Child Support refund check ??? UPDATE post 114

[SereneOne]

I hope they call back tomorrow and either talk to me or will call his cell phone b/c he is out at work all day.
I will definitely post when I find out why we got it, because I know a lot of people are curious how/why some of this stuff happens.

The crazy thing is I have read and reread PA CS laws/codes so many times, cause it was all so new to me and I like to know what is going on. But I haven't seen anything about prorate...but could have missed it. For his daughter it was for certain only till age 18 or graduates HS, no doubt there, I have seen the original info plus we went for modification hearing a while back and that was told to DH at the hearing.

So don't fight with each other about this, I think we are all truly upset at the person we are paying to or getting payments from, not each other. Hopefully I will have this resolved very shortly!!!

My son's birthday is Nov 20th, 1989. Child support ended that November and the amount that was automatically taken out of his check for December was refunded back my ex. This was Florida jurisdiction.

 

[hentob]

It is very clear that you are simply playing the devils advocate and probably dont give a darn about these kids anyway. Anything someone says you need to come back with some wonderful solution to the problem that you think will fix the world. And on top of it, you want me to give you first and last names and court records of my neighbor? Exactly how much time do you have on your hands to read court reports about other people and determine if you can "save" that kid, too?? Obviously alot of time... so maybe you could work on proposing a bill that would help these poor kids who are lost in the sytem with parents who don't care.

In the meantime, feel free to contact the judges here in Stark County Ohio and let them know that you've got a plan all worked out for my stepson, and we're just gonna "go pick him up and get him a better life"... as I believe those were your exact words. And while you're at it... see if you can get my five year old a pony.

If you think you will shame me because of my compassion and my drive to save children that are in horrible homes, keep trying

You seem immature and bitter, which does not surprise me. Afterall, you chose to marry a man that (not too long ago) decided to bed down with a drug using prostitute (your words). I am sure the fact that he did this frustrates and mortifies you on a daily basis, but you seem to have given up on the child that was conceived from this relationship. Please don’t turn your back on this poor seven year old boy

OP-I wish you well. You seem to care for your step daughter

 

[RobinFabulous]

If you think you will shame me because of my compassion and my drive to save children that are in horrible homes, keep trying

You seem immature and bitter, which does not surprise me. Afterall, you chose to marry a man that (not too long ago) decided to bed down with a drug using prostitute (your words). I am sure the fact that he did this frustrates and mortifies you on a daily basis, but you seem to have given up on the child that was conceived from this relationship. Please don’t turn your back on this poor seven year old boy

OP-I wish you well. You seem to care for your step daughter

I don't think some people realize how HARD it is for a NCP to gain custody. My DH got custody of his oldest DD only once the mother had been arrested NUMEROUS times for forging prescriptions, stealing from friends and family. Even AFTER the arrests he couldn't gain custody. He obtained it once she was sentenced to JAIL. The southern states really believe in mother's rights, and you have to be able to substantiate proof of abuse, and substantial neglect to take custody away from a mother. I know of a specific situation where the stepfather abused the little girl and the judge let her remain in the home.... the reasoning being the stepfather abused her, not her own mother. This was physical abuse, not sexual, and the courts mever took into account that the mother stood by and let her child be abused. The father in that case was not a deadbeat, and payed child support. The stepfather was removed from the home and the mother scraped up enough money to petition the court to allow him back into the home, with the child that he abused. She sent her own child away for weeks (didn't tell the father) so the stepfather could come back into the home, then used (what i was told) the own child's child support to obtain an attorney to life the restraining order that DFACS got after the abuse. The child's father protested it, but the mother won.... The stepfather was a "first time" abuser.

Life is not perfect, sometimes even if you have a good attorney it doesn't matter.

 

[SereneOne]

If you think you will shame me because of my compassion and my drive to save children that are in horrible homes, keep trying

You seem immature and bitter, which does not surprise me. Afterall, you chose to marry a man that (not too long ago) decided to bed down with a drug using prostitute (your words). I am sure the fact that he did this frustrates and mortifies you on a daily basis, but you seem to have given up on the child that was conceived from this relationship. Please don’t turn your back on this poor seven year old boy

OP-I wish you well. You seem to care for your step daughter

Being on the internet all the time being sarcastic and judgemental is not showing compassion and drive to save children. Why not volunteer with GAL or some other organization and put action to your usually cutting words? It astounds me that people can say that having a child is something you do not know about until you actually have one, but yet people who marry and become stepparents are automatically suppose to know what it all entails. It does not make one immature to marry a person who has made mistakes. We can't all be the Jesus Christs that seem to be running rampant on the DISboards proclaiming perfection.

