child left out

[Jennasis]

I know this is going to sound terrible, but I'm saying it anyway.

Maybe the kid doesn't like your kid?

I know, as a parent, you are probably in disbelief that that might be a possibility....but it is. Or even worse, it might be because of your son. I work with the intellectually disabled and I know how some people just don't know how to accept or handle interacting with my kiddos (my own family comes to mind). It's unfortunate, but it's just the way the world is.

Is there ANY possibility that your DD may be a bully, or know-it-all, or obnoxious, or whiny or ANYTHING else that may have contributed to why she wasn't invited? I don't even know how one would go about finding out if this is the case. Maybe ask her teachers? I don't agree with confronting the parents of the birthday kid. It will make you come off as being "that" parent.

Then again...she may be perfectly sweet all the time, and the other kid STILL simply may not like her enough to have her at his party.

 

[CapeMayMommy]

Is it you that's sad about the kids being left out or are they the ones sad (especially the one with aspergers)?

I ask because I'm a kid who was really weird (possibly borderline on the spectrum somewhere) and being left out never bothered me. For me it meant that I didn't have to face the horrid social situations with people who didn't understand me or care about the things I was interested in. I was actually relieved! I hated going to neighborhood parties!

Looking back, I do get a little sad that I'm still never invited to parties or anything and I still don't have tons of friends, but in general it really doesn't bother me. I'd rather be at home building molecules with my tinker toys for chemists.

You do sound like my son. He didn't seem to care that he was not invited. It was my daughter who was sad.

I have to admit, I received the diagnosis on my son a few months ago. I have signed him up for soccer and boy scouts hoping to help him be more socially appropriate and interested in something other than his narrow interests. (which are really strange, a cartoon character and classical music which he conducts with a baton)

btw---I was never invited to parties. but I did care.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'll admit it- kids don't like my son. He's "weird" and doesn't relate to kids on an age level they are comfortable with. Adults on the other hand love him and always tell me what a great conversationalist he is. I know the party thing bothers him- but he doesnt' dwell on it and we do something else.

 

[Mermaid02]

You do sound like my son. He didn't seem to care that he was not invited. It was my daughter who was sad.

I have to admit, I received the diagnosis on my son a few months ago. I have signed him up for soccer and boy scouts hoping to help him be more socially appropriate and interested in something other than his narrow interests. (which are really strange, a cartoon character and classical music which he conducts with a baton)

btw---I was never invited to parties. but I did care.

My sons interests are trains- fireworks and fire alarms. I don't get it- but they make him happy.

 

[CapeMayMommy]

I know this is going to sound terrible, but I'm saying it anyway.

Maybe the kid doesn't like your kid?

I know, as a parent, you are probably in disbelief that that might be a possibility....but it is. Or even worse, it might be because of your son. I work with the intellectually disabled and I know how some people just don't know how to accept or handle interacting with my kiddos (my own family comes to mind). It's unfortunate, but it's just the way the world is.

Is there ANY possibility that your DD may be a bully, or know-it-all, or obnoxious, or whiny or ANYTHING else that may have contributed to why she wasn't invited? I don't even know how one would go about finding out if this is the case. Maybe ask her teachers? I don't agree with confronting the parents of the birthday kid. It will make you come off as being "that" parent.

Then again...she may be perfectly sweet all the time, and the other kid STILL simply may not like her enough to have her at his party.

She's definitely not a bully, and I am not just saying that. She could be disliked for being a teacher's pet type kid. She very quiet and sweet, and adult pleasing. Some kids might not like that.

This kid is being push in football at 6. I could see that they're different types of kids.

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

 

[Jennasis]

She's definitely not a bully, and I am not just saying that. She could be disliked for being a teacher's pet type kid. She very quiet and sweet, and adult pleasing. Some kids might not like that.

This kid is being push in football at 6. I could see that they're different types of kids.

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

Kids usually need very little "reason" to dislike another child. To me, it seems very likely that the kid across the street just doesn't like your kid...at least not enough to invite them over.

I was a sweet kid. Great in school. Smart. Friendly. And lots of kids disliked me...I was a nerd...I wasn't cool enough...etc.

It could be a teachable moment for your DD. But, yeah, I remember how it sucked to be left out.

 

[honugirl]

What a great and honest reply! I too wondered if sometimes it's the parents who are more hurt at their child being left out, which is understandable. But read this reply and know that being left out doesn't *kill* the excluded children....sometimes they're quite relieved to not have to deal with the social situations!

Thanks!

I'd honestly rather choose the situations I interact in. At Disney you pretty much can't get me to shut up and I'll talk to anyone, but I don't like family holidays or parties.

