children birthday parties

[mirmartinez]

Hello All,
Just wanted some opinions.
When it is our childrens' birthdays we have family parties, guest list consist of a few friends and our family.
Sometimes (if the child request) we throw a childrens party in addition to the family party.
For the children's party were request no gifts, instead we suggest donating to whatever charity our child chooses. (which is written on the invite).

Anways a friend of mine told me, she things this is a rude thing to do.
Is it?

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think it's rude, however, I'd rather give you the gift, and have you bring it to the charity, than do it myself (I'm a little busy here with 5 kids, tons of activities and parties, and am usually buying the gift on the way to the party).

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't think it's rude, however, I'd rather give you the gift, and have you bring it to the charity, than do it myself (I'm a little busy here with 5 kids, tons of activities and parties, and am usually buying the gift on the way to the party).

I agree- at my daughters party she asked that "this year instead of gifts for myself could you please bring a toy to be donated to a sick or needy child". And then she went to a place we work with all year long and gave the guy the bags of toys she got. She donated all the ones form her party- she gets plenty from my friends. relatives and neighbors and she likes having a kids party but really she doesn't need more gifts.

 

[TwinsinCA]

OP -- I agree with your friend. If you want to give to charity, but all means do. But don't use your child's birthday party as a means to solicit donations. If you don't want your child to have any gifts, then simply state that and be done with it.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I dont know a bday party is the place to do that. Sounds good on paper, but not for the guests.... Maybe your child could organize something outside of the party?

 

[Pooh Crew]

It is always "wrong" to mention gifts on an invitation. Period.

Now, with that being said, I have done the charity thing for my triplets' birthday and it was a HUGE success! Our kids wanted to invite their entire class (3 classes, 20 kids in each) to a skating party. We did not need or want 60 gifts--that is totally obscene in my opinion--so mentioning gifts on the invitations was the lesser of the evils for me. We wrote a little blurb on the invitation that went something like this:

As you can imagine, with three birthdays on the same date, the presents from family are more than any child could play with. With the upcoming holiday season approaching, A, B, and C would like to donate any gifts received to the Main Street Fire Dept's annual toy drive to benefit needy children. Obviously, your presence is present enough, but in lieu of a gift for the birthday child, please help us make a less fortunate child's holiday season a little brighter by bringing only an unwrapped toy for the toy drive.

My kids got their blow-out party, all the guests brought toys, we delivered them to the fire department, less fortunate children benefited, and everyone walked away feeling a little bit better.

P.S. I paid pennance to the "etiquette gods" by not wearing white until a full week after Memorial Day.

 

[aprilgail2]

OP -- I agree with your friend. If you want to give to charity, but all means do. But don't use your child's birthday party as a means to solicit donations. If you don't want your child to have any gifts, then simply state that and be done with it.

Have you EVER been to a party where they request "no gifts please"? Because it DOES NOT WORK. At my moms 70th birthday party we tried that and every single person still brought something. I tried that at one of my daughters younger parties and still got gifts. I tried it at my godsons party- we had 50+ children there and well over half still brought toys/gifts. Just doesn't work.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Have you EVER been to a party where they request "no gifts please"?

No. But I have been to a party where the mom basically told us she was giving away all the toys he got for his party. Both my friend and I were miffed. I know they are his toys and he can do with them as he wishes. But if I had known the gifts were not for HIM, I would have gone through less expense and effort picking out his presents (I have twins, so we always buy two).

As for the no gift thing not working. I can understand why. For some of us it is hard to accept that a KID really doesn't want presents for his birthday. I know kids go along with it, but I would bet the vast majority of the time it was NOT their idea. What kid says "hey mom, I have too many toys. Tell my friends not to get me ANYTHING this year " I bet kids go along with the "no present" parties simply it is certainly better than not having a party at all. But I find the whole idea rather sad.

 

[danalee]

I am sure I will get it for this, but my kid would be like WHAT, no gifts!

Dont get me wrong he has donated many things over the years toys, books clothes he's a giver and thankfully dosent want for much, but for his b-day its always about him, thats his day we make it that way.

I own a business and many time dontate or even have fundraisers but not at my kids party, but thats just me.