Poster with the DH that has a messed up ex, I have experienced and seen much of what you talk about and it is heart breaking for everyone involved, especially the children. Please document the abuse, talk to DSS and see if anything can be done. If the abuse is bad enough an emergency hearing can be held and I am sure DSS can tell you the steps needed to do so. I would also like to sugggest counseling for yourself and your DH. It is hard to go through what "blended" families go through and keep one's sanity and know what is the right thing to do with so many complications. I wish you the best and especially the children involved the best. They are the ones that suffer the most.

 

[SereneOne]

I don't think some people realize how HARD it is for a NCP to gain custody. My DH got custody of his oldest DD only once the mother had been arrested NUMEROUS times for forging prescriptions, stealing from friends and family. Even AFTER the arrests he couldn't gain custody. He obtained it once she was sentenced to JAIL. The southern states really believe in mother's rights, and you have to be able to substantiate proof of abuse, and substantial neglect to take custody away from a mother. I know of a specific situation where the stepfather abused the little girl and the judge let her remain in the home.... the reasoning being the stepfather abused her, not her own mother. This was physical abuse, not sexual, and the courts mever took into account that the mother stood by and let her child be abused. The father in that case was not a deadbeat, and payed child support. The stepfather was removed from the home and the mother scraped up enough money to petition the court to allow him back into the home, with the child that he abused. She sent her own child away for weeks (didn't tell the father) so the stepfather could come back into the home, then used (what i was told) the own child's child support to obtain an attorney to life the restraining order that DFACS got after the abuse. The child's father protested it, but the mother won.... The stepfather was a "first time" abuser.

Life is not perfect, sometimes even if you have a good attorney it doesn't matter.

I know many, many cases such as this. It really is appalling.

I am now off to give my daughter many kisses and hugs and take her to see NATM2 and out to lunch.

Hug and kiss your babies and tell them how special they are to you. So many kids never feel or hear love.

Have a good day, everyone.

 

[hentob]

Why not volunteer with GAL or some other organization and put action to your usually cutting words? :

I am a volunteer for numerous child advocacy programs, I am sure you know that from my past posts Also, most of our households charitable donations go towards children in need type of programs

My words will always be "cutting" when it comes to the neglect of children

 

[RobinFabulous]

I am a volunteer for numerous child advocacy programs, I am sure you know that from my past posts Also, most of our households charitable donations go towards children in need type of programs

My words will always be "cutting" when it comes to the neglect of children

But you're ASSuming neglet on the part of the NCP. Sometimes your hands are tied.

 

[Inigo]

Your welcome! All kids under the age of 18 that have a disabled parent draw an SSI check of their own just like the parent does. I would be willing to bet that she is cashing those checks and that would be illegal for her to do so if she doesn't have custody.

My bil is disabled and on SSI. His ex wife gets a check for both of their children and he gets his own check.

This is incorrect. The children do not get a benefit check if the parent is receiving SSI, only if the parent is receiving SSDI or retirement SS.

SSI is welfare for those who are disabled but who didn't work long enough to get enough credits to qualify for SSDI. SSI is dependent upon household income and assets, and there is no extra check for the children.

SSDI is for those who are disabled and who worked long enough to get enough credits to qualify for SS. Household income and assets are not counted, and there is a benefit check for the children.

 

[Inigo]

He didnt choose to make a baby with her. He slept with her twice while they were on spring break and both of them were intoxicated.

If he put his ***** inside her ******, he choose to make a baby with her.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Again, GOOD LUCK! It is not as simple as that and many of you need to stop watching Lifetime. Parents are allowed to do despicable things to children and all the judges care about is reunification and the children suffer because of it. I am not saying there are not any happy endings, but they are the rare exception, not the rule. Not to mention, these types of parents are allowed to do it again and again. I know of a case another worker had where the woman had already had two children taken from her permanently in the previous five years and was pregnant with another one within that year...and ended having the baby girl placed in foster care while she "worked" yet another case plan. *heavy sad sigh*

I actually don't watch Lifetime and am speaking from experience. My family went through the court system in NYC and became the legal guardians of DN. We had no choice, his mom did not take proper care of him, and we knew something bad would end up happening if we did not intervene.

