.

Got the bathroom done, but have to replace the floor. Living room is livable again. Kitchen was the worst and we didn't finish it. Bedroom is about half done. Dining room, we only dusted and vacuumed what was visible, but it's pretty bad. We decided to have a yard sale and was only able to rescue a rubbermaid box full of stuff.

I sure could use advice for those who have been there, done that. At one point we got so tired of everything, we just started throwing entire cupboards full of stuff into big bins to go through later (never know if there's money or anything valuable stashed away). There was an entire cupboard devoted to old bank statements, cancelled checks, etc. Decades worth.

My sister and I are so angry that we've been left with this disaster. We could honestly turn this into a full time job -- there's still their entire basement, second floor, and two story garage!

 

[almburr]

It is terrible. My mom is a hoarder. She doent keep food or garbage, but everything else. I cant stand junk. When my parents moved from the house they lived in for 30years dad and my daughter grabbed the paper stuff( she kept every scrap of paper I had ever drew on) and junk(broken shelves,etc) ran to the fire barrel and burned it all. Yet there was still a lot of junk she kept.They have moved into town into an apartment and she has a storage unit for 5 years full of crap.
It is hard for her to let go of junk. She gets rid of one thing then buys 6 new things. Its very frustrating.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

That can't be an easy task at all. What a tough situation -- wish I had some advice.

 

[Anjelica]

Kudos to you and your sister.

I did have a question though - and this is only from watching the hoarder shows on A&E, etc. but what is he doing to make sure it doesn't get like this again? It seems like alot of hoarders have a tough time even letting folks go through the stuff let alone keep it clean after its done.

 

[hereyago]

Kudos to you and your sister.

I did have a question though - and this is only from watching the hoarder shows on A&E, etc. but what is he doing to make sure it doesn't get like this again? It seems like alot of hoarders have a tough time even letting folks go through the stuff let alone keep it clean after its done.

After he gets home, he may more than likely go back to doing it again, however, OP's DF was recently hospitalized and is now in a rehab center I believe. But he has to come to a clean place as his main medical issue was an MRSA infection.

 

[dakcp2001]

After he gets home, he may more than likely go back to doing it again, however, OP's DF was recently hospitalized and is now in a rehab center I believe. But he has to come to a clean place as his main medical issue was an MRSA infection.

I have been through this now twice with my mother. I will never do it again. I know it will be my problem again after she passes, but cleaning it out just gave her more space to fill. He needs therapy. But if he is anything like my mother, he wont go and doesnt think he needs it. Hugs to you! It is an awful thing to have to go through. You cannot make someone else change, no matter how much you want them to do. What you are doing is a temporary fix. It is infuriationg, because you have to do it (i had to do it) but at the same time, it is not going to last.

 

[RadioFanatic]

Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but I think this may be the result of OP's mother who passed away within the last year. Maybe they are cleaning up because it is just now her father.

 

[SandrA9810]

I think one of the things that help hoarders is having family go through that stuff. It gives them a false sense of security, because they believe their children will not get rid of important things. To them, outsiders see it as junk, but they believe their children see it as treasure as they do. Every episode i've seen has had children there, even if they haven't talked to them in years.

That's one reason why i end up in texas soo much. My aunt trusts me, and she's also embarrased by it. But at least she knows it's a problem. One thing she has to work on is hoarding papers - bills, reciepts, bank statements, CC statements, magazines. I keep threatening her with calling a professional shedder.


Good luck OP. I think utilizing outside professional wth even the cleaning is going to help you keep your head on straight. If your father is still in rehab, maybe you can talk to the doctors about getting some phsyc help with the hoarding so he doesn't wind up in the hospital again. Cause if he's there, he can't really object to it.

 

[palmtreelover08]

First--good Luck.

Now a couple of suggestions.

#1-rent a dumpster for a week or two. It is much easier to throw away things when they are going into a giant dumpster where they are not seen. It is easy to stop when the trash cans are full.

#2-Get an industrial size shredder or find a local shredding company. Lots of Hoarders have a difficult time getting rid of old bills/paperwork, etc. That information needs to be shreded to prevent theft.

#3-If the Hoarder is still living in the house, give them a "space" to keep what is "important" to them. Make it a small space..like a small closet. Whatever fits in there, gets to be kept. If they want to put something else in there and it does not fit, then they need to get rid of something else in there. This way they still feel like thay have control of what they keep.

