Childless vs family with children

[lovemygoofy]

I don't know if other childless couples find this but we get the guilt trip quite a bit.

My husband is going out of town for school for several months but will be home for 10 days over the Christmas break because the school will be closed. He has been asked by the upper powers to come in and work the holidays so those with children can be with their kids. Now I understand why but we get asked this almost every year that he is stateside. He works late when someone wants to slip out early for school meetings or other kids events. We know that it's important so no biggie.

Now people are selling the crap for school and activity stuff and we get hit up constantly. We always hear "come on, you have lots of cash. You don't have children." What does that do with anything? My husband is the sucker. I am not. I put out a note that says whomever is first from whatever school/organization will get my $20 order and that is it.

I'm just not sure why we don't seem as important as a couple with children. I do consider myself and my husband a family even if others don't. Do you expect those without children to help out more at work or take up slack when needed?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No I do not.

Now if these people are reciprocating the favor that is one thing. If they are taking advantage then you have to learn to say no.

 

[si-am]

Ugh, I feel your pain. I get this all the time, too. I'm always having to pick up the slack for people with kids.

What makes it worse is that we actually WANT to have kids, but are having difficulties, so it's totally a double punishment when they say things like "you don't have kids, you don't understand."

 

[java]

Absolutely not! DH backs up his Jewish coworkers when they need to get out early and they do the same for him when he needs to be. It's not a child vs. childless thing. That's just not right. I agree you are as much of a family as we are with our 4 kids and I would never want anyone to have to be put out because of my kids.

Do they ever cover for you guys? It should go both ways.

Oh and don't get me started on fund raising. Schools are creating little beggers and really the % of money the organization gets is so ridiculously small - the only ones making money on those things are the companies selling it. We don't participate.

 

[luvmy3]

I feel sorry for families without children, not because you don't have them but because you have to deal with this kind of stuff from other's that do.

 

[MIGrandma]

No, I don't think it's fair that your husband is asked every year to work on Christmas simply to let others that do have the day off. Everyone should take their fair turn working on Christmas. Just because you don't have children doesn't mean you may not have other family plans.

 

[mickeyboat]

No, I don't. You are absolutely right that you are no less of a family just because you don't have kids of your own (yet ). You should not be asked to pick up my slack just because I do have children.

I admit that I do have to leave work on occasion because of my kids, but I don't expect others to pick up my slack. I have to get my work done before I go or after I get back. There are a couple of things that can't wait to be done while I am gone, but they are not terribly time consuming, and I am happy to return the favor when I get back.

As far as the holidays go, everyone it entitled to celebrate it their own way (within company allowance), kids or not.

Happy Holidays, Tina!

Denae

 

[EthansMom]

My DH's company doesn't allow soliciting at work. I also don't hit up people to participate in our school's fundraisers.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I find that crappy.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. Can he say "no, we have plans"?

Most places I know--you only get screwed out of the holidays if the particular assignment you are working on is incomplete (DH had to work holidays once--he did get off on Christmas day--but otherwise was working OT even to get something completed for a customer on a govt contract with another employee who at the time was childless. We had 2 kids at the time. Their family status had nothing to do with the need to work.)

Other times, holidays rotate.

My parents were military--so if they got Christmas day off--we were lucky. (My sister's dad ALWAYS had to work on Christmas day and though his flight days are long behind him and he has since retired, they still celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve in the evening b/c that is what they had to do if they wanted Christmas with him when he was working.)

It reminds me of the movie "While you were sleeping" and it is a very unfair way for any business to treat their employees and it would have upset me if I worked for any employer who chose that practice even when I did not have children.

 

[clarabelle]

Years ago (before I had kids) someone suggested that I work a double on Christmas day because I didn't have children. (I was already working one 8 hour shift)
I was really offended.

I CHOSE to have children. I don't expect everyone childless to pay for my decisions.

 

[TDC Nala]

Fundraising? No way. All of that goes to my brother's kids, not work.

I had someone complain about me getting a monetary award at work because I was single (therefore having no claim whatsoever to the status of "family") and had no children and would just "waste it."

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I know realistically we are not less important even though we don't have children, yet Trying to work on that but still waiting for the official issue of them from the army

I'm just a little irritated today about it. My husband's office here is a bit easy going and trying to be 'family friendly" which I get but because of the importance of the work it has to be done around the clock. My husband has a nice streak in him a week spot for families with children. I hope that once it happens for him people are just as nice.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I think it's really unfair of your Dh's coworkers to treat you that way. Your family time and traditions are just as important as theirs. I would talk to your DH about what traditions and rituals are important to the two of you and stand firm when it comes to your special time.