It took about two years of intermittant court dates, and DN mom calling and showing up at our home trying to take DN back. It was not easy, it would have been easier on all of us, and much less expensive to let her have her way. After about five years mom gave up and moved on, or probably was so damaged from drugs she couldn't put up a fight anymore. We don't really know, but she did drop out of all of our lives. There was never a reunification.

I am just surprised by your story, as I would think that no child's dad would let his child live like that without putting up the biggest fight he could. I completely understand why you don't fight for dss, as he is not yours. I just believe a child belongs with their mom or dad if at all possible. Your husband is able to care for his son, so why should he be at grandmas. I feel bad for the poor kid.

 

[mommyofboys]

To the OP - I will be curious to see the final outcome. We too have overpaid in cs and the dss will turn 18 and graduate in June (in 2 years) so we are in a similiar boat.

On another note - I agree with LuvMy3Monkeys on EVERYTHING!! It is so easy for someone who is not in this type of situation to berate those of us who are.

My dh's ex is a total witch. She has put bruises on dss, locked up the food in the house, his step-father tells him he hates him, etc and we TRIED for custody - nope didn't get it. So you can try all you want but the courts allow for the kids to stay with the moms.

I will be doing the happy dance when we no longer have to pay cs - why shouldn't I? I don't have 3 cars (with only 2 drivers in the house), or a tanning bed or go out of the country with my dh every few years - but she does. And I get so tired of hearing about mortgage and electricity and water...am I getting a check from her for the times that he is here every month? Her mortgage payment is the same if he is living with her or if he would come to live with us.

He is no longer allowed to particpate in organized sports because we are then able to see him every weekend instead of every other. He is in activities that we are not allowed to attend - it is all a secret. She says it is for her and her family - but yet we are expected to pay for it?!?!?

Oh and yes they were married and she chose to leave (she was sleeping with someone else while they were married). He did not end the marriage she did - and he still gets the raw end...go figure!

 

[PinkRhombus]

Actually no... you're wrong. Paying for a life she tried to throw away is the problem.

OH MY GOD! You're talking about a CHILD! Your HUSBAND'S CHILD!

I know the CS issue is tough, but you have GOT to get a different attitude about this.

 

[sunnyday123]

That's exactly how my divorce decree is stated...either when they turn 18 or graduate high school, whichever is later. The full payments continue until the youngest of the supported children meets those requirements.

It is also illegal in NH to have anything in the decree about paying for college. Unless you have another younger child that you are paying support for...I'd say congratulations on meeting your obligations!! Cash the check!!

Sooooo....the parental obligations end? This child will mysteriously be able to support themselves???

 

[sunnyday123]

I DO NOT think someone should pay support for a child that is a legal adult!my dh pays support and I also receive it (sometimes!) and I would not expect my ex to keep paying...if my son needs help or my dss we will help but no one should be made to continue to pay for a adult.

so when any child turns 18, they move out with no help from their parents? Huh.

 

[sunnyday123]

Actually no... you're wrong. Paying for a life she tried to throw away is the problem. She doesnt care about him, she doesnt even HAVE him! She keeps the money for herself. And no, if she doesnt work, that isnt MORE of a reason to support him. If you dont work you can get section 8, food stamps, medical cards, WIC, and a welfare check! We both work... and she doesnt. And she doesnt send anything to her kid at her moms house.

He didnt choose to make a baby with her. He slept with her twice while they were on spring break and both of them were intoxicated. She called him up 7 months later and said she didnt think it was his but wanted ot tell him just in case. They never even dated. They never chose to make a baby. She chose to try to kill this child, she has said since he was born she wished he was dead. She doesnt care. WE DO care about him, though. But she should have to get a job. Bottom line.

You say hes getting off quite easy... my husband has been to hell and back trying to work things out with his sons mother... tried to do the right thing. He has tried and tried to no avail. She makes threats, broke out of window of our home, dropped her son off at a gas station and said hes sitting there, go pick him up I'm not dealing with this anymore.... SO NO MY HUSBAND HASNT GOT OFF EASY. SHE IS THE ONE GETTING OFF EASY. She spends the money on herself and doesnt pay attention to her son during the 3-4 hours a week she sees him. She sells her bi-polar meds and will tell anyone who asks that she sleeps around for money.

