Caught between a boss and a colleague at work! What to do?

[QueenTrident]

I'll try (but probably fail) to keep this brief.

I have a boss that is very inappropriate and highly annoying. She loves to comment on my weight and continually asks how I'm doing on WW, Atkins, etc. She even made me add weight loss to my goals for this years. Since I told her I was pregnant, she's been harping on my disability, when I'm going out, when I'm coming back, etc. She loves to tell me I've overpaid and that I could be fired any day so I should put 50+ hours in a week and let DH take care of DD. After I had my house fire last year, she wanted me back at work within a week, even though HR said I could have up to 3 weeks of emergency leave. When I came back on her timeline, I got killed because I wasn't up to my normal 150% standard of work.

However, she respects the work I do and if I play her games (kiss up, tell her personal bitsa bout my life, pretend I'm helpless without her guidance), we get along well. However, I do have several complaints with HR about the things she's said above. I'm just holding out until I have my baby, then I'll look for a freelance position or another position in the company.

I have been unprofessional because I've vented and complained with my colleague. Now, said colleague and I have become very close due to this "venting". We've kind of allied against our boss and everyone know about our friendship.

Here comes the hard part. Colleague has been really slacking - to the point that she hasn't shown up for a couple days of work. Boss is now saying she wants to get Colleague fired. However, that's next to impossible at my company. And, colleague has been around for 20 years - she'll probably just get transferred. Boss keeps asking me if I feel Colleague's behavior is inappropriate. I keep hedging, not wanting to get involved. But the more I hedge, the more Boss thinks I'm sticking up for her (I should mention Boss is very paranoid - not saying hello to her in the morning could result in a week-long silent treatment because she was insulted).

Anyway, this situation is causing a lot of friction and I don't want to be at work. I'm upset with Boss for pulling me into this (and everything else). I'm upset with Colleauge because her refusal to work has caused me to take on a lot more work - which I don't have time to deal with. She doesn't seem to care and just sends e-mails out to vendors and clients that I'll be working on project X, without consulting me first.

What can I do? I really feel caught in the crosshairs on this one. I hate Boss and am upset on a personal and professional level at Colleague.

Please provide some objective guidance.

 

[Pop Daddy]

long post

 

[RNMOM]

Yeah, what he said.

No, really, the only sure way out of this is to find another department and transfer within the company. When is your baby due? If you have time to transfer before then, I would take it. Really. There is no way to "fix" these kind of people and they tend to be very vindictive when they feel they have been betrayed.

For your peace of mind, leave asap.

 

[swea_pea1]

I would describe your work environment as "hostile" and your boss is making it that way. I know that as a Manager, my butt would be fried if I mentioned losing weight as one of my employees' goals. Did she put that in your review? Do you have witnesses? If so, I'd refer your HR Department to the case described in this article:

http://www.nmmlaw.com/publications/hostile.html

This paragraph in particular

In each of the reported decisions, the challenged remarks were directed specifically to the plaintiff by his or her supervisor, a fact which the courts found compelling. Because a supervisor plays a unique role in shaping the work environment and preventing and rectifying harassment in the workplace, courts are more likely to permit a plaintiff to proceed with his or her claim when a supervisor has uttered the offensive remark, provided the remark is severe enough. This is especially true if the remark is uttered in the presence of third parties. (In the single case in which a series of remarks were deemed insufficiently offensive to allow plaintiff to proceed to a jury trial, the most egregious remark had been made by a coworker, rather than a supervisor, and no one overheard it.)

should be enough to scare the bejesus out of them.

That being said, if you're going to play that card, it's a dangerous one to play since NJ is an "employment at will" state which essentially means they just have to work a little harder to find a reason to fire you. I think you'd have to be up to the fight.

Best of luck to you with this and with the baby!

 

[snarfer1]

Originally posted by RNMOM
Yeah, what he said.

No, really, the only sure way out of this is to find another department and transfer within the company. When is your baby due? If you have time to transfer before then, I would take it. Really. There is no way to "fix" these kind of people and they tend to be very vindictive when they feel they have been betrayed.

For your peace of mind, leave asap.

RNMOM and I agree 100%.

Hold out till your Maternity Leave, DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT, and look for a new Department/employer upon your return.

Best of Luck, have an easy pregnancy!

Tony

 

[QueenTrident]

Sorry it was so long - I actually cut about half of what I had originally written.

Other people have heard her comments and she documents them herself. HR now wants to be in with me during my next quarterly review. On one hand, I think that's great - they're finally taking action. On the other, I only have 2 months til I'm on leave and I'd rather not stir the hornet's nest, if you know what I mean.

Thanks again for your help.

 

[Disney Doll]

Wow!!!! I'd keep up to date with HR. This is a problem way beyond your scope, and your manager is inappropriate for saying and doing the things she has done.

As far as the co-worker/boss thing...I'd keep saying "It's not my place to comment on something like that. You clearly know more than me about what's appropriate and inappropriate, since oyu are the manager". That gives her the pat on the back she needs(you're so wonderful, oh manager) and doesn't put you in the middle.