So yeah I guess I would be in the "I think its rude" department

 

[mirmartinez]

I never thought it was rude.

My children do receive and keep gifts at the family party.(we have a overly large family)
The request for no gifts only apply to the childrens' party.


Now that I been told its wrong to mention it on an invite, I am stumped.

Its worked in the past, heck last year my son's tribute donations to Dr.W/O Borders was substantial.

 

[Pooh Crew]

But if I had known the gifts were not for HIM, I would have gone through less expense and effort picking out his presents (I have twins, so we always buy two).

Yeah, that was the biggest part of why we told people upfront that any gifts received were for the toy drive. I did not want to offend anyone (more than we already might be by mentioning the gifts) by giving away things that they had put a lot of thought and expense into.

For some of us it is hard to accept that a KID really doesn't want presents for his birthday.

Oh, they want presents! But they get enough loot to stock a Toys R Us from family members. By the time my mom and mil get through buying for all four of our kids, dh and I have to stuggle to find something they don't already have.

We gave our kids the choice--smaller party and keep the gifts or invite everyone and donate the gifts. They each chose to donate. It was completely their decision. Honestly, they just wanted to hang out with their buddies! They were tickled to death when we unloaded that truck load of toys at the fire station! That brought them so much more joy than a new Barbie or Power Ranger would have--and they were each generous enough to know that. They got a grand tour of the fire station, got to wear fire hats, and had their picture taken with the firemen in front of the firetrucks. To this day, they still talk about that birthday and how happy all those other kids were on Christmas morning when they got those gifts.

Of course, these are the same kids who can hang on to a TRU gift card for a year without buying anything, too--so maybe my kids are just weird!LOL

 

[danalee]

well you could always reverse it......

Tell your family all there gifts are for a charity and let the kids bring gifts for your child, explaining in person rather than on a card.

What would your family members think of it?

 

[mirmartinez]

well you could always reverse it......

Tell your family all there gifts are for a charity and let the kids bring gifts for your child, explaining in person rather than on a card.

What would your family members think of it?

That is a great idea

 

[Pooh Crew]

I never thought it was rude.

My children do receive and keep gifts at the family party.(we have a overly large family)
The request for no gifts only apply to the childrens' party.


Now that I been told its wrong to mention it on an invite, I am stumped.

Its worked in the past, heck last year my son's tribute donations to Dr.W/O Borders was substantial.

Ok, so some society person years ago decided it was rude--in my humble opinion, generosity of spirit far outweighs that offense. Have your party, write the donations request as politely as possible, and if anyone is offended, they don't have to attend or donate.

As an aside, my neighbor just had a b'day party for her son where they requested items for the local animal shelter. The party was a HUGE hit and everyone talked about what a great idea it was and how generous the b'day boy was. Not one single person complained!

 

[Pooh Crew]

well you could always reverse it......

Tell your family all there gifts are for a charity and let the kids bring gifts for your child, explaining in person rather than on a card.

What would your family members think of it?

Hey! That is a good idea!

Of course, someone would have to physically lock up my mom and mil to keep them from buying for our kids!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm ok with it - we just did it last weekend. I asked friends about it first and they liked the idea, and even helped me with the wording on the invitations (I was worried about it being tacky, or rude). It was optional for people.

Yesterday we delivered the donations to the animal shelter, and the people there were very moved that the kids would give up their presents for the animals. It was a great experience, and honestly, when I asked the kids if they missed getting presents, they looked at me like I was nuts and said "no way!"

Do what you feel is right. It might be helpful if you a) leave it as an option and b) provide envelopes (and clear instructions) should people want to give. Good luck!

 

[lovepurple]

Maybe I am the oddball out, but I feel really wierd about the whole donations instead of gifts thing. It feels like it becomes some kind of admission fee and I might feel like I had to spend even more on the gift so I wouldn't look bad. Also it bothers me when people announce that they are giving things to charity. I am sure some people really do feel that they don't need the presents so they'd rather give them to charity, but I was brought up that if someone gives you a gift, you say thank you and once the gift is given to you it is yours to do with as you please. If you want to donate it, then so be it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it is rude because I may not like the charity that you have chosen. If you want no gifts then say no gifts but I don't like the idea of being forced to donate to a charity I might not want to support.