#4-Organize..same set up as #3. If the person kept tons of bills, give them a shoe-box for each type of bill (gas/electric/car insurance/homeowners, water, cable, etc). They can fill each box, and keep it in their "space" of keep stuff. Now it is organized for reference or disposal at a later date, and again gives them some control.

#5-Have a yard sale (weekly if needed)..then donate the money to a charity of the Hoarders or your choice. Put the junk to good use. Or, Call Good Will or Purple Hearts and tell them to pick up every Friday. This will give you motivation to stay on task.

#6-If the Hoarder is in the house, keep a white board around and update the "cost" of everything they have horded. At the end, Talley it up. Let them think about what could have been done w/that money (say giving it to their children, going on a vacation), etc.

#7- Stop throwing stuff into bins and boxes unless they are labeled, and put like stuff together. Unless you are labeling them, you are simpling moving stuff from one place to another. make it a point to deal with whatever you grab right then and there (file it in a labeled box, put a tag on it for the yard sale, put it out front for donation, etc).

#8-Treat yourselves to a nice meal every day you are working hard in that house. You need a mental break. It gets overwhelming.

 

[minniebeth]

No advice, just

 

[Disney Doll]

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Pick a room and go through it until it is cleared out. I also agree with renting a dumpster. While I applaud your altruistic motive of wanting to go through stuff and pass the good stuff on, at a certain point it becomes "get it done". Running stuff all around to various charitable organizations only takes up more of your valuable cleaning time. If you have organizations that will pick up, then call them and say "We will be there Friday from 2-4pm so come to pick up the stuff then". Put that stuff into a centralized location (ie-the garage) and then let them come pick it up.

If you are going to bag stuff, bag it and put a bag in your car every day to take home and go through at your leisure. Otherwise you are just moving crap from one place to another.

Good luck. I just went through this wth my friend and it is not easy. It's better that your Dad is not there, because it's easy for you to be "ruthless" about his stuff...it would be harder for him to part with it.

 

[mamacatnv]

My mother is a severe hoarder and mentally ill. She would never ever allow us to touch a thing. She was evicted from her apartment due to her hoarding. The sheriff showed up and physically removed her (mind you she was paying her rent, but management viewed it as a hazard)

I got legal guardianship and placed her in a residential care facility. Then I had to deal with the apartment. 10 people over 5 days and the local thrift stores began refusing our donations because there was soooo much. I gave the people from her church an open invitation to take whatever they wanted. I went thru it the best I could and then walked away. Management wanted to know what my plan was to clean it out completely. I told them they evicted her they could deal with it and I walked away, flew home and was done.

I was looking for pictures, family items etc. Sadly I found very little, I am sure somewhere in someones garage where she has been stashing things for years those things exist, whether or not we ever find them remains to be seen. She also had several commercial storage units, again, we went thru it as best we could and then walked away. I flew back and forth for 6 months spending long weekends cleaning out, tossing, sorting etc.

I am assuming that Dad is out of the house for now? Will he be back? The hoarding is a mental illness and is very likely to reoccur. I would be looking for memorabilia and things that are sentimental - the rest I would either toss, donate or shred. That was our 3 criterias. I came home with a small shoe box about 1/2 full of things to keep.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I hate to say this for sounding off, but I am jealous of you.

I've been waiting for the day when my mom calls and asks for help to clear it all out.

I plan to just toss everything except photographs and important papers. We won't have the time to sort anything; there is just too much stuff.

At least I know my mom is not a money hoarder.

 

[castleview]

I remember my mother complaining about cleaning out my grandmother's. My grandmother held onto very little and the bulk of her stuff was cleanly packed away linens. It took us two hours to clear out her house while I tried to tell my mom how easy she had it. My dad (they're divorced) even offered to bring her to his mother's house - his mom was a hoarder.

 

[walden]

We had to shovel out my FIL's house in order to sell it when he went into a nursing home (multi-infarct dementia). Packed to the ceilings with junk. We had made many efforts to try to help him in the past, but he chose to live like that, had always lived like that, and any attempts to clean made him go into a rage.

Have you seen this website? http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/ It has a lot of information. There is a list of hints and resources (pdf file) that we found useful during the clean out -- http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/Crisis-Cleaning.pdf

I'm not sure what your time-frame is before he comes home or what your goal is. Is it to clean out the house completely or simply to make it "safe" for him to come home? If it is the latter, then only clean out what is absolutely necessary to make it safe and for health aides to be able to function. A social worker (try calling Elder/Adult Services for advice and referrals and describe him as at-risk) can help you with that. Clean kitchen, bathroom, living space and clutter free paths to the exits in case of fire.