If your DH just can't resist helping those with children out, then I would make sure the time was reciprocated. I'm probably not as nice as you are. I would make sure to make them jealous of your relative freedom in some way. As in "Can you work for me on New Years Eve? Since you have kids you won't be able to go out and DH and I like to celebrate." ....or...some Friday I would say that I had to leave early so that DH and I could drive into the city to see a play. I would say "We do these last minute things all the time, it's so much fun." As a person with kids I know that one of the more frustrating parts of being a couple is having to plan every outing way in advance and crossing my fingers that our babysitter doesn't cancel.

Ok, I probably wouldn't say those things, but I would make sure that the favors were returned and I'd really really WANT to rub it in.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

When I am approached regarding fundraising I say that I bought from a nephew or niece already. Works all the time.

As for the holiday thing. My uncle who is a police officer and has grown kids always volunteers to work Christmas day so that others who have kids can be off. In return he gets New Years eve and day off. It is just something his fellow coworkers agreed on.

 

[jsmith]

This happens to me all the time-i am-at the moment geographically single-and while not childless my children are grown and for the most part self suffiicent-i cant tell you how many nights and weekends i work because it "wont mess up anyone elses schedule.'
Tina im curious tho-if he is on orders for the school-and will be home because of a closure on the installation-how can they ask him to work-his place of duty is the installation the school is on not his permanant duty station-and is he being charged Leave? because if he is he should be telling them to go blow.

 

[KAMLEM]

I think it's lousy that your DH is expected to do more than people with kids. That's really unfair. Once in a while I will leave work early because of my kids, but it doesn't impact anyone in my office.

There are a couple of people here who say that they just can't make it in to work early in the morning because they have infants and toddlers that keep them up all night and they are tired. I'm sure that excuse will change as their kids get older and they need to get them on the bus or something else. You will always find people who think they are in a unique situation and should be treated differently.

 

[lovemygoofy]

This happens to me all the time-i am-at the moment geographically single-and while not childless my children are grown and for the most part self suffiicent-i cant tell you how many nights and weekends i work because it "wont mess up anyone elses schedule.'
Tina im curious tho-if he is on orders for the school-and will be home because of a closure on the installation-how can they ask him to work-his place of duty is the installation the school is on not his permanant duty station-and is he being charged Leave? because if he is he should be telling them to go blow.

LOL you are so right. He will be charged leave to come home. Those without days will have to borrow or live in the barracks at BNCOC. I told him that considering he will be gone 6 months TDY I would appreciate him not going into work the whole entire time and either work Christmas day or Christmas Eve but not both.

I think it was more of a buddy asking for favor system than he actually filing the paperwork to come in off leave because techinically his orders would be voided for the schools if he did that.

 

[Russian-in-Kansas]

We had both volunteered for duty on Christmas when we had no kids and when we did but they were very young and didn't care about the holiday. When the kids are older and won't care much again either one of us will volunteer again especially if deployments continue at the same pace. I as an adult can handle celebrating later or not much, but little kids who haven't seen their parent in months deserve to have Christmas morning with the parent if possible and not have that parent sittting in the barracks pulling CQ wasting time.
And sure you're a family too if you have no kids,not better or worse than those with children. But if you can afford to make some allowances for the families with children who are a lot more vulnerable due to circumstances then why not? It is only good karma in the end.

 

[tink20]

To OP, just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU! to you and you DH for his service and sacrifice, I appreciate it greatly.

My DH is a firefighter, so he has to work this Christmas too. DS (who still believes in Santa) said "I'll just get up really early, before Daddy goes to work, and he can see me open my presents" So we'll all be up at 5:00 am.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

No I do not.

Now if these people are reciprocating the favor that is one thing. If they are taking advantage then you have to learn to say no.

I didn't read all the posts because I completely agree with this one.

Sorry you're being hit up for all the fundraisers. I only ever sell GS cookies to people. I just make a cash donation for all the other fundraising crap. There are seriously too many of them and do not expect anyone to support my DD's school but us and the other parents.

ETA: Tina, is there anyway you can leave home and go on vacation on your DH is on leave?