You do sound like my son. He didn't seem to care that he was not invited. It was my daughter who was sad.

I have to admit, I received the diagnosis on my son a few months ago. I have signed him up for soccer and boy scouts hoping to help him be more socially appropriate and interested in something other than his narrow interests. (which are really strange, a cartoon character and classical music which he conducts with a baton)

btw---I was never invited to parties. but I did care.

I wouldn't worry about the odd interests. I have some pretty peculiar interests too. I actually enjoy anything that deals with chemistry (including organic chemistry), I'm starting to teach myself trig because I never got that in school, I curl (the sport with rocks and brooms) and the I play ice hockey (but I'm a goalie there and you can get away with being weird). At school I'm involved in science club with people who are like me, we go around and teach science experiments at local schools. I honestly had no use for children when I was a kid, but I loved adults. Most of my friends now are 2+ times my age. He'll find his way. I dealt with adults because they were interested in what I was. Kids just aren't. I still really don't like kids. I don't understand them and can't relate to them at all.

I'll admit it- kids don't like my son. He's "weird" and doesn't relate to kids on an age level they are comfortable with. Adults on the other hand love him and always tell me what a great conversationalist he is. I know the party thing bothers him- but he doesnt' dwell on it and we do something else.

The adult thing is me to a "T". I just never related to kids on their level. I don't really get them. I could hold conversations with adults, but even now with kids, I'm totally at a loss.

This skill though has helped me tremendously because I now have some very awesome college profs that I can speak to on their level, I also speak to all my physicians on a medical school level, which really helps when you are rare.

 

[diz8297]

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.
__________________
Awesome, but may, just maybe the neighbors are perceiving that you consider their interests inferior? Just saying.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I am confused. Was this your daughter's "friend" that had the party? Were the kids at the party your daughter's friends? If so, what does your son and his Aspergers have to do with anything?

 

[Mkrop]

She's definitely not a bully, and I am not just saying that. She could be disliked for being a teacher's pet type kid. She very quiet and sweet, and adult pleasing. Some kids might not like that.

This kid is being push in football at 6. I could see that they're different types of kids.

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

This statement sound kind of snobby, maybe you didnt mean it that way. If you act like their interest are beneath yours maybe they didnt invite any of you because of that, not a slight against your DD.

BTW my straight A, Honor Roll, DS13 just got home from his football game, and DS7 who is pretty smart kid too plays Flag Football. It doesnt have to be one or the other.

 

[palavra]

I don't believe in the "Invite Everyone" mentality. I let my kids invite whomever they want. Makes for a smaller and funner party. And if I know that my kids were invited to an Everyone event, I usually decline. I want them to be invited because the child wants them there, not because they have to have them there.

I agree, to an extent. in this case, the little girl was the only on on the street left out. In a case like that, why not suck it up and invite that child instead of making it so blatantly obvious that she was beng left out?

 

[Magpie]

She's definitely not a bully, and I am not just saying that. She could be disliked for being a teacher's pet type kid. She very quiet and sweet, and adult pleasing. Some kids might not like that.

This kid is being push in football at 6. I could see that they're different types of kids.

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

Careful there... it's great to be ambitious for your children, but ultimately all the "grooming" in the world won't make them into what YOU want - if they don't want it, too.

That goes both for academics AND sports. Some kids can be great at both, so why discourage one or the other? You can't beat having a healthy mind in a healthy body! Some kids just aren't cut out for whatever it is that the parent wants them to learn. Some kids will surprise you by taking a totally different direction in adolescence, into a field you never could have predicted.

I think our job as parents is to keep our eyes open, expose our kids to as many experiences as we can, and be ready to provide encouragement when they finally seize on something they love. We need to be flexible and try not to impose our own desires on our kids.

 

[bumbershoot]

I am confused. Was this your daughter's "friend" that had the party? Were the kids at the party your daughter's friends? If so, what does your son and his Aspergers have to do with anything?

Because the family having the party might have worried that the brother would come, too. Maybe possibly.

 

[honugirl]

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

Colleges are looking for pretty well rounded people, not just those who are academically inclined. I've seen incredibly intelligent people fail at college because college is so much more than just learning the material. Especially depending on what field of study they are heading for.

I think the best thing a parent can do is support their child in whatever they are interested in (as long as it's not harmful). If that's classical music and cartoons, great! Walt Disney composed the Silly Symphonies, a combination of the 2. Fire alarms and fireworks may be harder to turn into a career, but there's always doing the fireworks for Wishes or being a fire alarm inspector or installer or whatever.

