Child support questions... I'm clueless

[disneyjunkie]

She can get a crappy job and apply for free/low cost daycare.

I've been there as a single mom and a stepmom. No one is saying dad shouldn't HELP to support the baby. It takes two people to create a child, so both parents should be responsible for supporting the child.

 

[kymom99]

She can get a crappy job and apply for free/low cost daycare.

I've been there as a single mom and a stepmom. No one is saying dad shouldn't HELP to support the baby. It takes two people to create a child, so both parents should be responsible for supporting the child.

I'm not saying she shouldn't get a job. All that was said was that IF the father wouldn't help, she could get assistance while the system attempted to recover the money from him.

I am there right now as a step mom. We have stood firm in our expectation that she go back to work but she needs help from the baby's father if the child is ever going to have a chance.

 

[chevblazer02]

This greatly offends me. So let's say she gets a "crappy" job and pays a daycare. She will still not have enough money to support a child at the age of 19 without help from the father. Far too many young fathers turn their backs on their children. It's just a sad fact. Don't judge until you or someone you love has been there.

Not sure what of this should offend you but I never did say she should not get what the child deserves from the father. I can't stand deadbeat dads who run from there responsibilities. They need to grow up too!!! All I said was that she should get a job, even if all it does is help reduce the assistance from the government....

 

[kymom99]

Not sure what of this should offend you but I never did say she should not get what the child deserves from the father. I can't stand deadbeat dads who run from there responsibilities. They need to grow up too!!! All I said was that she should get a job, even if all it does is help reduce the assistance from the government....

No, but the post above yours should be reported. There is nothing sick about someone trying to help someone get through a hard time.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

No, but the post above yours should be reported. There is nothing sick about someone trying to help someone get through a hard time.

Why?

I don't see any board violations in this thread.

BTW, the parent receiving support may spend the money any way he or she pleases.

 

[EMom]

The post may not have been phrased as delicately as possible, but what was wrong with the message? SOMEONE has to support that baby. It will either be the parents or society/taxpayers. Quite frankly, the dad should pay child support and the mom should get a job. They made the baby, "society" didn't. The child is THEIR responsibility, not the general public's.

 

[chevblazer02]

No reason to report anyone in this thread, nothing was said that would merit that. If your feelings were hurt by the honest truth, that is truly a shame.

Parents should not be allowed to use child support money however they please!!!

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

No reason to report anyone in this thread, nothing was said that would merit that. If your feelings were hurt by the honest truth, that is truly a shame.

Parents should not be allowed to use child support money however they please!!!

How exactly would anyone monitor this? It's hard enough to get states to enforce child support orders.

As long as a child is being taken care of properly, it's not the other parent's business how the custodial parent manages their finances.

 

[disneyjunkie]

No, but the post above yours should be reported. There is nothing sick about someone trying to help someone get through a hard time.

Who said trying to help someone was sick???
The mother's sense of entitlement is sick.

 

[1Princess1Prince2006]

When she applies for food stamps, they'll make her go through the process to get child support. At least in most states, that's the law. You can't get state/welfare support without first pursuing the father for support. They should help with the process.

I agree with this. If she is applying for food stamps then the social worker should help her with child support.

I live in OH and my ex lives in TX. The state of OH deals with the child support and contacts his employer in TX. I've never even had to talk to anyone in TX. He was in the military before this and it was the same. It all comes from his paycheck and is direct deposited.

I don't think I ever had to go to court for child support. Custody changes, yes, but I've never had to go just for support changes. It may be different in other states.

 

[chevblazer02]

How exactly would anyone monitor this? It's hard enough to get states to enforce child support orders.

As long as a child is being taken care of properly, it's not the other parent's business how the custodial parent manages their finances.

Not sure how to track this, especially here in NY as our gov't is screwed enough. Its not hard to enforce child support orders if the parent paying is working, it is automatically taken from paychecks. How hard is that?

This last part definitely sounds like someone who receives CS or is dealing with a deadbeat dad. I'm all for the child being taken care of properly, no problem at all with that responsibility but why should a custodial parent get more money than they need to support the child? Most parents paying CS only care about the wasted $$$ on stupid things the custodial parent does not deserve or need to support the child. It would be nice to see that custodial parents can only use the CS toward essentials of raising a child not new IPads and such. Any extra could then be put into a college savings plan.

 

[Colleen27]

How exactly would anyone monitor this? It's hard enough to get states to enforce child support orders.

As long as a child is being taken care of properly, it's not the other parent's business how the custodial parent manages their finances.

Exactly. Besides, "need" is subjective. Base child support on what a child "needs" and you'll find a lot of non-custodial parents who were happy to pay for private school, brand name clothing, extracurricular activities, and other "wants" before the divorce arguing that they shouldn't be responsible for any of those costs afterwards. Child support isn't designed to provide only what a child absolutely needs; it is also meant to ease the financial hard-landing of divorce for the children.

I've had this discussion over and over with a friend who earns an excellent living and has a son he pays support for. He is forever upset about how his ex, who is a half-step above working poor, spends the support he pays and it is nothing short of infuriating... He has a nice home, vacation home, boat, two cars, etc. but he begrudges his ex every dime she is able to use on extras even though those extras benefit his son.

 

[averysmom]

Exactly. Besides, "need" is subjective. Base child support on what a child "needs" and you'll find a lot of non-custodial parents who were happy to pay for private school, brand name clothing, extracurricular activities, and other "wants" before the divorce arguing that they shouldn't be responsible for any of those costs afterwards. Child support isn't designed to provide only what a child absolutely needs; it is also meant to ease the financial hard-landing of divorce for the children. I've had this discussion over and over with a friend who earns an excellent living and has a son he pays support for. He is forever upset about how his ex, who is a half-step above working poor, spends the support he pays and it is nothing short of infuriating... He has a nice home, vacation home, boat, two cars, etc. but he begrudges his ex every dime she is able to use on extras even though those extras benefit his son.

