Child Manipulation

[RNMOM]

I was just reading the "Before I had kids..." topic and was thinking about how much I manipulated my boys beginning around the time they became toddlers and beyond. Not in a bad way but so we could avoid all those power struggles every day. My youngest was ADD/ODD and everything was an issue. For example, he needed to pick his own clothes out but would usually take the top things on the piles in his drawers so I would stack his clothes so the outfits would match when I put them away. After our first trip to WDW he became 'Bendiana Jones' complete with rain boots, felt hat and leather vest. I had a difficult time keeping them from going to school so I had them in the car when I picked him up each day for him to change into. It worked so don't knock it!d

Of course there is the rule of only giving them choices from the things you are willing to give/do such as which of 3 cereals or movies they can choose from. Kids need the world pared down into smaller bits for them to choose from so they don't get so overwhelmed. Have you ever stood in the chip isle trying to choose from plain, salt and vinegar, barbecue, sour cream and onion, etc? Kinda like that.

How about you? Any child manipulation in your life?

 

[DVCLiz]

I was just reading the "Before I had kids..." topic and was thinking about how much I manipulated my boys beginning around the time they became toddlers and beyond. Not in a bad way but so we could avoid all those power struggles every day. My youngest was ADD/ODD and everything was an issue. For example, he needed to pick his own clothes out but would usually take the top things on the piles in his drawers so I would stack his clothes so the outfits would match when I put them away. After our first trip to WDW he became 'Bendiana Jones' complete with rain boots, felt hat and leather vest. I had a difficult time keeping them from going to school so I had them in the car when I picked him up each day for him to change into. It worked so don't knock it!d

Of course there is the rule of only giving them choices from the things you are willing to give/do such as which of 3 cereals or movies they can choose from. Kids need the world pared down into smaller bits for them to choose from so they don't get so overwhelmed. Have you ever stood in the chip isle trying to choose from plain, salt and vinegar, barbecue, sour cream and onion, etc? Kinda like that.

How about you? Any child manipulation in your life?

Sure - who hasn't done this?

Beginning at the time they first believed, I always planted the seeds of what Santa might bring them for Christmas. It was easy to talk about and be enthusiastic about the "big" gift I hoped Santa would bring. They might say something about a toy they'd seen on TV, and I'd say, "That looks like fun but wouldn't it be REALLY great if Santa brought you (fill in the blank with the item I had already purchased and hidden at my office?)" It never took much for them to start thinking it was their idea and they would always be so thrilled on Christmas morning!!!

I also manipulated board games - I wanted them to learn to play by the rules but they also needed to practice being a good winner AND being a good loser. Candy Land was harder to rig because of those damn wild cards that could send you back, but I fixed many another board game - in both directions. I don't think I played "fair" untitl they were 7 or 8!!

 

[bumbershoot]

We watched (and continue to watch) far more TV than I ever thought I would allow. Turns out the stuff on Sprout is really good, and Blues Clues gets the kudos for finally helping DS start to really talk. Whereas Sesame Street (which is as old as me and which I grew up with) is, um, kinda awful.

But I didn't like the nonsense that happened during the TV off periods of the day. So, um, for quite some time I had DS convinced that the cable company didn't give us service in the mornings and the afternoons. We have one of those Comcast remotes that controls the TV as well, so I would just press Cable then Off, then quickly press TV, so that if he tried to press the power button it wouldn't do anything.

DH really makes fun of me for that, b/c it's pretty much the ONE area in my parenting where I wasn't honest and open with DS.

But I just didn't like the reaction I got when it was MY fault that the TV was going off. I was a chicken. Not sure I'd do the same thing with another child; but hopefully another child wouldn't be as, hmm, demanding? knowledgable of his own self? cranky? as my beloved boy was and is (though he knows the trick of the remote know, LOL, and deals with it when I declare it TV-Off Time).

 

[Wishing on a star]

All the time!!!!

I 'managed' my child's world in order to avoid all the common 'disasters' and headaches.

I didn't want my preschooler to think he could run around in restaurants... so, hey, wonder of wonders.... we chose booths and he always was placed on the inside...
It is not 'manipulation', but effective and proactive parenting!!!

I think the term 'child manipulation' has negative (very negative) undertones...

But managing (manipulating if you must) family life is one of the best parenting skills out there!!!!!

Seriously...

People are so afraid to manage (manipulate) their children that the children end up being the manipulators and the child ends up ruling the roost.

And, no, as a person who has experienced an overinvolved controlling MIL... I am NOT and will never be that kind of parent.

There IS a difference!!!

 

[jlima]

I wouldn't call it manipulation; to a certain extent it's parenting . . . like the previous poster is saying.

Don't ask if they want to wear pajamas . . . ask them, do you want the Mario PJs or the Jack Sparrow PJs. The result should be a child in PJs, and not a big argument about the relative merits of wearing vs not wearing pajamas to bed.

Likewise, don't ask if they want a snack . . . ask them, do you want cheese crackers or a banana. Don't ask if they want a sweater or sweatshirt . . . ask, do you want the Buzz sweatshirt or the green sweater. You get the picture. Be a step ahead of them.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

I'm sure I do a lot of this, but the first that comes to mind is that when I want DD to wear something that she doesn't want to (like a hat or shoes) I tell her it's for "grown-up ladies". It works! She has one hat that I call her "lady hat" and she wears it with pride. She's one and a half and can't wait to be a lady.

 

[Imzadi]

I also wouldn't call it child manipulation. As for stacking the clothes a certain way, call it, "Creative child rearing." And for setting other rules like wearing pj's or what chips to buy, the old standard, "My house, my rules," works fine.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I also prefers to call is creative child rearing