CHENEY URGES BUSH TO REMAIN ON VACATION THROUGH 2003
Crawford Ranch Seriously Overgrown With Brush, Veep Warns
In a phone conversation with the President today, Vice President Dick Cheney urged President Bush to remain on vacation longer than originally planned, possibly through the year 2003.
In the conversation, Mr. Cheney said that he had viewed images of the Presidents Crawford ranch on television and was alarmed to see that it had become seriously overgrown with brush.
The Vice-President assured the President that lots of people could direct the war on terrorism or fix an economy plunging into a double-dip recession, but only one man could clear away all of that brush, an aide to Mr. Cheney told reporters. And that man is George W. Bush.
Mr. Bush was reportedly relieved to learn that Mr. Cheney supported his taking a longer vacation, since Mr. Bush, too, had become deeply concerned by the overgrown brush situation and felt that it needed his immediate attention.
Aides to the Vice President were quick to dispel rumors that Mr. Cheneys call had anything to do with an incident that occurred over the weekend, in which the President reportedly asked the actor Vin Diesel to single-handedly attack Iraq.
According to sources familiar with the incident, Mr. Bush phoned the star of the hit film XXX to see if it would be possible for him to kill Saddam Hussein while riding a turbo-charged skateboard.
Nothing came of the Presidents request, the sources said, because the actor apparently thought Mr. Bushs call was actually a kooky prank engineered by Duane, a friend of his from the gym.
*****Borowitz Report*****
Crawford Ranch Seriously Overgrown With Brush, Veep Warns
In a phone conversation with the President today, Vice President Dick Cheney urged President Bush to remain on vacation longer than originally planned, possibly through the year 2003.
In the conversation, Mr. Cheney said that he had viewed images of the Presidents Crawford ranch on television and was alarmed to see that it had become seriously overgrown with brush.
The Vice-President assured the President that lots of people could direct the war on terrorism or fix an economy plunging into a double-dip recession, but only one man could clear away all of that brush, an aide to Mr. Cheney told reporters. And that man is George W. Bush.
Mr. Bush was reportedly relieved to learn that Mr. Cheney supported his taking a longer vacation, since Mr. Bush, too, had become deeply concerned by the overgrown brush situation and felt that it needed his immediate attention.
Aides to the Vice President were quick to dispel rumors that Mr. Cheneys call had anything to do with an incident that occurred over the weekend, in which the President reportedly asked the actor Vin Diesel to single-handedly attack Iraq.
According to sources familiar with the incident, Mr. Bush phoned the star of the hit film XXX to see if it would be possible for him to kill Saddam Hussein while riding a turbo-charged skateboard.
Nothing came of the Presidents request, the sources said, because the actor apparently thought Mr. Bushs call was actually a kooky prank engineered by Duane, a friend of his from the gym.
*****Borowitz Report*****