Or the opposite. I have a friend whose second husband is fairly wealthy. Her ex-h decided that he shouldn't have to pay child support anymore b/c her new dh can pay for everything. Um, no. His kids, he pays. In our province, cs is based on an income chart. You put in your gross income, how many kids and voila, that's how much you pay. It has nothing to do with how much the custodial parent (or the household) earns. He was in for a nasty surprise when they started to garnish his pay checks.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Personally I feel if people are able to work, but choose not to, then they should not be eligible for public support. I am not opposed to helping out with child care and food stamps if the parents are trying to provide for their families, but staying homw and expecting handoouts because you do not want to send your child to daycare is a slap in the face to those of us that did it. I also believe both moms and dads need to financially support their children if they are no longer together. I could not imagine either my husband or me not supporting our children to the best of our ability and will never understand how someone could do that to their child.

 

[aprilgail2]

She can get a crappy job and apply for free/low cost daycare.

I've been there as a single mom and a stepmom. No one is saying dad shouldn't HELP to support the baby. It takes two people to create a child, so both parents should be responsible for supporting the child.

The post may not have been phrased as delicately as possible, but what was wrong with the message? SOMEONE has to support that baby. It will either be the parents or society/taxpayers. Quite frankly, the dad should pay child support and the mom should get a job. They made the baby, "society" didn't. The child is THEIR responsibility, not the general public's.

Personally I feel if people are able to work, but choose not to, then they should not be eligible for public support. I am not opposed to helping out with child care and food stamps if the parents are trying to provide for their families, but staying homw and expecting handoouts because you do not want to send your child to daycare is a slap in the face to those of us that did it. I also believe both moms and dads need to financially support their children if they are no longer together. I could not imagine either my husband or me not supporting our children to the best of our ability and will never understand how someone could do that to their child.

to all of these! You should not get to choose to sit home and collect public assistance if you can work. You should not get the choice to sit home and collect public assistance just because you don't want to put your child in day care!!

 

[aaarcher86]

Personally I feel if people are able to work, but choose not to, then they should not be eligible for public support. I am not opposed to helping out with child care and food stamps if the parents are trying to provide for their families, but staying homw and expecting handoouts because you do not want to send your child to daycare is a slap in the face to those of us that did it. I also believe both moms and dads need to financially support their children if they are no longer together. I could not imagine either my husband or me not supporting our children to the best of our ability and will never understand how someone could do that to their child.

In Ohio, if you're getting food or cash assistance and not going to school full time, they place you to work X amount of hours with employers they're partnered with or you lose the assistance.

I fully support that decision. I'm sure it's different in each state, but I believe it's relatively new. Maybe it'll catch on.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Not sure how to track this, especially here in NY as our gov't is screwed enough. Its not hard to enforce child support orders if the parent paying is working, it is automatically taken from paychecks. How hard is that?

This last part definitely sounds like someone who receives CS or is dealing with a deadbeat dad. I'm all for the child being taken care of properly, no problem at all with that responsibility but why should a custodial parent get more money than they need to support the child? Most parents paying CS only care about the wasted $$$ on stupid things the custodial parent does not deserve or need to support the child. It would be nice to see that custodial parents can only use the CS toward essentials of raising a child not new IPads and such. Any extra could then be put into a college savings plan.

You would be wrong. I've never been divorced and my kids are grown; I don't have a personal stake in this issue. I have seen relatives go through this and it's pretty hard to garnish wages if someone refuses to work or is paid under the table.

Child support is determined by certain formulas by each state. There's no way to monitor how parents spend child support money.

 

[Colleen27]

Or the opposite. I have a friend whose second husband is fairly wealthy. Her ex-h decided that he shouldn't have to pay child support anymore b/c her new dh can pay for everything. Um, no. His kids, he pays. In our province, cs is based on an income chart. You put in your gross income, how many kids and voila, that's how much you pay. It has nothing to do with how much the custodial parent (or the household) earns. He was in for a nasty surprise when they started to garnish his pay checks.

That's how it is here too and I think that's fair. My ex thinks like your friend's ex - my DH makes decent money and we have a more comfortable lifestyle than ex does, and for years my ex whined about how unfair it was that he was paying support and living paycheck to paycheck while I bought a house and took the kids on vacation. He didn't seem to get that no matter what my situation is, he shares in the responsibility for supporting DS.

to all of these! You should not get to choose to sit home and collect public assistance if you can work. You should not get the choice to sit home and collect public assistance just because you don't want to put your child in day care!!

Different states have different "grace periods" but to my knowledge all do have work requirements. But it depends on the program - in my state, medical-only doesn't have a work requirement, food stamps allows an exception for the primary caregiver of a child under 6, and cash aid allows an exception for the caregiver of an infant. This is done partly as a sort of "triage" approach since the availability of subsidized daycare falls well short of current demand and could not even begin to meet the need that would be created if everyone receiving any form of assistance needed it to meet work requirements.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

If she's receiving food stamps they'll help her get child support. Be aware that they'll also take a portion if it to help pay back the amount they give her. In illinois my ex was ordered to pay $500 a month and they helped recover it, but since we had food stamps and medical card (disabled child and one with cancer at the time) we only received $50 a month . This is the max anyone was able to recieve and still get services. It worked out well for us because cancer is expensive.

I know this varies by state. In my state they told my sister she would receive all the support when she was in food stamps, medicade, and wic. If she started getting cash assistance they would take her child support.