Parents need to get over their thoughts about what is "appropriate" for their children. I grew up with all sorts of notions of what I "should" be that my family gave me. They weren't me, they don't make me happy. I was ostracized for many of my choices and that hurts worse than missing a party or not having "enough" friends.

Academics isn't for everyone and neither is college. I do things on my own timeline, not my parents timeline. They wanted me to go to college right out of high school and I just wasn't ready. Several years and a lot of life lessons later, now I am.

One thing I've learned recently from my awesome chemistry prof is don't miss out on the fun along the way. He kind of regrets taking the path he did because he missed out on a lot of life. Sure, he got a PhD young, but if he had to do it all over again, he'd do it differently. He told me balance is key. Do what you love and what you're passionate about. Degrees will still be there 5 years down the road, but what you love might not be.

 

[disneyjunkie]

This kid is being push in football at 6. I could see that they're different types of kids.

I am not going to lie---I am grooming my kids for academics and college.

This may be why your daughter wasn't invited to the party.

Add me to the list of posters who don't believe everyone has to be invited to everything.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

OP, sorry your DD had hurt feelings.

Honugirl, I just have to say you sound like you are really grounded and have your head on straight. Not sure how old you are, but you have mature thoughts.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I agree not everybody has to be invited to everything. But if everyone in the class or neighborhood EXCEPT your DD was invited, you might want to ask the neighbor why.

But, if there were 10 kids at the party, and there are 20 their class, then I don't see this as anything to worry about.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Colleges are looking for pretty well rounded people, not just those who are academically inclined. I've seen incredibly intelligent people fail at college because college is so much more than just learning the material. Especially depending on what field of study they are heading for.

I think the best thing a parent can do is support their child in whatever they are interested in (as long as it's not harmful). If that's classical music and cartoons, great! Walt Disney composed the Silly Symphonies, a combination of the 2. Fire alarms and fireworks may be harder to turn into a career, but there's always doing the fireworks for Wishes or being a fire alarm inspector or installer or whatever.

Parents need to get over their thoughts about what is "appropriate" for their children. I grew up with all sorts of notions of what I "should" be that my family gave me. They weren't me, they don't make me happy. I was ostracized for many of my choices and that hurts worse than missing a party or not having "enough" friends.

Academics isn't for everyone and neither is college. I do things on my own timeline, not my parents timeline. They wanted me to go to college right out of high school and I just wasn't ready. Several years and a lot of life lessons later, now I am.

One thing I've learned recently from my awesome chemistry prof is don't miss out on the fun along the way. He kind of regrets taking the path he did because he missed out on a lot of life. Sure, he got a PhD young, but if he had to do it all over again, he'd do it differently. He told me balance is key. Do what you love and what you're passionate about. Degrees will still be there 5 years down the road, but what you love might not be.

Excellent!!!!!

Op, sorry, I have been there and refuse to judge you or others. You are very much intured to your kids so just keep being there

 

[minniebeth]

The family across the street had a house party and every kid on the block was invited except mine. There are many kids on our street, and I thought my daughter and this boy were pretty good friends--

Why do all kids have to be invited to everything? I think kids need to learn that life isn't always fair and equal. So you didn't get invited to the party, oh well, maybe next time. I think that's why we end up with 'snowflake' children. They are raised to think that they have to be a part of everything otherwise it isn't fair.

I never said all children should be invited to all things all the time. I was speaking specifically to this particular situation. OP stated that "every kid" was invited, except her child. And that there are many kids on the street. I just don't understand including all the children on the street except for one family. If it was an oversight by a lack of invitation, that's one thing, but a deliberate omission of one child is unkind, especially when the party is clearly visable and other children talk about it to the OP's DD. This is just my opinion.

I don't believe in the "Invite Everyone" mentality. I let my kids invite whomever they want. Makes for a smaller and funner party. And if I know that my kids were invited to an Everyone event, I usually decline. I want them to be invited because the child wants them there, not because they have to have them there.

Like I stated above, I agree that not every party, every event should include everyone. But the party OP is talking about was clearly a situation that all the children of the street were included, execpt hers.

I agree, to an extent. in this case, the little girl was the only on on the street left out. In a case like that, why not suck it up and invite that child instead of making it so blatantly obvious that she was beng left out?

Exactly.

 

[faith]

Why can't we be more kind hearted to children? The poster said all kids were invited, but not her daughter. Plus, the party was in clear sight of her house. That had to make it harder for her daughter. I assume these were elementary kids( reading group was mentioned).
My kids are grown, but I couldn't leave someone out at that age. Shame on the Mom that hosted the party.