If $21 a day isnt so bad... then she should be required to pay that from the money from the sex and drugs and have to put that toward the child. But thats never gonna happen!

I call bull. Plain and simple, if she is abandoning this child at the corner gas station, he doesn't live with her, and breaks into your home, this all should be documented and she WOULD lose custody, whether you live in a big city or a one horse town. You fight until you win, period. Poor kid.

Any fyi, they tell you in 7th grade health class that every time you have sex, there is an opportunity to get pregnant. Don't want to take the chance, don't do it.

 

[SereneOne]

I call bull. Plain and simple, if she is abandoning this child at the corner gas station, he doesn't live with her, and breaks into your home, this all should be documented and she WOULD lose custody, whether you live in a big city or a one horse town. You fight until you win, period. Poor kid.

Any fyi, they tell you in 7th grade health class that every time you have sex, there is an opportunity to get pregnant. Don't want to take the chance, don't do it.

Fight until you win? So easy to say what you would do...you have tens of thousands of dollars to fight? Are you going to move into a tent and drive a bicycle and neglect your other kids? Again, so easy for people to run their mouths about what they "would" do. And let me tell you another thing. There comes a time when the judge says enough is enough and the ruling stands.

I had a case were the step dad kept the kid chained in the bedroom and burnt him with cigarettes. He was removed and put in foster care, but the judge wanted reunification. Please tell me what class a person can take to learn it is wrong to chain and burn a child?????

 

[SereneOne]

I am a volunteer for numerous child advocacy programs, I am sure you know that from my past posts Also, most of our households charitable donations go towards children in need type of programs

My words will always be "cutting" when it comes to the neglect of children

I just bet you do all that you say you do. If you did then you would know the truth of the manner and you are not angry at the neglect of the child by the bio mom, you are cutting at the venting of a stepparent.

But do keep telling yourself how special you are than anyone else. Whatever it takes to get you through the night.

All I know of past posts of yours is that you come off sanctimonious and love to stir the pot.

I am done with you, so please feel free to get the last word.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Fight until you win? So easy to say what you would do...you have tens of thousands of dollars to fight? Are you going to move into a tent and drive a bicycle and neglect your other kids? Again, so easy for people to run their mouths about what they "would" do. And let me tell you another thing. There comes a time when the judge says enough is enough and the ruling stands.

I had a case were the step dad kept the kid chained in the bedroom and burnt him with cigarettes. He was removed and put in foster care, but the judge wanted reunification. Please tell me what class a person can take to learn it is wrong to chain and burn a child?????

I have custody of my daughter. Her dad did not see her for 5 years. He gets remarried and I get served papers..he wants custody. I fought I fought hard and I won. Even when he was out of her life for 5 years it was still very costly. I spend 12000 of money I didn't have. I begged and borrowed. So when it comes to a child that you feel is being hurt in any way (or in my case would have been) you fight like hell. These are your children. This is what a parent does.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

I just bet you do all that you say you do. If you did then you would know the truth of the manner and you are not angry at the neglect of the child by the bio mom, you are cutting at the venting of a stepparent.

But do keep telling yourself how special you are than anyone else. Whatever it takes to get you through the night.

All I know of past posts of yours is that you come off sanctimonious and love to stir the pot.

I am done with you, so please feel free to get the last word.

I hear ya, SereneOne.

That and she has nothing better to do than read people's old posts to "prove" something.

Maybe we have a Pig II here.

 

[sunnyday123]

I have custody of my daughter. Her dad did not see her for 5 years. He gets remarried and I get served papers..he wants custody. I fought I fought hard and I won. Even when he was out of her life for 5 years it was still very costly. I spend 12000 of money I didn't have. I begged and borrowed. So when it comes to a child that you feel is being hurt in any way (or in my case would have been) you fight like hell. These are your children. This is what a parent does.

Very well said. You don't wash your hands of a child because it get's too expensive. If you don't want the hassle of dealing with step-children or crazy ex's, don't marry someone with kids from a previous relationship, and don't think he'll forget about them. So tired of hearing the "new" wife feel her family is neglected because DH has to pay ch to his ex-wife. People forget about the kids. And really, chained in their rooms and burnt with cigarettes and the father kept the kids?? Bull.