It sounds really harsh but, as other people have said, it is a mental health issue. Unless he has treatment and will cooperate with the clean up himself then any space you clean and empty will only fill up again.

Do wear gloves, masks and other protective clothing. We found mold and mildew everywhere. Much rodent life in the cellar too. Ick. Yardsales are a nice idea, and we had a couple, but they take time. If you hold them when your father is there he will not be able to let things go.

Contacting charities to come and haul stuff away is even better. Most of the stuff we pulled out of the house went straight into dumpsters. I forget how many dumpsters we filled. We did sort things like papers, his coin and stamp collections, and some of his "collectables" into labeled boxes to go through later. Guess what? We have 10 boxes in our basement that we still can't face going through 3 years later. Bad idea.

Also, when he comes home to the nice clean house you have slaved over you can anticipate rage, tears, accusations of stealing his stuff and a whole lot more. Don't expect any thanks. At least, that was always our experience.

It is a really horrible job. Good luck!

 

[AustinTink]

My FIL's mother was a hoarder to the extreme. The weirdest thing they found during their many attempts to clean sweep the house... a 30 year old chicken in the deep freeze!

She explained that it was the last chicken her mother had cut up and stored in there. So she didn't have the heart to throw it out.

 

[MushyMushy]

Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but I think this may be the result of OP's mother who passed away within the last year. Maybe they are cleaning up because it is just now her father.

Yes, you're close. My mother died in 2008 and he didn't want to really part with anything.

They were both hoarders -- she collected things and went through phases with her collections. When she'd start a new one, she didn't get rid of the old ones. For example, for a while it was beer steins, then macramé, then lighthouses, then precious moments and it went on and on. That stuff we can box up and sell to give my dad the money. But then she also bought so much junk. Used, stained Tupperware from yard sales, cheap trinkets, you name it. Oh, and cookbooks, despite the fact that she didn't cook.

My dad has a garage FULL of car parts and tools. I'm not touching that. We know plenty of people who will buy everything in the garage and give us a fair price. But that won't be while he's living. He's the one who has the piles and piles of old papers around, and also car parts catalogs, magazines, toy cars, and anything to do with cars. We found a case of oil in the dining room.

Anyway, the point is, I think the whole house will be manageable if we can clear out all of my mom's junk and most of my dad's old papers and things. He has slowed down in his collecting since she died. I have a feeling that her hoarding really drove his, if that makes sense. But I honestly don't know what we'll do if he starts up again. He'll be in a physical therapy place for the next month, so we at least have some time to do what we can. If push comes to shove, I think we just might walk away from it.

So sorry for those of you who have gone through it too. Handbag lady, hang in there. It's so sad to think that your mother won't get a chance to enjoy a fresh start. I'm glad we can give this to my dad, but we don't have it in us for another round!

 

[ksjayhawks]

Tackle one room at a time and finish it completely before moving on!

Do not move stuff from one cupboard to another or into boxes. You just have to handle things twice that way.

Papers--check to see if your bank offers a shredding service for its customers or contact a company who shreds and have them do it. You will spend a lot of time shredding and will easily burn out a shredder.
Go through all the papers--yes, it is time consuming--to make sure nothing important is hidden or that there is money stashed, etc.

Agree with getting a dumpster. More room to toss, you won't stop if the trash can is full, don't have to mess with bags, plus gives you a timeline to get things done before it is picked up.

 

[monsterkitty]

There are companies that will bring a shredder truck to the house so you don't have to haul the paper work to another location. We paid about $100 for a company to shred my in-laws paper work. They had every bank statement and a copy of every check from 1960 on!

 

[arminnie]

My dad wasn't a true hoarder - but there was just too much "stuff". We lived together for the last decade.

I swear I hauled stuff out of there for 10 years. Of course I'd moved back with all of my belongings plus my late uncle had left stuff there.

I used to tell my dad that whatever he missed was "in the attic". If everything was "in the attic" that I'd said the ceiling would have fallen in.

Of course right now that house (which I moved out of last year when he moved to a retirement home) looks like a hoarder house. We are getting ready to have an estate sale so my sister and everyone else is moving furniture over there to sell it.

I love these estate sale people. They come in organize, clean, sell what they can, donate what can be donated, and dump the rest. You end up with an EMPTY house. They take 35% of the proceeds of the sale stuff. I would pay someone to empty this house.