We are in a semi-urban district- in a medium sized city. My DS16 goes to the more urban of the 2 high schools- with about 4000 kids in it. Our district has cut programs and teachers left and right, after making some really bad financial decisions and investments gone bad. So- the district is basically broke.
We don't pay any activity fees. The district tried to implement it last year- to charge every child involved in ANYTHING a flat $25 fee- but the parents were up in arms over it and the school board rejected the proposal.
Now, in order for my DS's (one in MS, one HS) to participate in band, they must meet a "fair share". The amount of the fair share depends on whether or not it is a trip year. Going on the trip is NOT required, and many kids choose not to go. If you do choose to go, you pay out of pocket for the trip, or you can raise money for your fair share through planned fundraisers. This year, the band was about 280 students.
DS16 went on two band trips in one year. The directors admitted that it may be hard for some families to afford, so they encouraged kids to choose one over the other if they had to. One trip was planned- the other was an invitation that could not be refused. So, in Feb 11, they went to Disney to the tune of $1750 and in Nov 11, they went to Hawaii to the tune of $2700.
We are not independently wealthy, but we made it happen for our kid. We sold what we could, and we paid for the rest, forgoing other things so he could have the experience. In fact, we gave up vacations last summer and this summer so he could go on his band trips.
Fundraising is part pain in the butt, and part no big deal. Yes, I hate asking people to buy things, but everybody does it. Our band has a very long history, and most people who we sell to love the band and will support it in any way possible. Plus, we sell things that people actually want, like fall mums and spring veggies and flowers, and Christmas poinsettias and wreaths. We have no problems selling that kind of stuff.
As for theatre, I'm not paying a dime for DS12 to participate. We buy tickets for the show, and I'm volunteering at the ticket booth one of the days of the show- and I've donated food for the cast party.
DS16 hasn't had to pay anything either- but every kid who participates is required to sell $100 worth of advertising for the program. He did try to sell space to his orthodontist, but it looks like DH and I, with the help of my parents, will eat the cost of an ad and put one in ourselves.
Of course, there are also t-shirts and professional photos, but neither of those are mandatory.
I know a lot of families personally right now who are laid off, and still make it work for their kids. They sacrifice big time, but their kids still participate. I also know that our band directors especially are very concerned and are willing to work with families who have needs.